Re: outbursts, hitting me and police

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started to throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These things are NOT acceptable! No way, no how.

The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go to the movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.

I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting you. What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there and take it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how to do restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one time.

He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me because whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually what he throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.

I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use her words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of plan of action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case he was so out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will come in and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him under control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.

My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You cannot let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone else has some more concrete advice for you.

Good luck dear.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much Melody for your post. I loved how you

talked to your daughter about incidents without triggering

her. And how you enlisted her in problem solving.

Even if it doesn't change my daughter's behavior I think

it would be a very healing process for me.

My daughter is only on 50 mg of zoloft so another step

is try to get her to take a bigger dose which

she is very resistent to do.

I really appreciate all your advice. I am really

glad you responded to me. You gave me some very

good suggestions.

thank you again and I am glad to hear your daughter

is being helped by medication. I remember you writing

about this in the past.

Thanks so much. Have a Happy New Year.

Pam

>

> Hi pam:

>

> I felt great sympathy while reading your post. You have much to handle and

> you handle it all by yourself. And although I can offer no suggestions for

> your very difficult situation, I understand it. once my daughter begins

> reacting, anything and everything I do would only inflame the situation. My

> daughters biggest trigger is the feeling of losing control over her life.

> Prozac has helped a lot but there still is a few flair ups.

>

>

>

> What has your psych suggested? I am put off by your doctors lack of

> compassion for you. Have you ever enlisted your daughters help in working

> thru the situation. While my daughter was in a calm state of mind we talked

> it over-I tried really hard to not place blame or make either one of us

> alone as the problem, just that together we need to work on our

> understanding about what happens(she too twists the truth so I had to be

> extra careful here) and what would a good solution might be. I also

> explained to her that if we could not come up with a workable solution, if I

> could not feel safe, that my only recourse would be for her to spend time in

> a different home or institution. We agreed to using a " safe word " that she

> or I could use when we didn't know what else to do. for example, if I say

> the safe word, she is suppose to understand that I love her very much but I

> am stuck and need time to think or cool down which in turn gives her time to

> think or cool down. I have only used it a few times and she recognized and

> honor our pact, mostly Prozac has taken these intense times away.

>

>

>

> Hoping you get additional support that you need. do you have time to spend

> for yourself? time where you do things that you enjoy, that brings you

> pleasure? I have spent the last 20 years reading books about parenting,

> marriage, aspergers, and anxiety. Recently however, I read the twilight

> series and rediscovered books as a place I can escape. I especially enjoy

> reading while listening to my ipod.

>

>

>

> Warmest regards, melody

>

[Guest guest]

I disagree with the psychiatrist. Even if these outbursts were just

once a year, once a year would be enough for me to manage! We used to

have similar problems when my oldest ds was a toddler. Of course, it

doesn't look as conspicuous when it's a toddler throwing a tantrum,

however, he would throw a mega size, out of control, head banging

tantrum. So people would notice, stare, offer advice, scream at me for

it, etc. And I remember the feeling that I wish I could fall into a

big hole and hide forever. Once I got him managed and into a car seat,

I would cry myself all the way home and be so depressed at not being

able to do even simple things like go to the store without a major life

upset.

Anyway, some ideas for you that you may or may not have tried: First,

I would not call the police. They have no clue. And further, they are

making things worse by reinforcing her tantrum behavior and telling you

to give her what she wants. She is just going to start seeing that she

is right to do these things because even the police agree with her.

Obviously, if she is hurting you and refuses to move on, you may have

to call for help but it would be a last resort for me.

I would start paying attention to her behavior right before she is

doing these things. You wrote that a lot of times, this is a reaction

to a build up of stress. You should figure out what that looks like

for her - what things does she do when she is building up that stress?

My own ds would have signs that I learned to recognize - his cheeks

would get red, he would get hyper, sweaty, and goofy loud behavior -

things like that. I could predict when he was heading for a big

meltdown and I learned to cut things short to avoid having a meltdown

in the middle of the store or another public place. I would literally

leave a cartload of stuff sitting there if necessary. I tried to plan

in advance, not do too much per day, not be too long in one place and I

learned to find fidgets to keep him occupied, which often helped.

