Re: Rage issues - need help fast

[Guest guest]

Wow, my son is only 13 and is starting liying about things. When caught he got really angry and was trying to push me away. I am scared that this will just get worse.

My only advice will be to try and take him away to park or a place that he feels comfortable and maybe try to ask him was is going on. Maybe he is having trouble at school or likes a girl that doesn't like him back or a friend doesn't talk to him anymore. It sounds like he might be having a problem and he is just taking it out on the people that loves him unconditionally.

Ide

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 11:54:54 AMSubject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

My son, who is 11, 5'2 and 170 pounds, also has rage issues (altho the Intuniv is a godsend! really making a difference). Usually we have rules about language but when he is "in the moment" I don't enforce them. I refuse to engage him while he is angry and act like I expect him to do what I need him to do, regardless of his language.

For example, the second week of school this year, when he realized, Oh crud, i have to get on the bus EVERY day from now on!, he refused to get on the bus. I started ticking off things he would lose if the bus left without him --they wait 5 mins, it's a SPED bus-- and finally after 4.5 mins I started walking to the bus to tell her to go since he was not complying. Believe me, if we let him stay home even once, the pattern is broken and the new expectation is to stay home every day (we learned that the hard way in 3rd grade). So come hell or high water, he HAS to get on that bus.

He was screaming in tears for me not to go (because he doesn't want to be sitting alone in a room with no computer or book which is the consequence), but i am walking slowly to the bus down our driveway when he comes storming out of the house, with his shoes on, with his backpack, screaming "I HATE YOU, YOU F'ING B*CH!". I just looked calmly at the busdriver and said," WOW! what language he is learning from his older brother!" I calmly turned and said, "OK, I'll see you when you get home! XOXO!" He got on the bus, still using foul language, ignoring the bus driver who had eyes like saucers. He turned to me as they drove off, and with his back shielding him from her view, gave me the evil eyes and flipped me the bird. I just smiled gaily and waved like a 50's mom. Bye! Bye!

Of course by the time he got to school in 5 mins he was fine. I didn't bring it up later as in the midst of the fugue "in the moment", he really doesn't know half the time what he said when i ask him later. It's not really him and he's not in control.

What I would like to be able to do is have consequences that are relateable to the crime, like if he was mean to his sibling like your son, is to have him apologize or write a letter apologizing. Unfortunately the only leverage we have is computers and books. Nothing else matters to him -- i suppose we could take away the iPod UNTIL he apologized.

Also i have a question: was this consequence discussed with him before this event happened? Was it in the rules posted somewhere, that if you do A you will lose B? Or did you just pull this consequence out of the air, in the moment? If you are pulling consequences out of the air without discussing them first with your son (and of course I do not know you at all so I have no idea), his rage will only increase. You have to show that you are in charge by setting rules and consequences up ahead of time and then enforcing them as they happen. You CANNOT act on the fly and just make it up as you go along. He will accept the rules, especially written down and posted on the frig, because most Asperger's kids like rules. Arbitrary stuff won't work.

Good Luck

Geneva

[Guest guest]

Ask what happened? Why did he get so mad. Tell him

it seemed like he may be really frustrated, did you

feel upset about school? Tell him he is usually

so calm so you noticed a change. And that people sometimes

get mad at others when they feel stressed.

Is someone picking on him or is he not feeling go

He may shut down and say he doesn't want to talk about it.

You can also try saying " wow, you must have been very mad

to swear at me, what is going on?

You want to validate that he may have been mad and upset

but that swearing can get him into more trouble.

And that you don't want that to happen. Tell him if that

happens at school it would be serious offense.

And you can tell him, that when people make mistkes

that it makes other feel better to talk it over and

express your feelings and then say you are sorry.

If it turns out that taking away his Ipod is a major trigger,

maybe he uses it at school to retreat from social situations,

I am reading a lot into this. If he is mean to his sister

in the future maybe he can do a chore for her.

I would talk about the iPod too and why it is so important.

Our various behaviorists have all said that conseq don't

have to escalate a person to be effective.

Why he had a loss of control ....it is some kind of stress

build up. An AS meltdown.

Pam

>

> For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't

normally upset him.

>

> I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & .

He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him

because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the

point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him

walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make

sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they

said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)

>

> I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me

to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

>

[Guest guest]

Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted" behavior. Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless ( ) Rage issues - need help fast For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

Is he on any medications that could be causing side affects? ne

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>Subject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 12:54 PM

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour

before. (Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

Is he on any medications that could be causing side affects? ne

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>Subject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 12:54 PM

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour

before. (Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

I'm a little worried that he could start hurting people. His sister is only 6

years old and he can't stand her. I mean she is a good kid but everything about

her bugs him.

