Re: 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

[Guest guest]

I tend to think that allowing this stuff would make him less likely to act in an inappropriate way b/c he would be getting it out of his system. But I’m by no means an expert.

On 10/1/10 9:25 AM, " anita wagner " <nitawagner@...> wrote:

Dear Support Group

This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:

I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to " play " with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!

..:~Anita W~:.

--

“Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.” --Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

[Guest guest]

What I would suggest is talking to a counselor ...yourself and your son. I think you son may need some counseling to work thru this strong desire to touch a girl...it is scary...I can totally understand your concern...and it is a concern of mine too! Keep us posted....see a counselor asap.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: anita wagner <nitawagner@...>Support Aspergers < >Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 9:25:01 AMSubject: ( ) 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

Dear Support Group

This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:

I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension

someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to "play" with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!

..:~Anita W~:.

[Guest guest]

Oh, this is tough, not sure how I would handle it. I do think getting him a

doll & other might lead to being a bit obsessive with that type release and so

on too.... And may want more toys later, etc.

I can understand your fear that he will give in at some point. Sigh! He

apparently has some OCD too, what with the germ thing. Is he on any medication

for it? Though I don't think his obsessing over girls is OCD related, as he

doesn't dislike those thoughts/feelings, plus he *is* 17 and masturbating.

(apparently he's not worried about germs from touching girls?) But I'm

wondering if medication for OCD might still " bring it down a level " so the urge,

constant obsessing, etc., is less.

I'd be telling him no to the toys. My best guess at what I'd do. That what

he's feeling is normal, he's not the only virgin, even at age 18, and he can

just keep on as is, like all the other boys not having sex, virgins or not. As

I said, that's my best guess at what I'd tell mine (who's 21 and never dated).

At least he's talking to you two about it.

single mom

>

>

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>

>

>

> Dear Support Group

>  

> This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some

advice:

>  

> I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday

NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants

so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when

touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I

might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was

taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness

of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I

worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know

if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a

virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a

year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your

not having sex you need to release tension someway. My ds would like to have sex

but doesn't have a

> girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up

doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to " play " with. If

we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or

what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!!  Any

suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!

>  

> .:~Anita W~:. 

>

[Guest guest]

We are meeting with his therapist on Monday 10/4. I already talked with my therapist about this but I'll keep you posted.

..:~Anita~:.

[Guest guest]

My ds is on medication, and yes, when I discussed my concerns about the toys with my therapist even she said she wouldn't recommend getting the toys because it would just aggravate the situation. Also, yes he does have OCD which is part of the germ-thing and my dh and I have had several discussions with him and have told him that masturbating is a normal behavior that men and women do, as long as each of us do it in the privacy of our own bedrooms or homes etc. (and not publically) that there is no harm or shame in "doing it"

[Guest guest]

I would agree with this response. A med for OCD like Zoloft would likely help a lot to decrease sex drive/desire as well as the OCD aspect, making his life much more pleasant and reduce his fear over inappropriate behavior leading to arrest. This is a common type of OCD behavior. Kids worried they will murder someone, worried they will stab someone, worried they will lick something dirty, and obsess on the "what ifs" all day long. Typically, they pick the most inappropriate behavior and worry they will do it.....

Treat it as an OCD

( ) Re: 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

Oh, this is tough, not sure how I would handle it. I do think getting him a doll & other might lead to being a bit obsessive with that type release and so on too.... And may want more toys later, etc.I can understand your fear that he will give in at some point. Sigh! He apparently has some OCD too, what with the germ thing. Is he on any medication for it? Though I don't think his obsessing over girls is OCD related, as he doesn't dislike those thoughts/feelings, plus he *is* 17 and masturbating. (apparently he's not worried about germs from touching girls?) But I'm wondering if medication for OCD might still "bring it down a level" so the urge, constant obsessing, etc., is less. I'd be telling him no to the toys. My best guess at what I'd do. That what he's feeling is normal, he's not the only virgin, even at age 18, and he can just keep on as is, like all the other boys not having sex, virgins or not. As I said, that's my best guess at what I'd tell mine (who's 21 and never dated). At least he's talking to you two about it.single mom>> > > > > > Dear Support Group> > This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:> > I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a> girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to "play" with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!> > .:~Anita W~:. >

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[Guest guest]

I would worry that buying toys would fuel the obsession. You need diversion from it and lowering of libido.