This was all before I knew anything about sensory integration. You can

do a similar kind of thing by learning her signs - you may already know

them! If she is building up and still wants to go to an event, you

will need to de-stress her somehow. Jumping on a trampoline, going for

a walk, reading a book, a hot shower or bath, food...whatever kind of

activity(ies) work to help her calm down a few notches. Make a list of

them, ask her which one she wants to do, etc. Because she is older,

you can start talking to her about how she is feeling and make

observations for her until she learns to pay attention to her own

behaviors and feelings (i.e. " I see you are slapping your hands

together a lot. That usually means you are upset

(stressed/angry/whatever). What can we do to help you calm down before

we go to the mall? Pick one thing from your toolbox. Toolbox first,

mall second " ) well, something along those lines...and you know her

best - do what might work.

So I would limit her activities to what she can handle each day or week

without losing control. I would also watch her " stress meter " and help

her learn ways to de-stress. If you are out and she starts yelling and

tantruming, just do your best to get her into your car and out of there

asap.

Also, I would try not to tell her " no " directly, at least not when she

is out in the open, public places, etc. I would instead hedge. Like,

she wants something that cost more than you can afford then I would

say, " Well, that is a lot of money...how many hours would you have to

work to make that much money? " or " That's so much money, I don't know

if I have enough in my bank to pay for it. I will check when I get

home. " My own middle ds responds fairly well to more logical replies

but if I say " no " , he is apt to start yelling how unfair life is and

how I hate him. But if I say, " I don't know if that is a good idea,

let me talk to you dad... " or some sort of " let me think it over " kind

of reply, he accepts it and let's me. Then later, I can say, " I can't

afford that right now... " or " That seems like a dangerous toy, let's

look at it again when you are older. " or whatever. You can get rather

creative in replying to things. I say things like, " That DOES look

good...maybe we'll get one when we leave the store... " and by then,

he's forgotten or gotten on to a new subject...or heck, sometimes we do

get that special thing...Intermittent reward is always good.

I would ask to try a different med just because these events are major

problems. She needs to learn to cope. If she is building up that much

to where she is hurting you, it's too much. And that means the zoloft

isn't doing enough, IMO. I'm not the doctor and I don't know her other

medical conditions. So you have to weigh everything. But seems to me

that the zoloft isn't helping enough and I would want to try something

else. I know with my ds, meds were key in helping him change his

tantrums. It seemed to me that going through problems in a more

" normal " way, helped him learn how to behave. Later, when he stopped

taking meds, his problems coping did not come charging back at all - he

had learned how to deal with things better. She is not learning how to

deal with this and I think each time it happens, it reinforces the bad

behavior. Especially if she gets what she wants. I doubt taking away

computer time later is related to her losing control - I mean, I don't

think she probably relates one to the other. Mine don't do that. It

has to be instant, especially if she is so emotional that she loses

control. And I wonder how often you give in to her because you are

just too tired to deal with having her turn it into a tantrum? I know

I did that a lot!! It's so hard to deal with the constant threat of

having your child tantrum like that. So you may be helping her avoid

more tantrums just by altering your own behavior but that really is not

helping the situation either - further proving that the med isn't doing

enough to help.

Well, I hope something works for you soon! I hope your dh is back home

from the hospital. That is sure tough!

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) outbursts, hitting me and police

Would you be willing to help me figure out how to cope with

a AS child hitting me (mom) in public. Our behaviorist wants me

to rehearse proper behavior with her. And we are.

If she is hitting me than I am to take away a portion of her computer

time and leave the event. A few times when I leave events she is so

disruptive the police is called by someone.

Each time the police try to smooth things over and and then

want me to take her where she wants to go.

These BAD events don't happen too often maybe 3 times a year.

And this is the reason the psychiatrist is hesitate to

use a drug like rispedal or abilify. She is on zoloft.

And it has helped a lot.

This event was she was with her cousin prior and was jealous

her cousin got something she now wanted. It was an unreasonable

request to go buy this $200 item on the way to go to the movies to

met her cousins. But outbursts are triggered by other non social

events.It seems to be a build up of stress.

Because she was so angry and hitting me I would not

take her into the movies as planned. When I tried to move

the car she opened the door. I told her to take a time out

and I would take her in but she was too agitated to do this

either.

