Re: Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school!

[Guest guest]

I do sympathize with your dilemma. This may sound silly or stupid, but what

about getting him some really hands on stuff that could replace that urge? You

know those stress balls? They feel like soft rubber and you can squeeze it. You

can try tennis balls--unless he'd throw them inside. I would think an O/T could

offer up some good ideas to replace that urge, right? See where I'm going? Try

to feed his sensory need to touch things. Also, is a suspension really a

teaching moment? I would ask the school what purposed is served by suspension.

Good luck!!

>

> Please help.

>

> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently touched his

large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted strongly, by sending him

to quiet time and problem solving with him by discussing " sexual harrassment " .

Note that my son just started middle school and never had this issue before and

was unconscious about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely

accidental: he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes people,

but usually arms and hair).

>

> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks " Can I

touch your breasts " , even though he clearly knows the answer is always a loud

NO. He did that to this particular teacher for pretty much every day last week.

Of course, quite often he was sent to quiet time and problem solving for asking

the question (often out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to

touch her again, while saying " tickle tickle " , and he was written up and we had

to go for morning detention.

>

> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female staff

whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the answer is No and often

he ends up in quiet time again). We had one good day yesterday (and he got

rewarded by me of course), but today he managed to touch another female teacher,

and now we are going to detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two

weeks, I have got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with

me or his grandma or his younger sisters.

>

> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I wrote

several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and invited the county

special ed department people. But meanwhile, I have to do something about my

son's behavior: he is stuck in this mode and often comes home tired without ever

learning anything. And it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his

behaviors, making up for missed school time, and being able to finish homework,

and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and happy attitude...

>

> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the defintion of

" sexual harrassment " on internet together, we reasoned, we argued, and we

yelled... What would you do in this situation? Any behavior strategy? Any

strategy the school can implement?

>

> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are not yet on

medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last year for a short time

period). I am seriously considering the medication route again, but scared of

trying... What is your experience with medication?

>

>

> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like he can't stop himself. There may be some anxiety associated with

all of this now because everyone is freaking out. They need to calm down and

show him something he CAN do. Give him a fidget or a stress ball and say, " you

can touch this " . Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Reward when he touches the

appropriate things and ignore inappropriate as much as possible just calmly

showing him what he CAN do. I don't think the school is handling this well.

Recommend the book, " Taking Care of Myself " . I'll get the author when I'm not

quite so busy if you need it. Probably faster to go to amazon. Anyway, it's

geared toward adolescent kids and is about privacy, hygiene, appropriate and

inappropriate behavior and what touching is okay and what touching isn't okay.

Write a social story for him " Whenever I feel like I can't keep my hands to

myself I can touch my stress ball. " That kind of thing. Make sure he has

fidgets and go over the social story at home and at school. It's worth a try

anyway.

Miriam

>

> Please help.

>

> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently touched his

large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted strongly, by sending him

to quiet time and problem solving with him by discussing " sexual harrassment " .

Note that my son just started middle school and never had this issue before and

was unconscious about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely

accidental: he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes people,

but usually arms and hair).

>

> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks " Can I

touch your breasts " , even though he clearly knows the answer is always a loud

NO. He did that to this particular teacher for pretty much every day last week.

Of course, quite often he was sent to quiet time and problem solving for asking

the question (often out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to

touch her again, while saying " tickle tickle " , and he was written up and we had

to go for morning detention.

>

> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female staff

whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the answer is No and often

he ends up in quiet time again). We had one good day yesterday (and he got

rewarded by me of course), but today he managed to touch another female teacher,

and now we are going to detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two

weeks, I have got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with

me or his grandma or his younger sisters.

>

> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I wrote

several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and invited the county

special ed department people. But meanwhile, I have to do something about my

son's behavior: he is stuck in this mode and often comes home tired without ever

learning anything. And it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his

behaviors, making up for missed school time, and being able to finish homework,

and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and happy attitude...

>

> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the defintion of

" sexual harrassment " on internet together, we reasoned, we argued, and we

yelled... What would you do in this situation? Any behavior strategy? Any

strategy the school can implement?

>

> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are not yet on

medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last year for a short time

period). I am seriously considering the medication route again, but scared of

trying... What is your experience with medication?

>

>

> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My first thought while reading this was OCD, so when you wrote at the end that he has it, it made sense.

My son is on Celexa now.....been about 5 weeks.

He's getting better,,,,but don't know if it's b/c we talk about it constantly,,,,or the meds....or both.

I do know that there are lots of meds one can try.....

