Frustrating day in our Aspie house...

[Guest guest]

Summer is always a bit different… this summer is no exception.

My eldest (almost 9) is having a ROUGH summer. His anxiety is THROUGH the roof

(I really really think the Concerta has something to do with this), and  he’s

SO afraid of bugs that he doesn’t like going outside. Now, on the off chance we

can convince him to go outside, he always gets overwhelmed by bugs (the flying,

the noise, the fact that they get in his space, it’s ALL too much for him to

handle)… and ends up back inside. He’s always hated swings… petrified.

Yesterday, he got up the courage to swing, and fell OFF! Yeah… he swears he’ll

never go on a swing again Youngest is the opposite… while eldest is OVER

stimulated, youngest is UNDER stimulated. He has NO sense for safety. And his

biggest struggle these days, is a COMPLETE lack of ability to control his

reactions to emotional response. Things go wrong, things don’t go the way HE

planned them to, or wanted them to, etc… and next thing you know he’s FURIOUSLY

angry, and usually lashing out at the poor nearest person to him.

Today, a girl from eldest’s class and her older sister came over

to play with BOTH the boys. They cooled off in the house for a few minutes

after having walked here (it is HOT outside), and then they all went out to

play. First stop? STRAIGHT to the shed to visit all the kittens. I have been

working with the boys on animal treatment, etc… since we realized our cat was

pregnant (she was a stray who adopted us before she got pregnant, but then didn’t

go ANYWHERE, but I can’t keep the male strays away ). They’ve been doing

good. But today, I guess the combination of being overwhelmed by having people

here, and them being CONSTANTLY overwhelmed with each other – I get the grade 5

girl RUNNING in the house, telling me that is flipping the kittens

around, and Caleb is swinging them by their paws. Sigh. So I went out to talk

to the boys about how we treat the kittens. I show them the proper way (again).

I tell them why we can’t do those things, because it can hurt the kittens, that

they aren’t like stuffed animals, etc. And, I told them they had to stay out of

the shed for a while. I made a few suggestions for what they could all do, and

the next thing I know, they’re all playing Frisbee together. PERFECT! Well… I

thought it was perfect.

I barely made it back up on to the deck to sit down and watch

them, and I hear the grade 5 girl complaining about Caleb. Apparently, he

wanted the Frisbee, and completely lacks the ability to share, and she was asking

him to throw it back to her, and he wouldn’t… so she took it (can’t blame her,

really)… and next thing you know, he kicks her. Ok, so up on the deck with me

he came for a time out, and a talk, after he calmed down, with Mom. After a few

minutes… they were all hot and thirsty. So I got them some lemonade and had

them sit on the deck in the shade to drink it. I ran in the house to use the

washroom, and put the jug back in the fridge. Next thing, I hear the girls

YELLING at my eldest for something he’s doing to my youngest. I finish as fast

as I can, and rush out to see my eldest coming in the door, ANGRY as all get

up. He’s huffing and puffing with his big bad angry face on. I asked him what

happened, and all he could say was “Caleb was being mean to meâ€. He stormed

upstairs and said “I know, I’m going upstairs.†(he’s very good at going to

cool off on his own, thank goodness… but I can’t get him to do that BEFORE

reacting in a way that hurts his brother, or someone else, etc…

I walked outside to find the girls consoling my youngest… apparently

smacked him in the face

Needless to say, I sent the girls home and told them that today

wasn’t a good play day, and we’d have to try again another day. I thanked them

for coming and sent them on their merry way home. Then, I came in the house and

had Caleb go cool off in our room (because the boys rooms are sort of

connected, and if I sent HIM upstairs, he’d go over and piss off his brother,

and more screaming and hitting and kicking and fighting would ensue).

AHH I swear I’m losing my mind This is my life… ALL the time.

I work SO hard with the kids, and yet, I feel like we’re getting no where. I’ve

seen major regressions with my eldest, and I WANT to take him off concerta, and

find something else that will be more helpful for him… but we’re on a

RIDICULOUS wait list to see a specialist who has experience with ASD’s (like I’m

talking JANUARY before we get in for ONE child).

Losing my mind… and feeling totally lost and helpless on what to

do except keep my kids separated, and let them partake in their obsessions all

day long …

=)

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

That is rough. Maybe they all need some activities with more structure? I know

both of my kids NT and AS need some structure or they will kill each other.

Regarding your 9 yr old, you are describing my son last year. So, so scared of

bugs he wouldn't go outside. Or if he did he was completely obsessed with the

bugs. He is on the Daytrana patch which DEFINITLY contributes to anxiety so I'd

guess any ADHD med could. We found cutting the dose in half still kept him

calmer (nothing helps his attention issues) and reduced the anxiety. He is also

on Effexor, but I am weaning him off now to see how he does. He also saw a

psychologist who specifically worked on the bug anxiety and she really helped

him.

Good luck!