I've tried talking to him but he cannot (or will not) have a conversation with

me. I'm not sure I getting anywhere or if he even understands what I'm saying.

If I ask him anything he will tell me to " shut up " or that he doesn't want to

talk or " I don't know " . I've been trying to the the social worker and psych this

but they don't seem to understand. I'm not sure if he talks to them but not me,

I'm not sure but I can't get ANYTHING out of him.

Today after school he was fine, even what I would consider a rare good mood.

Like nothing happend. Is that normal?

>

> Wow, my son is only 13 and is starting liying about things.  When caught he

got

> really angry and was trying to push me away.  I am scared that this will just

> get worse. 

>

>

> My only advice will be to try and take him away to park or a place that he

feels

> comfortable and maybe try to ask him was is going on.  Maybe he is having

> trouble at school or likes a girl that doesn't like him back or a friend

doesn't

> talk to him anymore.  It sounds like he might be having a problem and he is

just

> taking it out on the people that loves him unconditionally.

>

> Ide

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>

>

> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 11:54:54 AM

> Subject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

>

>  

> For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't

> normally upset him.

>

>

> I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting

> up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely

loses

> it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never

done

> that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was

> being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was

> much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest

of

> the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it

> there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was

fine.

> They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

>

> I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me

> to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

>

[Guest guest]

No. No meds. Maybe he needs some?

>

>

> From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>

> Subject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

>

> Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 12:54 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't

normally upset him.

>

> I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & .

He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him

because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the

point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him

walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make

sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they

said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)

>

> I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me

to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

>

[Guest guest]

I ask him questions but that seems to make him more upset or he will blame it on

me or someone else. " YOU GUYS MAKE ME MAD... " I'll say " What did I do to make

you upset, did I... " and most of the time he won't even let me talk let alone

ask a question. " You guys are just stupid. " I don't think he even knows how to

answer. I don't think I've ever had a conversation with him. Maybe if I give him

more words but he seems so shut off to me that even if he did know what was

wrong that he wouldn't tell me.

I did call the school (he is in a very small school.) They said they were not

aware of any issues. Although he really doesn't have any friends, however, he

doesn't seem to care.

If I were to tell him he would get in trouble at school for using bad words he

would say something like " I dont' fricken care.. " Or " So what I hate it there

anyway. " He always tries to prove me wrong or show that he doesn't care.

I knew that I shouldn't take the Ipod away because it was going to make him mad.

But at the same time I was thinking that I shouldn't allow him to get away with

this act. I'm not really sure what to do about this? Let him mistreat others to

prevent a meltdown? Sometimes I want to.

I can't get him to do any chores let alone something for his sister. He would

never do that. He would hate her forever if I made him do that. He blames a lot

on her and says many unkind things whever he is punished for doing something to

her.

I'm not sure if the reason he got mad was because of the ipod or because he got

caught. What do you think?

Yes, I think he was already on edge. I think he is having some sensory issues. I

just wish I knew how to calm him down when I can't send him to his room. (That's

what we do when we are home.) But some of his worst moments are in the car on

the way to school where I can't give him a break. Any suggestions?

Thank you for you help. Please keep it coming.

> >

> > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't

normally upset him.

> >

> > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & .

He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him

because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the

point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him

walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make

sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they

said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)

> >

> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your story. I feel better now.

You are right. He seems to have no idea what he said or did later so we never

talk about it again. If I try he just shuts down. I'm not sure if it is because

he doesn't remember anything or if he just doesn't want to talk.

We don't have the rules written down. But the Ipod is always the first to go.

Always. So he wasn't surprised. I'm now thinking the trigger is when he gets in

trouble for things he does to his sister. In fact as I'm writing this I'm

thinking that is true. His worst moments are when I punish him for something he

does to her. I'm very careful and choose my battles about this even to the point

where I have to do damage control with her later. Poor little thing, she is six

has to take it all and does like a trooper. But I can't let him treat her like

that and get away with it. What do you think?

We are using visual schedules and such and social stories books. However he gets

mad when I bring them out. I also use a time timer which he gets mad about but

will hold us to it.

When he was cussing at me today I kept saying. " We don't use words like that in

our house. " " I don't use words like that...Dad doesn't use words like that...You

don't use words like that. " But that didn't work. He was out of it. I should of

just let him go.

