Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 , I had to kinda laugh when I read your post. For the most part, your post is an exact copy of our days around here... I have the same thoughts, too. Just ONE day without the constant fights and resistance. We go through the same things over and over, every day. Same fights, same activities causing problems. It's gotten to where we can pretty much pinpoint when our problems will show up. Like you, I don't want to change my son, just manage to get through a day in peace. Not that I wish this on anyone, but it helps me to know that there are others out there that deal with the same grind I do... Angi > > Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. > It just gets old... > > ...the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests > ...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up > ...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day > ...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time > ...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me > ...the same " I can't do math " every single day > > I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! > > Thanks for letting me vent. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Oh my gods can I ever relate to this.....seriously.On Thu, Sep 2, 2010 at 5:32 PM, tandypierce <tandypierce@...> wrote: Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old... ....the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests ....the same exact question every afternoon when picked up ....the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day ....the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time ....the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me ....the same " I can't do math " every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! Thanks for letting me vent. -- “Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” -- Dr. Seuss " They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. " -- Ben lin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 I loved your email. It is my life. It is a marathon, not a sprint. In year 14 1/2 of it over here. HFA son is 14 1/2, aspie daughter is 10. Here is your thought for the day..... We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing. Just get through today..... Debbie ( ) It Just Gets Old Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old......the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her "favorite" people) had a good day...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me...the same "I can't do math" every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a "model" child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions!Thanks for letting me vent. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3110 - Release Date: 09/02/10 11:50:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 I like the "15" minute principle. I can do anything for 15 minutes. I can stand anything for 15 minutes. Sometimes that is the only way I get through and my faith keeps me going along with this.DeanaSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "Debra Balke" <dlbalke@...>Sender: Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2010 08:55:47 -0700< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) It Just Gets Old I loved your email. It is my life. It is a marathon, not a sprint. In year 14 1/2 of it over here. HFA son is 14 1/2, aspie daughter is 10. Here is your thought for the day..... We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing. Just get through today..... Debbie ( ) It Just Gets Old Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old......the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her "favorite" people) had a good day...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me...the same "I can't do math" every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a "model" child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions!Thanks for letting me vent.No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3110 - Release Date: 09/02/10 11:50:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Yes it does.. Mom to my 4 girls Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza "You are the TRIP I did not take You are the PEARLS I cannot buy You are the blue Italian LAKE YOU are my piece of foreign SKY" ---Anne ---- ( ) It Just Gets Old Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old... ....the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests ....the same exact question every afternoon when picked up ....the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her "favorite" people) had a good day ....the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time ....the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me ....the same "I can't do math" every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a "model" child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2010 Report Share Posted September 4, 2010 I think that we all share your feelings from time to time. I remember watching an Oprah Winfrey show once about parenting and one mother said that it "sucks 85% of the time" and that is with a 'normal" child. So as a mother of a special needs daughter I figure that it is going to "suck" for me a little more ;0) And while there are times that I think that God has a twisted sense of humor and I Know that he won't give me more than I can handle but he does trusts me way too much. But it is also my faith that lets me know that she was given to me for a reason. She is such a bright child and as she gets older I see her maturing....she is about 3 years behind her sister as far as her mental development but each stride reinforces my hope that she will be okay. So we might have lower lows than the average parent but I also think that we have higher highs too. Vicki -- Re: ( ) It Just Gets Old I loved your email. It is my life. It is a marathon, not a sprint. In year 14 1/2 of it over here. HFA son is 14 1/2, aspie daughter is 10. Here is your thought for the day..... We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing. Just get through today..... Debbie ( ) It Just Gets Old Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old......the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her "favorite" people) had a good day...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me...the same "I can't do math" every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a "model" child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions!Thanks for letting me vent. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3110 - Release Date: 09/02/10 11:50:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2010 Report Share Posted September 4, 2010 I like that Vicki.....we have lower lows but higher highs. That is so true and I need to remember that when I feel envious of those with " normal " children. ---------- Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone - Re: ( ) It Just Gets Old I loved your email. It is my life. It is a marathon, not a sprint. In year 14 1/2 of it over here. HFA son is 14 1/2, aspie daughter is 10. Here is your thought for the day..... We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing. Just get through today..... Debbie ( ) It Just Gets Old Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old... ....the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests ....the same exact question every afternoon when picked up ....the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day ....the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time ....the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me ....the same " I can't do math " every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! Thanks for letting me vent. No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3110 - Release Date: 09/02/10 11:50:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2010 Report Share Posted September 4, 2010 I agree and feel the same way as you all do. It feels like climbing a mountain while pushing or pulling a heavy cart with broken wheels up and up. But yes, God is our strength and I just know that He is pushing with me. Ide From: "gina9431@..." <gina9431@...