Re: Panic Attacks???

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/21/2002 5:35:36 PM Eastern Standard Time,

lesliesa@... writes:

> . I was hysterical I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. I never

> felt so overwhelmed.

- I don't think you need a psychiatrist. I think you just had a

little bit of a panic attack. That's totally understandable given that you

knew you would be in pain the next day after a night like that. PA changes

your life. We all know that. I always think ahead when it comes to

socializing and think about whether or not I will be able to deal with the

situation. Luckily most of my friends understand and if I need to leave or

need to tell them I can't cope, it's ok. Wait and see how your next social

situation goes. Try to make it a little more mellow than the last one.

You'll be fine.

And if you still feel very anxious or get another panic attack, talk to your

doctor. There is probably a physical cause and there are very useful drugs

to help.

[Guest guest]

Hi , I’m sorry to hear about your attempted evening out. The same

thing happens to me around people. I thought I had isolated myself too long

an had forgotten how to socialize. I have mentioned a number of times that

I have isolated myself over the last few years. I definitely feel the most

comfortable by myself. Much more comfortable. Its strange, at work I’m

fine, I’m very comfortable there. But anywhere else with anyone else, I don

’t like it. Other PA’s have mentioned to me that it’s a struggle to

socialize also.

I had a very very similar experience a few months ago. I was with old

friends that I’ve known since college eating a restaurant. I just couldn’t

handle it, I had to split before I visibly lost it. I’ve been to a couple

family functions where I clammed up and came close to flipping.

One suggestion for the rheumy tomorrow, write down your questions in

advance. I always get nervous and forget to ask most of the things I wanted

to ask. Its good that your mother is going, you should have someone there

with you.

In my experience, I’ve been to 2 shrinks, neither helped. I even went to 1

recommended by my rheumy, someone who deals with people with arthritis. I

didn’t find any comfort in either. See if the rheumy can give you xanax,

mine had no problems in doing so.

I’m sorry you had a rough weekend, its not you, it’s the PA.

Good luck at the doctor tomorrow, Ari

[Guest guest]

- I completely understand.For yars I was the life of the party.Now a

days I dont even want to leave my house.I also can only stay around friends

for a short time lately.I defently would call this a flare time.I have had P

for years and it never effected my social life but know with the PA.I notice

a totally different change in my personality.I can only hope for one day at a

time.Do you feel horrible forever?????

[Guest guest]

Ari,

I am comfortable when it is just me and my best friend or me and my husband. I

can handle small groups. I used to enjoy going to clubs and I can't do that

anymore. My husband likes to dance and it is too painful for me to do so I tell

him to go by himself. I know he will have more fun that way. I was expecting

the beach party to be more laid back.

>>> awilker@... 01/21/02 04:55PM >>>

Other PA's have mentioned to me that it's a struggle to

socialize also.>>>

I used to be so social though. I used to have too many friends, spend more days

going out than at home. This past year I stopped calling my friends (except my

best friend who has been the most supportive since I got sick).

>>>In my experience, I've been to 2 shrinks, neither helped. I even went to 1

recommended by my rheumy, someone who deals with people with arthritis. I

didn't find any comfort in either. See if the rheumy can give you xanax,

mine had no problems in doing so.<<<

Did you ask your doctor for this? My experience is that doctors don't like to

prescribe drugs like that.

Thanks and take care,

[Guest guest]

,

I know in hindsight that driving up to the beach house after a full day of work

was a bad idea. I think I would have been ok if I had left on Saturday. I just

wanted to get out of my house since it had been so long. I don't want to be

stuck at home all the time. I always say no when people ask me to go out (my

husband too). I thought if I forced myself to get out of the house I would have

fun. I guess I chose the wrong function to go to. My best friend understood

why I had to leave. I feel a little embarrassed for the other people b/c I

didn't even say goodbye. I just packed up all my stuff and left in a big hurry.

They probably think I am crazy or a total bitch. I have been selective in who I

explain my condition to. My close friends all know and understand but some

friends I don't feel comfortable talking to them about it (old highschool

friends I don't see often).

Take care,

>>> TADEL630@... 01/21/02 07:04PM >>>

In a message dated 1/21/2002 5:35:36 PM Eastern Standard Time,

lesliesa@... writes:

> . I was hysterical I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. I never

> felt so overwhelmed.

- I don't think you need a psychiatrist. I think you just had a

little bit of a panic attack. That's totally understandable given that you

knew you would be in pain the next day after a night like that. PA changes

your life. We all know that. I always think ahead when it comes to

socializing and think about whether or not I will be able to deal with the

situation. Luckily most of my friends understand and if I need to leave or

need to tell them I can't cope, it's ok. Wait and see how your next social

situation goes. Try to make it a little more mellow than the last one.

You'll be fine.

And if you still feel very anxious or get another panic attack, talk to your

doctor. There is probably a physical cause and there are very useful drugs

to help.

[Guest guest]

This is so weird how so many of us developed panic attacks out of nowhere

once we developed psoriatic arthritis... This happened to me too like 4

years ago... I think researchers should look more into this connection..

My panic attacks are gone now though.. I tried the xanax , anti-depressants

, and anti-anxiety drugs ... They worked a little but then stopped working..

It didnt even matter how much I took , it was still the same effect......

I havent takin any of these types of drugs in years now... What has helped

me is diet, nutrition ,and supplements , and Guaifenesin for fibromyalgia...

Everybody on this group may also have fibro.... I have been taking

Guaifenesin for over a year now and definately feel a difference... You

could read more about the fibro connection at these links -

http://www.guaidoc.com/PAGES/cfsandfms.html

http://www.guaidoc.com/PAGES/sources.html

http://www.fibromyalgiatreatment.com/doctors.htm

http://www.guaifenesin.com/home.htm

mike

[Guest guest]

--- As an experienced Panic attacker. I have to say that you just

described a classic one. unfortunately, if you never had one before

you don't know how to recognize the signals before it gets out of

control. I would recommend discussing it with the rheumy. It isn't

always psycological however, so you really have to get to the root of

why it happened. I wish you luck A

In @y..., " Sa " <lesliesa@r...> wrote:

> I have always been very stressed but this weekend something

happened to me that has never happened before. I was spending a

weekend with some friends at a beach house. I thought that with how

down I have been lately it would be good for me especially since it

had been a long time since I went on a social function. I really

needed to have some fun. I was reminded how I couldn't keep up with

my friends. 3:30am rolled around and the party was still going on

hard. I tried to go to my room to sleep but there were too many

people all over the house and it was just too loud. Something in me

snapped and I freaked out. I pulled my best friend in the room and

told her I had to leave. I was an 1.5 hrs from my home and she

wouldn't let me drive home. She understood why I was upset but was

scared because she never saw that kind of behavior from me before. I

was hysterical I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. I never

felt so overwhelmed. She couldn't say anything to calm me down. I

just had to get out of there as soon as possible. I don't understand

what came over me. I never felt like that before. I don't think I

can be around a lot of people. I think I bit off more than I could

chew. I wound up getting a hotel and I was still unable to sleep.

