Re: No friends...I'm more hurt

[Guest guest]

Oh Jan......

All I can offer is,,,,,,,,I hear ya......sadly.

This is so crushing............

Hugs to you.

Robin

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

I'm brazilian ,so, sorry about my English.

My son has this Asperger and has'nt friends of the same age.he likes to talk and loves my friends. He is 18 years old and my friend is 47,

God gives the special child for who has a special heart. we must to protect and teach everibody to care and respect special people.

good look, Walkiria--- Em sáb, 22/8/09, jrushen <jrushen@...> escreveu:

De: jrushen <jrushen@...>Assunto: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurtPara: Data: Sábado, 22 de Agosto de 2009, 21:21

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

Veja quais são os assuntos do momento no + Buscados: Top 10 - Celebridades - Música - Esportes

[Guest guest]

thank you Robin...I truly think at the moment this is killing me more than him....he has been on Xbox with a friend all day...I hate him just sitting ...tomorrow maybe we can get him to the pool...but again...what fun is it without a friend? And, he has no brothers or sisters....he does have a new mobile therapist coming to the house on Monday....maybe they can talk about friendships and his anxiety about school.

thanks for the hugs ...I needed them...my stomach has been in a knot all day..

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

hi jan-

very sorry to hear this. i have gone thru this with my 12 yo aspie daughter.

it is so painful to watch. whenever there was a school outing or function, i

dreaded it because it meant i had to watch my daughter sit alone or get rejected

or completely ignored as she followed people around. my daughter started middle

school last week and i am encouraging her to try out for band and or science

club. are there any clubs at your sons school that could facilitate some

friendship opportunities?

regards, melody

>

>

> From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

> Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt

>

> Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

>

>

>  

>

> I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk

to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't

play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2

friends ...the older one just told him " I hate you " .....and my son has no idea

why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it

mainly because this kid now has no friends at all.

>

> But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not

hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the

mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed

to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend

saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my

head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed

down...he says he would have rather he told him the truth then lie.

>

> I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they

are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends.

>

> I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't

like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...

>

> I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I

think I am hurting more than my son.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you....it helps. My son was angry in the beginning but calmed down...he was more hurt that his friend didn't tell him the truth. He talked to him today and his friend said he didn't tell him because he was afraid he would be mad. My son said he would rather hear the truth....and that is what I said.

I think I am more worried that my son will "chase" away his good friend. My son is needy and I have been trying to talk to him about this...of course, he doesn't want to hear this from "mom". I think I will talk to his mobile therapist about this.

I know I tend to over-react a lot...mainly because I was hurt so badly when I was his age. I just worry as he is down to one friend that comes over and he always wants someone with him....

Thanks...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Ellen <e.c.bernard@...>Subject: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurt Date: Sunday, August 23, 2009, 10:42 AM

I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as Ithink I am hurting more than my son.Hi "J"I hear your anguish. As a public school junior high teacher, I hear similarstories and not just from the parents of children with Aspergers. Whathappened at the mall is regrettably a very common occurrence with seventhand eight graders. Rather than hurt someone's feelings because that personis excluded, a 'little white lie' is told. Perhaps his friend felt the need to exclude your son because of the pressureof his other friend's stepdad. In my experience, adolescent boys get overthings much more quickly than girls. I wouldn't take this incident as beingthe end of the friendship. Rather, an opportunity, albeit painful, for the other boy to learn that ifhas plans with someone else and isn't able to include your son, he can justsay he has other plans and your son

won't probe. How the boys learn to dothis is up to you. Do you coach your son, or, do you talk to the otherboy's parents if you two have a good relationship? I don't know but this isa part of normal adolescence and learning to be friends but not mutuallyexclusive friends is the key to your son continuing to enjoy the other boy'scompany.Good luck. Or as we say in Brasil, as we just had another Brazilian poster,'boa sorte.'E.C.Bernard__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signaturedatabase 4360 (20090823) __________The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.http://www.eset. com

[Guest guest]

So,,,,did he get to the pool?

I think your'e right....it does hurt us more. My son is the same..........he'd be just fine with the computer. He gets out there sometimes, and honestly thinks that because he's met people or been in the same place or spoke to someone,,,,that they are friends. Sad.

I keep telling myself that it's MY issue....not his. Thank God.

I think if he was as sad as I was at him not having a buddy or two,,,,it would kill me.

Hugs again.

Robin

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

Yes ...he did get to the pool....we joined Camelbeach waterpark...slides/wave pool/lazy river/surfing/ etc. it is neat...but it really has not been hot this year. But, he asked me if he should call his friend....I said yes...just to see if he wants to go to the pool...he called and he said yes...so my husband took the two boys plus his friend's sister. They were there for about 4 hours. I cleaned the whole time and was exhausted..... Of course my son invited him back to the house ...but I think he needed a break.