>

> Summer is always a bit different… this summer is no exception. My eldest

(almost 9) is having a ROUGH summer. His anxiety is THROUGH the roof (I really

really think the Concerta has something to do with this), and he’s SO afraid

of bugs that he doesn’t like going outside. Now, on the off chance we can

convince him to go outside, he always gets overwhelmed by bugs (the flying, the

noise, the fact that they get in his space, it’s ALL too much for him to

handle)… and ends up back inside. He’s always hated swings… petrified.

Yesterday, he got up the courage to swing, and fell OFF! Yeah… he swears

he’ll never go on a swing again Youngest is the opposite… while eldest is

OVER stimulated, youngest is UNDER stimulated. He has NO sense for safety. And

his biggest struggle these days, is a COMPLETE lack of ability to control his

reactions to emotional response. Things go wrong, things don’t go the way HE

planned them to, or wanted them to, etc… and next thing you know he’s

FURIOUSLY angry, and usually lashing out at the poor nearest person to him.

>

>

>

> Today, a girl from eldest’s class and her older sister came over to play

with BOTH the boys. They cooled off in the house for a few minutes after having

walked here (it is HOT outside), and then they all went out to play. First stop?

STRAIGHT to the shed to visit all the kittens. I have been working with the boys

on animal treatment, etc… since we realized our cat was pregnant (she was a

stray who adopted us before she got pregnant, but then didn’t go ANYWHERE, but

I can’t keep the male strays away ). They’ve been doing good. But today,

I guess the combination of being overwhelmed by having people here, and them

being CONSTANTLY overwhelmed with each other †" I get the grade 5 girl RUNNING

in the house, telling me that is flipping the kittens around, and Caleb

is swinging them by their paws. Sigh. So I went out to talk to the boys about

how we treat the kittens. I show them the proper way (again). I tell them why we

can’t do those things, because it can hurt the kittens, that they aren’t

like stuffed animals, etc. And, I told them they had to stay out of the shed for

a while. I made a few suggestions for what they could all do, and the next thing

I know, they’re all playing Frisbee together. PERFECT! Well… I thought it

was perfect.

>

>

>

> I barely made it back up on to the deck to sit down and watch them, and I hear

the grade 5 girl complaining about Caleb. Apparently, he wanted the Frisbee, and

completely lacks the ability to share, and she was asking him to throw it back

to her, and he wouldn’t… so she took it (can’t blame her, really)… and

next thing you know, he kicks her. Ok, so up on the deck with me he came for a

time out, and a talk, after he calmed down, with Mom. After a few minutes…

they were all hot and thirsty. So I got them some lemonade and had them sit on

the deck in the shade to drink it. I ran in the house to use the washroom, and

put the jug back in the fridge. Next thing, I hear the girls YELLING at my

eldest for something he’s doing to my youngest. I finish as fast as I can, and

rush out to see my eldest coming in the door, ANGRY as all get up. He’s

huffing and puffing with his big bad angry face on. I asked him what happened,

and all he could say was “Caleb was being mean to meâ€. He stormed upstairs

and said “I know, I’m going upstairs.†(he’s very good at going to cool

off on his own, thank goodness… but I can’t get him to do that BEFORE

reacting in a way that hurts his brother, or someone else, etc…

>

>

>

> I walked outside to find the girls consoling my youngest… apparently

smacked him in the face

>

>

>

> Needless to say, I sent the girls home and told them that today wasn’t a

good play day, and we’d have to try again another day. I thanked them for

coming and sent them on their merry way home. Then, I came in the house and had

Caleb go cool off in our room (because the boys rooms are sort of connected, and

if I sent HIM upstairs, he’d go over and piss off his brother, and more

screaming and hitting and kicking and fighting would ensue).

>

>

>

> AHH I swear I’m losing my mind This is my life… ALL the time. I work SO

hard with the kids, and yet, I feel like we’re getting no where. I’ve seen

major regressions with my eldest, and I WANT to take him off concerta, and find

something else that will be more helpful for him… but we’re on a RIDICULOUS

wait list to see a specialist who has experience with ASD’s (like I’m

talking JANUARY before we get in for ONE child).

>

>

>

> Losing my mind… and feeling totally lost and helpless on what to do except

keep my kids separated, and let them partake in their obsessions all day long

…

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

,

This sounds like a typical day at our house and some days wish we could just have one "normal" day!

I have to say our days go so much smoother when I have activities planned out. Often I feel like a cruise director planning out the days events. The more I structure I plan-the better the day. I constantly have to keep a eye on my aspie or he is tearing something up (last week he tore the shower head out of the wall) or he is into something.

I want to say to give yourself a break-we are parents of children who take alot of care and I know I am so hard on myself. I used to think-I would love to be like those parents who sit and read a book at the pool while their child plays, but I can't let myself go there. I think that I am getting to spend so much more hands on quality time with my child. It is exhausting work and I normally just "fall" into bed but each day is a new day. God would never give us more than we could handle!

