Re: Very bad vacation.

[Guest guest]

Hi,I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very hard to see the way she acts, he notices that she is always against me, repeats the same thing anoying everybody, do not seat still, breaks things, do not appreciate anything, she is self center, etc, etc. and the worst he said it is hurts him a lot to see the way my daughter mistreat me...My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special people can be with special people and understand the battle. My girl is difficult but I feel very sorry for her because I know she is in a battle with herself in a world that can not understand her and she can not understand neither....Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears....I just hope one day her behave will be molded and several of her difficulties will decreased or disappear.... ( ) was on top of the world, now on bottom Date: Monday, August 17, 2009, 12:36 PM I wrote last week that DS, 25 had new job, well after two days, only two days he was fired this morning. The reasons he cited just don't fit...I am about a low as I have ever, ever been in 25 years... At the meeting they cited that he told another employee how much money he made when the guy asked him. Another senior employee told him he could sit down, they were all caught up, and then same employee complained he wasn't working. The boss told him at the end of the first day they were going to have him come in and do it by himself next weekend (after 3 days training and 5 days work) and then said at the firing he didn't work "independently enough." TWO DAYS, that was all they gave him as a trial. Sheesh. What do we do now? Sue in TN

[Guest guest]

>

> I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me

that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very

hard to see the way she acts,

This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now

instead of later.

> My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious

relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special

people can be with special people and understand the battle.

I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were

babies, really pretty much all of them. Even little things like when people

find out you make special meals for them because they only eat 10 things. First

they want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they

get offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they

suggest won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.

Don't give up though--you just need to make new friends.

And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I

don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel

good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid

it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole

who don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts

uncomfortable, so I feel like I might be being mean.

> Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very

bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that

she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality

hits me very hard every time and I break in tears....

Me too. Just know you are not alone.

[Guest guest]

I hear ya...and yes life sucks some days...but we are all here for you. We have all suffered some way or another but life will get better ...it will. God has a plan...we don't know the whole thing but are only seeing a little piece of the puzzle....try to stay calm...take care of yourself...because without feeling good yourself...you are no good to your daughter. Do what YOU feel is best and ignore the rest...people who don't have children with AS will NEVER understand...never...so ignore them...if they are not understanding....willing to read up on AS and help you...then they are not true friends...yes, we will make mistakes...but they are our mistakes and not someone else's. I own up to mine .....but they are my mistakes ....I admit it...but not someone elses....and I ignore ignorant people who say you should do this or that or

you spoiled him and that is why he is like that or if you do this then that....let it go...I know I am trying...I love when so called friends say "you are not the only one" or "he is a teenager" or "we are all going thru the same thing"....Yeah right...but you know what...we have each other...talk to us...and remember, only you can make the decisions for you child...yes ask for advice...weigh the answers and then you decide...and if others doin't agree...just ignore them...they do not live in your shoes!

Hang in there.....be honest and if he doesn't like it...then let him go...

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Very bad vacation. Date: Monday, August 17, 2009, 4:49 PM

>> I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very hard to see the way she acts, This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now instead of later.> My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special people can be with special people and understand the battle. I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were babies, really pretty much all of them. Even little things like when people find out you make special meals for them

because they only eat 10 things. First they want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they get offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they suggest won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.Don't give up though--you just need to make new friends.And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole who don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts uncomfortable, so I feel like I might be being mean.> Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that she does. Sometimes I

pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears.... Me too. Just know you are not alone.

[Guest guest]

Oh my gosh.....this so describes my current situation! I just went on a family

vacation with my 7 1/2 year old aspie son, my boyfriend and his 10 1/2 year old,

along with my boyfriends parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Should of known

better, but it was a nightmare. My boyfriend's family are very rigid and my

boyfriend's son is the only child in the family.....and does no wrong. They go

on and on about how handsome he is, how good he is at this or that....it is

disgusting. I swear they are going to ruin the kid (and he is a great

kid.....don't get me wrong). Anyway, my boyfriend's Mom decided it was ok for

her to yell at my son, numerous times during the trip to the point I refused to

leave the hotel room one day. By the end of the trip my boyfriend and I were

barely speaking......terrible!!

Back in Dec., he told me that he didn't know if he could deal with my son and

that it's a stressful environment around here. While I do agree it is

stressful....the reason for that is I am continually on my son, and what he is

doing to annoy someone. I've had those so called " friend " give me their

suggestions (like - I know about this really great parenting class!!!!), so I

tend to be on high alert, even though I know I shouldn't care what anyone else

things. Ever since my boyfriend's comment, it has been way worse. I love him

so much and we are so happy and great together when it is just us....but it's

gotten to the point that I don't want him around my son, and don't like to be

around him and his son (I find myself becoming resentful). I can also guarantee

it will be a very long time before my son is around his family!!! His brother &

sister-in-law were awesome with him & I think they were trying to make up for

the rest of the family (they saw I was upset & kept trying to be encouraging).

