Guest guest Posted October 19, 2010 Report Share Posted October 19, 2010 Hugs your way! I hope things start looking up for you. Please be gentle to yourself. Your son is lucky to have you. Best Wishes, Becky From: Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Tue, October 19, 2010 9:01:48 PMSubject: ( ) Sad night My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his sensitivity and anger issues from me. What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very blessed. Thanks for listening. Ide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2010 Report Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'd recommend asking the martial arts instructor if they could watch your son to make sure that he isn't losing control. If he is then they should tell him " I think that you need to take a break right now and get in control. " Not sure if the instructor would be willing to do it but it would help. After the class you could talk with your son about why he thought he needed to take a break. This would help him learn to monitor himself. Caroline > > My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so > helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type > of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was > told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about > himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a > sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his > sensitivity and anger issues from me. > > What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to > recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. > Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. > > I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very > blessed. > > Thanks for listening. > > Ide > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2010 Report Share Posted October 19, 2010 Take one day at a time. Tomorrow will be a better day. I've read the ASPIE mature socially about 2/3 their age. So when he's 30 he'll be alright by then for sure. Every case is different but if that yardstick were to hold true he probably has the emotional control of an 8 year old. I'd just tell him that it will get better. Then remind him of the tourtiose and the hair From: Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...>Subject: ( ) Sad nightAspergers Treatment Date: Tuesday, October 19, 2010, 11:01 PM My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his sensitivity and anger issues from me. What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very blessed. Thanks for listening. Ide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2010 Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 It's hard to watch them go through this type of thing, I know. Getting him to recognize his emotions is a challenge and there seems to be some disconnect for our kids. Do YOU recognize the signs he's getting angry in him? Perhaps you could offer him what signs to look for based on what you know? Then you have to be able to offer him some calming strategies. He's probably at the age where he's embarrassed to stand out with his peers, but maybe you can give him things to do when no one will see him and then things to do when people will see him? They will be specific to what works for your kid. Some easy ones: squishy balls, wall push ups, chair push ups. Wish I had better ones, maybe others will? Would he allow you to roll play on how to use the techniques while in the midst of being angry? It could help to let him visualize what it'll look like when he needs to do it. However, it IS hard to turn them around WHEN they are in the heat of being angry. You want to diffuse it BEFORE their anger gets the best of them. (It might be helpful to find out exactly what happened at that class so you can piece together what the actual trigger was for your son to show him what to do the next time by role playing.) Also, may be worth a try is for YOU to talk about a positive way in which you've handled a stressful situation. Tell him what you did to cope with the problem. Keep it positive and have a hopefully irl situation to pull from for him. Hugs, On Tue, Oct 19, 2010 at 11:01 PM, Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...> wrote: My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his sensitivity and anger issues from me. What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very blessed. Thanks for listening. Ide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2010 Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 There is a really great book called The Incredible Five Point Scale by Kari Dunn Buron that helps children understand and control their emotional reactions. My son has worked on this with his teachers and social worker at school but it's easy to do at home too. Basically our kids go from 1 (which is calm) to 5 (which is out of control). There is no middle for them. Use the workbook to help your child identify how he feels when he is at a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. The goal is to work with your child to identify when he is reaching a 3 so he can remove himself or use a calming strategy. My son used to have frustration issues in class and lose control. But now he is real good at recognizing when he needs a break to cool down. The book is a life saver. It's also good not just for frustration but any emotional reaction like anxieties or panic too. --Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2010 Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 Ide, Are you and your son getting any counselling and/or medication? My son (14) was having angry outbursts over very small things. We changed his medication and the response was immediate. He recognises that he was on edge, anxious and not very nice to live with. Life is looking up. It is not always such a simple thing and I took years to accept that he needed any meds, so stick with it, find a good team of doctors/professionals and keep working with him. Our kids are worth the effort. > > My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so > helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type > of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was > told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about > himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a > sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his > sensitivity and anger issues from me. > > What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to > recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. > Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. > > I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very > blessed. > > Thanks for listening. > > Ide > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2010 Report Share Posted October 20, 2010 You are absolutley right. I know this. I've seen it. But, he's struggles affect me so much and sometimes I think if I have the strenght to cope and survive this and all the other stressful things in my life. Ide From: "Southard Engineering, Inc." <southardengineering@...> Sent: Tue, October 19, 2010 11:42:34 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Sad night Take one day at a time. Tomorrow will be a better day. I've read the ASPIE mature socially about 2/3 their age. So when he's 30 he'll be alright by then for sure. Every case is different but if that yardstick were to hold true he probably has the emotional control of an 8 year old. I'd just tell him that it will get better. Then remind him of the tourtiose and the hair From: Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...>Subject: ( ) Sad nightAspergers Treatment Date: Tuesday, October 19, 2010, 11:01 PM My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some type of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that. I know he gets his sensitivity and anger issues from me. What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very blessed. Thanks for listening. Ide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2010 Report Share Posted October 21, 2010 He was on Metadate for the past few months. Now he is on Wellbutrin. I have yet to see if he maintains his focus, but he is so much happier. Kylie > > > > My 12 yr son came home devastated from his martial arts class. I feel so > > helpless and guilty when these things happen. He was participating in some > >type > > > > of game and he lost. He got mad and had a fit. At least he did do was he was > > > told and when into the other room but he came home crying and upset about > > himself for loosing his temper and why he does that. I told him he was a > > sensitive person and he said why he had to be like that.  I know he gets his > > sensitivity and anger issues from me. > > > > What can I do to help him? He forgets to count or do any of the strategies to > > > recognize he is getting angry and then how to manage himself once he is there. > > > > Life sucks right now. I am having a tough time with depression. > > > > I'm tired of some many things and then I feel guilty because I have been very > > blessed. > > > > Thanks for listening. > > > > Ide > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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