The next day my body paid for it. Joints started swelling, I felt

horrible. I am so much more comfortable at home. I miss being with

my friends but I can't stay up all night drinking with them. I can't

physically do the things they do. My body can't take it. I thought

if I tried to just have fun I could feel better but I think I just

pushed myself too far. I have mentioned to my doctors before that I

get very stressed out very easily. I have had outbursts before where

I have gotten so stressed that I can't cope. I lose patience with

all the people around me. Of course the doctors always blow me off

and never say anything about it (Well my GP did mention that

prednisone can cause psychosis but that is all he said). I am seeing

my new rheumy tomorrow and this time I am bringing my mom and a list

of the problems I have been having. I am wondering if I should also

make an appt. with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Any

suggestions? I saw a psychologist for a month when I first got

diagnosed and she never told me anything that I didn't already know

so I don't think it was beneficial.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I’m very glad to hear that your appointment went as well as it did.

As far as the xanax is concerned, the rheumy brought it up first. I was

very very upset and had completely lost control at that time. He was the

one that first mentioned to me that he thought I was depressed. I was

seeing him every month or so back then, asking for more MTX or enbrel or

something. I was desperate. More than desperate though, I was upset,

depressed, angry and completely out of control.

I was against the xanax though, On one level, I knew that I needed it, but I

couldn’t accept that I had to take it. Fact is though, that in addition to

the anxiety, depression and panic attacks… I had no control over my

emotions. I would start crying anywhere at any time. Worse even, I was

angry. Very angry…. I had no patience and no control over my temper. I’m

lucky to have kept my job. I would have fired me. I certainly threatened

to quit enough times. I found a message that I posted in December 2000

regarding the xanax that sums it up pretty nicely. I’ve pasted it below.

Regarding the fibro, I’m sorry to hear, but I know how much of a relief it

was for me to find out about fibro. I had no idea why the things that were

happening to me were happening and I was very very scared. I’m going to

look for my message from November / December 2000 regarding that discovery.

Posted on 12/1/00

I went to a new psychiatrist today. I was given a prescription for

paxil and I was told to take my xanax more often. " the anxiety is

radiating off of you "

The xanax does wonders but I don't like taking it. Taking it just

proves that " i can't handle it anymore " . My former shrink had me on

prozac. It helped some, but it was a waste.

The new dr says that i need these drugs just like a diabetic needs

insulin. just like i need the plethora of other medications i also

take. i still can't but see it as a crutch. an admission that i am

weak. my ability to " deal " with the pa and my other conditions once

made me feel strong. special even.... wiser than my years.

now i feel weak.

i just want to feel better.

ari

I hope the new rheumy helps you, I’m off to look for my post on fibro, I

just don’t think I can do how I felt back then justice by trying to describe

it again now.

Feel great!!

Ari

RE: [ ] Panic Attacks???

Ari,

I am comfortable when it is just me and my best friend or me and my husband.

I can handle small groups. I used to enjoy going to clubs and I can't do

that anymore. My husband likes to dance and it is too painful for me to do

so I tell him to go by himself. I know he will have more fun that way. I

was expecting the beach party to be more laid back.

>>> awilker@... 01/21/02 04:55PM >>>

Other PA's have mentioned to me that it's a struggle to

socialize also.>>>

I used to be so social though. I used to have too many friends, spend more

days going out than at home. This past year I stopped calling my friends

(except my best friend who has been the most supportive since I got sick).

>>>In my experience, I've been to 2 shrinks, neither helped. I even went to

1

recommended by my rheumy, someone who deals with people with arthritis. I

didn't find any comfort in either. See if the rheumy can give you xanax,

mine had no problems in doing so.<<<

Did you ask your doctor for this? My experience is that doctors don't like

to prescribe drugs like that.

Thanks and take care,

[Guest guest]

,

I used to have a lot of friends also, but I first started to transform into

a hermit after my thyroid problems started a spiral of other problems, PA

flares included. I wouldn’t call anyone back, I wouldn’t answer the phone,

I wouldn’t go out…. Eventually the friends stopped calling. Some of them

are only a phone call away, but for some reason, not understood by me… I do

nothing about it.

My first panic attack was on a date though. Talk about disastrous. She

thought I was nuts and wanted nothing to with me after that. Dating was

very tough while the PA was flaring. I never knew how I’d feel on any given

day. The first date I remember having trouble with, I wasn’t feeling all

that good and I had suddenly lost my appetite right after dinner was served.

I was already trying so hard to “act healthy” that I was sure that my not

eating looked very weird. Still, I managed to secure another date. But

guess what… I started to get very anxious that my sudden loss of appetite

would occur again, and as a result of my worrying, it became a self

fulfilling prophecy. I wasn’t as good at acting healthy as I wanted to.

Even seeing friends, people with whom I did not want to discuss my health….

But people already knew I wasn’t doing so hot. I’d had a couple of stays in

the hospital for various reasons and I dropped out of graduate school. The

question I dreaded most was , “how are you feeling”. People only ask that

when they know you aren’t feeling well. I would lie, say I was doing ok….

But I’d repeat myself, I knew they knew that I was lying. It wasn’t that

long after that the sweating would start… my stutter would become so severe

that I couldn’t utter 2 consecutive syllables, I’d get hot, nauseous… my

heart would start pounding… and hurting…. I could hear my pulse in my ears,

I couldn’t think straight, I’d start getting muscle spasms…. powerful spasms

that would double me over or force me to the ground… I needed to get out of

wherever I was more than I ever needed anything ever in my life. I needed

to be alone. I couldn’t calm myself down. Even after the “attack”, my

already elevated anxiety levels would be on edge.

