Re: Follow Up On Son Cancelling Lunch Buddy

[Guest guest]

Well, more than 20 years ago I was a volunteer with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and at that time, their policy was to match gender and the only exception from that was they would sometimes match a couple to one child.  The program is setup for at-risk kids. 

This would be a good opportunity to let them know in a non-threatening way that the behaviors they are ejecting him from the program for are manifestations of his disability and that if they receive any federal funding at all (even for unrelated materials, snacks, paper, tax exemptions, etc) they must accommodate his disability.  They probably don't know much about Autism spectrum disorders and perhaps they could do a better job of matching your son if they made sure that the adult he is matched with is prepared for the real situation.  A job skills training non-profit tried to turn my niece away for similar reasons/excuses and after I talked to my sister she went down and asked questions about their funding and how they selected who they helped and who they denied and suddenly 'magically' my niece was selected to be helped and 'There must have been a misunderstanding.'

Kathy J.On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 6:05 PM, cmt263 <gina9431@...> wrote:

 

I received a letter today from Big Brothers Big Sisters saying that they are removing my son from the program. That state that after speaking to my son and his lunch buddy, they have determined they are not a good match. It goes on to say that my son requested another, female, lunch buddy, but that they do not feel the program is right fr him at this time. It goes on to say that he would probably have more fun playing with the kids. It also says my son only wants to play at recess or in the gym and that is not all the program is about. It is about developing a relationship with the lunch buddy, talking to them, playing games with them, etc. Hmmmmm......all the things a child with autism struggles to do!

So, maybe the program is not right for kids with autism, I don't know, but was it not mentioned by the school or an anything of the paperwork completed to sign him up? Was he not interviewed before being matched with a buddy? I am really bothered by this and feel compelled to respond that they accepting my son in a program he was guaranteed to fail at!!! I understand he is not going to fit in everywhere because of his AS, but it was also the very reason he was put in to the program (or so I thought). He isn't lacking family involvement or parenting......maybe the program is more for kids like that? My son was upset to find out he was kicked out of the program and said it was the one thing he looked forward to every week.......

Yet, he told them he didn't have fun, because he is always negative! Something else I understand to be an AS characteristic. They were questioning my child and asking to to share feelings and emotions.....again, something he struggles with! They asked him to do things, to which he said he didn't want to do, but I have to push him to do everything!

I feel it is pointless to say anything, even though I really want to. Is this what it's always going to be like? Is my son ever going to be accepted anywhere for who he is? Is that asking to much? I understand he is hard to accept......he is negative and defiant, says things that are rude, and doesn't listen half the time. But he can be the smartest, sweetest child if you just get to know him. I worry he will never get the chance to prove that to others!!!! I am just so sad about this......the smallest things can really bring everything back down again ;(

[Guest guest]

Wow. This is a tough one... On one hand the buddy thing is good for him and on another, not so good because it sounds like the volunteers do not know much about dealing with AS or autistic kids. Maybe you can request a buddy ( hopefully female if that is what he is most comfortable with) who understands AS more or at least is willing to learn more about it so your son will benefit from the program.Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless ( ) Follow Up On Son "Cancelling" Lunch Buddy I received a letter today from Big Brothers Big Sisters saying that they are removing my son from the program. That state that after speaking to my son and his lunch buddy, they have determined they are not a good match. It goes on to say that my son requested another, female, lunch buddy, but that they do not feel the program is right fr him at this time. It goes on to say that he would probably have more fun playing with the kids. It also says my son only wants to play at recess or in the gym and that is not all the program is about. It is about developing a relationship with the lunch buddy, talking to them, playing games with them, etc. Hmmmmm......all the things a child with autism struggles to do!So, maybe the program is not right for kids with autism, I don't know, but was it not mentioned by the school or an anything of the paperwork completed to sign him up? Was he not interviewed before being matched with a buddy? I am really bothered by this and feel compelled to respond that they accepting my son in a program he was guaranteed to fail at!!! I understand he is not going to fit in everywhere because of his AS, but it was also the very reason he was put in to the program (or so I thought). He isn't lacking family involvement or parenting......maybe the program is more for kids like that? My son was upset to find out he was kicked out of the program and said it was the one thing he looked forward to every week.......Yet, he told them he didn't have fun, because he is always negative! Something else I understand to be an AS characteristic. They were questioning my child and asking to to share feelings and emotions.....again, something he struggles with! They asked him to do things, to which he said he didn't want to do, but I have to push him to do everything!I feel it is pointless to say anything, even though I really want to. Is this what it's always going to be like? Is my son ever going to be accepted anywhere for who he is? Is that asking to much? I understand he is hard to accept......he is negative and defiant, says things that are rude, and doesn't listen half the time. But he can be the smartest, sweetest child if you just get to know him. I worry he will never get the chance to prove that to others!!!! I am just so sad about this......the smallest things can really bring everything back down again ;(

[Guest guest]

Wow, sounds like they have no clue how to include people with disabilities in the program - or at least, people with autism. this probably happened this way because again, they have no clue what a child with AS needs or is like. You could write a letter explaining the problems and what it means for someone with AS, if nothing else than to express your displeasure at what happened to your son. I think they probably needed to have an aide with him during his lunch buddy program to help cue him appropriately. At the least, he should have social skill goals that are being taught to him as part of the program. You really can't just stick him in a social program and expect he will learn social skills from that. If you think of it another way - say he has dyslexia and has trouble reading. You can sign him up for reading club but will it fix his reading disability? Not at all. This is the same sort of thing.

I think it will always be a problem for him to fit in when you deal with anyone who doesn't get that this is a disability and not a choice. When you work with people who understand autism and focus on helping him to be successful in the ways that he needs support, then he will fit in just fine. It's just a matter of who is running the program and if the program is able to accommodate his needs.

Roxanna

May those who love us, love us

And those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts

And if he can't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles

So we will know them by their limping!

( ) Follow Up On Son "Cancelling" Lunch Buddy

I received a letter today from Big Brothers Big Sisters saying that they are removing my son from the program. That state that after speaking to my son and his lunch buddy, they have determined they are not a good match. It goes on to say that my son requested another, female, lunch buddy, but that they do not feel the program is right fr him at this time. It goes on to say that he would probably have more fun playing with the kids. It also says my son only wants to play at recess or in the gym and that is not all the program is about. It is about developing a relationship with the lunch buddy, talking to them, playing games with them, etc. Hmmmmm......all the things a child with autism struggles to do!

So, maybe the program is not right for kids with autism, I don't know, but was it not mentioned by the school or an anything of the paperwork completed to sign him up? Was he not interviewed before being matched with a buddy? I am really bothered by this and feel compelled to respond that they accepting my son in a program he was guaranteed to fail at!!! I understand he is not going to fit in everywhere because of his AS, but it was also the very reason he was put in to the program (or so I thought). He isn't lacking family involvement or parenting......maybe the program is more for kids like that? My son was upset to find out he was kicked out of the program and said it was the one thing he looked forward to every week.......

Yet, he told them he didn't have fun, because he is always negative! Something else I understand to be an AS characteristic. They were questioning my child and asking to to share feelings and emotions.....again, something he struggles with! They asked him to do things, to which he said he didn't want to do, but I have to push him to do everything!

I feel it is pointless to say anything, even though I really want to. Is this what it's always going to be like? Is my son ever going to be accepted anywhere for who he is? Is that asking to much? I understand he is hard to accept......he is negative and defiant, says things that are rude, and doesn't listen half the time. But he can be the smartest, sweetest child if you just get to know him. I worry he will never get the chance to prove that to others!!!! I am just so sad about this......the smallest things can really bring everything back down again ;(