Re: ( ) 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

I tend to think that allowing this stuff would make him less likely to act in an inappropriate way b/c he would be getting it out of his system. But I’m by no means an expert.On 10/1/10 9:25 AM, "anita wagner" <nitawagner@...> wrote:

Dear Support GroupThis is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to "play" with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!.:~Anita W~:. -- “Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.” --Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.856 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3171 - Release Date: 10/01/10 11:34:00

[Guest guest]

Anita, is the medication helping? I ask as it sounds like he still has a lot

going on re germs. Maybe an increase would help if he hasn't had it increased

in a while (he's older now, been on it a while and may be losing

effectiveness...at current dose).

My son's OCD is scrupulosity type (bad thoughts, having to do with religious

beliefs, trying to be good, etc) and he won't " M " as it is " wrong " per him,

Bible. Sigh, the discussions we have with our kids! I actually worry that he

doesn't.

>

>

>  

> My ds is on medication, and yes, when I discussed my concerns about the toys

with my therapist even she said she wouldn't recommend getting the toys because

it would just aggravate the situation. Also, yes he does have OCD which is part

of the germ-thing and my dh and I have had several discussions with him and have

told him that masturbating is a normal behavior that men and women do, as long

as each of us do it in the privacy of our own bedrooms or homes etc. (and not

publically) that there is no harm or shame in " doing it "

>

[Guest guest]

Just an additional thought. You might have to determine if this has passed

normal/typical and turned into something more that he needs some

counseling/therapy for. Between the Aspie trait of obsessive type interests and

the obsessions that can be triggered with OCD, and just mental illness types in

general, you may need to decide if he's gone past normal into more of a problem.

For instance, not everyone who looks at porn gets addicted to it, not everyone

who has sex (!) gets addicted where it's a problem, not everyone who gambles

gets addicted.... For those who do, there's some point where it does become a

problem, that 'switch' is turned on. I even recall reading before about what is

normal for how often teens masturbate and when it's gone beyond, etc. So just

an additional thought you may need to consider if he's gone beyond a point. It

may be easier for ours with moderate to severe OCD and with Aspergers to do

this. Hope not!

>

> Anita, is the medication helping? I ask as it sounds like he still has a lot

going on re germs. Maybe an increase would help if he hasn't had it increased

in a while (he's older now, been on it a while and may be losing

effectiveness...at current dose).

>

> My son's OCD is scrupulosity type (bad thoughts, having to do with religious

beliefs, trying to be good, etc) and he won't " M " as it is " wrong " per him,

Bible. Sigh, the discussions we have with our kids! I actually worry that he

doesn't.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I also would not give in to the dolls and sexual toys. I think that would be enabling his troublesome behaviour. Remember it's your roof he's under not his, so your rules. If he wants to pursue this later when he's an adult, so be it.

I would also contemplate meds and therapy. Has he been to therapy for OCD etc, before? The combination helped several in my family, although not the issues you have to deal with.

