Healthy Humor >:-D

[Guest guest]

Here's some " healthy humor " received on another list. Enjoy!!

A newspaper headline read, " Smell of baked bread may be health hazard. "

The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.

The main danger, apparently, is the organic components of this aroma may

break down ozone.

How horrible !!! When are we going to do something about bread-induced

global warming ??? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the

government going to go after Big Bread ???

Everyone should think twice regarding bread !!! Research indicates the

following:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households

score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,

the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates

were unacceptably high, many women died in childbirth, and diseases

such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of

eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called " dough " . It has been proven that

as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse.

The average American eats more bread than that in one month !!!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence

of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread who

were given only water begged for bread after only two days.

8. Bread is often a " gateway " food item, leading the user to " harder "

items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more

than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body

being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy,

gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit !!!

That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between

significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light

of these frightening statistics, the following bread restrictions are

proposed:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills

we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors

(which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

I refuse to even think of Donuts and the impact it is having on the

American people!!!

Dr. Noya

Head of Neurophysics Research

Hopkin University