Re: How to handle new classes for your child

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about your day - some days are just hard.

For my ds (who has ASD & SPD) we knew that sometimes he had to get comfortable

with a new activity by observing it from the sidelines before he joined in. We

even had it in his IEP that for gym class he should be allowed to observe any

new activity before being required to join the group. He seemed to need to

observe more in the noisy settings (the gym) than he did in the quieter settings

(classroom). Even now that he is older and it's no longer in his IEP my son

still likes to observe things before he joins in. I think that he likes to

figure out what to do before joining so he doesn't get too overwhelmed while

part of the group.

I know what a pain it is to pay for something and to have your child not want to

participate. We did that with t-ball, soccer & swim lessons (instructor yelled

directions from side and was not in the pool). And we lost our money on every

single one. So I used to try to see if I could either get a short trial

membership or at least one class for free to see if my son would enjoy it. This

helped but didn't totally eliminate the issue.

Caroline

>

> I had tough day yesterday. My 5 year old has AS and SPD and not ADHD but

serious distraction issues. I feel like somedays I'm a drill sargent, barking

out orders, " shoes!, socks!, get in the car, get in the car! "

> My DD has always had really rough time with new things, and yes, I get it but

yesterday my patience was very short and I was so annoyed.

>

> We had to go to the dollar store for some food containers and while we were

there I allowed DD to pick out a toy. I told L that if she put a good effort in

and tried at her new karate class last night, she could get the item after the

class.

>

> We talked about the class, we watched a video, i felt prepared. we get in

there, she's all " I'm scared, I want to leave " .... the way the class was set up

was it's in a huge gym, with the kids spread across 2 lines front and back with

the parents all watching all around the perimeter. 3 instructors in the front,

put if you are in the back line the front is actually pretty far away.

>

> I was immediately frustrated and annoyed. we go thru this all the time and

knowing that she has aspergers doesn't help. i get that new things are hard for

her but at the same time, I'm thinking, I am not going to go thru this with her

for every single new thing in her life. I held my ground, was extremely FIRM.

" NO, get out there now. You TRY! " . Reminded her of her bunny, how she was gonig

to be sad b/c chloe was going to get something and she wasn't....

>

> Then this lady comes over to me, i think trying to help. she tells me how

this other kid in the room never wanted to get on the mat for the whole first

season, she said " his mom just let him sit next to her and watch until he was

comfortable wtih it. And now, this is his second session and he's in the front

row " .

> i seriously wanted to punch her in the FACE! To me, paying for something and

letting my 5 YEAR OLD just sit on the side is not okay!

>

> Anyway I was feeling like everyone was looking at me and expecting me to be

sympathetic mom but i was being angry mom. I felt like i needed to be firm but

questioned myself.

>

> about 1/2 way through the class they took the kids out side to walk around or

something, then came back in, and broke into groups. the first thing the group

did was to have to walk over mats which ran the length of the room for

practicing balance. L (somehow) managed to get first in line for this and guess

what? SHE DID IT! I couldn't believe it! she walked over these mats in front of

the whole room filled of people. then she did the next activity and the next

too.

>

> can't tell you how proud of her I was and how validated i was knowing that my

firmness was the right thing to do.

>

> but every day there must be 30 different times that I question myself and how

I'm handling something. THIS IS SO HARD!

>

> Wanted to ask how you all handle these situations where you are trying a new

class?

>

> Regina

>

[Guest guest]

Regina,

He he. Yay!!!!

First, I gotta say that I question myself constantly. I'm sure all of us do.

While reading your post, I first disagreed with you not letting your daughter sit by you,,,

agreeing with the lady.

BUT.......then you told your point and YAY,,,,it went well!!!!! So....there you go!! Proof that I NEVER know that what I'm doing is right. he he.

Course, as you know, last night could have completely gone the opposite way for you and dd. Sigh...........

Enjoy the great night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell your dd how happy we all are for her!!!!!!

Robin

From: fredandregina2004 <fredandregina2004@...>Subject: ( ) How to handle new classes for your child Date: Tuesday, March 1, 2011, 5:42 AM

I had tough day yesterday. My 5 year old has AS and SPD and not ADHD but serious distraction issues. I feel like somedays I'm a drill sargent, barking out orders, "shoes!, socks!, get in the car, get in the car!" My DD has always had really rough time with new things, and yes, I get it but yesterday my patience was very short and I was so annoyed. We had to go to the dollar store for some food containers and while we were there I allowed DD to pick out a toy. I told L that if she put a good effort in and tried at her new karate class last night, she could get the item after the class. We talked about the class, we watched a video, i felt prepared. we get in there, she's all "I'm scared, I want to leave".... the way the class was set up was it's in a huge gym, with the kids spread across 2 lines front and back with the parents all watching all around the perimeter. 3 instructors in the front, put if you are in the back line the

front is actually pretty far away. I was immediately frustrated and annoyed. we go thru this all the time and knowing that she has aspergers doesn't help. i get that new things are hard for her but at the same time, I'm thinking, I am not going to go thru this with her for every single new thing in her life. I held my ground, was extremely FIRM. "NO, get out there now. You TRY!". Reminded her of her bunny, how she was gonig to be sad b/c chloe was going to get something and she wasn't....Then this lady comes over to me, i think trying to help. she tells me how this other kid in the room never wanted to get on the mat for the whole first season, she said "his mom just let him sit next to her and watch until he was comfortable wtih it. And now, this is his second session and he's in the front row". i seriously wanted to punch her in the FACE! To me, paying for something and letting my 5 YEAR OLD just sit on the side is not okay!