I just wish my boyfriend were more like his brother.

We had a big talk after vacation, and talked about what we should do from here

(a few weeks ago), but neither one of us can seem to make a decision. We had a

weekend alone (which never happens - we have kids on opposite weekends) & it was

sooooo nice. I feel so torn, like I have to chose my son or the boyfriend. I

feel like I'm wrong if I continue to see the boyfriend, but will be so sad

without him in my life. I tried to introduce my son slowly, yet let the

boyfriend see early on what he was like. I guess I thought he would need to get

to know him and love him to accept the difficult times, and didn't figure that

would happen over night. Now I just don't know. Should he feel that way by now

(a year later)??? Sometimes I feel like he is just dragging me along, cause he

will never want my life. It's been a very emotional and rough few weeks for

me.....and I still don't know what to do. How can someone " love you soooooo

much " , yet not accept you and your child the way you are???? I admit it's hard,

but shouldn't he be willing or am I just unrealistic? It's so complicated and

confusing.....and I totally understand!

> >

> > I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me

that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very

hard to see the way she acts,

>

> This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now

instead of later.

>

> > My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious

relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special

people can be with special people and understand the battle.

>

> I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were

babies, really pretty much all of them. Even little things like when people find

out you make special meals for them because they only eat 10 things. First they

want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they get

offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they suggest

won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.

>

> Don't give up though--you just need to make new friends.

>

> And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I

don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel

good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid

it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole who

don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts uncomfortable,

so I feel like I might be being mean.

>

> > Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel

very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things

that she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but

reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears....

>

> Me too. Just know you are not alone.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,Thank you so much to email me about this problem. I think that it is hard for anybody, but the parents, to understand and love an aspie child the way they are and have compassion toward him or her.I will never live together with my boyfriend or with anyone, I made that decision a long time ago...I know that it is hard to accept my child the way she is and that she will barely change with the time so my relationship with any man can not be committed to marriage or living together arrangement.My boyfriend still keeps reminding me of the nightmare vacation, but I just ignore his comments.At least I do not have to put up with his family, so I give you a lot of credit with that, sometimes the family make it worst.I feel sorry for your son, he must felt bad when he was yelled at. I do not accept people yelling at my aspie girl even though she gets difficult sometimes. I think that adults should be on control and by yelling they lose control and respect. Re: ( ) Very bad vacation.Oh my gosh.....this so describes my current situation! I just went on a family vacation with my 7 1/2 year old aspie son, my boyfriend and his 10 1/2 year old, along with my boyfriends parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Should of known better, but it was a nightmare. My boyfriend's family are very rigid and my boyfriend's son is the only child in the family.....and does no wrong. They go on and on about how handsome he is, how good he is at this or that....it is disgusting. I swear they are going to ruin the kid (and he is a great kid.....don't get me wrong). Anyway, my boyfriend's Mom decided it was ok for her to yell at my son, numerous times during the trip to the point I refused to leave the hotel room one day. By the end of the trip my boyfriend and I were barely speaking......terrible!!Back in Dec., he told me that he didn't know if he could deal with my son and that it's a stressful environment around here. While I do agree it is stressful....the reason for that is I am continually on my son, and what he is doing to annoy someone. I've had those so called "friend" give me their suggestions (like - I know about this really great parenting class!!!!), so I tend to be on high alert, even though I know I shouldn't care what anyone else things. Ever since my boyfriend's comment, it has been way worse. I love him so much and we are so happy and great together when it is just us....but it's gotten to the point that I don't want him around my son, and don't like to be around him and his son (I find myself becoming resentful). I can also guarantee it will be a very long time before my son is around his family!!! His brother & sister-in-law were awesome with him & I think they were trying to make up for the rest of the family (they saw I was upset & kept trying to be encouraging). I just wish my boyfriend were more like his brother. We had a big talk after vacation, and talked about what we should do from here (a few weeks ago), but neither one of us can seem to make a decision. We had a weekend alone (which never happens - we have kids on opposite weekends) & it was sooooo nice. I feel so torn, like I have to chose my son or the boyfriend. I feel like I'm wrong if I continue to see the boyfriend, but will be so sad without him in my life. I tried to introduce my son slowly, yet let the boyfriend see early on what he was like. I guess I thought he would need to get to know him and love him to accept the difficult times, and didn't figure that would happen over night. Now I just don't know. Should he feel that way by now (a year later)??? Sometimes I feel like he is just dragging me along, cause he will never want my life. It's been a very emotional and rough few weeks for me.....and I still don't know what to do. How can someone "love you soooooo much", yet not accept you and your child the way you are???? I admit it's hard, but shouldn't he be willing or am I just unrealistic? It's so complicated and confusing.....and I totally understand!> >> > I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very hard to see the way she acts, > > This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now instead of later.> > > My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special people can be with special people and understand the battle. > > I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were babies, really pretty much all of them. Even little things like when people find out you make special meals for them because they only eat 10 things. First they want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they get offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they suggest won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.> > Don't give up though--you just need to make new friends.> > And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole who don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts uncomfortable, so I feel like I might be being mean.> > > Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears.... > > Me too. Just know you are not alone.>

