Re: Disrespectful Comments

[Guest guest]

I have a son who is 12 yrs old and sometimes he will still do the same thing and I believe it is the asp.

You just have to just keep reminding him and I know how frustrating and hard it is. I feel just like that

myself and I certainly feel alone and I'll admit even alittle jealous of my friends who don't deal with our

challenges. But I don try to remind myself that God gave me Lucas because he trusted me and my

husband enough to raise him. Some times I wish he didn't have so much confidence!! I just wish we

knew other families with kids like ours I think it would be a little easier because others just don't get

it. Best of luck!!

[Guest guest]

See my comments below in green.

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Disrespectful Comments Date: Monday, October 18, 2010, 12:13 PM

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling! I think with AS kids enforcing rules on good manners is twice as important and twice as hard cause they wear you down with all the other stuff. I would just make it the one thing you are going to bear down on consistently until its no longer a problem. For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason

the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?". This probably was the AS speaking as the change in seating position upset the order of things. The rudeness or lack of empathy is probably both a little bit of AS and a bit of pure self centeredness. I think he needs some kind of privledge taken away because he didn't think of others before speaking. With the anxiety he probably wasn't doing it on purpose but he needs to learn self control anyways even if it is harder. The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, "boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one

ear and out the other. This could be some kind of funny thing in his mind that has become a ritual of sorts. Tell him to stop is all I can add.

He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse? It is a very fine line and very hard to tell. I would error on the side of enforcing things as if he doesn't have AS. To compensate for the AS I would take extra time explaining why what he is doing is wrong or inappropriate. I have found myself explaining even the the most mundane things to my 6 year old. Like, slow down and back up son, he has no idea what your talking about because he doesn't watch that show, etc...Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I

guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way? My wife and I feel this way alllllll the time. Especially when he was 4 and 5. Its got a bit better recently. People are going to get tired of me saying this but you've got to address each symptom or issue one by one. Really attach a particular fear or issue until

it resolves. If no headway is made move on to another one. I think you've got to deal first with any underlying sensory issues. Sensory issues are something he might struggle with constantly. By resolving or reducing their impact it will allow him to concentrate his energy on learning other things. For example if he fails to hear his name a lot he'll miss 75% of his oppurtunities to socially interact on top of the fact that he will need 10x more practice interacting than most kids. People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. That is exactly how we feel too. Its

constant worry, stress, and lots of extra work. If he has any younger siblings try making a point of really praising them when they do something well that your ASPIE struggles with. If he like most kids is competitive it might provide some self motivation without any negative "Don't do this or that". Patience is so key. When my wife and I get stressed out so does our ASPIE. They can sense and feel our stress. And remember this is more like a learning disorder. You said it yourself that your making progress. Our ASPIES our tortoises while the others are rabbits. Eventually you will get him to the same points in many respects is just a longer road. Keep hacking away. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to

say hi and bye when someone says it to him! For eye contact we just kept saying his name at all kinds of points during the day. If he looked up at us and made eye contact he was rewarded (we used skittles) but he was like 5 at the time. Then we rewarded him is he turned and looked when his brother called his name. Our son was always good about making eye contact with finishing. But in between the beginning and the end he would sometime turn his back and walk 50 feet away and still be talking to you. So we worked on that as well. Had to explain many times that how can I hear you if you aren't looking at me. Look at me to make sure I'm listening, etc.... We had a small milestone the other day when I have begun hearing my 6 year old get made at his younger brother (4) because when calling his name the 4 year old wouldn't pay

attention. He yell, Naaaaate look at me, why aren't you listening to me. This was all in a very natural way too. He has finally come around to paying attention to whether he has someones attention or not. Before it didn't matter to him. So just keep practicing. It took us forever to get him to learn how to swing on a swing but he eventually did. Just keep demanding him to do the things he should be doing but in your mind to expect too much. Honestly for us all I can say is keeping working at it. You've caught me on a very positive day after a good weekend. But I know exactly how you feel. I get so discouraged sometimes when he regresses or a bad habit comes back. Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!Thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

You are *not* the only one who feels this way! It is very common. If you think about it, and how much more you will have to repeat yourself until your son finally "gets it," it will be overwhelming. So you just can't think of it that way. Just concentrate on one day at a time. Think of the improvements he has made, and give yourself some credit for that. My advice when you're going out in public and dealing with other people- lower your expectations, lol. Don't expect things to go perfectly, and never compare yourself to other families who have easy kids. Everyone has problems, who knows what their problems are?