When she was in the car she climbed into the front seat and was hitting

me, trying to get my purse and I tried to

push her away, out of my seat. But she said I was pushing

her out of the car. I was thinking this is crazy how she

twists the facts. I better not touch her at all. When I just

hunched over my purse she was hitting me in the head. She denies

hitting me at all. All she would admit to was trying to get my

purse.

The police came and they tried to smooth things over. They

told me to take her to the movies. They calmed her done

by agreeing with her that she deserved the movies. I know

the behaviorist would never have told me to do either

(go to the movies after hitting me or tell her she derseves

the movie because it was planned). When we went into the

movies she could see I was upset and didn't ask for

anything. She sat by her cousins and we left calmly.

She lost some computer time for all this. But earned some

by eating dinner and taking her shower. This is the plan

and I kept too it. When I tried to talk to her about it

she pushed me back again so I didn't anymore.

Some AS kids are on rispedal or abilify for agressive behaviors

but her pyschiatrist wants to hold off if possible so it does

trigger other issues for her. She has many health issues.

At home I just lock myself in a room until she calms down.

In public it is harder to distance myself because she chases

after me. If I stand there and take the punches I feel

depressed and want to leave I am so shamed by this behavior.

But leaving is what triggers her further.

She is not aggressive at school. She has at times

run away from a classroom but stayed in the building.

My husband has many health issues himself with diabetes.

And was in the hospital again (4th time this year) at Christmas.

He is not available to help with this.

I was hoping that as parents you could share how you would

handle this issue.

I considered should I call the police when she hits me

right away but this seems excessive and there really needs

to be a better solution long term. If when she starts

hitting and I say " lets talk about what you

want " ..she would still be too angry to talk. I think the

physical hitting me and wrestling with me is a release

of stress build up she needs. Once I ran down the street

and she chased me and when she was worn out she was better.

This is the craziest thing ever. I can't be having her

punch me and running away from her is very wierd and exhausting

too.

A mood stablizer is perhaps what she will need at some

point if this continues.

What do I do now though to cope.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Roxanna thanks for all the insight in helping me think thru this.

I am going to print this response and consider all your

points.

I really appreciate you and the group's support.

I do feel stuck in an ineffective response to these outbursts.

Reading your response back about how calling the police

only strenghtens her feeling she is right, is so true.

I am so cautious with medication. The doctors are also

so cautious. But she complains how lonely she is so

if I try just to cut back on activities as a solution

it creates more isolation. I am going to have to try

increasing zoloft as the doctor recommended and if it doesn't

work try something else like the rispedal or abilify.

I can't thank you enough for all these ideas and I am going

to read them over again.

Happy New Year!

Pam

>

> I disagree with the psychiatrist. Even if these outbursts were just

> once a year, once a year would be enough for me to manage! We used to

> have similar problems when my oldest ds was a toddler. Of course, it

> doesn't look as conspicuous when it's a toddler throwing a tantrum,

> however, he would throw a mega size, out of control, head banging

> tantrum. So people would notice, stare, offer advice, scream at me for

> it, etc. And I remember the feeling that I wish I could fall into a

> big hole and hide forever. Once I got him managed and into a car seat,

> I would cry myself all the way home and be so depressed at not being

> able to do even simple things like go to the store without a major life

> upset.

>

> Anyway, some ideas for you that you may or may not have tried: First,

> I would not call the police. They have no clue. And further, they are

> making things worse by reinforcing her tantrum behavior and telling you

> to give her what she wants. She is just going to start seeing that she

> is right to do these things because even the police agree with her.

> Obviously, if she is hurting you and refuses to move on, you may have

> to call for help but it would be a last resort for me.

>

> I would start paying attention to her behavior right before she is

> doing these things. You wrote that a lot of times, this is a reaction

> to a build up of stress. You should figure out what that looks like

> for her - what things does she do when she is building up that stress?

> My own ds would have signs that I learned to recognize - his cheeks

> would get red, he would get hyper, sweaty, and goofy loud behavior -

> things like that. I could predict when he was heading for a big

> meltdown and I learned to cut things short to avoid having a meltdown

> in the middle of the store or another public place. I would literally

> leave a cartload of stuff sitting there if necessary. I tried to plan

> in advance, not do too much per day, not be too long in one place and I

> learned to find fidgets to keep him occupied, which often helped.

