Re: Playground Anger Management Suggestions

[Guest guest]

We have the perception issue with n (9). He got sent home from school last year because he thought a girl stomped on his foot, so he spit on her. Another time, he thought someone pushed him, but in reality, the kids were just all trying to get in their lockers at the same time. In that case, I had his locker moved . In the other case, we just worked with him on saying "Excuse me, did you mean to do that?" If the other kids said no, then let it go, tell yourself it was an accident. We also had a workbook with social stories in it, he can identify the right thing to do in the book if someone accidently bumps into you, etc, but in real life it's always harder for them in the situtation.

Keep working with him on asking before hitting or reacting, and keep practicing "typical" playground situations. I know it takes a while, but I think you're doing the right things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: karencplnd <karencplnd@...>Subject: ( ) Playground Anger Management Suggestions Date: Thursday, September 17, 2009, 9:41 AM

Hi everyone, My son, almost 7, has big issues with anger management, particularly on the playground at recess and lunchtime when there is minimal supervision. He is very good at reciting the correct way to deal with his anger (ie. NOT hitting), but in the moment it is like there is no self control available and the immediate instinct is to hit (and he does). I talked with him about perhaps clenching and unclenching his fists, saying "I'm really angry right now" and walking away. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I would love to have someone who could shadow him and intervene and model the appropriate behavior right as it is happening but doubtful that will happen. I've worked with enough kids who have these kinds of issues, and my recommendations were always to have a shadow if possible, now I see how impractical that is. I am going to try and develop some kind of social skills/anger management board game to play at home, if it turns

out okay, perhaps I can take it into the school and all the kids can play it in the classroom.My son also has perception issues in that at times he will perceive that something is happening that really isn't. Apparently he believed another child was hurting a friend of his so he hit him. Other accounts was that the other child was not being hurt but my son perceived it this way. Also, if someone bumps into him by accident he perceives it as being done on purpose and becomes angry and verbal and physical. Any suggestions on perception issues? I have a call in to our mental health worker who has been seeing him for issues related to anxiety, I need to see if she can work on addressing the anger issues or if we need to see someone else for that...Sorry this post is so long. Just feeling frustrated and a lil "don't know where to turn next"

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Your post sounded very familiar to me, as I am sure that it does with many

parents on this list. My ds as well can calmly talk about self-calming techniqes

and anger management in a very logical way when he is calm. In the heat of the

moment, however, it is very, very difficult for him to control his emotions. He

also misinterprets the " banter " of other children and is confused by any grey

areas, such as " friendly teasing, " or " rough-housing. "

I believe that the anger comes out of fear. I think that these kinds of children

are scared about " what will happen next, " and they are just fearful of what they

do not understand. What do you think?

The ideas that you suggested, including the board game, are good ones. You have

to just trying to talk to him and teach him. He might also put his hands behind

his back, or in his pockets, when he feels the anger coming on. We have done

things like anger thermometers, etc., but they don't help in the moment of

anger.

My ds has recently begun pragmatic speech therapy, where he can talk about these

kinds of issues, work on pragmatic language, and discuss appropriate social

skills. Again, though, in the heat of the moment it is difficult.

Best wishes,

Cassie

>

[Guest guest]

That also sounds just like my brother. He still misinterprets things and still

needs us to explain when someone wasn't actually doing something wrong to him.

He rarely gets aggressive anymore though. What we did with him to learn about

what to do when someone bumped into him is role playing, over and over again to

say " I'm sorry " . We explained it is an accident when someone bumps into you and

both people should sorry. It is the polite thing to do. The other person might

not say sorry but it is the polite thing to do. In order to help him understand

when kids are roughhousing and he's not sure if they are hurting each other or

not is roleplaying again. To look at the kids' faces (if he can understand

them) and see if they are laughing or are angry. Then if he thinks the kids

really need help he should only get an adult. It is not his job to break up

fights, it is the teachers or duties. We basically do a lot of talking, social

story scripts and role playing about specific social situations where he gets

angry and doesn't understand the appropriate thing to do. He has done very well

with these methods and now at 8 requires minimal supervision at recess and

lunch.

Oh we also roleplayed with just him and me, me and his sister (almost his age),

me and my mom, him and his sister, with lots of people so he could get better at

generalizing that skill with many people and we also do role playing in new

environments (like me pretending to bump into him a store) so he could

generalize it to different places as well. I do always tell him in the

beginning what I am going to do and what he should do though. And lots and lots

of praise for doing the appropriate thing and for being a polite and mature boy.

Hope that helps.

Tara

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> My son, almost 7, has big issues with anger management, particularly on the

playground at recess and lunchtime when there is minimal supervision. He is

very good at reciting the correct way to deal with his anger (ie. NOT hitting),

but in the moment it is like there is no self control available and the

immediate instinct is to hit (and he does). I talked with him about perhaps

clenching and unclenching his fists, saying " I'm really angry right now " and

walking away. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I would love to have

someone who could shadow him and intervene and model the appropriate behavior

right as it is happening but doubtful that will happen. I've worked with enough

kids who have these kinds of issues, and my recommendations were always to have

a shadow if possible, now I see how impractical that is. I am going to try and

develop some kind of social skills/anger management board game to play at home,

if it turns out okay, perhaps I can take it into the school and all the kids can

play it in the classroom.

>

> My son also has perception issues in that at times he will perceive that

something is happening that really isn't. Apparently he believed another child

was hurting a friend of his so he hit him. Other accounts was that the other

child was not being hurt but my son perceived it this way. Also, if someone

bumps into him by accident he perceives it as being done on purpose and becomes

angry and verbal and physical. Any suggestions on perception issues?

>

> I have a call in to our mental health worker who has been seeing him for

issues related to anxiety, I need to see if she can work on addressing the anger

issues or if we need to see someone else for that...

>

> Sorry this post is so long. Just feeling frustrated and a lil " don't know

where to turn next "

>

>

>