Re: Intro, head kinda spinning right now

[Guest guest]

Hi Eleanor,Staying organized is probably harder for my daughter who is in Jr. High than anything else.  We live in California, too.  She has done K12 CAVA, and right now is doing just two classes at school. - Math and Science with my hinting to both teachers what we are dealing with.. so they understand why her books, papers and notebooks are so pitifully messy.  They grade at her school according to notebook organization and neatness, which is a nightmare for my daughter.  What is " neat and organized " to her is disgusting to others.  So, I have to give a head's up to teachers without my daughter knowing.  She has a typical teen ego and doesn't want her teachers thinking there's anything " wrong " with her.  I can't imagine what she'll do if we have her go back full time.  We may give it a try, but when she has too many different demands, she can short circuit and have major health issues.. migraines, twitching, sweating, tantrums.  It's hard in the higher grades in school, because annoyingly, each teacher often acts like THEIR class is the MOST IMPORTANT ONE, and gives homework, accordingly.  My girl canNOT sit in school all day long -as hard as that is for her, and be expected to go home after all that and sit AGAIN to do loads of monotonous homework.  If she doesn't get wild/creative/crazy time each day, she goes downhill fast.  So.. really, not sure how this will go over.

My daughter's doctor is supportive of us and I told her I did not want it in my daughter's " records " that she has any kind of label.  BUT... that if we get to the point where we are in over our heads and need some intervention or help or her back-up with school issues, then we would appreciate her using the Aspie diagnosis to stand up for us.  We're getting very close to that point, now.  It's just that for so long, we were hoping she might outgrow a lot of this.. and we also felt that at some point in her life, she might be angry with us for having put a label on her.. as we know that what goes in our doctor's records often sticks with us and can even affect future insurance issues.  So, yeah.. we've begged the doc to not write any label " just yet " in her chart.  

miriamOn Mon, Dec 13, 2010 at 4:35 PM, Eleanor Oster <pearl@...> wrote:

 

My son is 10, very social and intelligent, reading on a high school

level, BUT not turning in his homework! He is in fifth grade, and we had

the option of keeping him in elementary school this year or sending him

to middle school. Because elementary school did not provide either

challenges for him or accountability, we felt he needed to advance to

middle school. I do think we made the right decision, but it has been a

tough transition!

I've been reading a bit about Asperger's, which has been suggested as a

possibility by a family friend (who is a special ed teacher) and today

by Isaac's teacher. But the more I read, the more it makes my head spin!

Ok, here are a few of my questions:

1) Is there a real benefit to going through the testing to verify the

diagnosis? I know that when I was in kindergarten, my teacher decided I

was psychologically disturbed (she may have been right but that's a

WHOLE nuther issue!) and that label stuck. So is it better to get the

official diagnosis, or to try to incorporate the appropriate therapies

etc. without the label?

2) What ARE the appropriate therapies or tools?

I guess part of the problem for me is that I see SO much of me in him. I

never did reach my potential, and I want so much more for my son! He's a

nice kid, fairly sociable, very intelligent with a huge vocabulary,

somewhat small for his age but that's probably from his father's side.

He does walk on his toes, which the teacher mentioned to me today. I

said when I was a kid I had too, and I was the one who brought up

Asperger's. He is somewhat clumsy, with really bad handwriting, very

good at math, science, computers (my husband is a programmer).

Like I said, my head is spinning. I SO want the best for my son,

probably like all of you. Ok, where do I start?

Eleanor, San , CA

[Guest guest]

Hi Eleanor, don't have much time for a long reply. But I think an advantage of

pursuing a diagnosis for school reasons is that then you can have the school

accommodate him for things like not turning in homework (where it won't affect

his grade if it's turned in late, can have them ask for it...).

Is 5th grade middle school where you live? Asking as middle school starts in

6th grade here.