Finally, a few months ago, some friends were in from out of town and I went

out with them and a few other friends. Much to my chagrin, I started

getting an attack again, months after my last attack…. I could have killed

someone I was so upset and angry. I thought that was all behind me. Now,

rather than being afraid of going out… I just seem to have convinced myself

that I don’t want to. Well….. Its late here and I need to get to sleep,

sooo…. Happy thoughts everyone, and a pain free day, Ari in NYC

[Guest guest]

- I understand in not broadcasting your illnesses to casual friends. But

I do think sometimes some of mine feel like I don't care to associate with them

or don't have time for them when the truth is, I'm just too tired! Sometimes I

even dread answering the phone because I don't have the energy for a lengthy

phone conversation after a full day of work. (I have a friend who NEVER has a

phone conversation of less than an hour - and usually calls just as I'm ready

for bed!).

I feel guilty for avoiding them but sometimes I guess it's necessary. Anyway,

sometimes with friends who aren't too close I just tell them work has been very

stressful and time consuming which is why I'm so tired. They seem to accept

that better than telling them I don't feel well.

[Guest guest]

Ari,

Seems to me you could carry around some Valium or other similar drug

to take on occasions like that (ask your doctor). It works pretty

fast (especially if you grind the pill into a powder and " snort " it),

and is very calming. It's not something you'd want to take on a

regular basis, but if it's only something you need every few weeks or

months, most doctors would probably be willing to write a script for

it (or you can get it via the internet without a prescription).

-- Ron

> ,

> I used to have a lot of friends also, but I first started to

> transform into a hermit after my thyroid problems started a

> spiral of other problems, PA flares included. I wouldn't call

> anyone back, I wouldn't answer the phone, I wouldn't go

out….

> Eventually the friends stopped calling. Some of them are only a

> phone call away, but for some reason, not understood by me… I do

> nothing about it.

>

> My first panic attack was on a date though. Talk about

> disastrous. She thought I was nuts and wanted nothing to with me

> after that. Dating was very tough while the PA was flaring. I

> never knew how I'd feel on any given day. The first date I

> remember having trouble with, I wasn't feeling all that good and

> I had suddenly lost my appetite right after dinner was served. I

> was already trying so hard to " act healthy " that I was sure

that

> my not eating looked very weird. Still, I managed to secure

> another date. But guess what… I started to get very anxious that

> my sudden loss of appetite would occur again, and as a result of

> my worrying, it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I wasn't as

> good at acting healthy as I wanted to. Even seeing friends,

> people with whom I did not want to discuss my health…. But

> people already knew I wasn't doing so hot. I'd had a couple

of

> stays in the hospital for various reasons and I dropped out of

> graduate school. The question I dreaded most was , " how are you

> feeling " . People only ask that when they know you aren't

feeling

> well. I would lie, say I was doing ok…. But I'd repeat

myself, I

> knew they knew that I was lying. It wasn't that long after that

> the sweating would start… my stutter would become so severe that

> I couldn't utter 2 consecutive syllables, I'd get hot,

nauseous…

> my heart would start pounding… and hurting…. I could hear my

> pulse in my ears, I couldn't think straight, I'd start

getting

> muscle spasms…. powerful spasms that would double me over or

> force me to the ground… I needed to get out of wherever I was

> more than I ever needed anything ever in my life. I needed to be

> alone. I couldn't calm myself down. Even after the

" attack " , my

> already elevated anxiety levels would be on edge.

>

> Finally, a few months ago, some friends were in from out of town

> and I went out with them and a few other friends. Much to my

> chagrin, I started getting an attack again, months after my last

> attack…. I could have killed someone I was so upset and angry. I

> thought that was all behind me. Now, rather than being afraid of

> going out… I just seem to have convinced myself that I don't

> want to. Well….. Its late here and I need to get to sleep,

> sooo…. Happy thoughts everyone, and a pain free day, Ari in NYC

>

>

[Guest guest]

>> Ari, Seems to me you could carry around some Valium or other

similar drug to take on occasions like that (ask your doctor). It

works pretty fast (especially if you grind the pill into a powder

and " snort " it), and is very calming. -- Ron <<

I might suggest Xanax or it's generic. Valium is much stronger and

potentially more habit forming. I have chewed a Xanax tablet a few

times to get a faster result, but talk about " nasty " tasting, WHEW!

I wouldn't suggest you snort anything that's not meant to snort.

- Jim

[Guest guest]

Ari,

I have a hard time controlling my emotions too. What is the worst is when I

start crying at work. It is embarrassing. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.

Yesterday my best friend emailed regarding the incident that happened at the

beach house. She said she was angry with me but wanted to talk in person. A

normal person would have been like " ok, I will talk to her tonite. " Not me. I

sat all morning obsessing over why she could be mad at me, what could I have

done, how could I fix things. I couldn't get any work done at all. I hate

people being mad at me and she is the one person in the world who I can't have

mad at me. I fought off tears and hid in the restroom for a while. I went home

for lunch and I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. I became hysterical.

I called my mom and I was crying so hard she couldn't understand me. I started

to hyperventilate. I couldn't breath and I was feeling dizzy. I was

overwhelmed. I tried calling my dr. and it was the answering service. They

told me to call 911. I didn't want to call b/c I didn't think it was an

emergency but she convinced me to call. By that time my mom had called my

husband and he rushed home. It took him half an hour to calm me down. The

paramedics arrived and monitored me to make sure everything is ok. They told me

any time I have an episode like that and I feel out of control to go ahead and

call - that is what they are there for. I was very frightened. I never acted

like that before, I don't know where it came from. It wasn't me. My husband

took me to the doc and he prescribed ativan in case I have another attack. I

think I just need a break. I need a vacation or something. It is too much

stress and I am feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to make an appt. to talk to a

psych. but it is 25 bucks each visit. I have spent $200 already this month on

dr.s and medications (that doesn't count for the time off work either). I need

help but I am not sure I can get it. My mom is being extremely supportive now.

She went with me Tues. to the dr. so she knows I really am pain. After that

appt. I called my grandmother and told her what happened (about the fibro).

