Re: Son Depresses and Me..Anger???What do I do

[Guest guest]

Roxanna and everyone...

I know I was out of control...but what really got to me was he had punched the laptop screen and it was shattered...all you could see was rainbows ....he broke the $1700.00 computer and then he threw the phone and made a hole in the closet door...I lost it...this throwing business has to stop...he has broken so many things...his original ipod, a kitchen cabinet, holes in 2 closet doors and wall...I was hoping he had learned as he was doing so well...but this threw him for a loop and I lost it.

So what do I do about his anger...we have talked and talked to him...now when I get the computer fixed...he will not get it back ..he can't use it unless he asks for it.

Any ideas for the anger for him. I am tired of broken items....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got

depressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school again

after two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when=20he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.So speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friend

oractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player.

It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling thesame. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other

boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said itwas gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function

like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Get him some boxing gloves and a punch bag, he can take out his anger without costing you money, and when things get tough you can have a bash at it too, really doing something physical does help.From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with

short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school again after two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was good

at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when=20he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.So speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friend oractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that

easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good

men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling thesame. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied

to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said itwas gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle

it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

I actually agree with you here, Lorraine.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, September 21, 2009 3:56:23 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depresses and Me..Anger???What do I do

Get him some boxing gloves and a punch bag, he can take out his anger without costing you money, and when things get tough you can have a bash at it too, really doing something physical does help.From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with

short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school again after two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was good

at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when=20he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.So speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friend oractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that

easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good

men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling thesame. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied

to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said itwas gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle

it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Jan,

I don't think you over-reacted that much at all. I know that others

did. But I would have lost my cool if I saw my computer ruined like

that. I would have yelled at my kid, you bet! I'm not a saint! lol.

I just wanted to say that when you see things escalating too far, it's

sometimes best to find ways to cool things down, even if it means our

kid gets away with something for a short time. We can work on

punishing later or dealing with the problem after things have calmed

down. But still, I would have yelled and lost my temper...then I would

have sent him to his room and sat down to cry and recoup.

Our last bout with destructive behavior was when my ds would smash his

head into the walls around the house. We still have places of repaired

wall that are not painted over and a few dings that have not been fixed

yet. Seems like our ds would get so upset and depressed, he'd just go

off and " whop " - hit the wall. We managed it by limiting his contact

with the neighbor kids because they made things worse. We also got him

started on meds to deal with depression. He's always been in social

skill classes so that was already going on. We got him a new bike - he

likes riding his bike and it burns off energy. So that is one outlet

for him. He has so few interests so this is tough.

But I guess the thing is, sometimes you can20do everything and still

struggle with these things. As parents, we don't always do the popular

thing so much as having a priority of protecting our kids first. I

like Lorraine's suggestion of putting up a boxing ball or something

like that so he can blow off steam. I've suggested these kinds of

things before but you want to give him a way to blow it off that does

not destroy the house or your stuff or his stuff. You could sit down

with him and talk about ways he could be angry and not destroy

property. Find choices that work for him - run around the block twice,

ride bike, play basketball for 20 minutes, hit a punching bag, whatever

activity is easy for him to get to and will help him blow off steam.

Puberty is so tough! When he starts melting down, you have to prompt

him to go do his choice activity if he does not go there automatically.

My ds is currently skirting the explosive behavior from time to time.

He will slam doors or shove the computer over...but so far, no head

going into walls again. lol.

Talk to the doc as well about his meds - maybe since school started up

he needs his dosages adjusted for the extra stress he has to manage

each day. Try to find activities he can do away from these kids. Swim

lessons, chess club, whatever might interest him and let him meet new

people with the same interests. I know it's not an easy solution.=2

0 My

ds has no interests at all so it's tough to find activities for him to

do. Are there other kids with AS in your area? You might connect and

share play dates if they click as friends. Since our kids are usually

behind in maturity, it might be a good match. Just some ideas...as

always, hang in there!

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so

down ...and my son is feeling the

same. He lost his BF ...to another

boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus

together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are

going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he

could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son

was on the phone when he heard the other

boy...and his BF would not

talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.

Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

My son came home yesterday and sa

id he either lost his IPOD or left it

in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from

her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his

room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer.20In the meantime, I

asked him about his IPOD and he said it

was gone. The ear phones were

in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and

stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new

one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive thing

s are going

wrong with friends in school.