My son (now 21) had some fine & gross motor skills problems, which affected

writing too. He was clumsy at a young age, got better with age (wouldn't call

him clumsy now!). Although he did get occupational therapy (OT) privately to

help work on writing, which helped with other motor skills too I think.

My son was never a behavior problem (out of my 3 sons, he wasn't a problem) so

never needed to work on that with him. More just the worry of daily living/life

type skills.

Welcome to the group!

>

> My son is 10, very social and intelligent, reading on a high school

> level, BUT not turning in his homework! He is in fifth grade, and we had

> the option of keeping him in elementary school this year or sending him

>

[Guest guest]

Eleanor,

I will cut to the chase.

1. When it comes down to school districts, the label of autism (at any level)

opens up the doors to all types of available services. It gets your foot in the

door. Without it, you will be hard pressed to prove a founding basis as to why

your child needs services. Also, you just might get a million other reasons

that either point to inappropriate parenting or that your child just doesn't

apply himself.

2. Now this is not so easy to answer. You are in a place that you just don't

know what to do. I mean you know your child but you don't. For example, when

my 10-year old dd was a toddler, she would take wash cloths and straighten them

out from end to end... not a wrinkle in them when she was done. I just thought

it was cute. Later, she would flap her hands when she was excited. Again, I

thought it was cute. I knew my dd but I didn't know that there was more to it

than being cute.

So it took my current neuro pedi, when my dd was 7, to say, " Hey, I would like

to test her for Autism, " to kick reality into my life. That is how it started.

Then I had every professional that I could think of to evaluate my child. It is

through their recommendations, along with reading related material, that I have

gain an understanding of what she needs and how to best relate to her within all

three environments, home, school, and the community.

So here is what I say from one parent to another who is begining her journey.

You start with one professional and go to the next. Gather as much info. as you

can and learn all you can. If you lose lots of sleep during the process, then I

would say that you are on the right track. *LOL* I recommend that you begin

with a neurodevelopmental specialist/pediatrician. Find a good one. You can

usually tell those by the way that they do or don't listen to you.

Then consider having your son seen by the following:

*Occupational therapist for sensory issues.

*Board certified behavior analysis for investigating behavioral triggers, social

concerns, and creating an behavior intervention plan. (This includes the

homework issue.)

*Neuropsychologist for discovering how your son's brain interprets information,

cognitive ability, and executive functioning.

*Audiologist for central auditory processing issues.

*Learning disability teacher/consult to uncovering any educational gaps.

*Psychologist for determining intelligence and ability to comprehend school work

and life skills.

*Speech therapist assess pragmatic langange. (Very important for socialization.)

*Physical therapist to identify any physicalogical issues.

Now some of these will produce results that will elimate concerns. This is just

as necessary so that you know what things are there and what things are not.

You will begin to know what to do when you start hearing back from the

professionals. Me... I did them all... now it is about finding a common ground

with my current CST.

If you need any further detials on any type of test, please don't hestitate to

ask.

Regards,

> >

> > My son is 10, very social and intelligent, reading on a high school

> > level, BUT not turning in his homework! He is in fifth grade, and we had

> > the option of keeping him in elementary school this year or sending him

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Eleanor, sounds like a good plan. Checklists are a great help to many, and

also the more structured/routine type class. Organization was something we

worked on for years with schoolwork, etc., even when I gave up hopes for it but

still tried, lol. However in high school it just seemed to drastically improve

(after working on it from K to 9th grades!)

You may have said earlier, wondering if the school is working well with you on

his needs, what they observe, etc.? An understanding, caring teacher really

helps. We had some good ones and some that weren't too caring, really had to

advocate for my son.

Glad to hear bullying isn't a problem now. Usually seems to be worse in middle

school, that age range!

>

> Thanks for the welcome! Around here we have the option of having the

> kids start middle school in fifth or sixth grade. We decided to send

> Isaac to middle school because he NEEDS the accountability (elementary

> school doesn't give letter grades) as well as the mental challenges.

>

> I'm not sure I want the school to make accommodations for Isaac by

>