After she hung up with me she called my mom later and told her I was a

hypochondriac. That really pissed my mom off. It made me feel good that she

believes me now. She came over yesterday and took care of me. She even helped

me clean my house (it had been a while). I have a hard time keeping up with that

stuff. Sometimes I hurt myself just by cleaning my house. My husband always

tells me to let it be. Save it for another day but I can't. I can't stand for

things to be in disorder. I know I have some problem now. I totally relate

with the anger issue too. My husband and I got into an argument before. I was

so frustrated with him I threw the t.v. remote against the wall and smashed it.

I couldn't believe I did that. I have never been a violent person before. My

husband and I rarely had arguments where we even raised our voices. Something

came over me and I was a different person. Even at work. My boss has even made

remarks that I have a short fuse. I don't worry about that coming from him b/c

I am the one who has to tell him how to do his job and I lose patience with him.

you wrote:

>>> used to have a lot of friends also, but I first started to transform into

a hermit after my thyroid problems started a spiral of other problems, PA

flares included.<<<

My doc is testing me for thyroid problems too. I don't know anything about it

at all but I don't want to start looking it up until I know for sure I have that

problem too. No use in getting upset over nothing. I have become very

selective with my friends. I often say that I am a bad friend b/c I make hardly

any effort to keep in contact with them. I always cancel. I don't mean to

intentionally. I am just more comfortable at home, watching the idiot box or

playing on my computer. I rambled on long enough. I am just wishing to be sane

again. My husband told me things won't stay like this. Things will get better

- they have to. Those were his exact words. I pray that he is right. He tells

me he just wants to see me happy. That is what would make him happy and all I

want is to make him happy but I don't know how. I just don't know what to do

anymore....

[Guest guest]

Jim, Ron, and Ari,

These two messages made me smile, and even laugh, thanks. Sometimes

just the little things we right in our messages are so uplifting.

Only us PAer's on this site can truly relate. It reminded me of one

specific time when I was trying so hard to be subtle in taking

an 'extra' Xanax in the presence of business guests in a very crowded

restaurant (the crowds make me nervous more these days...). Well,

none of our drinks had been served, so I tried to accumulate enough

saliva (sorry, but that is how it goes...) to swallow it... well,

it got stuck in the back of my throat and tasted horrible, but I knew

I had to keep smiling as if everything was okay. Jim, I agree with

you, it is Nasty tasting !!!!!! Anyway, thank God for Xanax! I

won't go anywhere without it. #2

> >> Ari, Seems to me you could carry around some Valium or other

> similar drug to take on occasions like that (ask your doctor). It

> works pretty fast (especially if you grind the pill into a powder

> and " snort " it), and is very calming. -- Ron <<

>

> I might suggest Xanax or it's generic. Valium is much stronger and

> potentially more habit forming. I have chewed a Xanax tablet a few

> times to get a faster result, but talk about " nasty " tasting,

WHEW!

> I wouldn't suggest you snort anything that's not meant to snort.

>

> - Jim

[Guest guest]

Hi , I’m really sorry to hear about your unfortunate day at work. I

hated crying at work, more than anything, I hate letting people see me that

way. What I would usually do in those situations is take a xanax, hide out

in the bathroom and then make a “run” for the door get out of the office

until I calmed down. It would happen so suddenly, I’d be obsessing over

something that was bothering me ( and something was always bothering me) and

then tears would come and I’d just lose it. Even worse was if someone,

usually one of the owners made me mad and I didn’t have control that day…

Oh my… the screaming I would do… its really amazing I still have a job.

Then I’d get upset and I’d be brought to tears. I was forced to discuss my

condition with my boss, let him know that I wasn’t myself, let him know that

I was doing my best. Everyone saw how much I was suffering and I think he

was just scared that I’d quit or go on disability. I was usually too

fatigued and upset to concentrate on anything anyway. Unless I was in the

hospital, I really didn’t take any sick days, no matter how much pain I was

in. Nonetheless, I was seeing 1-2 doctors a week, going to rehab at the

hospital, seeing a shrink, and pretty much collapsing at my desk.

At the behest of my rheumy, my shrink, my mother and my boss, and against my

“better judgment”, I started to take a lot of xanax.

As far as the shrink is concerned, I hated going and I hated paying for it.

After a while I refused. Then my mother called my rheumy, found a new

shrink, called my boss…. Yes… actually called my boss… and arranged and

paid for the whole thing. This was tough also, it was a fight that I lost

before I even allowed her to come to doctors appointments. But as I got

sicker, I couldn’t get to them myself anyway.

I don’t know what is right for you, but I needed to keep working at all

costs. Not working meant giving up my apartment and moving back in with my

parents. After being hospitalized with a staph infection that my MTX

ravaged immune system made no effort to fight off whatsoever, I came very

close to disability. I was really only able to get by with financial help

from my parents at that time. My need for isolation is already well

documented in this group, and though I love my parents, I’d sooner jump of a

bridge then move back in with them. I do think at the very least that you

should take a few days, a vacation does sound like a good idea.

I myself have never been married, but there is no doubt in my mind that your

husband loves you very much. Much much easier said then done, but just be

patient with yourself and his patience. You don’t need any added stress.

As far as your mother is concerned…. That’s really great news.

Grandmothers and old and stubborn, its your mother that matters.

With PA, you are anything but a hypochondriac. In fact, we’re the

opposite!!!! We usually blame whatever ills us on the PA and miss other

things that are wrong also. You called 911 because your DR told you to. I’

ve been to the ER many times, been in ambulances… the whole 9 yards…. Not

once did I ever call 911 myself. Suffering with pain everyday I was never

able to distinguish when it was “too much” or “too serious”. I tended to

just soldier through. This is however what drives my parents the craziest

and makes them worry the most.

This has been a long message and I’m not claiming to have any answers, but

you need to do what’s right for you now. You need to be nice to yourself

and do everything in your power to ease your own stress. If the house is

dirty and you don’t have the energy to clean, OH WELL!!!! You need to spend

that time caring for your needs, not your house. Have a maid come once a

week or something. I know its not that simple and that you may be thinking

how can I afford to do all of this???? What I started to ask myself, when I

was hiring a car to take me to work, buying new “toys” to make my home life

as comfy as possible, even now, joining a really nice gym and paying for a

trainer every week and a massage every month…. What I started to ask myself

was…. Can I afford not to??