And, it turns out the boy up the street who said "i hate you" is back friends with my son. I guess I should thank God that my son is so loving...and forgiving....it is a good quality (although I think he can be a little too forgiving....I don't want people using him which they do tend to do). And, you are right....he doesn't seem that upset that he is not in the "in" gorup or have millions of friends...he is happy with the two he has...plus all his Xbox friends. Maybe we are from another generation ....we had friends by going to their house and hanging or talking on the phone...now he texts, AiM or play xbox with them....a whole new world....

thanks Robin....I think it is us that hurts...thanks for being here for me...I was hurting...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

Melody....my son is in the band but will not join the marching band...too geeky he says...I think a lot has to do with fear....and the same thing for clubs....they are not "cool". But deep down I think he is afraid...

The other day his TSS took him to a college football scrimage....when we got there (i had to drive them)...I asked when I should be back....my son says...you're not staying????? I told him no...it is his time with his TSS....Later his TSS told me that he kept saying...I wonder what my mom is doing???? It kind of made me feel good as he is acting "teen" like but it just kind of proves to me that he still has that fear and wants mom around.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: melkalo <mkalomiris@...>Subject: ( ) Re: No friends...I'm more hurt Date: Sunday, August 23, 2009, 10:13 AM

hi jan-very sorry to hear this. i have gone thru this with my 12 yo aspie daughter. it is so painful to watch. whenever there was a school outing or function, i dreaded it because it meant i had to watch my daughter sit alone or get rejected or completely ignored as she followed people around. my daughter started middle school last week and i am encouraging her to try out for band and or science club. are there any clubs at your sons school that could facilitate some friendship opportunities? regards, melody> > > From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>> Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt> > Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM> > > > > I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate

you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. > > But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the truth then lie.> > I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. > > I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but

he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...> > I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.>

[Guest guest]

Thanks ....your English is fine...and yes we do need to protect our special angels...it just hurts sometimes ...more for us than for them. My son just wants friends and is a good kid...he is going thru the teenage stuff....and doesn't always want me around...or can be rude to me....but I think it really is all the hormones and teen stuff.....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Walkiria Rachewsky <walemachewsky@...>Subject: Re: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 7:53 PM

I'm brazilian ,so, sorry about my English.

My son has this Asperger and has'nt friends of the same age.he likes to talk and loves my friends. He is 18 years old and my friend is 47,

God gives the special child for who has a special heart. we must to protect and teach everibody to care and respect special people.

good look, Walkiria--- Em sáb, 22/8/09, jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com> escreveu:

De: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Assunto: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurtPara: Data: Sábado, 22 de Agosto de 2009, 21:21

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

Veja quais são os assuntos do momento no + Buscados: Top 10 - Celebridades - Música - Esportes

[Guest guest]

I agree with you, my son is 6, during the summer we noticed that children wanted to play in our garden, more for the toys than to spend time with our son, one boy (8) told my son to sit still so he could show him a cool move then headbutted my poor boy in the nose. Since then we have only let 2 girls in the garden and my son seems happier that the bad boy isn't allowed anywhere near him. Children can be so cruel.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

I feel the same, my son (6) has one boy at school that he runs around the playground with, but other than that its just me, we swim together, go to the park together, everything together. It just seems so hard for him to interact that it is easier for him to play alone, if he does interact he doesn't seem to know the difference between positive and negative interaction and often goads a child into chasing him then doesn't understand why the other child is being aggressive, then I need to intervene to diffuse the situation. I've got to the stage of understanding that it is better to let him play alone than encourage him to play with others, he really is happier that way.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

lorraine...I agree with you 100%. I would never want my son to be forced to play with others but my problems is that at 14...he doesn't want to "hang" alone...he has always wanted friends...always...he will become a nag and that turns kids off...i try to explain it to him...but his brain tells him otherwise....i think he is obsessive in this area and that is hard. I think, just maybe, he might finally be getting it. he actually asked me if he should call his friend....I told him no...you called him once and now it is his turn to call you back...wait it out. I try to tell him his BF might need space or a day off from him...that may sound cruel but I put it nicely....and I truly think that may be it...my son can be so intense and so needy...that his friend really needs a day away.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

We had a horrifying experience early summer. We have these kids across from our house and two from a few houses down (who are out at 7 am knocking on your door to play). The parents don't check on these kids. Anyway, I use to let our kid play in front of our house without supervision but we had a few problems. So, my son asked to play and I went and sat out side to watch them. They started to play with our water guns and getting water from my house to go play across the street. Fine with me. My husband comes out and I told him a need to go inside and eat something. I turn my back and there. My husband see them ganging up on my son and taking his water gun away. He runs and tellls them to stop and grab the water gun from the kid. We

lecture them out friendship and go home. They continue to play. Whe sat down to watch a movie together and our door bell rings. The mother is our doorstep demanding to talk to my husband because her son said he slap him. She gets all crazy and calls the police. So you can imagine what happens. Thanks to God no charges were filed, but since then, we keep our son inside and he is a very lonely kid. We tried our best to provide some summe fun, but it is hard when you both work. So he was glad in way to go back to school today but I am concern about retaliation at school from that boy.

