Homeschool vs public school

[Guest guest]

I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next

year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey

has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him

and his peers is painfully obvious.

I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school.

He had a very understanding/structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it

work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he

wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me

time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social

experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him

learn coping skills.

Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success

with one or the other. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I

feel like we have made almost no progress.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

[Guest guest]

I agonized over this last year, too. We went with the public school and an IEP. She had a good teacher who was willing to communicate with me. I've never homeschooled, although I've considered it time and time again. What is holding me back most of all is the social concerns. Her speech teacher at the public school has done a great job helping her practice talking with others. She also was able to join a couple of kids in the school counselor's domain to work together at gaining self esteem, learning to play a game without needing to win, etc.). She has adaptive phy ed. So far, the teachers, principal, and others seem to be pretty good to her. It's not perfect..kids are pretty rotten regardless of where we've gone, for example; but when I've had a situation that concerned me, they addressed

it promptly and told me exactly what they were going to do to help. One thing that bothered me was the notion that the school/s/ seem to think that the students at their school are such great kids...yeah, right. The 'great' kids from 'great' families can still be cruel and the schools are pretty naive if they don't realize this. Overall, it seems to be going pretty well AND she gets to practice social interactions in both structured and unstructured ways that she wouldn't get to at home. Keep in mind that, if it doesn't work out, your child doesn't have to stay at that school.

Has he told you why he would like to stay home? Maybe the fears/concerns he has could be addressed --set up an appointment with the principal and/or others before school begins to discuss any of these issues and what they would do to help. If not, maybe homeschooling with outside therapy/etc. could be an answer, or you could invite kids over, go to a park with kids, etc. and guide the social aspect of his life in this manner.

Good luck to you...I know this is difficult. --K.

From: ahockema2001 <ahockema@...> Sent: Sunday, July 12, 2009 6:14:54 PMSubject: ( ) Homeschool vs public school

I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him and his peers is painfully obvious.I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school. He had a very understanding/ structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him learn coping skills.Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success with one or the other. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I feel like we have made

almost no progress.Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

[Guest guest]

I guess I should get to the heart of why he doesn't want to go back. I do know

that it had to do with other kids. And he really is gifted in some

areas-particularly Math and wasn't really challenged at all in this area. The

only modifications he had to his day was a list of goals. about 5 goals his

teacher and I thought were most important for integrating and learning to get

along. If he met all his goals he would get his full computer time at home--1

hour. For ever mark he got he lost 30 minutes..hence if he got only 2 marks he

played no computer. I think it bugged him a lot to be under a microscope like

that but it was the only way to keep control. But by the end of the year some

kids knew he had the checklist and seemed to be able to taunt him enough that he

would get in trouble a lot toward the end of the year. He really started to

give up the last month and seemed to relish in irritating others. While I see

so much great in him--it is so hard to overlook these things that make it so

difficult to be around him too.

>

> I agonized over this last year, too. We went with the public school and an

IEP. She had a good teacher who was willing to communicate with me. I've never

homeschooled, although I've considered it time and time again. What is holding

me back most of all is the social concerns. Her speech teacher at the public

school has done a great job helping her practice talking with others. She also

was able to join a couple of kids in the school counselor's domain to work

together at gaining self esteem, learning to play a game without needing to win,

etc.). She has adaptive phy ed. So far, the teachers, principal, and others seem

to be pretty good to her. It's not perfect..kids are pretty rotten regardless of

where we've gone, for example; but when I've had a situation that concerned me,

they addressed it promptly and told me exactly what they were going to do to

help. One thing that bothered me was the notion that the school/s/ seem to think

that the students at

> their school are such great kids...yeah, right. The 'great' kids from 'great'

families can still be cruel and the schools are pretty naive if they don't

realize this. Overall, it seems to be going pretty well AND she gets to practice

social interactions in both structured and unstructured ways that she wouldn't

get to at home. Keep in mind that, if it doesn't work out, your child doesn't

have to stay at that school.

> Has he told you why he would like to stay home? Maybe the fears/concerns he

has could be addressed --set up an appointment with the principal and/or others

before school begins to discuss any of these issues and what they would do to

help. If not, maybe homeschooling with outside therapy/etc. could be an answer,

or you could invite kids over, go to a park with kids, etc. and guide the social

aspect of his life in this manner.

> Good luck to you...I know this is difficult.. --K.

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: ahockema2001 <ahockema@...>

>

> Sent: Sunday, July 12, 2009 6:14:54 PM

> Subject: ( ) Homeschool vs public school

>

>

>

>

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next

year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey

has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him

and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school.

He had a very understanding/ structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it

work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he

wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me

time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social

experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him

learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success

with one or the other.. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I

feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is very avoidant is your son? She prefers

to retreat into her own world of interests.

Being in school is very hard because there is so much

cooperation required. And she can't retreat. But I don't want my daughter to

live a life of isolation. And that is the path

we are on now.

A family member of ours home schools her four kids, they attend

a weekly coop class, attend church daily, go on playdates

a few times a week, they are each in an activity they

like (dance, plays, basetball). I think this is a great

situation for them. These kids would be able to integrate

into high school or college if they want to. No problem.

When my AS daughter refused to go to school her home school

experience was very different. She was alone all day.

Refused to go to any activity. Wouldn't even eat

lunch out I had to force her to leave the house daily.

