Social skills for a 4-yr old

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My son needs help, that much I am sure of. How to get it and what `it' is I have

no idea.

Since he is only 4, it seems he doesn't `get it' much, and I know that will

improve with time and maturity, but what do I do for now?

Here's current status:

Only child. (so no sibs to interact with).

Diagnosed in Jan. with mild asd.

He's in a spec. ed school attending pre-K. He went there for a few months at the

end of last school year as well. Has general goals for interacting with teacher

and peers and for initiating conversations. He's not making much progress on

them.

School says they `just do social skills in the classroom' and do not have any

special pull-out sessions. (Yes, I know it doesn't matter what they say they do

for all, and if he needs more I need to make a case for it. For a special ed

school, it's ridiculous how stingy they are with services).

Teacher says he prefers to play alone during free-play.(And is really much more

concerned with him being able to get his coat on by himself). This is not the

case according to him, and he gets sad telling me about it. He really likes a

girl named Jane. Talks about wanting to play with her all the time. We talk

about what he can do/say and play-act and use social stories, but he can't

follow through at school. Teacher also says he is quiet and polite, only speaks

when he is supposed to. At home, he talks non-stop. He is very smart and funny.

He has a cousin one year older than him and he plays beautifully with her all

day long at Grandma's. None of this carries over to school, so they have no idea

what he is capable of.

Also doesn't carry over elsewhere. Recently we were at the library, which has a

large children's section with lots of toys/activities. He was playing in the

`kitchen' alcove when another boy of about 2 ½ came in and started playing too-

kind of away from him, not taking anything he was trying to play with or getting

in his way, so I was very surprised to hear my son say `I don't like you. You

have to leave.' Sheesh! Later he was at the train table and another boy was

there taking apart some of the track and trying to put other pieces on which was

upsetting my son. He kept telling him to stop that, put that back, don't take it

apart, etc. That boy left, then the same boy from the kitchen came over and was

playing on the other side of the table. My son was trying to get his train all

the way around the track though, so he reached over and yanked the other boys'

off and told him to move. This is getting long, but you get the idea. I did try

to explain to him the proper ways to handle those situations, but at 4 I'm not

sure I was really getting through. I know this will take much repetition, but

what else can I be doing to work on this? I think much of this is classic

behavior for our kids, but how much is just due to his age anyways? I really

want to work on it before it gets much worse.

I have scheduled a visit to observe the classroom so I can document his lack of

interaction in class, and will then ask for an IEP meeting to discuss new social

skills goals/services. I am also trying to find activities outside of school,

which is hard here. Nothing is scheduled on Saturdays, and I work full-time, and

my wonderful DH doesn't see a need to do anything else but send him to school

everyday. I sent a note to school for the teacher to give to Jane's parents to

call me about a play-date, but they never called. I will look for another

candidate when I observe the class.

Any other ideas?

Thanks

TJ