frustrating behaviors in 4 year old with AS

[Guest guest]

Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very

verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say that

right

He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a

book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he

hits and kicks.

He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with " NO! " Or " Stop

momy, you no tell me that! " Very disrespectful.

We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not

understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is

going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6

month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try

to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the " No

mommy! " or other back talk.

We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back.

The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is " Yes ma'am " or

" Yes sir. " No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.

DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of

control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not

do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the

view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since

the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum.

Spanking is not the way since he fights and fights and it turns into a wrestling

match. Taking toys, again, huge tantrum.

HELP!

karla

[Guest guest]

Hi Karla,

My 3 1/2 year old son sounds a lot like yours - especially the part about

wanting my constant attention. I have gone so far as to make a set of laminated

cards that say whose turn it is for Mommy's attention, to try to show my son

that he has to share me sometimes. He hates it! One strategy suggested by our

developmental therapist is to have a daily special play time during which he

gets my full attention (he also gets to have control over what we play, but I

get to set the time limit, which is usually around 15 minutes). We have also

just started using small rewards when we see our son doing a good job of

controlling an impulse, including showing patience. Like you, we find that time

outs are pretty worthless, although we do still use them. We have also started

taking away a favorite toy if our son hits or kicks. I can't say yet that it is

helping, but that method did seem to help last year when he kept hitting the

same little girl every time he saw her.

I have also realized that my son's poor behavior increases when he feels like

life is too busy. I noticed over his Christmas break from preschool how much

calmer and more pleasant he was (we were also potty training and did not leave

the house at all for a few days). His behavior has been particularly aggressive

towards me recently, so I decided to give him a break again. We have barely left

the house this week, except for OT and one morning of school. I let him decide

during free times if he would rather go somewhere or stay home and I canceled

our standing weekly playdate. Let me tell you, it has been like hitting a reset

button - huge improvement in behavior. This clearly is not a long term strategy

(I would go stir crazy living like this for more than a few days!), but it seems

like a little extra attention and a break from being busy has been really

beneficial. I saw Temple Grandin speak earlier this week, and one thing she said

was to look at the behavior of the animal, and that is what I am trying to do.

I don't know if any of these methods might help you (I am not yet sure how much

they are helping us!), but I hope that you can find some peace in your home. And

if you figure out something that really works, please share!

Bridget

>

> Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very

verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say that

right

>

> He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a

book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he

hits and kicks.

>

> He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with " NO! " Or

" Stop momy, you no tell me that! " Very disrespectful.

>

> We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not

understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is

going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6

month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try

to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the " No

mommy! " or other back talk.

>

> We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back.

The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is " Yes ma'am " or

" Yes sir. " No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.

>

> DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of

control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not

do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the

view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since

the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

>

> We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum.

Spanking is not the way since he fights and fights and it turns into a wrestling

match. Taking toys, again, huge tantrum.

>

> HELP!

>

> karla

>

[Guest guest]

You might need to break the behavior problems down and work on one or two at a time. Figure out what he is wanting to get from what he is doing, then teach him another way to get what he wants. I know it can be overwhelming. You might need to find someone who specializes in behavior modification to help you if it is too overwhelming. But like responding rudely, I would have him repeat the request nicely before you respond to the request. You can also write simple social stories to show examples of how you want him to answer and read them often. We used our son's name when we redirected his sentences. "Reece says, 'I want a drink, please.'" Then he learned to repeat whatever came after his name.

Seems like you probably have more severe problems happening, which is why I say a behavior person might be able to help you design a good program to work on behavior issues. You can usually find them by looking up ABA for your area. (Applied behavior analysis)

Sometimes, when time outs don't work, it can work if you reverse the process by giving yourself a time out. He won't stay in time out, you can go to your room and shut the door for a few minutes or leave the room for another. Another idea when he is not following directions is to pair what you want him to do with something you are planning to do already that he will find fun. If you always take a walk and he likes doing that with you each day, have him pick up his toys right before you go - as a job to get done before you can leave. And then, not in a punishing way but in a "Hurry up and pick up so we can go!!" kind of way. It takes a little creative planning sometimes.

For the dogs, I would sit down with him and show him how to pet appropriately, talk about how to do things the dogs will like - feed them, throw the ball, etc. Watch animal planet. Again, you could write some simple social stories discussing how we take care of our pets. Praise him as he does a good job and treats the dogs well. If he stops behaving or you catch him being mean, then give the dog a time out. I would take the dog into another room and give the dog the attention.

For hitting or kicking - perhaps teach him to use his words and/or ways to keep his temper. One thing we did when my ds was that age was teach him to "use your self control." This was part of his ABA program. He was taught to sit on his hands and count to ten, then we had him do it whenever he was starting to wind up and lose control. We'd say, "Show me your self control" and he'd have to sit on his hands and count to ten, with our help. This is what worked for us. I mean, you may have to do something different according to what works with your own little one. The behaviorist can help you design something to work.

Just some ideas...

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) frustrating behaviors in 4 year old with AS

Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say that right

He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he hits and kicks.

He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with "NO!" Or "Stop momy, you no tell me that!" Very disrespectful.

We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6 month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the "No mommy!" or other back talk.

We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back. The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir." No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.

DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum. Spanking is not the way since he fights and fights and it turns into a wrestling match. Taking toys, again, huge tantrum.

HELP!

karla