Hopefully it wont be, but if the thyroid does become an issue, it may be a

tad OT here… NOT THAT ANYONE would mind… but please feel free to contact me

directly. I’ve been dealing with thyroid problems for a while now…. I’ve

been hyper… hypo… you name it. I’ve researched it thoroughly.

Be nice to yourself and just do the best you can,

Ari

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I am sure that so many of us can relate, I have only been

experiencing pretty severe panic attacks for the past six months...

having had PA for almost 10 years now... I am so glad that I am

finally learning to 'cope' with them, partly due to my recently

diagnosed hypglycemia and in part due to having anxiety over all my

problems related to PA... I am down to taking Xanax only occasionally

whenever I am under unusual stress or when I know I will be in

crowded places or overwhelming situations... my point is, I found out

through this wonderful site that I am not crazy and anxiety/panic

just goes along with PA... not always, but with some of us.

Although my doctors are wonderful, they don't experience PA and can

not really know what we are going through... I was truly so afraid I

thought I would die (and often just wished I would, as the anxiety

and fear that goes with it were just too much ... I was so afraid and

didn't know what was wrong, I went to the emergency room 3 times and

to my internist 3 or 4 times... plus I called my doctor several times

in the middle of the night I was too afraid to fall asleep or even to

put my head down on the pillow). She was always understanding, but

felt I was just anxious because my oldest child was going off to

college... but she went to college and I was happy for her, the panic

attacks became worse and I INSISTED that I was not worried or anxious

about her or anything... then she suggested I be tested for

hypoglycemia.... well, I ended up being extremely hypoglycemic !

But, I am afraid that now my body has already become use to reacting

with these panic attacks... so, in addition to 5 or 6 small meals a

day, I also decreased my amount of Xanax SLOWLY, now I can kind of

judge ahead of time what situations will be like and just try to

prepare myself psychologically and with Xanax, accordingly.

I wish all our doctors would learn about PA by reading all these

messages on THIS PA site, then we would have much more support and

understanding... not having to feel like hypochondriacs all the time.

Yesterday, a friend of my mother-in-law asked me how I was doing with

my arthritis... when I said I was better and coping, she said not to

think about it and it will all go away.... ha ha ha. I am so glad

she is not my doctor, but some people are so ignorant ... I am always

amazed by the existence of so much stupidity in the world. Oh, she

also informed me that I was too young to have problems, and surely I

couldn't have arthritis. Wow, I guess that completely cured me. Ha

Anyway, (and all you others), I wish all of you good health

and pain-free days ahead. You have lots of friends on this site that

you may never meet, but they are your friends... and can help. None

of us are truly alone if we reach out to one another and share our

experiences and advice. I have improved so much since joining 2

months ago, my Dad and Husband and friends have all commented that I

look and seem so much better. Thank you to all of you. , you

will be okay... don't be stubborn like I was and try to go without

medication for anxiety... I resisted, finally took it regularly, and

now only take it occasionally. ) #2

[Guest guest]

Hi , I’m really sorry to hear about your unfortunate day at work. I

hated crying at work, more than anything, I hate letting people see me that

way. What I would usually do in those situations is take a xanax, hide out

in the bathroom and then make a “run” for the door get out of the office

until I calmed down. It would happen so suddenly, I’d be obsessing over

something that was bothering me ( and something was always bothering me) and

then tears would come and I’d just lose it. Even worse was if someone,

usually one of the owners made me mad and I didn’t have control that day…

Oh my… the screaming I would do… its really amazing I still have a job.

Then I’d get upset and I’d be brought to tears. I was forced to discuss my

condition with my boss, let him know that I wasn’t myself, let him know that

I was doing my best. Everyone saw how much I was suffering and I think he

was just scared that I’d quit or go on disability. I was usually too

fatigued and upset to concentrate on anything anyway. Unless I was in the

hospital, I really didn’t take any sick days, no matter how much pain I was

in. Nonetheless, I was seeing 1-2 doctors a week, going to rehab at the

hospital, seeing a shrink, and pretty much collapsing at my desk.

At the behest of my rheumy, my shrink, my mother and my boss, and against my

“better judgment”, I started to take a lot of xanax.

As far as the shrink is concerned, I hated going and I hated paying for it.

After a while I refused. Then my mother called my rheumy, found a new

shrink, called my boss…. Yes… actually called my boss… and arranged and

paid for the whole thing. This was tough also, it was a fight that I lost

before I even allowed her to come to doctors appointments. But as I got

sicker, I couldn’t get to them myself anyway.

I don’t know what is right for you, but I needed to keep working at all

costs. Not working meant giving up my apartment and moving back in with my

parents. After being hospitalized with a staph infection that my MTX

ravaged immune system made no effort to fight off whatsoever, I came very

close to disability. I was really only able to get by with financial help

from my parents at that time. My need for isolation is already well

documented in this group, and though I love my parents, I’d sooner jump of a

bridge then move back in with them. I do think at the very least that you

should take a few days, a vacation does sound like a good idea.

I myself have never been married, but there is no doubt in my mind that your

husband loves you very much. Much much easier said then done, but just be

patient with yourself and his patience. You don’t need any added stress.

As far as your mother is concerned…. That’s really great news.

Grandmothers and old and stubborn, its your mother that matters.

With PA, you are anything but a hypochondriac. In fact, we’re the

opposite!!!! We usually blame whatever ills us on the PA and miss other

things that are wrong also. You called 911 because your DR told you to. I’

ve been to the ER many times, been in ambulances… the whole 9 yards…. Not

once did I ever call 911 myself. Suffering with pain everyday I was never

able to distinguish when it was “too much” or “too serious”. I tended to

just soldier through. This is however what drives my parents the craziest

and makes them worry the most.

This has been a long message and I’m not claiming to have any answers, but

you need to do what’s right for you now. You need to be nice to yourself

and do everything in your power to ease your own stress. If the house is

dirty and you don’t have the energy to clean, OH WELL!!!! You need to spend

that time caring for your needs, not your house. Have a maid come once a

week or something. I know its not that simple and that you may be thinking

how can I afford to do all of this???? What I started to ask myself, when I

was hiring a car to take me to work, buying new “toys” to make my home life

as comfy as possible, even now, joining a really nice gym and paying for a

trainer every week and a massage every month…. What I started to ask myself

was…. Can I afford not to??