Thanks for your help. Please keep it coming.

>

> My son, who is 11, 5'2 and 170 pounds, also has rage issues (altho the Intuniv

is a godsend! really making a difference). Usually we have rules about language

but when he is " in the moment " I don't enforce them. I refuse to engage him

while he is angry and act like I expect him to do what I need him to do,

regardless of his language.

>

> For example, the second week of school this year, when he realized, Oh crud, i

have to get on the bus EVERY day from now on!, he refused to get on the bus. I

started ticking off things he would lose if the bus left without him --they wait

5 mins, it's a SPED bus-- and finally after 4.5 mins I started walking to the

bus to tell her to go since he was not complying. Believe me, if we let him

stay home even once, the pattern is broken and the new expectation is to stay

home every day (we learned that the hard way in 3rd grade). So come hell or

high water, he HAS to get on that bus.

>

> He was screaming in tears for me not to go (because he doesn't want to be

sitting alone in a room with no computer or book which is the consequence), but

i am walking slowly to the bus down our driveway when he comes storming out of

the house, with his shoes on, with his backpack, screaming " I HATE YOU, YOU

F'ING B*CH! " . I just looked calmly at the busdriver and said, " WOW! what

language he is learning from his older brother! " I calmly turned and said, " OK,

I'll see you when you get home! XOXO! " He got on the bus, still using foul

language, ignoring the bus driver who had eyes like saucers. He turned to me as

they drove off, and with his back shielding him from her view, gave me the evil

eyes and flipped me the bird. I just smiled gaily and waved like a 50's mom.

Bye! Bye!

>

> Of course by the time he got to school in 5 mins he was fine. I didn't bring

it up later as in the midst of the fugue " in the moment " , he really doesn't know

half the time what he said when i ask him later. It's not really him and he's

not in control.

>

> What I would like to be able to do is have consequences that are relateable to

the crime, like if he was mean to his sibling like your son, is to have him

apologize or write a letter apologizing. Unfortunately the only leverage we

have is computers and books. Nothing else matters to him -- i suppose we could

take away the iPod UNTIL he apologized.

>

> Also i have a question: was this consequence discussed with him before this

event happened? Was it in the rules posted somewhere, that if you do A you will

lose B? Or did you just pull this consequence out of the air, in the moment?

If you are pulling consequences out of the air without discussing them first

with your son (and of course I do not know you at all so I have no idea), his

rage will only increase. You have to show that you are in charge by setting

rules and consequences up ahead of time and then enforcing them as they happen.

You CANNOT act on the fly and just make it up as you go along. He will accept

the rules, especially written down and posted on the frig, because most

Asperger's kids like rules. Arbitrary stuff won't work.

>

> Good Luck

> Geneva

>

[Guest guest]

You are right. I need to do better about rewarding the good behavior. However,

there is rarely good behavior I'm sorry to say. It's so tuff. He has such a hard

time doing anything right the poor thing. The other problem is there is no

talking to him. I cannot have a conversation with him. Is that normal? He just

shuts me down everytime. Even about simple things not even important things.

What do you think?

>

> Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's

> computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go

> berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you

> understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his

> sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted " behavior.

>

> Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

>

> ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

>

> For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that

> don't normally upset him.

>

> I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

> acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

> compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** &

> B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away

> from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on

> purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped

> him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the

> school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the

> school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that

> he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

>

> I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

> me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

>

[Guest guest]

Body and hormonal changes (yes in boys too) can cause some uneven behavior/reactions.  Also, sometimes oncoming illness can present with 'grumpy' or 'touchy' behavior.Kathy J.

On Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 5:48 PM, kfronefield@... <kfronefield@...> wrote:

 

Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's computer.  I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go berserk.  All I can think to do is sit down with him,  explain you understand his frustration,  tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted " behavior. 

Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

 

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him.

I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

Yes, you are right. Some of that might just be normal teen stuff.

>

> >

> >

> > Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old

> > son's computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions

> > go berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you

> > understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his

> > sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted " behavior.

> >

> > *Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless*

> >

> >

> > *( ) Rage issues - need help fast

> >

> >

> >

> > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> > plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> > expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that

> > don't normally upset him.