>

> This was all before I knew anything about sensory integration. You can

> do a similar kind of thing by learning her signs - you may already know

> them! If she is building up and still wants to go to an event, you

> will need to de-stress her somehow. Jumping on a trampoline, going for

> a walk, reading a book, a hot shower or bath, food...whatever kind of

> activity(ies) work to help her calm down a few notches. Make a list of

> them, ask her which one she wants to do, etc. Because she is older,

> you can start talking to her about how she is feeling and make

> observations for her until she learns to pay attention to her own

> behaviors and feelings (i.e. " I see you are slapping your hands

> together a lot. That usually means you are upset

> (stressed/angry/whatever). What can we do to help you calm down before

> we go to the mall? Pick one thing from your toolbox. Toolbox first,

> mall second " ) well, something along those lines...and you know her

> best - do what might work.

>

> So I would limit her activities to what she can handle each day or week

> without losing control. I would also watch her " stress meter " and help

> her learn ways to de-stress. If you are out and she starts yelling and

> tantruming, just do your best to get her into your car and out of there

> asap.

>

> Also, I would try not to tell her " no " directly, at least not when she

> is out in the open, public places, etc. I would instead hedge. Like,

> she wants something that cost more than you can afford then I would

> say, " Well, that is a lot of money...how many hours would you have to

> work to make that much money? " or " That's so much money, I don't know

> if I have enough in my bank to pay for it. I will check when I get

> home. " My own middle ds responds fairly well to more logical replies

> but if I say " no " , he is apt to start yelling how unfair life is and

> how I hate him. But if I say, " I don't know if that is a good idea,

> let me talk to you dad... " or some sort of " let me think it over " kind

> of reply, he accepts it and let's me. Then later, I can say, " I can't

> afford that right now... " or " That seems like a dangerous toy, let's

> look at it again when you are older. " or whatever. You can get rather

> creative in replying to things. I say things like, " That DOES look

> good...maybe we'll get one when we leave the store... " and by then,

> he's forgotten or gotten on to a new subject...or heck, sometimes we do

> get that special thing...Intermittent reward is always good.

>

> I would ask to try a different med just because these events are major

> problems. She needs to learn to cope. If she is building up that much

> to where she is hurting you, it's too much. And that means the zoloft

> isn't doing enough, IMO. I'm not the doctor and I don't know her other

> medical conditions. So you have to weigh everything. But seems to me

> that the zoloft isn't helping enough and I would want to try something

> else. I know with my ds, meds were key in helping him change his

> tantrums. It seemed to me that going through problems in a more

> " normal " way, helped him learn how to behave. Later, when he stopped

> taking meds, his problems coping did not come charging back at all - he

> had learned how to deal with things better. She is not learning how to

> deal with this and I think each time it happens, it reinforces the bad

> behavior. Especially if she gets what she wants. I doubt taking away

> computer time later is related to her losing control - I mean, I don't

> think she probably relates one to the other. Mine don't do that. It

> has to be instant, especially if she is so emotional that she loses

> control. And I wonder how often you give in to her because you are

> just too tired to deal with having her turn it into a tantrum? I know

> I did that a lot!! It's so hard to deal with the constant threat of

> having your child tantrum like that. So you may be helping her avoid

> more tantrums just by altering your own behavior but that really is not

> helping the situation either - further proving that the med isn't doing

> enough to help.

>

> Well, I hope something works for you soon! I hope your dh is back home

> from the hospital. That is sure tough!

>

>

> Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

> nothing. " E. Burke

>

> ( ) outbursts, hitting me and police

>

>

>

>

>

> Would you be willing to help me figure out how to cope with

> a AS child hitting me (mom) in public. Our behaviorist wants me

> to rehearse proper behavior with her. And we are.

> If she is hitting me than I am to take away a portion of her computer

> time and leave the event. A few times when I leave events she is so

> disruptive the police is called by someone.

>

> Each time the police try to smooth things over and and then

> want me to take her where she wants to go.

>

> These BAD events don't happen too often maybe 3 times a year.

> And this is the reason the psychiatrist is hesitate to

> use a drug like rispedal or abilify. She is on zoloft.

> And it has helped a lot.

>

> This event was she was with her cousin prior and was jealous

> her cousin got something she now wanted. It was an unreasonable

> request to go buy this $200 item on the way to go to the movies to

> met her cousins. But outbursts are triggered by other non social

> events.It seems to be a build up of stress.