Anyway I was feeling like everyone was looking at me and expecting me to be sympathetic mom but i was being angry mom. I felt like i needed to be firm but questioned myself. about 1/2 way through the class they took the kids out side to walk around or something, then came back in, and broke into groups. the first thing the group did was to have to walk over mats which ran the length of the room for practicing balance. L (somehow) managed to get first in line for this and guess what? SHE DID IT! I couldn't believe it! she walked over these mats in front of the whole room filled of people. then she did the next activity and the next too.can't tell you how proud of her I was and how validated i was knowing that my firmness was the right thing to do. but every day there must be 30 different times that I question myself and how I'm handling something. THIS IS SO HARD!Wanted to ask how you all handle these situations

where you are trying a new class? Regina

[Guest guest]

This used to be our situation as well. My son used to have to " process " an

environment or new activity before diving in full force. Sometimes there's just

a lot going on sensorially and he needed to find his comfort zone. Today, he's

cool with " meshing, " but I still need to remind him to always think of safety in

new environments.

Fredaandregina, I'm so happy it turned out to be successful. I, too, can be

firm at times. Sometimes life requires that. As a mother, I need to get my

children where they need to be in this lifetime and being firm -- from time to

time -- may be required.

> >

> > I had tough day yesterday. My 5 year old has AS and SPD and not ADHD but

serious distraction issues. I feel like somedays I'm a drill sargent, barking

out orders, " shoes!, socks!, get in the car, get in the car! "

> > My DD has always had really rough time with new things, and yes, I get it

but yesterday my patience was very short and I was so annoyed.

> >

> > We had to go to the dollar store for some food containers and while we were

there I allowed DD to pick out a toy. I told L that if she put a good effort in

and tried at her new karate class last night, she could get the item after the

class.

> >

> > We talked about the class, we watched a video, i felt prepared. we get in

there, she's all " I'm scared, I want to leave " .... the way the class was set up

was it's in a huge gym, with the kids spread across 2 lines front and back with

the parents all watching all around the perimeter. 3 instructors in the front,

put if you are in the back line the front is actually pretty far away.

> >

> > I was immediately frustrated and annoyed. we go thru this all the time and

knowing that she has aspergers doesn't help. i get that new things are hard for

her but at the same time, I'm thinking, I am not going to go thru this with her

for every single new thing in her life. I held my ground, was extremely FIRM.

" NO, get out there now. You TRY! " . Reminded her of her bunny, how she was gonig

to be sad b/c chloe was going to get something and she wasn't....

> >

> > Then this lady comes over to me, i think trying to help. she tells me how

this other kid in the room never wanted to get on the mat for the whole first

season, she said " his mom just let him sit next to her and watch until he was

comfortable wtih it. And now, this is his second session and he's in the front

row " .

> > i seriously wanted to punch her in the FACE! To me, paying for something and

letting my 5 YEAR OLD just sit on the side is not okay!

> >

> > Anyway I was feeling like everyone was looking at me and expecting me to be

sympathetic mom but i was being angry mom. I felt like i needed to be firm but

questioned myself.

> >

> > about 1/2 way through the class they took the kids out side to walk around

or something, then came back in, and broke into groups. the first thing the

group did was to have to walk over mats which ran the length of the room for

practicing balance. L (somehow) managed to get first in line for this and guess

what? SHE DID IT! I couldn't believe it! she walked over these mats in front of

the whole room filled of people. then she did the next activity and the next

too.

> >

> > can't tell you how proud of her I was and how validated i was knowing that

my firmness was the right thing to do.

> >

> > but every day there must be 30 different times that I question myself and

how I'm handling something. THIS IS SO HARD!

> >

> > Wanted to ask how you all handle these situations where you are trying a new

class?

> >

> > Regina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter would panic or get aggressive if I put pressure on

her. Everything has to be gradual exposure. If it works for

you and your child doesn't get so anxious and overwhelmed than

maybe that will work for you. But many AS kids have severe

anxiety disorders and that approach would rarely work.

I think you are going to like public school though. They use

the same approach as you. As I said if it works great.

Maybe your child is apprehensive and not really paniced

by new things. Or maybe your child is fearful of you

(and I don't mean that in a mean way at all) and the consequencses

so cooperates. My daughter is oppositional and has to

be in control or she tears up the place there is no winning

power struggles with some ridgid thinkers.

Do what works. And if it doesn't or escalates anxiety than

gradual exposure often works.

Pam

-- In , " fredandregina2004 "

<fredandregina2004@...> wrote:

>

> I had tough day yesterday. My 5 year old has AS and SPD and not ADHD but

serious distraction issues. I feel like somedays I'm a drill sargent, barking

out orders, " shoes!, socks!, get in the car, get in the car! "

> My DD has always had really rough time with new things, and yes, I get it but

yesterday my patience was very short and I was so annoyed.