But it is exhausting, and some days are longer than others. As one of my friends said, "If God only gives us what we can handle, He must think I'm Superwoman!" I feel like that too, and just keep trying to do my best. I'm sure you do too. Don't feel bad, we all can relate!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Disrespectful Comments Date: Monday, October 18, 2010, 9:13 AM

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?". The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and

yells, "boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe

waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way? People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him!Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!Thanks for

listening!

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

Please don't feel bad. I feel the same as you, everyday also. My son is 7 and on the autism spectrum. He is very rude to the family, and inappropriate with strangers. He used the "f" word for the first time in Kindergarten! and I had a major anger attack, I couldn't believe it.

But he also has an inability to learn from mistakes. He just used that word again directed at me! I tell him all the time about manners, rudeness, inappropriate language and behaviour and he just doesn't get it. My NT 14 yr old does get it, so I see the difference every day.

He can be very sweet. But his moods are unpredictable, so going out to do chores is always anxiety-ridden b/c I don't know what will happen. He can go off about anything.

I hear you and you are not alone. You can write me anytime.

Cathleen

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Mon, October 18, 2010 9:13:57 AMSubject: ( ) Disrespectful Comments

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?". The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells,

"boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe waiting for

whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way? People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him!Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!Thanks for

listening!

[Guest guest]

On Mon, Oct 18, 2010 at 12:13 PM, cmt263 <gina9431@...> wrote:

 

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, " Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us? " .I wonder if your boy is not happy that you have a boyfriend--period--and this is his way of letting you know he's not happy about it? The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, " boys are weird " . Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.

He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?

Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him! would you please read, " Lost at school " by Ross Greene? It will help you truly identify what the problems are your son is facing. This book is mind boggling how insightful it is in solving kids problems. A must read.

Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

Thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

You definitely are not alone! I have often wondered the same thing as you, is

it the AS that is causing my son to say the inappropriate things and be

disrespectful, or it is bad parenting? There are so many times when I have to

talk to him about what is appropriate and when it is not, and I also get very

frustrated. It seems that most of the issues that have been brought to my

attention (at school & church), has been because of the inappropriate talk. My

son is 12 years old, so he understands a lot, but yet doesn't understand.

I have been researching various things to get ideas as to how to approach all

the questions, and inappropriate talk. There seems to be a lot of sites out

there, that have great ideas, but it is a matter of implementing those ideas.

If anyone else has heard of some ideas as to how they have handled the

situations, I would love to hear them.

Hang in there, as we are all in this together.

Connie, MN

>

> Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being

disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I

often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too

much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big

deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk.

I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things

that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

>

> For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving.

My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the

seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in

the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, " Mom, why

can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us? " . The

other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, " boys are

weird " . Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is

inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one

ear and out the other.

>

> He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior

from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance.

He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I

sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I

just using AS as an excuse?

>

> Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car.

After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt

terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased,

tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their

children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they

listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I

feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all

reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results).

It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child

without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

>

> People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't

feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after

day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just

seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just

get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social

stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and

bye when someone says it to him!

>

> Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi my name is denise my boyfriend son 14 he acts same way I know I'm not I'm

his real mom I treat him if he was I read a lot that helps this group helps if

you want you can keep in touch trust me we all goinG through same things this

group is helpful

On Mon Oct 18th, 2010 12:13 PM EDT cmt263 wrote:

>Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being

disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I

often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too

much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big

deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk.

I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things

that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

>

>For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My

boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat

would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the

back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, " Mom, why can't

he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us? " . The other day

while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, " boys are weird " . Just

doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate

or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out

the other.

>

>He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior

from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance.

He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I

sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I

just using AS as an excuse?

>

>Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car.

After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt

terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased,

tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their

children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they

listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I

feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all

reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results).

It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child

without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

>

>People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't

feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after

day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just

seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just

get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social

stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and

bye when someone says it to him!

>

>Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

>

>Thanks for listening!

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. We, too, have been dealing with this with our grandson lately. Actually my husband more than I have. My grandson now refuses to acknowledge or speak to my husband at all. He just stands mute. Oh, unless he wants something that is.

I'll admit that at times, my husband is a bit hard on my grandson. Nothing abusive but there are times when my grandson's behaviors and attitudes are completely inappropriate and enough is enough. My husband is hurt. Beyond hurt. We've raised our grandson since he was 2. He's now 9.