>

> Because she was so angry and hitting me I would not

> take her into the movies as planned. When I tried to move

> the car she opened the door. I told her to take a time out

> and I would take her in but she was too agitated to do this

> either.

>

> When she was in the car she climbed into the front seat and was hitting

> me, trying to get my purse and I tried to

> push her away, out of my seat. But she said I was pushing

> her out of the car. I was thinking this is crazy how she

> twists the facts. I better not touch her at all. When I just

> hunched over my purse she was hitting me in the head. She denies

> hitting me at all. All she would admit to was trying to get my

> purse.

>

> The police came and they tried to smooth things over. They

> told me to take her to the movies. They calmed her done

> by agreeing with her that she deserved the movies. I know

> the behaviorist would never have told me to do either

> (go to the movies after hitting me or tell her she derseves

> the movie because it was planned). When we went into the

> movies she could see I was upset and didn't ask for

> anything. She sat by her cousins and we left calmly.

> She lost some computer time for all this. But earned some

> by eating dinner and taking her shower. This is the plan

> and I kept too it. When I tried to talk to her about it

> she pushed me back again so I didn't anymore.

>

> Some AS kids are on rispedal or abilify for agressive behaviors

> but her pyschiatrist wants to hold off if possible so it does

> trigger other issues for her. She has many health issues.

>

> At home I just lock myself in a room until she calms down.

>

> In public it is harder to distance myself because she chases

> after me. If I stand there and take the punches I feel

> depressed and want to leave I am so shamed by this behavior.

> But leaving is what triggers her further.

>

> She is not aggressive at school. She has at times

> run away from a classroom but stayed in the building.

> My husband has many health issues himself with diabetes.

> And was in the hospital again (4th time this year) at Christmas.

> He is not available to help with this.

>

> I was hoping that as parents you could share how you would

> handle this issue.

>

> I considered should I call the police when she hits me

> right away but this seems excessive and there really needs

> to be a better solution long term. If when she starts

> hitting and I say " lets talk about what you

> want " ..she would still be too angry to talk. I think the

> physical hitting me and wrestling with me is a release

> of stress build up she needs. Once I ran down the street

> and she chased me and when she was worn out she was better.

>

> This is the craziest thing ever. I can't be having her

> punch me and running away from her is very wierd and exhausting

> too.

>

> A mood stablizer is perhaps what she will need at some

> point if this continues.

>

> What do I do now though to cope.

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your response and others. It is helping me

think thru other solutions. Because I am struck.

A psychiatrist at an Asperger conference talked about using

a medication like xanax for out of control behaviors

that don't occur often. Maybe I need to see this doctor.

When I think back at the incidents I have had with her

in the last few years they are few but they are extremely bad.

I took her to an amusement park one time and we left early

by 3pm. And she was very calm. I stopped at a quiet place to eat. In the

restuarant she was kicking me and I realized we better

leave that she was in overloaded even though she didn't look it

at all. In the car she was outraged. She didn't want to

go back in but didn't like that the plan changed. She

was pulling my hair and punching me. It was crazy. And it went

on for about 45 minutes. When she wore herself out I was

able to drive.

It was very scary to see her like this and after she acts like

nothing happened. She doesn't seem at all scared by her behavior

she denies it ever happened. She is calm and happy. I am

upset and feel shamed and feel scared.

Pretty much she is not hitting me or punching me in the house

anymore. It is happening out of the house when something

novel happens that is unexpected. She gets frustrated

and then has no good distraction like she does at home

and sets into me physically.

It has been so helpful reading your response. Thank you

very much!

Happy New Year!

Pam

>

> I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started to

> throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These things

are

> NOT acceptable! No way, no how.

>

> The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go to the

> movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.

>

> I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting you.

> What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there and take

> it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how to do

> restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one time.

>

> He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me because

> whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually what he

> throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.

>

> I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use her

> words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of plan of

> action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case he was

so

> out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will come in

> and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him under

> control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.

>

> My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You cannot

> let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone else

> has some more concrete advice for you.

>

> Good luck dear.