As for what he's doing...... he he.......I'm sorry to laugh. I just hear others stories and most of the time, feel that it could easily be my own kid/kids.

Hugs to you, and getting the county sp ed ppl involved sounds like you're doing the right thing, for sure!!!!!!!

One last thing,,,,,and I may be adding this, cause I'm getting tired...he he......but..... ,,,,"tickle tickle".........

Robin

From: caijiao <caijiao@...>Subject: ( ) Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school! Date: Tuesday, October 13, 2009, 7:17 PM

Please help. It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently touched his large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him by discussing "sexual harrassment" . Note that my son just started middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental: he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes people, but usually arms and hair). After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks "Can I touch your breasts", even though he clearly knows the answer is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her again, while saying "tickle tickle",

and he was written up and we had to go for morning detention. But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me or his grandma or his younger sisters. There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck in this mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his

behaviors, making up for missed school time, and being able to finish homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and happy attitude... Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the defintion of "sexual harrassment" on internet together, we reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can implement?My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your experience with medication? Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Don't have a solution, but I'm sure I read somewhere that some Aspie kids like to see what kind of a reaction they can get out of NTs as the reactions interest them. Could this be the case with your son, he has perhaps accidentally found a way of causing a big reaction.

From: caijiao <caijiao@...>Subject: ( ) Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school! Date: Wednesday, 14 October, 2009, 1:17 AM

Please help. It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently touched his large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him by discussing "sexual harrassment" . Note that my son just started middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental: he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes people, but usually arms and hair). After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks "Can I touch your breasts", even though he clearly knows the answer is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her again, while saying "tickle tickle",

and he was written up and we had to go for morning detention. But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me or his grandma or his younger sisters. There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck in this mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his

behaviors, making up for missed school time, and being able to finish homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and happy attitude... Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the defintion of "sexual harrassment" on internet together, we reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can implement?My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your experience with medication? Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

[Guest guest]

My Aspie son went through the same thing around the same age. He is

now 13.

When working with his therapist, we took the angle for how would you

feel if someone did that to you? At first, he did not understand that

statement. Through repetition, he began to understand. We also

developed a buzz phrase " Hands to yourself " . Did I have to say this at

least 1000 times to remind him? Of course, but he has not forgotten

it and it has become one of his " rules " that he can tell you about.

I am large breasted so I do understand where this teacher is coming

from.

Once he learns, he won't forget. My son every once in awhile still

tries, but now he has learned to stop himself. Good luck to you. I

hope this helps.

Janice in Wisconsin

On Oct 13, 2009, at 7:17 PM, caijiao wrote:

> Please help.

>

> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently

> touched his large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted

> strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him

> by discussing " sexual harrassment " . Note that my son just started

> middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious

> about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental:

> he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes

> people, but usually arms and hair).

>

> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks

> " Can I touch your breasts " , even though he clearly knows the answer

> is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for

> pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent

> to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often

> out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her

> again, while saying " tickle tickle " , and he was written up and we

> had to go for morning detention.

>

> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female

> staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the

> answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one

> good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today

> he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to

> detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have

> got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me

> or his grandma or his younger sisters.

>

> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I

> wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and

> invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I

> have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck in this

> mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And

> it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his behaviors,

> making up for missed school time, and being able to finish

> homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and

> happy attitude...

>

> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the

> defintion of " sexual harrassment " on internet together, we

> reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this

> situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can

> implement?

>

> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are

> not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last

> year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the

> medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your

> experience with medication?

>

>

> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

There is a book called "A Five is Against the Law" and it is excellent. Talks about appropriate behavior when you are 2 versus 5, verus 10, verus 15, verus an adult. At 2, OK to touch breasts maybe. At 5, not a cool thing. At 10 gets you expelled, maybe juvenile hall, at 15 probably jail time, as an adult, permanent incarceration maybe.... Lays it out clearly for many things, including looking too long, etc. Excellent book.

When I read your email it just made me sick. Why can't our kids think up some other annoying behavior, like nose picking, touching someones hair, ANYTHING other than totally socially inappropriate behavior. Why breasts, why can't it just be darn hair, etc. Then, you just get the "keep your hands to yourself" lecture and personal space talks. Touching breasts gets you sheriff, psychologists, discipline, on and on and on.

My son was great about talking himself into threat assessments at school with the sheriff. I knew he was no threat to anyone, other than to my sanity, but they certainly didn't know that. Finally I realized he wasn't safe at school any longer, as when angry he would purposely say ANYTHING to annoy the adults in charge. He got really, REALLY good at coming up with totally inappropriate responses.