> >

> > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

> > acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

> > compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** &

> > B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away

> > from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on

> > purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped

> > him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the

> > school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the

> > school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that

> > he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

> >

> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

> > me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my...sounds like you are speaking about my son!!!!! And, he is exactly the same way in school. We had an awful Sunday...took computer and cell phone. He was being mean on FB and kids were being mean to him. Too much drama with girls and some inappropriateness. I emailed the school to give them the heads up but he was fine while he was there.

I think teenage years are way too overwhelming for them. My son is in 9th grade. He wants a girlfriend and his hormones are raging. He doesn't always understand things and he is always the one to get in trouble. We found a photo of a girl in Bra/Underwear on his phone. A girl had sent it to him...but if the Resource Officier had found it on his phone, he would be the one in trouble. And, this girl was using my son...which in turn really upset him as he liked her...and then he threatened to send the picture around the school. OMG! That is when we took everything. Now he has his phone back but we are constantly check it and I have the password to his FB account and check it everyday. I have also made myself administrator of the computer and put controls on it.

I just think our children have a much, much harder time with teen social issues then Nt's. They try to fit in but end up hurt and in trouble. Nt's know how to get around the system...are quicker at thinking how to get out of trouble or just don't get caught. My son from the day he started pre-school...has always been the one to follow others and was always the one caught and always got the blame. Not that my son is perfect...in fact he is way from that...but he was always the one getting caught while the others didn't.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: "kfronefield@..." <kfronefield@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 9:48:46 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted" behavior. Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

That is exactly what I always thought with my son. And, being a teen, he no longer wants to talk to us. He is very closed mouthed. And, if we try to talk to him...even when he is calm...he just gets annoyed all over again. I have him in therapy but I think he needs to go more often. My biggest fear is him getting in touble with the law.

J

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 5:25:40 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

Wow, my son is only 13 and is starting liying about things. When caught he got really angry and was trying to push me away. I am scared that this will just get worse.

My only advice will be to try and take him away to park or a place that he feels comfortable and maybe try to ask him was is going on. Maybe he is having trouble at school or likes a girl that doesn't like him back or a friend doesn't talk to him anymore. It sounds like he might be having a problem and he is just taking it out on the people that loves him unconditionally.

Ide

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 11:54:54 AMSubject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

[Guest guest]

I hear you. My son will tell me the truth and then try to lie after he told me

the truth. I think he actully convinces himself he didn't do it and will put up

a huge fight. And like you said, he gets caught a lot. However, this year in

school, 9th grade, has been the best year behaviour wise since school started.

But he is failing all classes.

>

> Oh my...sounds like you are speaking about my son!!!!! And, he is exactly the

> same way in school.  We had an awful Sunday...took computer and cell phone. 

He

> was being mean on FB and kids were being mean to him.  Too much drama with

girls

> and some inappropriateness. I emailed the school to give them the heads

up but

> he was fine while he was there.

>

> I think teenage years are way too overwhelming for them. My son is in 9th

> grade.  He wants a girlfriend and his hormones are raging.  He

doesn't always

> understand things and he is always the one to get in trouble.  We found a

photo

> of a girl in Bra/Underwear on his phone.  A girl had sent it to him...but if

the

> Resource Officier had found it on his phone, he would be the one in

trouble. 

> And, this girl was using my son...which in turn really upset him as he liked

> her...and then he threatened to send the picture around the school.  OMG!

That

> is when we took everything.  Now he has his phone back but we are constantly

> check it and I have the password to his FB account and check it everyday. I

have

> also made myself administrator of the computer and put controls on it.

>

> I just think our children have a much, much harder time with teen social

issues

> then Nt's.  They try to fit in but end up hurt and in trouble.  Nt's know

how to

> get around the system...are quicker at thinking how to get out of trouble or

> just don't get caught.  My  son from the day he started pre-school...has

always

> been the one to follow others and was always the one caught and always got the

> blame.  Not that my son is perfect...in fact he is way from that...but he was

> always the one getting caught while the others didn't.

>

>

> j

>

>

>  

> " In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity "     Albert Einstein

>  

> Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has

overcome

> to obtain that position

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: " kfronefield@... " <kfronefield@...>

>

> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 9:48:46 PM

> Subject: Re: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

>

>  

> Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's

> computer.  I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go

> berserk.  All I can think to do is sit down with him,  explain you

understand

> his frustration,  tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his sister and

try

> to come up with a reward for the " wanted " behavior. 

>

>

> Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

>

> ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

> >

> >

> > 

> >For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> >plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> >expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that

don't

> >normally upset him.