I wish I had an answer for you. We're getting the same thing and its getting tiresome.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/18/2010 12:14:18 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, gina9431@... writes:

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful.

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

..

[Guest guest]

my girl would have said that, but it was because of her sensory issues>On Oct 18, 2010, at 1:28 PM, wrote:

On Mon, Oct 18, 2010 at 12:13 PM, cmt263 <gina9431@...> wrote:

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?".I wonder if your boy is not happy that you have a boyfriend--period--and this is his way of letting you know he's not happy about it? The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, "boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.

He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?

Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him! would you please read, "Lost at school" by Ross Greene? It will help you truly identify what the problems are your son is facing. This book is mind boggling how insightful it is in solving kids problems. A must read.

Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

Thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

I don't believe he is doing it on purpose. My son does a lot of these things

and they really don't get that someone else would feel differently than they do

about what they're saying. They get so perplexed because they think that

everyone else is thinking what they are. Then when other people behave

differently than they expect it can really throw them off the deep end. I try

to calmly and gently remind that the things he says will make people feel

bad or make them not want to be around him. I've also written social stories.

The situation in the car is completely different from the restroom situation.

He may not have the impulse control not to blurt out random things in a public

restroom yet. My son is 13 and I think he still talks randomly in restrooms.

It makes sense to him and I expect your son's comment makes sense to him. He

may have heard someone else say that and he's just repeating it. repeats

things all the time. It can get him into huge trouble and he's oblivious about

why. The car situation was probably more anxiety and sensory related. It is

overwhelming for someone else to be in the back seat with him. It also wasn't a

planned thing. You could write a social story. " Sometimes when we ride in the

car someone who doesn't usually have to sit in the back with me, might have to

sit in the back with me. It might not feel good to me because this person will

be a little too close. I don't have to like it but I need to tolerate it. "

You can then give him some things he CAN do. " If this happens I can... " Maybe

you could get some special items you'll know he likes and let him play with them

only when he's in a situation in the back seat that makes him uncomfortable. " I

can play with my nintendo DS " or " I can look at pokemon cards " to try to

distract myself from the uncomfortable feeling of someone sitting too close to

me. It won't be very long before the ride is finished and then I will get a

break from being in the back seat.

If the ride will be longer, you can plan for breaks at regular intervals and

remind him that he will get to take breaks. You can let him have a watch to

remind him of when his next break will be if he can tell time.

Sometimes my son will learn a new word and try to use it in context and that can

get us into trouble. Once we were at an appointment and in the waiting room

this woman was talking on her cellphone. had just learned the word

'hideous'. So he shouted, " WHAT IS THAT HIDEOUS WOMAN DOING ON THE PHONE?!! "

He didn't really know what hideous meant at that point. LOL. The poor woman

left in quite a hurry as I was trying to explain to that it was a mean

thing to say. He genuinely didn't know that.

has a habit right now of saying, " You do that. " Whenever anyone says

they're going to do that. " I'm going to the grocery store now. " " You do that. "

Which comes off sounding sarcastic. But he has no idea that it sounds that way

because if you take it at face value it isn't mean at all.

got in trouble on his bus last year for saying to the bus driver, " It would

be in your best interest to turn off the music. " He didn't know that sounded

like a threat. I really believe these kids don't understand when they're being

rude most of the time.

Miriam

>

> Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being

disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I

often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too

much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big

deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk.

I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things

that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

>

> For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving.

My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the

seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in

the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, " Mom, why

can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us? " . The

other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, " boys are

weird " . Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is

inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one

ear and out the other.

>

> He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior

from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance.

He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I

sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I

just using AS as an excuse?

>

> Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car.

After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt

terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased,

tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their

children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they

listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I

feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all

reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results).

It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child

without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

>

> People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't

feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after

day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just

seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just

get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social

stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and

bye when someone says it to him!

>

> Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

[Guest guest]

You are certainly not alone! My son is 13 and I wonder sometimes if he is ever going to "get it". I have two older children, now almost 23 and 21, so I remember what they were like. All children will say and do inappropriate things from time to time. With Aspie kids they just don't see why they can't just "say it like it is".