So we are working on a plan for medication for anxiety

and getting her into a special needs school.

If your son is home schooled will his experience be

like my family member or more like mine?

Will he socialize at least 3 times a week. Will he

retreat more into his own world of interests and find it

easier or harder to relate to others and stay engaged?

I looked at the big picture. Some people

write about their children that are 18 or older and

who don't want to work or leave the house. When I read

that I think gosh that could be us. It may be OK to have

a 12 year old dependent on Mom for social interaction

but what happens when she is 20. What options will I have

then? It scared me for sure to think of my daughter

isolated.

I use to think socializing

meant playing with nice polite kids. Now I realize it

means learning to cope with some (not excessive) teasing or

aggressive behaviors without falling apart. Even at the

school my daughter will be going to there is still some

unkind words said between kids. They simply have to learn

to cope.

My daughter needs to find a place he can be

safe in the world, will that be with science kids, sports

kids, computer kids?

I wish this was easy it is not. It is hard to get services

in school. We incrementally added services in school

each year until now, middle school has a high level of services

in place. If you pull him out of school you have to start over when

he returns.

If you have a vocational plan for his life as an adult

home school may be OK. A family business? Otherwise

what is his plan?

If he needs vocational training the public school will

have to give it to him.

If he is college bound than he needs to learn to

organize himself, stay focused in school etc.

I was so exhausted this year, our daughter dropped out of school

but the school district provided home instruction as an interim

solution until they found a better setting.

If you have a home school situation where he won't be avoidant

or isolated it may work out. If you don't the effort you put out now for an

approriate setting may pay off later.

Pam

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next

year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey

has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him

and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school.

He had a very understanding/structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it

work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he

wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me

time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social

experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him

learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success

with one or the other. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I

feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

[Guest guest]

We school at home, and we love it. I did, however, decide to do them all so

that the house has a social flow to it. We spend our afternoons doing various

social and structured homeschool activities.

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next

year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey

has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him

and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school.

He had a very understanding/structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it

work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he

wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me

time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social

experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him

learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success

with one or the other. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I

feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes these kids do not do well in a negative behavior plan as well as one that has consequences later, unrelated to the "crime." The school should produce a positive behavior plan and implement it so that he wants to work FOR a goal, not against a goal. It's required to have positive behavior plan anyway. So you should ask for one.

Also, making goals for him is fine but what is being done (taught, modeled, cued, etc.) to help him learn these skills? Or is it a just a list of "thou shalt not" and he has to follow them? Many times, our kids need to be taught social skills step by step with prompting and help, not having him get in trouble for things that happen. IT does set up a bad situation for other kids to set him off, as he quickly found out.

You can go to www.wrightslaw.com and put "FBA" or "functional behavior assessment" in the search engine. Also, search "positive behavior plan".

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Homeschool vs public school

>

>

>

>

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school. He had a very understanding/ structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success with one or the other.. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

S T R E T C H your technology dollars with great laptop deals from Dell!

[Guest guest]

i was just reading your post and was reminded again how truely amazing you are, i wish i knew you guys on a more personal level, Roxanna you always have such wonderful input on things, i hope one day i have as much knowledge and advice to pass on and be able to in the manner that you do as to not seem to " know it all " or be to pushy with trying to help others, i mean well but sometimes i come out looking and sounding like a bumbling lunatic. you always make sense about these matters and you are kind with your words. sherryFrom: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 7:58:09 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Homeschool vs public school

Sometimes these kids do not do well in a negative behavior plan as well as one that has consequences later, unrelated to the "crime." The school should produce a positive behavior plan and implement it so that he wants to work FOR a goal, not against a goal. It's required to have positive behavior plan anyway. So you should ask for one.

Also, making goals for him is fine but what is being done (taught, modeled, cued, etc.) to help him learn these skills? Or is it a just a list of "thou shalt not" and he has to follow them? Many times, our kids need to be taught social skills step by step with prompting and help, not having him get in trouble for things that happen. IT does set up a bad situation for other kids to set him off, as he quickly found out.

You can go to www.wrightslaw. com and put "FBA" or "functional behavior assessment" in the search engine. Also, search "positive behavior plan".

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Homeschool vs public school

>

>

>

>

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school. He had a very understanding/ structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success with one or the other.. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

S T R E T C H your technology dollars with great laptop deals from Dell!

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sherry, that was so nice! I hope things are going well with your move!

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Homeschool vs public school

>

>

>

>

>

> I'm new here but have been teetering making the decision on school for next year. We have successfully avoided IEP's up to this point--but my son definitey has AS and as the years have gone on it is more apparent and the gap between him and his peers is painfully obvious.

>

> I did homeschool him in 2nd grade-then he attended 3rd grade at public school. He had a very understanding/ structured 3rd grade teacher that seemed to make it work. The principle is a gem. However, DS doesn't want to go back to school-he wants to homeschool again. My other 2 DC would be in school so it would give me time to focus with just him--however, I worry that he will miss out on social experiences (yes--even negative ones) that might help shape him and help him learn coping skills.

>

> Tell me your opinions on the 2 educational choices and if you have had success with one or the other.. While I think he has learned to cope somewhat--at home I feel like we have made almost no progress.

>

> Thanks for sharing your knowledge with a newbie!!

>

S T R E T C H your technology dollars with great laptop deals from Dell!

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