Hang in there.... I must say, homeschooling is MUCH less stressful.

Re: ( ) Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school!

My Aspie son went through the same thing around the same age. He is now 13.When working with his therapist, we took the angle for how would you feel if someone did that to you? At first, he did not understand that statement. Through repetition, he began to understand. We also developed a buzz phrase"Hands to yourself". Did I have to say this at least 1000 times to remind him? Of course, but he has not forgotten it and it has become one of his "rules" that he can tell you about. I am large breasted so I do understand where this teacher is coming from.Once he learns, he won't forget. My son every once in awhile still tries, but now he has learned to stop himself. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.Janice in WisconsinOn Oct 13, 2009, at 7:17 PM, caijiao wrote:> Please help.>> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently > touched his large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted > strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him > by discussing "sexual harrassment". Note that my son just started > middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious > about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental: > he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes > people, but usually arms and hair).>> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks > "Can I touch your breasts", even though he clearly knows the answer > is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for > pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent > to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often > out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her > again, while saying "tickle tickle", and he was written up and we > had to go for morning detention.>> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female > staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the > answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one > good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today > he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to > detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have > got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me > or his grandma or his younger sisters.>> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I > wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and > invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I > have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck in this > mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And > it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his behaviors, > making up for missed school time, and being able to finish > homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and > happy attitude...>> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the > defintion of "sexual harrassment" on internet together, we > reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this > situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can > implement?>> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are > not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last > year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the > medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your > experience with medication?>>> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.>>>>> ------------------------------------>>

[Guest guest]

I just had to respond to this...you said why can't our children pick other habits ...like nose picking.....etc. Well, I got a chuckle out of that....because that is what started a lot of problems in 5th grade. His case manager/ Sped teacher said he picks his nose...I guess it grossed her out. At one meeting I finally said...I have tried to get him to stop since he was 3 years old....I finally gave and figured he would stop when he started dating.....well, let me tell you she tried and tried to stop him and the more she did...the more he did it. He did it on purpose because he sensed she didn't like him....she nagged and bugged him all day....so he would pick his nose more just to piss her off.

OMG...are kids are something else!!!!

Jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...> Sent: Thu, October 15, 2009 12:15:28 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school!

There is a book called "A Five is Against the Law" and it is excellent. Talks about appropriate behavior when you are 2 versus 5, verus 10, verus 15, verus an adult. At 2, OK to touch breasts maybe. At 5, not a cool thing. At 10 gets you expelled, maybe juvenile hall, at 15 probably jail time, as an adult, permanent incarceration maybe.... Lays it out clearly for many things, including looking too long, etc. Excellent book.

When I read your email it just made me sick. Why can't our kids think up some other annoying behavior, like nose picking, touching someones hair, ANYTHING other than totally socially inappropriate behavior. Why breasts, why can't it just be darn hair, etc. Then, you just get the "keep your hands to yourself" lecture and personal space talks. Touching breasts gets you sheriff, psychologists, discipline, on and on and on.

My son was great about talking himself into threat assessments at school with the sheriff. I knew he was no threat to anyone, other than to my sanity, but they certainly didn't know that. Finally I realized he wasn't safe at school any longer, as when angry he would purposely say ANYTHING to annoy the adults in charge. He got really, REALLY good at coming up with totally inappropriate responses.

Hang in there.... I must say, homeschooling is MUCH less stressful.

Re: ( ) Any idea? Every time my cell rings for past 2 weeks, it has been the school!

My Aspie son went through the same thing around the same age. He is now 13.When working with his therapist, we took the angle for how would you feel if someone did that to you? At first, he did not understand that statement. Through repetition, he began to understand. We also developed a buzz phrase"Hands to yourself". Did I have to say this at least 1000 times to remind him? Of course, but he has not forgotten it and it has become one of his "rules" that he can tell you about. I am large breasted so I do understand where this teacher is coming from.Once he learns, he won't forget. My son every once in awhile still tries, but now he has learned to stop himself. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.Janice in WisconsinOn Oct 13, 2009, at 7:17 PM, caijiao wrote:> Please help.>> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently > touched his

large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted > strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him > by discussing "sexual harrassment" . Note that my son just started > middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious > about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental: > he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes > people, but usually arms and hair).>> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks > "Can I touch your breasts", even though he clearly knows the answer > is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for > pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent > to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often > out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her > again, while saying

"tickle tickle", and he was written up and we > had to go for morning detention.>> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female > staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the > answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one > good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today > he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to > detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have > got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me > or his grandma or his younger sisters.>> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I > wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and > invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I > have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck

in this > mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And > it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his behaviors, > making up for missed school time, and being able to finish > homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and > happy attitude...>> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the > defintion of "sexual harrassment" on internet together, we > reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this > situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can > implement?>> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are > not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last > year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the > medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your > experience with

medication?>>> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.>>>>> ------------ --------- --------- ------>>

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all responded.