[Guest guest]

I respect your strength, but it is a shame that to some extent you are giving up your own right to have an adult life. I've been with my husband for 13 yrs and do some days wonder if life would be easier if it were just my Aspie boy and me, some days the two of them get on really well and some days they are just sooo angry with each other, I sometimes feel like the Gaviscon, just there to calm things down.

With respect to the boyfriends family that is terrible, if your child had a visible impairment they would probably be more sympathetic, I mean if you had a child in a wheel chair they wouldn't be saying look how well our grandchild can walk compared to your child. You need people around you that will help you child focus on their strengths. At the moment we are trying not to tell our son off for anything that maybe caused by his Aspergers (although sometimes its hard to know where to draw the line) but just praise him for the things he is doing well, he is responding well to this. There is a lot less shouting in the house this week.

From: tfitzge134@... <tfitzge134@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Very bad vacation. Date: Wednesday, 19 August, 2009, 8:47 PM

Hi,Thank you so much to email me about this problem. I think that it is hard for anybody, but the parents, to understand and love an aspie child the way they are and have compassion toward him or her.I will never live together with my boyfriend or with anyone, I made that decision a long time ago...I know that it is hard to accept my child the way she is and that she will barely change with the time so my relationship with any man can not be committed to marriage or living together arrangement.My boyfriend still keeps reminding me of the nightmare vacation, but I just ignore his comments.At least I do not have to put up with his family, so I give you a lot of credit with that, sometimes the family make it worst.I feel sorry for your son, he must felt bad when he was yelled at. I do not accept people yelling at my aspie girl even though she

gets difficult sometimes. I think that adults should be on control and by yelling they lose control and respect. Re: ( ) Very bad vacation.Oh my gosh.....this so describes my current situation! I just went on a family vacation with my 7 1/2 year old aspie son, my boyfriend and his 10 1/2 year old, along with my boyfriends parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Should of known better, but it was a nightmare. My boyfriend's family are very rigid and my boyfriend's son is the only child in the family.....and does no wrong. They go on and on about how handsome he is, how good he is at this or that....it is disgusting. I swear they are going to ruin the kid (and he is a great kid.....don'

t get me wrong). Anyway, my boyfriend's Mom decided it was ok for her to yell at my son, numerous times during the trip to the point I refused to leave the hotel room one day. By the end of the trip my boyfriend and I were barely speaking.... ..terrible! !Back in Dec., he told me that he didn't know if he could deal with my son and that it's a stressful environment around here. While I do agree it is stressful... .the reason for that is I am continually on my son, and what he is doing to annoy someone. I've had those so called "friend" give me their suggestions (like - I know about this really great parenting class!!!!), so I tend to be on high alert, even though I know I shouldn't care what anyone else things. Ever since my boyfriend's comment, it has been way worse. I love him so much and we are so happy and great together when it is just us....but it's gotten to the point that I don't want him around my son, and

don't like to be around him and his son (I find myself becoming resentful).. I can also guarantee it will be a very long time before my son is around his family!!! His brother & sister-in-law were awesome with him & I think they were trying to make up for the rest of the family (they saw I was upset & kept trying to be encouraging) . I just wish my boyfriend were more like his brother. We had a big talk after vacation, and talked about what we should do from here (a few weeks ago), but neither one of us can seem to make a decision. We had a weekend alone (which never happens - we have kids on opposite weekends) & it was sooooo nice. I feel so torn, like I have to chose my son or the boyfriend. I feel like I'm wrong if I continue to see the boyfriend, but will be so sad without him in my life. I tried to introduce my son slowly, yet let the boyfriend see early on what he was like.