Ide

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, August 24, 2009 3:10:47 AMSubject: Re: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurt

I agree with you, my son is 6, during the summer we noticed that children wanted to play in our garden, more for the toys than to spend time with our son, one boy (8) told my son to sit still so he could show him a cool move then headbutted my poor boy in the nose. Since then we have only let 2 girls in the garden and my son seems happier that the bad boy isn't allowed anywhere near him. Children can be so cruel.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

That terrible, how scary for you all.

I have found my son is better in a supervised environment, so joined a gym that has a kids club, it is a bit pricey, but worth it. I get an hour working out my stress, my son gets to play with other kids in a safe environment, and his Dad who is a fulltime parent gets the house to hisself for a while. Priceless.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

Lorraine..... you and I think alike......

( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

what is a TSS? i like the idea of school clubs, because they can be structured

and you will be with people you see everyday, so friendship oppportunities

abound. my older nt daughter was similar to your son in a couple ways. she

feared being not cool and she ALWAYS had to have someone with her to do

whatever she was going to do. she wouldn't take a dance class or a summer camp

unless she had a friend in place to do these activiites with her. she did very

little thru the school until her senior year when an opportunity presented

itself and she ended up participating in an event without her friends and it

turned out to be very rewarding to her. and after that she wished she had done

more with the school. now that she is 19, she has learned how to be alone, but

prefers to have company.

my aspie daughter doesn't see differences between cool and not cool which

creates a whole set of new problems because she cannot distinguish between

" good " people and not so good people. and since i have always encouraged the

kids to not judge people based on what others say about them, but your own

experience, that takes away one information source, even if it may be

unreliable.

if your son is watching a football scrimmmage, that is a good thing. perhaps

the tss could suggest a club activity and attend with him?

regards, melody

> >

> >

> > From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

> > Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt

> >

> > Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> > I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and

talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he

doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had

2 friends ...the older one just told him " I hate you " .....and my son has no idea

why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it

mainly because this kid now has no friends at all.

> >

> > But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not

hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the

mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed

to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend

saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my

head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed

down...he says he would have rather he told him the truth then lie.

> >

> > I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality

they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real

friends.

> >

> > I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't

like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...

> >

> > I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I

think I am hurting more than my son.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I totally agree with supervision ....but sadly my son is 14 and moms and dads are no longer a welcome site..ha ha.. Luckily though my son really doesn't go over other people's houses and if he does it is usually one on one and he really only goes to one house....around the corner.

That is so scary about what that child said....when we fostered we had to be careful too...never to leave my husband home with the foster daughter...it is so sad what these children learn and learn early. I do blame the other mother....she should not have jumped to conclusions....but people tend to do this. I know if my son said this about one of my neighbors ...I would think twice and would probably go over or call my neighbor and talk about it. But if this mother lets her kids run around unsupervised, etc. etc. I can see why she did what she did...we had a family like this up the street. My son was down by the lake with the older kids (we should not have allowed this but the lake is right by our house and he could see all the kids). So we let him down there....they started teasing my son etc. and he came home crying. My husband went down and they all started mouthing off at him. This one big boy who

was 16 said a few things to my husband and my husband told him that he better watch it or he'd call the cops. Well, this 6' kid went home to his mom and told her my husband was calling the cops on him. Well, this mother jumps in her car with him and pounds on our door. She started yelling and yelling...one of those people who you can't get a word in edge wise...finally my husband told her to get off our property. I could not believe the whole situation...this mother comes running down because of what my husband said....but in the mean time her 16 year old bully son who was 6' tall hit my kid and that was okay? Does it make sense ...no. And, from then on my son was not allowed down there. And, too boot, this is the kid who found my son's cell phone on the picnic table and threw it in the lake. My son left it there around 9:30 pm and when he remembered at midnight...and we went to get it ...it was gone. They had all

left together...so either this boy knew he left it there and went back for it or swiped it off the table before they left. And, then I think who needs friends if they are going to be like that.

Thank you all ...I knew you would be here for me. And, yes, it does get lonely...and it becomes harder as they get older....they don't want to go to the pool with you or go on bike rides...it was so much easier when he was younger. This teenage stuff is hard.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) No friends...I' m more hurt Date: Saturday, August 22, 2009, 4:21 PM

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him "I hate you".....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all. But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the

truth then lie.I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...I know we talked about this before...friends. ..I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.