>

> Laurie

>

[Guest guest]

Have you ever read the book, " Asperger Syndrome And Difficult Moments:

Practical Solutions For Tantrums, Rage And Meltdowns

Myles (Author), Jack Southwick (Author) ? If you haven't,

I highly recommend doing so! I got a copy from the library recently

and had to take a break from reading, but I found it interesting so

far. Especially how you say she forgets she even was going this stuff

afterward - they discussed these same problems in this book.

I think having xanax for times when one is losing it is a great idea.

But would she stop and take the pill before she exploded? That would

be the only question. If you could get her to take it as she was

losing control, then it might really help. My dh was stressing out for

a while and he would take ativan for the same thing - when he was

beyond stressing, it would really help him calm down so he could cope

through things.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) outbursts, hitting me and police

Thanks so much for your response and others. It is helping me

think thru other solutions. Because I am struck.

A psychiatrist at an Asperger conference talked about using

a medication like xanax for out of control behaviors

that don't occur often. Maybe I need to see this doctor.

When I think back at the incidents I have had with her

in the last few years they are few but they are extremely bad.

I took her to an amusement park one time and we left early

by 3pm. And she was very calm. I stopped at a quiet place to eat. In

the restuarant she was kicking me and I realized we better

leave that she was in overloaded even though she didn't look it

at all. In the car she was outraged. She didn't want to

go back in but didn't like that the plan changed. She

was pulling my hair and punching me. It was crazy. And it went

on for about 45 minutes. When she wore herself out I was

able to drive.

It was very scary to see her like this and after she acts like

nothing happened. She doesn't seem at all scared by her behavior

she denies it ever happened. She is calm and happy. I am

upset and feel shamed and feel scared.

Pretty much she is not hitting me or punching me in the house

anymore. It is happening out of the house when something

novel happens that is unexpected. She gets frustrated

and then has no good distraction like she does at home

and sets into me physically.

It has been so helpful reading your response. Thank you

very much!

Happy New Year!

Pam

>

> I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started

to

> throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These

things are

> NOT acceptable! No way, no how.

>

> The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go

to the

> movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.

>

> I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting

you.

> What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there

and take

> it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how

to do

> restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one

time.

>

> He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me

because

> whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually

what he

> throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.

>

> I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use

her

> words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of

plan of

> action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case

he was so

> out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will

come in

> and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him

under

> control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.

>

> My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You

cannot

> let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone

else

> has some more concrete advice for you.

>

> Good luck dear.

>

> Laurie

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much Roxanna. I will get the book. I am not sure

as you have said that she would calm down to take

the medication. That would be tricky. I could use it for doctor

or dentist appointment's where there is a very predictable outburst.

But for other times when there is a stress build up at

an unpredictable time it would probably too late to try and

stop it with a medication.

Thanks so much for recommending this book. It sounds good.

Happy New Year!!!

Pam

> >

> > I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started

> to

> > throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These

> things are

> > NOT acceptable! No way, no how.

> >

> > The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go

> to the

> > movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.

> >

> > I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting

> you.

> > What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there

> and take

> > it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how

> to do

> > restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one

> time.

> >

> > He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me

> because

> > whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually

> what he

> > throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.

> >

> > I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use

> her

> > words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of

> plan of

> > action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case

> he was so

> > out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will

> come in

> > and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him

> under

> > control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.

> >

> > My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You

> cannot

> > let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone

> else

> > has some more concrete advice for you.

> >

> > Good luck dear.

> >

> > Laurie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I apologize for not keeping up with this conversation, so if this has already been suggested, please forgive me.When my son was 11 years old, he was completely out of control. We had to restrain him by laying on top of him and holding down his hands and legs. We couldn't go anywhere or do anything, and he couldn't attend school without me going with him. Medication didn't help. I found a life-changing and life-saving book, called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, and started implementing his recommendations. Some things calmed down almost immediately, others took longer. However, fast-forward 8 years, and my son, now 19, is a calm, flexible, problem-solver, who thinks about other people's needs as well as his own, and is able to go with the flow.I highly recommend this book. I feel so strongly about it that I began teaching parenting classes based in part on it about two years ago, with huge success. Families lives are changed by using this method, and children actually learn skills, all while meltdowns are dramatically decreased. Dr. Greene is now bringing his method to live-in facilities across the country with marked success. Please do yourself a favor and buy the book, and put it into practice. His third edition is out soon, later this month. I'll be teaching the classes via telephone starting later this month, however, I simply used the book to implement the method all those years ago, so I'm not saying classes are necessary.Sarawww.aspergersupport.com > >> > I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started to > > throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These things are > > NOT acceptable! No way, no how. > > > > The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go to the > > movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have. > > > > I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting you. > > What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there and take > > it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how to do > > restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one time. > > > > He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me because > > whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually what he > > throws are his toys so he doesn't want that. > > > > I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use her > > words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of plan of > > action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case he was so > > out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will come in > > and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him under > > control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it. > > > > My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You cannot > > let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone else > > has some more concrete advice for you.> > > > Good luck dear.> > > > Laurie> >>