My son has gotten in trouble since he was in Kindergarden for saying things that has been taken as rude, disrespectful, or inconsiderate. Now, it's getting a little ridiculous, because they try to say he is bullying. He has no clue sometimes how he is being perceived by others. One time, just last year, he had a friend spending the night. Well my son loves to go outside and "play" still and the other boy didn't want to go. So my son left him! When we saw the boy sitting in our son's room playing on his laptop by himself, we realized our son had left him to go outside without him. Later we talked to him and tried to explain that you can't have someone sleeping over and then leave him alone in the house. He said, "why not?" He didn't want to go outside and I did" He truly didn't understand why that's not ok. So we ALL feel your pain. It is frustrating and exhausing, but what can you do? You just got to try to take it one day at a time. I know this is

so much easier said than done. But know that you're not alone.:-)

ne

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Disrespectful Comments Date: Monday, October 18, 2010, 12:13 PM

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?". The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and

yells, "boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe

waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way? People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him!Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!Thanks for

listening!

[Guest guest]

I could have written this! My daughter is 5 and WOW some of the rude

stuff that comes out of her mouth is unreal. I'd almost rather she

used obscenities at times than say some of the heartless,

self-centered rude things she says. (Actually, the other day she

said the F word while playing a video game w Daddy. Yay.) I think

it's great advice to pick one issue at a time and just grit our

teeth on the other ones until we can get to them. I think I'll write

down her 'issues' that are most glaring and difficult and figure out

which one to focus on... I feel scattered and overwhelmed because

there is just SO MUCH to work on! I can't imagine what it must be

like to have a severely hit Autistic kid who doesn't even talk...

Although I DO wish my daughter wouldn't talk to me with her volume

cranked to 10! I'll be deaf by 40 at this rate!

I also get compliments on my patience and I look at them like they

are crazy! I feel like I'm always struggling to keep myself from

blowing my top (my parents way of dealing w everything). But, if our

kids were suddenly "typical" I bet we'd think something was wrong

with them because I look at other kids and they seem so calm and

angelically communicative (although I know that this is not

constant).

Jen

Lyme Parents, 5yo LIAspie

On 10/18/2010 12:13 PM, cmt263 wrote:

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is

just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that

are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the

AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much

and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have

always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this

constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to

practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the

things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

For example......we were on our way to church last night

and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front

passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not

move up. We were running late so he said he would just

jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to

protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own

car? Why does he have to ride with us?". The other day

while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells,

"boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to

explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but

he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear

and out the other.

He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for

this type of behavior from others than there was when he

was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight

A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand.

I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just

what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?

Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being

rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness

all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and

hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated,

embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless

battle. I watch people with their children and it seems

sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they

listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing,

disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I

never teach my child anything, when in all reality I

probably teach him more than most parents (with little or

no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able

to spend time with your child without getting stressed or

frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite

honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be

patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I

feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it

just seems like there is always something I will have to

work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their

kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social

cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi

and bye when someone says it to him!

Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself

kind of day!!

Thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

I definitely think the inappropriate comments are related to having AS. Lacking social skills is a major impairment for people with AS/HFA. They will often blurt out what they are thinking and do not consider how the message will be received.

We started very early teaching "theory of mind" skills and I think it really helped. He had to learn to figure out what the other person was thinking or why something was happening (cause/effect.) He still says things out of context at times, too loudly all the time. But he is pretty good at discussing why he shouldn't have said something. If he says something inappropriate, then I talk to him about it and discuss how that makes the other person feel. We have also spent time and energy discussing the little "white lies" in life - like telling Grandma you enjoyed the Christmas present even if you didn't. And he understands why.

So I would not give up at all. My ds is 14 yo now and it's not perfect, but it's really manageable now, I think. I mean, it happens less frequently and when it does, it is easy to discuss the situation with him to where he gets the problem.

See if you can find a social skill group to have him work on social skills. You can also find a lot of great books with good ideas and see if your library has them or google them on Amazon.com. If my ds would have said that about my boyfriend hopping in the back seat, I would have just discussed with him how that sounds unwelcoming. Probably he said it because he doesn't like change - i.e. boyfriend doesn't usually ride in the back with him. Of course, it will take a lot of work to get him to understand and monitor what he says. It's a work in progress really. I know it gets tiring. Hang in there!!

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Disrespectful Comments

Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and I often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him too much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a big deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could talk. I try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the things that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving. My boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the seat would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, "Mom, why can't he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us?". The other day while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, "boys are weird". Just doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is inappropriate or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and out the other.

He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of behavior from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance. He gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing. Am I just using AS as an excuse?

Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car. After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated, embarrased, tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I feel like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no results). It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day after day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just seems like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get to play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social stories, social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye when someone says it to him!

Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

Thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

I don't think most of us believe the behavior is fine to continue just because

our child is disabled. We are all here supporting each other to try to figure

out how to fix it. Asperger Syndrome isn't an excuse for any of us, it's an

explanation and a way of figuring out what will help stop the behavior since we

all know they don't learn social things the way typical people do.

I have a neighbor whose child had dyslexia and sensory integration dysfunction.

They talked about AS but his social skills are actually quite good. He is

mostly well-behaved but his mom ignores his bad behavior when it happens and so

he just keeps doing it. He whines ALL the time. He is rude. He comes to my

house, sits on my sofa and sneaks food in the family room then tells me " go

away " when I enter the room. I told his mother I didn't like that and she said,

" I don't want my son's behavior under a microscope. " I told her that my own

son's behavior is under a microscope because it doesn't do him any favors to

ignore bad behavior. My son doesn't get to be rude just because he has a

disability. UGH. We haven't spent much time with this kid recently. His

whining drives my daughter crazy. She's hypersensitive to sound and his whine

is one of the most unpleasant sounds I've ever heard from a kid. It is topped

only by my daughter's screaming. She doesn't really do much of that any more

unless she's been injured. Anyway, when this boy makes that horrible sound I

tell him, " You don't sound like you're having any fun at all. I'm going to call

your mom to come get you. " Then I do. He doesn't whine as much here now.

Granted he's rarely ever here.

I feel for this kid, I really do, but he whines like that at school. He's in

5th grade where whining is not as tolerated by other kids as it is in younger

grades. His mom needs to do something about it, but she won't.

Miriam

> >>

> >> Guess I'm wondering how common this is or if my son is just being

> >>disrespectful. He constantly says things that are rude and inappropriate and

I

> >>often believe it is the AS, but am I just making an excuse? Do I baby him

too

> >>much and have not taught him to be respectful? Manners have always been a

big

> >>deal with me and I have worked on this constantly from the time he could

talk. I

> >>try my best to practice the manners I want my son to see.......yet the

things

> >>that come out of his mouth are often appaling!

> >>

> >> For example......we were on our way to church last night and I was driving.

My

> >>boyfriend went to sit in the front passengers seat, but for some reason the

seat

> >>would not move up. We were running late so he said he would just jump in the

> >>back seat with my ds. He instantly started to protest and says, " Mom, why

can't

> >>he just ride in his own car? Why does he have to ride with us? " . The other

day

> >>while in the mens restroom with my boyfriend and yells, " boys are weird " .

Just

> >>doesn't even make sense. I try to explain to him what he says is

inappropriate

> >>or rude, but he either wants to argue his point or it goes in one ear and

out

> >>the other.

> >>

> >> He is almost 9, so I think there is less tolerance for this type of

behavior

> >>from others than there was when he was 3 or 4. I myself am losing tolerance.

He

> >>gets straight A's and is soooooo smart and it can be hard to understand. I

> >>sometimes wonder if he does it on purpose and knows just what he is doing.

Am I

> >>just using AS as an excuse?

> >>

> >> Yesterday I got mad and smacked his leg when he was being rude in the car.

> >>After dealing with his hard headedness all day, I guess I had enough! I felt

> >>terrible after and hate this state of constantly feeling frustrated,

embarrased,

> >>tired, guilty. etc. It's like an endless battle. I watch people with their

> >>children and it seems sooooo easy. They tell their child something and they

> >>listen. They don't cringe waiting for whining, arguing, disrespect, etc. I

feel

> >>like other people must think I never teach my child anything, when in all

> >>reality I probably teach him more than most parents (with little or no

results).

> >>It is frustrating. It must be nice to be able to spend time with your child

> >>without getting stressed or frustrated! Am I the only one feeling this way?

> >>

> >>

> >> People close to me compliment me on my patience, but quite honestly I don't

> >>feel very patient. It's hard to be patient when it is the same thing, day

after

> >>day!! And I feel bad, because he has improved in many areas........it just

seems

> >>like there is always something I will have to work on while others just get

to

> >>play with and enjoy their kids. I get to work on eye contact, social

stories,

> >>social cues, etc. I still have to remind my 9 year old to say hi and bye

when

> >>someone says it to him!

> >>

> >> Guess I'm just having a guilt induced, feel bad for myself kind of day!!

> >>

> >> Thanks for listening!

> >>

> >

> >

> >

>