We just finished our last behavior therapy session yesterday, after being told that my son was on the cuspy point and /or verge of breakthrough for the past 40 sessions :-(. My son always knows exactly what the right things to respond when he is calm (and according to himself, when his powerful brain is functioning), which always seems to make the therapist happy and encouraged.

I like the idea of offering him alternatives that he CAN touch. The school is willing to work with me on that -- so I sent various items to school as fidgets. He hasn't really touched anybody for the past two days, but he is engaging in other behaviors to get himself removed from classes a lot (thus our fight for 3 hours).

I am requesting a FBA and potentially a strict implementation of his BIP, the one that seemed to work in elementary school. I suspect most of these behaviors in the new school is attention seeking on my son's part: it works too well for him and he gets all the (bad) attention he desires; in the process, he also gets removed from classes and ends up avoiding the schoolwork.

How do you tell the school to ignore and to not reinforce his behaviors by removing him from classes? So far I am being told that "we don't tolerate inappropriate behaviors". I am beefing up for our first IEP, but really don't know how to argue for my case too strongly, given my son's behaviors and the fact that I still want to build up good working relationship with the school staff (I cannot imagine homeschooling yet).

> Please help.>> It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently > touched his

large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted > strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him > by discussing "sexual harrassment" . Note that my son just started > middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious > about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental: > he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes > people, but usually arms and hair).>> After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks > "Can I touch your breasts", even though he clearly knows the answer > is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for > pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent > to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often > out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her > again, while saying

"tickle tickle", and he was written up and we > had to go for morning detention.>> But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female > staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the > answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one > good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today > he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to > detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have > got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me > or his grandma or his younger sisters.>> There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I > wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and > invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I > have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck

in this > mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And > it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his behaviors, > making up for missed school time, and being able to finish > homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and > happy attitude...>> Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the > defintion of "sexual harrassment" on internet together, we > reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this > situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can > implement?>> My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are > not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last > year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the > medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your > experience with

medication?>>> Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.>>>>> ------------ --------- --------- ------>>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like part of the function of behaviors is to get out of the classroom.

They are definitely rewarding him and taking that " we won't tolerate

inappropriate behavior " crud isn't likely to help. We went through this with

one really terrible school. Sounds like they are clueless. Just implementing

the BIP may make a huge difference. Are you still in the same school district?

Have they contacted his elementary school? I have often received help from

previous schools that did a good job with my son when dealing with a new school.

The ones who do a good job know how people can mess up and are invested in your

kid.

Tell them that they need to study what motivates him and use that. " If you get

all your stickers today you will get... " Only it doesn't have to be stickers

since he's a little old for that. For my son if he gets all his points he gets

to read a book he likes or take a break. Use " get out of doing an assignment "

as a reward. As long as he's not harming himself, other students, or property

his inappropriate behavior should be ignored as much as possible. If they take

him out of the room he should be required to work on classwork in a very VERY

boring room. That way taking him out won't be so rewarding any more. If

they're taking him out I'm assuming he's getting 1:1 attention at that time. If

he isn't, he will need it in order to implement doing the classwork somewhere

else. How do they handle taking him from the room? What exactly do they do?

Do they put him in the hallway? Does he go to a specific room? With my son the

really bad school would say " no " to a verbal request which punished his good

verbal behavior. Then he'd go berserk and they'd reward the berserk behavior by

taking him to the room with all the sensory integration equipment and he'd get

to swing on a swing! Yeah, right. That works really well! At the much better

school we finally got him into they actually took a minute to THINK about his

verbal requests. The whole school was like this and it wasn't a special ed

thing, it was just a sort of community attitude. " Hmm, what's he asking? He's

not asking to get out of the work and what he's requesting is similar, sure why

not? " He actually won an award for some art work he did when he asked his art

teacher if he could draw " a different kind of person " instead of doing a

self-portrait. LOL. It's a very cool drawing and his teacher loved it. It

really isn't that difficult to work with these kids but when someone has a

particular mind-set they just can't grasp or refuse to even entertain a new

idea. They get in the, " bad behavior must be punished " mode and it doesn't help

anyone.