>

> We had to go to the dollar store for some food containers and while we were

there I allowed DD to pick out a toy. I told L that if she put a good effort in

and tried at her new karate class last night, she could get the item after the

class.

>

> We talked about the class, we watched a video, i felt prepared. we get in

there, she's all " I'm scared, I want to leave " .... the way the class was set up

was it's in a huge gym, with the kids spread across 2 lines front and back with

the parents all watching all around the perimeter. 3 instructors in the front,

put if you are in the back line the front is actually pretty far away.

>

> I was immediately frustrated and annoyed. we go thru this all the time and

knowing that she has aspergers doesn't help. i get that new things are hard for

her but at the same time, I'm thinking, I am not going to go thru this with her

for every single new thing in her life. I held my ground, was extremely FIRM.

" NO, get out there now. You TRY! " . Reminded her of her bunny, how she was gonig

to be sad b/c chloe was going to get something and she wasn't....

>

> Then this lady comes over to me, i think trying to help. she tells me how

this other kid in the room never wanted to get on the mat for the whole first

season, she said " his mom just let him sit next to her and watch until he was

comfortable wtih it. And now, this is his second session and he's in the front

row " .

> i seriously wanted to punch her in the FACE! To me, paying for something and

letting my 5 YEAR OLD just sit on the side is not okay!

>

> Anyway I was feeling like everyone was looking at me and expecting me to be

sympathetic mom but i was being angry mom. I felt like i needed to be firm but

questioned myself.

>

> about 1/2 way through the class they took the kids out side to walk around or

something, then came back in, and broke into groups. the first thing the group

did was to have to walk over mats which ran the length of the room for

practicing balance. L (somehow) managed to get first in line for this and guess

what? SHE DID IT! I couldn't believe it! she walked over these mats in front of

the whole room filled of people. then she did the next activity and the next

too.

>

> can't tell you how proud of her I was and how validated i was knowing that my

firmness was the right thing to do.

>

> but every day there must be 30 different times that I question myself and how

I'm handling something. THIS IS SO HARD!

>

> Wanted to ask how you all handle these situations where you are trying a new

class?

>

> Regina

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter has auditory processing issues. Before the addition of that

diagnosis she used to have big anxieties about attending classes or would simply

not become involved. This had to do with her not being able to understand the

directions in the class and feeling anxious about not keeping up or

understanding what was going on. I mention this because you said your daughter

has big distraction issues. Being distracted also causes her to miss out on

directions. She may be feeling a similar anxiety. Something to keep in mind.

She may just need redirection to listen to the instructor.

>

> I had tough day yesterday. My 5 year old has AS and SPD and not ADHD but

serious distraction issues. I feel like somedays I'm a drill sargent, barking

out orders, " shoes!, socks!, get in the car, get in the car! "

> My DD has always had really rough time with new things, and yes, I get it but

yesterday my patience was very short and I was so annoyed.

>

> We had to go to the dollar store for some food containers and while we were

there I allowed DD to pick out a toy. I told L that if she put a good effort in

and tried at her new karate class last night, she could get the item after the

class.

>

> We talked about the class, we watched a video, i felt prepared. we get in

there, she's all " I'm scared, I want to leave " .... the way the class was set up

was it's in a huge gym, with the kids spread across 2 lines front and back with

the parents all watching all around the perimeter. 3 instructors in the front,

put if you are in the back line the front is actually pretty far away.

>

> I was immediately frustrated and annoyed. we go thru this all the time and

knowing that she has aspergers doesn't help. i get that new things are hard for

her but at the same time, I'm thinking, I am not going to go thru this with her

for every single new thing in her life. I held my ground, was extremely FIRM.

" NO, get out there now. You TRY! " . Reminded her of her bunny, how she was gonig

to be sad b/c chloe was going to get something and she wasn't....

>

> Then this lady comes over to me, i think trying to help. she tells me how

this other kid in the room never wanted to get on the mat for the whole first

season, she said " his mom just let him sit next to her and watch until he was

comfortable wtih it. And now, this is his second session and he's in the front

row " .

> i seriously wanted to punch her in the FACE! To me, paying for something and

letting my 5 YEAR OLD just sit on the side is not okay!

>

> Anyway I was feeling like everyone was looking at me and expecting me to be

sympathetic mom but i was being angry mom. I felt like i needed to be firm but

questioned myself.

>

> about 1/2 way through the class they took the kids out side to walk around or

something, then came back in, and broke into groups. the first thing the group

did was to have to walk over mats which ran the length of the room for

practicing balance. L (somehow) managed to get first in line for this and guess

what? SHE DID IT! I couldn't believe it! she walked over these mats in front of

the whole room filled of people. then she did the next activity and the next

too.

>

> can't tell you how proud of her I was and how validated i was knowing that my

firmness was the right thing to do.

>

> but every day there must be 30 different times that I question myself and how

I'm handling something. THIS IS SO HARD!

>

> Wanted to ask how you all handle these situations where you are trying a new

class?

>

> Regina

>