Hopefully it wont be, but if the thyroid does become an issue, it may be a

tad OT here… NOT THAT ANYONE would mind… but please feel free to contact me

directly. I’ve been dealing with thyroid problems for a while now…. I’ve

been hyper… hypo… you name it. I’ve researched it thoroughly.

Be nice to yourself and just do the best you can,

Ari

[Guest guest]

- I can relate to a lot of the emotional outbursts you described. And

the anger as well - I've taken things out on the hubby quite a bit. Are you

on prednisone or any other steriod? Because I was worse when I was on them.

I think just the very nature of PA with the constants aches and lousy feeling

is enough to make us cranky and emotional, but add certain drugs and we lose

it.

I hope you're feeling ok today,

[Guest guest]

Hey Ron, your message was a welcome diversional off-topic

distraction, thanks. Any giggle or bit of humour is a 'must' for all

of us. Thank God Xanax is tiny and I have become use to swallowing it

without others noticing... ) I only save Valium for when I am

extremely in need of 'calming down'. Right now I am trying to make

the big decision of whether or not to go back on MTX... I have been

off the tablets for one month due to coming down with severe

bronchitis... but now my joints are beginning to get gradually

worse. If anyone has any advice, I live overseas and spent the last

2 days accumulating the only 4 bottles of MTX injections (50 ml.

each, this was the smallest amount available here, I supposedly only

need 25 mls....) that were available in at least 30 pharmacies that I

contacted.

Now that I have enough supply for 2 months I will pick up my lab

reports tomorrow and go to my Rheumy appt.... we will discuss what to

do... it seems none of the Rheumies in town have ever prescribed MTX

injections for any of their patients....! So, if I go ahead and

insist on them, I am sure he will agree... I am stubborn, from this

site I have read so many messages about many of you that are doing

better with the injections... My reason is because I suffer from

extreme nausea with the tablets, many of you suggested the injs.

might decrease the amt. of nausea... this is what I am hoping for.

Other meds. have not worked with me... or I had pretty bad side

effects, the MTX works ... but 4 times I ended up with bronchitis and

I am always nauseated... that is the price I seem to be paying.

I am in need of any suggestions concerning MTX injections and what I

should know, I had been taking 10 to 12.5 mgs. of tablets weekly. I

think I should now be starting with half the bottle of MTX injection,

that is 25 mgs.... am I correct ? Any advice is desparately

welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am considering delaying MTX until I begin Yoga for a month or so, I

need some suggestions please. The MTX is about out of my system by

now, having stopped it 1 month ago, but my joints are getting bad

again, some days worse than others... I am afraid to delay the MTX

too long... but then I am not sure if I want to take it at all. All

my doctors agree that I can't let my joints get worse, otherwise I

will end up with joint replacements sometime down the road.

It is so frustrating to 'look' healthy and not 'be' healthy... I am

so upset that the pharacist asked me why I would want to take such a

dangerous drug since I 'look' so healthy.... ( it makes me feel

like a hypochondriac 'in others' eyes'.

Ron, thanks again for the 'smiles' you brought to me in your

message. Little things help a lot.

#2

> #2,

>

> Geeze, you should have gone to the bar and asked for a glass of

> water.

>

> I hesitated before adding the comment in my previous message

> about " snorting " Valium, but thought what the heck, we spend most

of

> our time discussing drugs of one kind or another and that is one

> method of taking drugs I've never seen mentioned here before and

> thought it might get a few chuckles. I haven't " snorted " anything

> since my " hippie " days many, many years ago when I tried just about

> every illegal drug you could think of, but mentioning Valium made

me

> recall a friend of mine during that time who liked Valium rather

than

> the more common illegal drugs. I don't know whether he was addicted

> to it or not, but sometimes he had violent mood swings, thus my

> caution to only use it rarely. Anyways, I suppose because it was

> expensive to purchase illegally and because it gave a more

immediate

> and intense effect if snorted (more " bang for the buck " I suppose

you

> might say), he would always grind it into a powder and snort the

> stuff. Otherwise it would have never occurred to me that a pill

could

> be snorted. Although " snorting " it never seemed to bother him, I'm

> with Jim in recommending that a pill normally be swallowed as it

was

> designed to be. Just wanted to point out that there are

alternatives.

> Please pardon me for this totally off topic post, but sometimes a

> little diversion doesn't hurt.

>

> -- Ron

>

> P.S.

> Yes, I did try it that way once just to humor my friend (you did

> *not* want to get on his bad side!), and so can attest that it does

> work more quickly and with more effect than if swallowed.

[Guest guest]

---,

I just got two REALLY good books from a friend about the fibro, they

are The Fibrmyalgia Relief Book, by Miryam Ehrlich on, The

other is Fibromyalgia & Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome A Survival

Manual by Devin Starlayl, M.D. and Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A

I like the second one tremendously because it is written by a doctor

who HAS the disease!! If you can get your hands on a copy I would

recommend it. At the very least, studying has helped keep my brain

working and answers questions that I have.

Hope this helps, and know that you ARE NEVER alone. A

In @y..., " Sa " <lesliesa@r...> wrote:

> Ari,

>

> I have a hard time controlling my emotions too. What is the worst

is when I start crying at work. It is embarrassing. Sometimes I

just feel overwhelmed. Yesterday my best friend emailed regarding

the incident that happened at the beach house. She said she was

angry with me but wanted to talk in person. A normal person would

have been like " ok, I will talk to her tonite. " Not me. I sat all

morning obsessing over why she could be mad at me, what could I have

done, how could I fix things. I couldn't get any work done at all.