Let us know what happens,

Cathleen

From: <@...> Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 6:46:24 PMSubject: ( ) Re: 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

Oh, this is tough, not sure how I would handle it. I do think getting him a doll & other might lead to being a bit obsessive with that type release and so on too.... And may want more toys later, etc.I can understand your fear that he will give in at some point. Sigh! He apparently has some OCD too, what with the germ thing. Is he on any medication for it? Though I don't think his obsessing over girls is OCD related, as he doesn't dislike those thoughts/feelings, plus he *is* 17 and masturbating. (apparently he's not worried about germs from touching girls?) But I'm wondering if medication for OCD might still "bring it down a level" so the urge, constant obsessing, etc., is less. I'd be telling him no to the toys. My best guess at what I'd do. That what he's feeling is normal, he's not the only virgin, even at age 18, and he can just keep on as is, like all the other boys not having sex, virgins or not. As I said, that's my best

guess at what I'd tell mine (who's 21 and never dated). At least he's talking to you two about it.single mom>> > > > > > Dear Support Group> > This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:> > I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and

he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a> girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to "play" with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!>

> .:~Anita W~:. >

[Guest guest]

Hello Anita,

I mistakenly posted a reply on someone elses thread, but if you can't find it and want to see my response, let me know, I'll do it again.

Cathleen

From: anita wagner <nitawagner@...>Support Aspergers < >Sent: Fri, October 1, 2010 6:25:01 AMSubject: ( ) 17 y/o ds urges - could get in trouble

Dear Support Group

This is the first time I've posted an issue of this nature online. I need some advice:

I have a ds who is 17 1/2 and a senior in H.S. and he fights the urge everyday NOT to touch any female whether in his class or walking down the hall. He wants so much to feel their breasts, buttocks, or any part of their body which when touched, could wind him up being arrested for sexual assault. I fear everyday I might get a call from the school that the police were dispatched and he was taken to the local county jail. His father and I have expressed the seriousness of the urges and the consequences that would happen if he acted on them. I worry, although he says he understands, he chuckles when he says it I don't know if I should be going into this subject or not but here it goes... My son is a virgin...He is also a germaphobic He has been you know, masturbating for over a year now. He hates it! He thinks it is disgusting. but like we all know if your not having sex you need to release tension

someway. My ds would like to have sex but doesn't have a girlfriend. He came to his father and I and wants us to buy him a blow up doll to have sex with and a set of realistic breasts for him to "play" with. If we were to do this is this going too far and enabling him with a fanstasy or what? He is truly serious. I just don't know how to handle this one!! Any suggestions I'm all ears and eyes!!

..:~Anita W~:.

[Guest guest]

In response to your thought... I've talked to my son on Friday, I asked him does he have these urges to touch the girls at school everyday? He tells me "yes mom" He then told me that the other day after class he asked the girl sitting in front of him to give him a hug so he could feel her breasts. He tells me that he only asked the girl for the hug twice and it was this week

When I mentioned this to MY therapist, she told me to ask him in a way and find out if he gets aroused, and how many times a day. I asked him he said: he doesn't get aroused in fact, he doesn't get aroused until he actually starts to masturbate.

This surprised me because I didn't understand if he's fighting urges to touch girls breasts or other body parts. You would figure he would be getting aroused and trying to hide it.

But he tells me he isn't aroused while seeing the girls or thinking about them so I just don't get it. I understand the urge he is fighting is physically going up to a girl and actually groping her and then therefore possibly getting himself suspended or arrested.

So, I'm thinking like some of you have posted it is more of a severe OCD problem than a sex problem.

..:~Anita~:.

[Guest guest]

Anita, well I was thinking like you, that he was aroused while having that urge

and thinking about it, etc. Hmmm...but he is obsessing on the thoughts,

constant thinking...usual for boys I guess, LOL. That he asked the girl for a

hug (did she give it?) though means he is acting on it a little bit too though.

Worry is that he might impulsively do more while getting a hug. Or start asking

frequently for hugs.

I think you said he is on med for his OCD. Is it effective? Could his doctor

increase it slightly to see if it helps?

And just keep drumming into him about appropriate vs inappropriate, and all

that. Good that he's talking to you both about it.

>

>

>  

> In response to your thought... I've talked to my son on Friday, I asked him

does he have these urges to touch the girls at school everyday? He tells me " yes

mom " He then told me that the other day after class he asked the girl sitting in

front of him to give him a hug so he could feel her breasts. He tells me that he

only asked the girl for the hug twice and it was this week

>