New - please help me sort through this

[Guest guest]

I came to learn of AS after learning of sensory issues and

nutrition approaches. I’ve been reading and reading and many AS traits

fit my daughter but there seem to be contradictions also. Some have no sense of

humor, some do. Some are great actors and others don’t use a variety of

facial expressions. I hear of parents saying their AS child shows empathy

(mine seems to once in a blue moon) yet one of the traits is not being able to

empathy. There just seems to be a fuzzy line here, especially at younger ages

when it’s easier to attribute behaviors to circumstances, tiredness personality,

disobedience, etc. The more I read, the more we seem to emerge past the fuzzy

line. It would be easier to pick things out if I knew a child who has it rather

than just reading descriptions in a book.

I definitely think there is validity to AS, it’s

relieving actually, I’m just not sure I’m seeing the full

picture of the bottom line. I’ve compiled a list of traits my daughter

has in no particular order. I’m inviting seasoned parents to comment. My

major hang up here is that my family was traumatized by the treatment my

brother received after his ADHD diagnosis, by other kids, teachers, school

admin, other parents, etc. It was awful. I think he probably has AS but it

wasn’t a diagnosis back in 1991. So I’m just wanting

objective feedback to help me get over my post-traumatic stress from earlier

times (It’s really haunting me) and get on with what I need to do next to

help my family. I’m feeling tremendous pressure as I’m

simultaneously learning my husband thinks he has it to, which explains why I do

most major decision making. I’ve felt so inadequate for so long trying to

handle everything basically alone, that I’m teetering on the edge of

depression again thinking of all this and everything that goes with it. Please

help me sort this out. I’m at a loss as to how to guide my daughter a lot

of the time, and often I’m scared I’m doing more damage than good. I’m

the only advocate she has, no parenting help from husband or extended family. I’m

having my own meltdown.

·

“shy”

– social anxiety

·

Tantrums

·

Trouble with

sharing

·

Controls play or

parallel play

·

Wants to be first

·

Trouble

playing/losing a game

·

Trouble

compromising

·

Odd clothing

choices

·

Unthoughtful

comments “You smell bad.”

·

Seems embarrassed

by compliments

·

Resists hugging

and kisses, sometimes cuddles

·

Repetitive play

·

Rarely apologizes

·

Wants to be

included but thinks no one listens or likes her

·

Often wants me to

talk for her

·

Hides behind me

in social situations with new people

·

Unaware why

people are upset i.e. I’m not doing anything

·

Humping her arm

·

Roughly hugs

friends without asking

·

Trouble with

personal space

·

Often

doesn’t look at people when talking

·

Poor balance

·

Gets frustrated

if drawings or writing aren’t perfect

·

Lack of empathy

i.e. takes others’ things

·

Avoids eye

contact

·

Rigid thinking –

wants what she wants Now!

·

Covers ears with

loud sounds

·

Often pulls away

when touched

·

Issues with

clothes, shoes, socks, tags – other forms of tactile defensiveness

·

Particular about

food in some ways

·

LOVES to swing

and jump on trampoline

·

Daytime fatigue

·

Doesn’t

smile often

·

Mood swings

·

Aggressive

behavior

·

Grunts for a

response sometimes

·

Talks off topic

·

Nightmares/wakes

up most nights/restless sleep

·

Early onset of

constipation, has gotten better since food changes

·

Intensity of some

issues lessened after starting Feingold diet, supplements

·

So particular

about massaging, tickling, brushing etc. it’s hard to do

·

Has been often

grumpy since infancy. Wouldn’t let anyone else hold her but me for quite

some time

I suspect there are more on the list that fit but I can’t

think of concrete examples which make me leery to check them yet.

Thank you,

Staci