Does your son get aggressive at all? Believe it or not, it's what totally saved

my kid. I started to think, " He's advocating for himself in the only way he

knows. " Then when the special ed teacher said to me, " This behavior has to

stop! " I said, " Yes,it does, and what will you do about it? " I also said, " He

doesn't do these things with me. " To which they said, " You never make him do

anything. " HAH! I wish they could talk to my son's teachers now. I can get

him to do things they can't get him to do. I don't coerce him I just know how

to talk to him. He hates being told he's done something wrong. It is much more

effective for him to actually find his own mistake so, for example, in math if

he has a problem that is incorrect and won't fix it at school, I say, " , I'm

going to do this problem myself because I'm not sure what's going on with it. "

Then I do the problem and I can generally tell if I've gotten the right answer.

Then I say, " Hmm, , I seem to be getting a different answer, can you help

me? " BOOM he redoes the problem and says, " Ooohhh, I thought that was a

negative sign " or " Ohhh, I thought that was a 4 not a 1. " LOL. He finds the

problem and fixes it. It's just a different presentation and sometimes that's

all my kid needs. " You don't make him do anything! " HAH! They tried to tell

me he was emotionally disturbed. If that was the case they were the ones

disturbing him. Nobody else has EVER said that. They all say " He's well

adjusted " . Ummm, yeah well-adjusted and emotionally disturbed are mutually

exclusive. DUH.

Sorry, I just get so wound up thinking about how schools screw up with our kids.

Let me know if I can help. Write down a draft of all the things you might want

to say. Just say it in your own words. Then if you want to, you can send it to

me and I can try putting it in words they'll get. Stupid jerks rarely GET

normal language. Anyway, I sometimes help other friends like this and have had

some success. I wish I'd saved some examples of the before and after because I

was rather proud of them. They've all gone missing since I got a new computer.

Anyway, since you said you weren't sure what to say I thought maybe I could help

with that. If you just write down the problems and your ideas about solutions

in some sort of rough draft I may be able to help.

Miriam

>

> > Please help.

> >

> > It started two weeks ago, when my 11-year-old boy accidently

> > touched his large-breasted special ed teacher. The teacher reacted

> > strongly, by sending him to quiet time and problem solving with him

> > by discussing " sexual harrassment " . Note that my son just started

> > middle school and never had this issue before and was unconscious

> > about the sexual issues at all. So the touch was purely accidental:

> > he does like touching & fidgeting with things (and sometimes

> > people, but usually arms and hair).

> >

> > After that, he got obsessed with it. Every chance he gets, he asks

> > " Can I touch your breasts " , even though he clearly knows the answer

> > is always a loud NO. He did that to this particular teacher for

> > pretty much every day last week. Of course, quite often he was sent

> > to quiet time and problem solving for asking the question (often

> > out loud in class). And one time he actually managed to touch her

> > again, while saying " tickle tickle " , and he was written up and we

> > had to go for morning detention.

> >

> > But starting this week, he started asking pretty much every female

> > staff whether he could touch their breasts (and of course the

> > answer is No and often he ends up in quiet time again). We had one

> > good day yesterday (and he got rewarded by me of course), but today

> > he managed to touch another female teacher, and now we are going to

> > detention tomorrow morning. And throughout the two weeks, I have

> > got so many calls from school... And he has never done this with me

> > or his grandma or his younger sisters.

> >

> > There is so much I can say about how the school has handled it. I

> > wrote several long emails, and now I am calling for an IEP and

> > invited the county special ed department people. But meanwhile, I

> > have to do something about my son's behavior: he is stuck in this

> > mode and often comes home tired without ever learning anything. And

> > it's so stressful, trying to talk to him about his behaviors,

> > making up for missed school time, and being able to finish

> > homework, and still trying to make sure he loses his confidence and

> > happy attitude...

> >

> > Any idea? I tried reward and consequence, we looked up the

> > defintion of " sexual harrassment " on internet together, we

> > reasoned, we argued, and we yelled... What would you do in this

> > situation? Any behavior strategy? Any strategy the school can

> > implement?

> >

> > My son has OCD and anxiety (on top of Asperger), but so far we are

> > not yet on medication (bad experience with Prozoc and Celexa last

> > year for a short time period). I am seriously considering the

> > medication route again, but scared of trying... What is your

> > experience with medication?

> >

> >

> > Any idea or suggestion is very much appreciated.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------ --------- --------- ------

> >

> >