> ; Vicki Reiter <mom2emsar@...>Sent: Sat, September 4, 2010 2:38:09 PMSubject: Re: ( ) It Just Gets Old I like that Vicki.....we have lower lows but higher highs. That is so true and I need to remember that when I feel envious of those with "normal" children.----------Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone- Re: ( ) It Just Gets OldI loved your email. It is my life.It is a marathon, not a sprint. In year 14 1/2 of it over here. HFA son is14 1/2, aspie daughter is 10. Here is your thought for the day..... :)We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for theungrateful.We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified todo anything, with nothing.Just get through today.....Debbie ( ) It Just Gets OldSometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. It just gets old......the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the sameexact phrases and protests...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her "favorite"people) had a good day...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regularleaving time...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention fromme...the same "I can't do math" every single day I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don'thave a "model" child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regularday without the hangups and obsessions!Thanks for letting me vent.No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3110 - Release Date: 09/02/1011:50:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 I do totally relate to what you are saying. For me this kind of thinking on my part keeps leading me to feeling depressed and hopeless. I do find three things work, I work with a behaviorist weekly to help me feel I have some support. I talk to a nueropsychologist every other week to help me with me feeling hopeless at times. And last I like to read religious reading on hope. Pam > > Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. > It just gets old... > > ...the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests > ...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up > ...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day > ...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time > ...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me > ...the same " I can't do math " every single day > > I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! > > Thanks for letting me vent. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Hi Pam, I feel your pain! My 10 year old has never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure he has Aspergers. The way you explained your daily events with your child is like my life every day with my 10 year old. I also have a 5 year old that's high functioning autistic that melts down so often during the day that I feel like between the 2 my head is spinning 24/7! How to you find yourself able to deal with it without giving negative attention. Sometimes they get me so worked up I yell thinking it'll help because I feel like I have no other ideas, of course it never helps but I'm at a loss most of the time. I'm glad you posted this....it makes a lot of us other parents feel like we're not all alone:) On Mon Sep 6th, 2010 8:22 PM CDT Pamela wrote: >I do totally relate to what you are saying. For me this kind >of thinking on my part keeps leading me to feeling depressed >and hopeless. I do find three things work, I work with a >behaviorist weekly to help me feel I have some support. >I talk to a nueropsychologist every other week to help >me with me feeling hopeless at times. And last I like to >read religious reading on hope. > >Pam > > > >> >> Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. >> It just gets old... >> >> ...the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests >> ...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up >> ...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day >> ...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time >> ...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me >> ...the same " I can't do math " every single day >> >> I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! >> >> Thanks for letting me vent. >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 To answer your question about not giving negative attention I took a training course over the phone from Yale University in parent training in parent management skills. It cost me about $75 a week for a minimum of 10 weeks (I went much longer for added support for me). What I have read is that with kids with ADHD or autism is that they need behavior shaping systems. They all involve having the child/teen earn rewards for positive behavior. It means that your child ends up having to earn all their priveleges (TV, computer, outtings). When the child/teen acts out the parent doesn't have to respond or lecture. At some point in the day you will go over what points the child has earned. I think it feels good as a parent to feel I am doing something effective. My daughter after a year of this gets the idea. She has to do things she doesn't want to do in order to add to her vast collections of special interests. Such as cooperate with doctor visits. And to watch TV or use the computer she has to get to school on time (she is a school refusal case). The problem with this system it really requires some kind of parent support. My child anyway will continue to push on any boundary I set for her. I do feel hopeless at times but the therapist reminds me we are making progress. So I do keep up with this system. But I still make mistakes. I find I make the most mistakes by trying to do things that seem simple enough but are not for my daughter. For example I let my niece sleep over two nights this summer (her mom was going away) and my daughter loved it but would not listen to me at all. I wanted so much for her to have fun and socialize with her cousin but my daughter knew I would want to avoid her having an outburst so I loosened up boundaries on the amount of TV they watched and bedtime. By the second night she was a monster toward me and I yelled at her that I was not afraid to take her cousin home at 1am if I had to. It was a mistake. It affected my self esteem I didn't feel like an effective parent at all. I was embarassed that I let her get the upper hand on me. The fact seems to be that my daughter really needs a constant structured setting, then the Yale plan works. If I start to loosen things up in the interest of having more social activities she gets really out of control. It gets boring for sure to have to structure so much. But I guess it is better to be bored than to be ashamed with yelling on my part. Pam > >> > >> Sometimes it just gets old, parenting a child with AS. > >> It just gets old... > >> > >> ...the same exact pattern of resistence to doing homework with the same exact phrases and protests > >> ...the same exact question every afternoon when picked up > >> ...the same obsessing over whether my co-worker (one of her " favorite " people) had a good day > >> ...the same meltdown if we leave for school a mere 1 minute past the regular leaving time > >> ...the same pushing of buttons to see if she can get negative attention from me > >> ...the same " I can't do math " every single day > >> > >> I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I don't care that I don't have a " model " child. I would be happy right now just to have ONE regular day without the hangups and obsessions! > >> > >> Thanks for letting me vent. > >> > >> > >> > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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