Lori

From: kelliangelini <kelliangelini@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Frustrating day in our Aspie house... Date: Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 2:19 PM

Hi ,That is rough. Maybe they all need some activities with more structure? I know both of my kids NT and AS need some structure or they will kill each other. Regarding your 9 yr old, you are describing my son last year. So, so scared of bugs he wouldn't go outside. Or if he did he was completely obsessed with the bugs. He is on the Daytrana patch which DEFINITLY contributes to anxiety so I'd guess any ADHD med could. We found cutting the dose in half still kept him calmer (nothing helps his attention issues) and reduced the anxiety. He is also on Effexor, but I am weaning him off now to see how he does. He also saw a psychologist who specifically worked on the bug anxiety and she really helped him.Good luck!>> Summer is always a bit different… this summer is no exception. My eldest (almost 9) is having a ROUGH summer. His anxiety is THROUGH the roof (I really really think the Concerta has something to do with this), and he’s SO afraid of bugs that he doesn’t like going outside. Now, on the off chance we can convince him to go outside, he always gets overwhelmed by bugs (the flying, the noise, the fact that they get in his space, it’s ALL too much for him to handle)… and ends up back inside. He’s always hated swings… petrified. Yesterday, he got up the courage to swing, and fell OFF! Yeah… he swears he’ll never go on a swing again Youngest is the opposite… while eldest is OVER stimulated, youngest is UNDER stimulated. He has NO sense for

safety. And his biggest struggle these days, is a COMPLETE lack of ability to control his reactions to emotional response. Things go wrong, things don’t go the way HE planned them to, or wanted them to, etc… and next thing you know he’s FURIOUSLY angry, and usually lashing out at the poor nearest person to him. > > > > Today, a girl from eldest’s class and her older sister came over to play with BOTH the boys. They cooled off in the house for a few minutes after having walked here (it is HOT outside), and then they all went out to play. First stop? STRAIGHT to the shed to visit all the kittens. I have been working with the boys on animal treatment, etc… since we realized our cat was pregnant (she was a stray who adopted us before she got pregnant, but then didn’t go ANYWHERE, but I can’t keep the male strays away ). They’ve been doing good. But today, I guess the

combination of being overwhelmed by having people here, and them being CONSTANTLY overwhelmed with each other â€" I get the grade 5 girl RUNNING in the house, telling me that is flipping the kittens around, and Caleb is swinging them by their paws. Sigh. So I went out to talk to the boys about how we treat the kittens. I show them the proper way (again). I tell them why we can’t do those things, because it can hurt the kittens, that they aren’t like stuffed animals, etc. And, I told them they had to stay out of the shed for a while. I made a few suggestions for what they could all do, and the next thing I know, they’re all playing Frisbee together. PERFECT! Well… I thought it was perfect.> > > > I barely made it back up on to the deck to sit down and watch them, and I hear the grade 5 girl complaining about Caleb. Apparently, he wanted the Frisbee, and completely lacks the ability to

share, and she was asking him to throw it back to her, and he wouldn’t… so she took it (can’t blame her, really)… and next thing you know, he kicks her. Ok, so up on the deck with me he came for a time out, and a talk, after he calmed down, with Mom. After a few minutes… they were all hot and thirsty. So I got them some lemonade and had them sit on the deck in the shade to drink it. I ran in the house to use the washroom, and put the jug back in the fridge. Next thing, I hear the girls YELLING at my eldest for something he’s doing to my youngest. I finish as fast as I can, and rush out to see my eldest coming in the door, ANGRY as all get up. He’s huffing and puffing with his big bad angry face on. I asked him what happened, and all he could say was “Caleb was being mean to me�. He stormed upstairs and said “I know, I’m going upstairs.� (he’s very good at going to cool

off on his own, thank goodness… but I can’t get him to do that BEFORE reacting in a way that hurts his brother, or someone else, etc…> > > > I walked outside to find the girls consoling my youngest… apparently smacked him in the face > > > > Needless to say, I sent the girls home and told them that today wasn’t a good play day, and we’d have to try again another day. I thanked them for coming and sent them on their merry way home. Then, I came in the house and had Caleb go cool off in our room (because the boys rooms are sort of connected, and if I sent HIM upstairs, he’d go over and piss off his brother, and more screaming and hitting and kicking and fighting would ensue).> > > > AHH I swear I’m losing my mind This is my life… ALL the time. I work SO hard with the kids, and yet, I

feel like we’re getting no where. I’ve seen major regressions with my eldest, and I WANT to take him off concerta, and find something else that will be more helpful for him… but we’re on a RIDICULOUS wait list to see a specialist who has experience with ASD’s (like I’m talking JANUARY before we get in for ONE child).> > > > Losing my mind… and feeling totally lost and helpless on what to do except keep my kids separated, and let them partake in their obsessions all day long …> > > > =)>------------------------------------