I guess I thought he would need to get to know him and love him to accept the difficult times, and didn't figure that would happen over night. Now I just don't know. Should he feel that way by now (a year later)??? Sometimes I feel like he is just dragging me along, cause he will never want my life. It's been a very emotional and rough few weeks for me.....and I still don't know what to do. How can someone "love you soooooo much", yet not accept you and your child the way you are???? I admit it's hard, but shouldn't he be willing or am I just unrealistic? It's so complicated and confusing... ..and I totally understand!> >> > I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend,

my boyfriend told me that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very hard to see the way she acts, > > This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now instead of later.> > > My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special people can be with special people and understand the battle. > > I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were babies, really pretty much all of them.. Even little things like when people find out you make special meals for them because they only eat 10 things. First they want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they get offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they suggest won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.> > Don't give

up though--you just need to make new friends.> > And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole who don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts uncomfortable, so I feel like I might be being mean.> > > Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears.... > > Me too. Just know you are not alone.>

[Guest guest]

Hi,Thank you so much for your inputs. It is get ethical with a boyfriend, when they realize how distressful life can be with an aspie child that is not their own child my boyfriend become critical and nasty, rather just give up in relationship than having the stress of dealing with two problems.You are lucky you have a husband, at least he is with you in the bringing up of your child. Some men just run away from them....... Re: ( ) Very bad vacation.Oh my gosh.....this so describes my current situation! I just went on a family vacation with my 7 1/2 year old aspie son, my boyfriend and his 10 1/2 year old, along with my boyfriends parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Should of known better, but it was a nightmare. My boyfriend's family are very rigid and my boyfriend's son is the only child in the family.....and does no wrong. They go on and on about how handsome he is, how good he is at this or that....it is disgusting. I swear they are going to ruin the kid (and he is a great kid.....don' t get me wrong). Anyway, my boyfriend's Mom decided it was ok for her to yell at my son, numerous times during the trip to the point I refused to leave the hotel room one day. By the end of the trip my boyfriend and I were barely speaking.... ..terrible! !Back in Dec., he told me that he didn't know if he could deal with my son and that it's a stressful environment around here. While I do agree it is stressful... .the reason for that is I am continually on my son, and what he is doing to annoy someone. I've had those so called "friend" give me their suggestions (like - I know about this really great parenting class!!!!), so I tend to be on high alert, even though I know I shouldn't care what anyone else things. Ever since my boyfriend's comment, it has been way worse. I love him so much and we are so happy and great together when it is just us....but it's gotten to the point that I don't want him around my son, and don't like to be around him and his son (I find myself becoming resentful). I can also guarantee it will be a very long time before my son is around his family!!! His brother & sister-in-law were awesome with him & I think they were trying to make up for the rest of the family (they saw I was upset & kept trying to be encouraging) . I just wish my boyfriend were more like his brother. We had a big talk after vacation, and talked about what we should do from here (a few weeks ago), but neither one of us can seem to make a decision. We had a weekend alone (which never happens - we have kids on opposite weekends) & it was sooooo nice. I feel so torn, like I have to chose my son or the boyfriend. I feel like I'm wrong if I continue to see the boyfriend, but will be so sad without him in my life. I tried to introduce my son slowly, yet let the boyfriend see early on what he was like. I guess I thought he would need to get to know him and love him to accept the difficult times, and didn't figure that would happen over night. Now I just don't know. Should he feel that way by now (a year later)??? Sometimes I feel like he is just dragging me along, cause he will never want my life. It's been a very emotional and rough few weeks for me.....and I still don't know what to do. How can someone "love you soooooo much", yet not accept you and your child the way you are???? I admit it's hard, but shouldn't he be willing or am I just unrealistic? It's so complicated and confusing... ..and I totally understand!> >> > I went to the cape with my aspie girl and my boyfriend, my boyfriend told me that even though he loves me he can not see us living together, that it is very hard to see the way she acts, > > This is sad, but I think you should be glad you found out how he feels now instead of later.> > > My boyfriend does not realize that I never expect to have a serious relationship with anybody because I know that it can not be...just special people can be with special people and understand the battle. > > I know what you mean. I've really lost a lot of friends since my kids were babies, really pretty much all of them. Even little things like when people find out you make special meals for them because they only eat 10 things.. First they want to give you advice on how they do it with their normal kids, then they get offended when you try to explain your child is different and what they suggest won't work, then little by little they start pulling away.> > Don't give up though--you just need to make new friends.> > And I think you should think about sharing this thought with your boyfriend. I don't think it will help your relationship, but I think it would make you feel good to communicate the truth. Not that I very often do this; I'm always afraid it will sound like I'm asking for sympathy when I'm not. That and most peole who don't have to deal with such things themselves find such thoughts uncomfortable, so I feel like I might be being mean.> > > Tomorrow I will see another psychiatrist for a second evaluation, I feel very bad, depress and stress out when I have to tell the psychiatrist the things that she does. Sometimes I pretend life is perfect, that she is perfect, but reality hits me very hard every time and I break in tears.... > > Me too. Just know you are not alone.>