[Guest guest]

Another excellent book is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. His Collaborative Problem Solving method works with everyone, even adults. It has the added advantage of actually helping our kids become flexible thinkers, who can take the needs of others into consideration. I've taught classes using his method for two years, and am just starting a telephone class series at the end of this month. I highly recommend reading the book and implementing his methods - it's truly life-changing.Sarawww.aspergersupport.com > > >> > > I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started > > to> > > throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These > > things are> > > NOT acceptable! No way, no how.> > >> > > The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go > > to the> > > movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.> > >> > > I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting > > you.> > > What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there > > and take> > > it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught how > > to do> > > restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one > > time.> > >> > > He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me > > because> > > whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage. Usually > > what he> > > throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.> > >> > > I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use > > her> > > words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of > > plan of> > > action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in case > > he was so> > > out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will > > come in> > > and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him > > under> > > control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.> > >> > > My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You > > cannot> > > let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone > > else> > > has some more concrete advice for you.> > >> > > Good luck dear.> > >> > > Laurie> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for writing. Perhaps I do have to implement

some of these strategies when my daughter is locked in and

aggressive about an idea. Because when she has a meltdown

it is so bad.

The problem I have is that my daughter is so controlling

that we put in place a behavior plan with the help of Yale

University. And it works well provide she is in our very structured

setting or at school and life is predictable.

But like this weekend she was over her cousin's for a

sleepover (my husband had surgery) which is never good and she

wanted a laptap computer RIGHT NOW!!! It was not a reasonable

request. We have family computers and laptops and she earns

assess to them. Stuff like this happens about once or twice a month. Stuff I

can't control. She sees that her cousins are buying

all organic foods and she is on a mission that I have to too

(that is perhaps easiler to do, but with monthly therapy costing me over $400

extra I am trying to keep foods healthy and economical).

I am not sure how I use Dr. Greene's collobrative methods

in situations where she makes an unreasonable request

and explodes when she has to wait for it (wants expensive things for example).

And then is hitting me in public trying to get my purse.

I so much want to forget this whole incident but this

is happening every month and it is really wrong what is

going on with her hitting me so much.

I will look at the book again! Thanks

Pam

> > >

> > > I am so sorry that you're going through this. My grandson started

> to

> > > throw things at me and hit me just over the last few months. These

> things are

> > > NOT acceptable! No way, no how.

> > >

> > > The police officer was wrong in telling you that she deserved to go

> to the

> > > movies. In essence she won that battle and she shouldn't have.

> > >

> > > I think that you need to speak to her counselor about her hitting

> you.

> > > What does the counselor suggest you do? You cannot just sit there

> and take

> > > it, you cannot just curl up in a ball or run away. I was taught

> how to do

> > > restraint to stop Dillon from hitting me. I've had to use it one

> time.

> > >

> > > He's never hit me again. He also no longer throws things at me

> because

> > > whatever he throws at me goes immediately into the garbage.

> Usually what he

> > > throws are his toys so he doesn't want that.

> > >

> > > I think what you need to get across to her is that she needs to use

> her

> > > words and not her hands. I think there needs to be some kind of

> plan of

> > > action. We got an emergency number from Dillon's counselors in

> case he was so

> > > out of control that we felt we couldn't deal with it. Someone will

> come in

> > > and immediately remove him and place him into a facility to get him

> under

> > > control. That's a last resort but its there in case we need it.

> > >

> > > My heart goes out to you because I know that you're struggling. You

> cannot

> > > let this behavior continue. It'll only get worse. I hope someone

> else

> > > has some more concrete advice for you.

> > >

> > > Good luck dear.

> > >

> > > Laurie

> > >

> >

>