> >

> >

> >I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting

> >up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely

loses

> >it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never

done

> >that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was

> >being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he

was

> >much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest

of

> >the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made

it

> >there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was

fine.

> >They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

> >

> >I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

me

> >to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Expressing emotions helps to regulate them ...amazing isn't it!

When he swears ...say " you mean you feel very stressed out and

angry ..right? " He may respond with another insult. You want

him though to use language to express stress so you can help

regulate those extreme emotions, but AS kids often blow

up instead. You won't get any immediate results with this approach

it really is a long term teaching strategy.

A Behaviorist will tell you this, have him earn something for

a calm ride to school (no insults to his sister, no swearing), each day he is

calm on the way to school he gets points, and the points get him something extra

for that week. This way you are not taking away an iPod but shaping a behavior.

This is what they positive reinforcement.

My guess is that he feels anxious on the way to school,

and it comes out like this. It woouldn't hurt anything

to try a low dose of zoloft or prozac (very low dose) it

may help a little. Does he sleep well? I read 70% of AS

kids have trouble falling asleep, and Mayo Clinic

recommends melatonin, I can't beleive how much it helps my

13 year old.

Just ignore the swearing when it happens, say I can't give you

points for that. Or you can try a cognitive approach too

" I am guessing you feel very stressed and are taking it out on us? "

It teaches some emotional awareness.

On the way to school, he needs some distraction to relax him.

Wow my daughter can be so crazy on the way home from school,

totally burned out, I had to increaase her medication and

still she ended up missing school to de-stress at home.

I think that low dose of an anti-depressant often helps

about 1/2 of the AS kids a lot and the other half it helps

some. Positive Reinforcement is going to shape behaviors

but is a slow steady process, and reducing stress at school

helps too.

If his stress is about social isolation, that needs to be

addressed, some boys like bowling in a leaque on Saturday's,

....something has to be figured out to get him involved with

peers even if it is just for a class (swimming, karate, art).

Hope this helps,

Pam

> > >

> > > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy.

Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and

sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things

that don't normally upset him.

> > >

> > > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & .

He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him

because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the

point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him

walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make

sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they

said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had issues an hour before.

(Which is normal.)

> > >

> > > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was

telling me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help

me?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mine too...he shuts me down or shuts himself down. I do believe part of this is teenage years!

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 11:13:37 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

You are right. I need to do better about rewarding the good behavior. However, there is rarely good behavior I'm sorry to say. It's so tuff. He has such a hard time doing anything right the poor thing. The other problem is there is no talking to him. I cannot have a conversation with him. Is that normal? He just shuts me down everytime. Even about simple things not even important things. What do you think?>> Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's > computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go > berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you > understand his frustration, tell him it is still

unexceptable to hurt his > sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted" behavior. > > Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless> > ( ) Rage issues - need help fast> > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just > plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes > expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that > don't normally upset him. > > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be > acting up more

than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he > compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & > B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away > from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on > purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped > him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the > school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the > school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that > he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling > me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?>

[Guest guest]

My 14 yr old Aspie recently has been yelling at me and insults me about my age

and saying im unattractive etc. He has had it made the past couple years

homeschooling but now that he knows im looking into putting him back in school-

he is manipulating big time. He told the counselor he will make my life very

difficult if I decide to do this. REALLY? Arent things difficult enough? I

dont know how to handle his aggresiveness. I used to be in an abusive

relationship and this behaviour just leaves me with my mouth open. Im afraid of

things getting worse, life is not enjoyable. I get in the car drive and cry. Is

there a med that helps with this? My son started Prozac a month ago, would this

cause aggressiveness, anger etc? Does anyone have a happy Aspie out there? I

dont remember a time my son was happy. This is all sucking the life out of me.

> >

> > Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's

> > computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go

> > berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you

> > understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his

> > sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted " behavior.

> >

> > Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

> >

> > ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

> >

> > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> > plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> > expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that

> > don't normally upset him.

> >

> > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

> > acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

> > compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** &

> > B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away

> > from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on

> > purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped

> > him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the

> > school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the

> > school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that

> > he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

> >

> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

> > me to " go to hell " and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I would consider meds if I were you. My son is on Zoloft and Resperidon and it helps a lot. ne

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 10:57 PM

No. No meds. Maybe he needs some?> > > From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...>> Subject: ( ) Rage issues - need help fast> > Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 12:54 PM> > > Â > > >

> For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that don't normally upset him. > > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that he had

issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?>