I hate people being mad at me and she is the one person in the world

who I can't have mad at me. I fought off tears and hid in the

restroom for a while. I went home for lunch and I lost it. I

started crying uncontrollably. I became hysterical. I called my mom

and I was crying so hard she couldn't understand me. I started to

hyperventilate. I couldn't breath and I was feeling dizzy. I was

overwhelmed. I tried calling my dr. and it was the answering

service. They told me to call 911. I didn't want to call b/c I

didn't think it was an emergency but she convinced me to call. By

that time my mom had called my husband and he rushed home. It took

him half an hour to calm me down. The paramedics arrived and

monitored me to make sure everything is ok. They told me any time I

have an episode like that and I feel out of control to go ahead and

call - that is what they are there for. I was very frightened. I

never acted like that before, I don't know where it came from. It

wasn't me. My husband took me to the doc and he prescribed ativan in

case I have another attack. I think I just need a break. I need a

vacation or something. It is too much stress and I am feeling

overwhelmed. I wanted to make an appt. to talk to a psych. but it is

25 bucks each visit. I have spent $200 already this month on dr.s

and medications (that doesn't count for the time off work either). I

need help but I am not sure I can get it. My mom is being extremely

supportive now. She went with me Tues. to the dr. so she knows I

really am pain. After that appt. I called my grandmother and told

her what happened (about the fibro). After she hung up with me she

called my mom later and told her I was a hypochondriac. That really

pissed my mom off. It made me feel good that she believes me now.

She came over yesterday and took care of me. She even helped me

clean my house (it had been a while). I have a hard time keeping up

with that stuff. Sometimes I hurt myself just by cleaning my house.

My husband always tells me to let it be. Save it for another day but

I can't. I can't stand for things to be in disorder. I know I have

some problem now. I totally relate with the anger issue too. My

husband and I got into an argument before. I was so frustrated with

him I threw the t.v. remote against the wall and smashed it. I

couldn't believe I did that. I have never been a violent person

before. My husband and I rarely had arguments where we even raised

our voices. Something came over me and I was a different person.

Even at work. My boss has even made remarks that I have a short

fuse. I don't worry about that coming from him b/c I am the one who

has to tell him how to do his job and I lose patience with him.

>

> you wrote:

> >>> used to have a lot of friends also, but I first started to

transform into

> a hermit after my thyroid problems started a spiral of other

problems, PA

> flares included.<<<

>

> My doc is testing me for thyroid problems too. I don't know

anything about it at all but I don't want to start looking it up

until I know for sure I have that problem too. No use in getting

upset over nothing. I have become very selective with my friends. I

often say that I am a bad friend b/c I make hardly any effort to keep

in contact with them. I always cancel. I don't mean to

intentionally. I am just more comfortable at home, watching the

idiot box or playing on my computer. I rambled on long enough. I am

just wishing to be sane again. My husband told me things won't stay

like this. Things will get better - they have to. Those were his

exact words. I pray that he is right. He tells me he just wants to

see me happy. That is what would make him happy and all I want is to

make him happy but I don't know how. I just don't know what to do

anymore....

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I will check them out. I did so much research about the PA and now

I get to do it again for the Fibro. AGHHHH!! Actually I am feeling better (at

least emotionally). One step at a time.....Hugs to everyone.

>>> ihvkids@... 01/29/02 01:12PM >>>

---,

I just got two REALLY good books from a friend about the fibro, they

are The Fibrmyalgia Relief Book, by Miryam Ehrlich on, The

other is Fibromyalgia & Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome A Survival

Manual by Devin Starlayl, M.D. and Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A

I like the second one tremendously because it is written by a doctor

who HAS the disease!! If you can get your hands on a copy I would

recommend it. At the very least, studying has helped keep my brain

working and answers questions that I have.

Hope this helps, and know that you ARE NEVER alone. A

In @y..., " Sa " <lesliesa@r...> wrote:

> Ari,

>

> I have a hard time controlling my emotions too. What is the worst

is when I start crying at work. It is embarrassing. Sometimes I

just feel overwhelmed. Yesterday my best friend emailed regarding

the incident that happened at the beach house. She said she was

angry with me but wanted to talk in person. A normal person would

have been like " ok, I will talk to her tonite. " Not me. I sat all

morning obsessing over why she could be mad at me, what could I have

done, how could I fix things. I couldn't get any work done at all.

I hate people being mad at me and she is the one person in the world

who I can't have mad at me. I fought off tears and hid in the

restroom for a while. I went home for lunch and I lost it. I

started crying uncontrollably. I became hysterical. I called my mom

and I was crying so hard she couldn't understand me. I started to

hyperventilate. I couldn't breath and I was feeling dizzy. I was

overwhelmed. I tried calling my dr. and it was the answering

service. They told me to call 911. I didn't want to call b/c I

didn't think it was an emergency but she convinced me to call. By

that time my mom had called my husband and he rushed home. It took

him half an hour to calm me down. The paramedics arrived and

monitored me to make sure everything is ok. They told me any time I

have an episode like that and I feel out of control to go ahead and

call - that is what they are there for. I was very frightened. I

never acted like that before, I don't know where it came from. It

wasn't me. My husband took me to the doc and he prescribed ativan in

case I have another attack. I think I just need a break. I need a

vacation or something. It is too much stress and I am feeling

overwhelmed. I wanted to make an appt. to talk to a psych. but it is

25 bucks each visit. I have spent $200 already this month on dr.s

and medications (that doesn't count for the time off work either). I

need help but I am not sure I can get it. My mom is being extremely

supportive now. She went with me Tues. to the dr. so she knows I

really am pain. After that appt. I called my grandmother and told

her what happened (about the fibro). After she hung up with me she

called my mom later and told her I was a hypochondriac. That really

pissed my mom off. It made me feel good that she believes me now.

She came over yesterday and took care of me. She even helped me

clean my house (it had been a while). I have a hard time keeping up

with that stuff. Sometimes I hurt myself just by cleaning my house.

My husband always tells me to let it be. Save it for another day but

I can't. I can't stand for things to be in disorder. I know I have

some problem now. I totally relate with the anger issue too. My

husband and I got into an argument before. I was so frustrated with

him I threw the t.v. remote against the wall and smashed it. I

couldn't believe I did that. I have never been a violent person

before. My husband and I rarely had arguments where we even raised

our voices. Something came over me and I was a different person.

Even at work. My boss has even made remarks that I have a short

fuse. I don't worry about that coming from him b/c I am the one who

has to tell him how to do his job and I lose patience with him.

>

> you wrote:

> >>> used to have a lot of friends also, but I first started to

transform into

> a hermit after my thyroid problems started a spiral of other

problems, PA

> flares included.<<<

>

> My doc is testing me for thyroid problems too. I don't know

anything about it at all but I don't want to start looking it up

until I know for sure I have that problem too. No use in getting

upset over nothing. I have become very selective with my friends. I

often say that I am a bad friend b/c I make hardly any effort to keep

in contact with them. I always cancel. I don't mean to

intentionally. I am just more comfortable at home, watching the

idiot box or playing on my computer. I rambled on long enough. I am

just wishing to be sane again. My husband told me things won't stay

like this. Things will get better - they have to. Those were his

exact words. I pray that he is right. He tells me he just wants to

see me happy. That is what would make him happy and all I want is to

make him happy but I don't know how. I just don't know what to do

anymore....