I can't function

like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he

doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

Help!

jan

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much to everyone...thank you thank you...I didn't realize how depressed and overwhelmed I was ...I got an appt. with my former psycholgist and when I told him what happened ...he said "Wow, that isn't you". And it isn't. It just that things were building up and buidling up and I blew my cork off.

I know some ways to blow off steam...but this happened so quickly and so intensely. And, like your son, Roxanna, my son doesn't have too many interests either. And, he doesn't really like doing things on his own. He had been doing a lot of biking with his former b.f. ...which was GREAT...but he won't go out on his own. Luckily, he has one friend left. This friend is older but somewhat like my son....although I don't think he has AS ...he is very very shy. Well, my son went over his house (up the street) Friday night and they talked. Then the friend came over Saturday and Sunday afternoon. My husband took the 2 boys to Ruby Tuesdays and they had a good time.

I did apologize to my son but explained why I tend to be in his business...I also told him how proud of I was that even though this kid texted my son 20x on Saturday and tried to spread a rumor that was untrue so his only friend would be mad at him, my son only texted him 2 times. We finally had to call this boy's parents. Of course they had to bring something up from the past. My husband was very calm and just said the two boys were fighting and that their son texted 20x during the day. Would they please tell him to stop and to stop spreading false rumors. And, that was that. My son was happy. He wanted his dad to call this boy's parents because everytime he got a text from this kid ...he got angrier...

Well, today, MOnday, is turning out pretty good. He got up a little late 6:08 and his bus came early at 6:11...so we rushed around getting him ready..and he thanked me. He came home from school and right away started his math homework...he asked for some help and was done. He was polite and thanked me. Wow...is this the same kid?

We go to the Psychiatrist tomorrow...and I will mention this episode to them...they had lowered his dosage of Prozac from 20 to 10 mg. He is still on Geodon which does help. And, of course he adderall medicine.

Thank you all ...you mean so much to me...I will keep you posted to the medicine.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds gotdepressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with

short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school againafter two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was

good at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen20to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when=20he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.So speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friendoractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never

looks that easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player.It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of

evil is for good men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling thesame. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the otherboy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one

bit...his BF has lied to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer.20In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said itwas gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't functionlike this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle

it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Glad things are looking better today!! Don't beat yourself up. We all

lose it from time to time. Especially under so much stress at once. I

know I would have burst in your situation.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Son Depresses and Me..Anger???What do I

do

nk you so much to everyone...thank you thank you...I didn't realize how

depressed and overwhelmed I was ...I got an appt. with my former

psycholgist and when I told him what happened ...he said " Wow, that

isn't you " .  And it isn't.  It just that things were building up and

buidling up and I blew my cork off.

 

I know some ways to blow off steam...but this happened so quickly and

so intensely.  And, like your son, Roxanna, my son doesn't have too

many interests either.  And, he doesn't really like doing things on his

own.  He had been doing a lot of biking with his former b.f. ...which

was GREAT...but he won't go out on his own.  Luckily, he has one friend

left.  This friend is older but somewhat like my son....although I

don't think he has AS ...he is very very shy.  Well, my son went over

his house (up the street) Friday=2

0night and they talked. Then the friend

came over Saturday and Sunday afternoon.  My husband took the 2 boys to

Ruby Tuesdays and they had a good time.

 

I did apologize to my son but explained why I tend to be in his

business...I also told him how proud of I was that even though this kid

texted my son 20x on Saturday and tried to spread a rumor that was

untrue so his only friend would be mad at him, my son only texted him 2

times.  We finally had to call this boy's parents.  Of course they had

to bring something up from the past.  My husband was very calm and just

said the two boys were fighting and that their son texted 20x during

the day.  Would they please tell him to stop and to stop spreading

false rumors.  And, that was that.  My son was happy.  He wanted his

dad to call this boy's parents because everytime he got a text from

this kid ...he got angrier...

 

Well, today, MOnday, is turning out pretty good.  He got up a little

late 6:08 and his bus came early at 6:11...so we rushed around getting

him ready..and he thanked me.  He came home from school and right away

started his math homework...he asked for some help and was done.  He

was polite and thanked me.  Wow...is this the same kid?

 

We go to the Psychiatrist tomorrow...and I will mention this episode to

=0

Athem...they had lowered his dosage of Prozac from 20 to 10 mg.  He is

still on Geodon which does help. And, of course he adderall medicine.

 

Thank you all ...you mean so much to me...I will keep you posted to the

medicine.

 

jan