[Guest guest]

Wow...thank you Ellen...as I sit here crying...I feel better now that I have read your post...my son talks about hitting...but in reality I don't think he ever would....he has too many fears...he does get angry...and punched a hole in the wall ...but he has never to-date punched or pushed or hurt anyone on purpose. And, yes, I learned the hard way...boys do make up so much easier than girls....my son could have a fight with another boy and then want to call and hang with him 2 hours later...my son is very very forgiving. He has forgiven his "so called" best friend for lying to him but I think it will take this boy a little longer to forgive my son for calling him a homo...or homie as they say...but you are right...it might take this child a month...but they will reconnect. It just hurts ...me...to see the kids do this type of thing especially

since my son only wants to be with everyone...

As far as his other friend ...you were 100% correct...the boy was having a bad day and my son was being a nag...they didn't talk for 4 days but now are best bros again. They hung out today and played xbox, threw the football and went on a long long long bike ride.

I just worry (maybe too much) about him in school....but the school is aware of the situation and that he had been teased and picked on in the past (which he just finally told me)...but my son has also grown several inches this summer and is now tall...5'8" and he is only 13 1/2 ...and people have told me he is good looking...(ha ha) so maybe with his maturity and height others may not try to mess with him. Deep down he has a heart of gold and would give you the shirt off his back..

Thanks...I appreciate it ...you turned my night around...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Ellen <e.c.bernard@...>Subject: ( ) No friends...I'm more hurt Date: Sunday, August 23, 2009, 7:22 PM

Jan,I'm glad it helped. I think it is a good sign that the boys talked it outand can both learn to have other friends without angering one another.I know you describe your son as needy for companionship, and each child isdifferent, but I did take comfort in Dr. 's presentationlast year at a local school. He is the author of "Raising Cain - Protectingthe Emotional Life of Boys" and he reassured many parents that night that ifa boy has one good friend, then he will be able to navigate adolescence.I also thought about your son's other friend who said "I hate you." Hmmsometimes, at school, I have heard similar hateful things and yet seen thesame students hang out together later on.At school, I would tell the recipient of such words that perhaps the otherperson might be in a lot of pain to talk like that. Maybe transitioning backto school is stressing him out. I'd suggest

giving him some time to getpast the pain and wouldn't be surprised if with time, he comes back around. (I'd also suggest that the student try our games activity after school - itmeets once a week and the students play board games. Some play checkers,some play with their cards, others play games that include three others, butit is a school activity that appeals to students who do better one-on-one orin small groups spread out around the cafeteria.)Anyway, such hateful words don't usually end relationships for boys.Usually girls hold a grudge longer. I have only had to break up maybe fourfights in my 20+ years of teaching, but the two fights involving boyssurprised me as the boys fighting actually stayed friends a few monthslater. Wierd. The two girl fights, they never made up as far as I know.I'm glad your son has you to help him process these complicated

issues.E.C.Bernard__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signaturedatabase 4361 (20090823) __________The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.http://www.eset. com__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signaturedatabase 4361 (20090823) __________The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.http://www.eset. com__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signaturedatabase 4361 (20090823) __________The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.http://www.eset. com

[Guest guest]

This is one of the reasons I am a 4H leader.  My son is also 14 and during the last school year when the school isolated him so much and tried to make out like he was this dangerous potentially violent person who couldn't be with other kids, he was doing okay in our 4H meetings and following the behavior rules and taking himself out of the room if things got overwhelming.  He also has made some friends at the local youth center because I work there part time and sometimes he comes just like the other teens.  He has also made some senior friends because he is very interested in electronics so we stop in at the local senior center thrift store and he tests things or matches up power supplies to things for the manager and makes some friends.

 

 

It has been a real boost to him that some of the other teens at the youth center like to play Rock band with him.

 

Kathy J. 

On 8/22/09, jrushen <jrushen@...> wrote:

 

I can understand why my son plays a lot of Xbox....he can meet people and talk to them...w/out being face to face. At 14, going into 8th grade...he doesn't play with toys anymore...and it is no fun going out by yourself. He had 2 friends ...the older one just told him " I hate you " .....and my son has no idea why....My son is taking this well and doesn't seem to be too bothered by it mainly because this kid now has no friends at all.

But today he called his best friend around the corner...he said he could not hang as he had to go to work with his dad. Then as I was walking into the mall...there he was coming out with my son's past friend that he is not allowed to play with any more because the stepdad doesn't like my son. My son's friend saw me and his mouth dropped. Caught!!!!! I just looked at him ...thinking in my head...just what I thought...you lied. My son was very upset but has calmed down...he says he would have rather he told him the truth then lie.

I just worry...he has no other friends...he says he does...but in reality they are acquaintances who he may see in school but not what I call real friends. I don't like him watching tv and playing xbox all the time...but he doesn't like to read and he doesn't want to be outside by himself...

I know we talked about this before...friends...I just needed to post as I think I am hurting more than my son.