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ron you mentions you partied a bit in your day, I myself the same.What I was

wondering could it have brought the PA on ?

Jen

[Guest guest]

I take the MTX by injection. I also get the 5 ml

bottles. I take 17.5 mg. This converts to .7 ml on

the syringe. I have enough in each bottle for 7 doses

or almost 2 months. Based on your information you

will need 1 ml per dose. You have enough for 5 weeks

in each vial. If you use half a vial per dose it

might make you nauseated. MTX used for arthritis is

10% as strong as MTX used in fighting cancer. Just

check with your doctor on the dose, maybe take a

syringe you are planning to use to deliver the MTX and

let him/her show you how much.

For those of you who take the MTX tablets I switched

because of nausea. I did find that taking a rolaid

about 10 minutes before taking the tablets did seem to

help me with that sick tummy feeling about 2 days

later.

Hope this information helps someone.

Dr. Dan

--- nut_tree58 <lisa_k@...> wrote:

> Hey Ron, your message was a welcome diversional

> off-topic

> distraction, thanks. Any giggle or bit of humour is

> a 'must' for all

> of us. Thank God Xanax is tiny and I have become use

> to swallowing it

> without others noticing... ) I only save Valium

> for when I am

> extremely in need of 'calming down'. Right now I am

> trying to make

> the big decision of whether or not to go back on

> MTX... I have been

> off the tablets for one month due to coming down

> with severe

> bronchitis... but now my joints are beginning to get

> gradually

> worse. If anyone has any advice, I live overseas

> and spent the last

> 2 days accumulating the only 4 bottles of MTX

> injections (50 ml.

> each, this was the smallest amount available here, I

> supposedly only

> need 25 mls....) that were available in at least 30

> pharmacies that I

> contacted.

>

> Now that I have enough supply for 2 months I will

> pick up my lab

> reports tomorrow and go to my Rheumy appt.... we

> will discuss what to

> do... it seems none of the Rheumies in town have

> ever prescribed MTX

> injections for any of their patients....! So, if I

> go ahead and

> insist on them, I am sure he will agree... I am

> stubborn, from this

> site I have read so many messages about many of you

> that are doing

> better with the injections... My reason is because I

> suffer from

> extreme nausea with the tablets, many of you

> suggested the injs.

> might decrease the amt. of nausea... this is what I

> am hoping for.

> Other meds. have not worked with me... or I had

> pretty bad side

> effects, the MTX works ... but 4 times I ended up

> with bronchitis and

> I am always nauseated... that is the price I seem to

> be paying.

>

> I am in need of any suggestions concerning MTX

> injections and what I

> should know, I had been taking 10 to 12.5 mgs. of

> tablets weekly. I

> think I should now be starting with half the bottle

> of MTX injection,

> that is 25 mgs.... am I correct ? Any advice is

> desparately

> welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> I am considering delaying MTX until I begin Yoga for

> a month or so, I

> need some suggestions please. The MTX is about out

> of my system by

> now, having stopped it 1 month ago, but my joints

> are getting bad

> again, some days worse than others... I am afraid to

> delay the MTX

> too long... but then I am not sure if I want to take

> it at all. All

> my doctors agree that I can't let my joints get

> worse, otherwise I

> will end up with joint replacements sometime down

> the road.

>

> It is so frustrating to 'look' healthy and not 'be'

> healthy... I am

> so upset that the pharacist asked me why I would

> want to take such a

> dangerous drug since I 'look' so healthy.... (

> it makes me feel

> like a hypochondriac 'in others' eyes'.

>

> Ron, thanks again for the 'smiles' you brought to me

> in your

> message. Little things help a lot.

>

> #2

>

>

>

>

> > #2,

> >

> > Geeze, you should have gone to the bar and asked

> for a glass of

> > water.

> >

> > I hesitated before adding the comment in my

> previous message

> > about " snorting " Valium, but thought what the

> heck, we spend most

> of

> > our time discussing drugs of one kind or another

> and that is one

> > method of taking drugs I've never seen mentioned

> here before and

> > thought it might get a few chuckles. I haven't

> " snorted " anything

> > since my " hippie " days many, many years ago when I

> tried just about

> > every illegal drug you could think of, but

> mentioning Valium made

> me

> > recall a friend of mine during that time who liked

> Valium rather

> than

> > the more common illegal drugs. I don't know

> whether he was addicted

> > to it or not, but sometimes he had violent mood

> swings, thus my

> > caution to only use it rarely. Anyways, I suppose

> because it was

> > expensive to purchase illegally and because it

> gave a more

> immediate

> > and intense effect if snorted (more " bang for the

> buck " I suppose

> you

> > might say), he would always grind it into a powder

> and snort the

> > stuff. Otherwise it would have never occurred to

> me that a pill

> could

> > be snorted. Although " snorting " it never seemed to

> bother him, I'm

> > with Jim in recommending that a pill normally be

> swallowed as it

> was

> > designed to be. Just wanted to point out that

> there are

> alternatives.

> > Please pardon me for this totally off topic post,

> but sometimes a

> > little diversion doesn't hurt.

> >

> > -- Ron

> >

> > P.S.

> > Yes, I did try it that way once just to humor my

> friend (you did

> > *not* want to get on his bad side!), and so can

> attest that it does

> > work more quickly and with more effect than if

> swallowed.

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Nut tree,

I take Metho injections and they effect your lungs

some how....I don't think it is too bad but, I know

that they do but, I only cough when I drink the

occational beer that I do ( which is rarely and only

when the pain gets unbearable).They will do blood work

to keep tabs on your liver once a month, which is

good.

it's up to you to take them or not, it IS better than

living with pain tho.

Take care, in N.C.

--- nut_tree58 <lisa_k@...> wrote:

> Hey Ron, your message was a welcome diversional

> off-topic

> distraction, thanks. Any giggle or bit of humour is

> a 'must' for all

> of us. Thank God Xanax is tiny and I have become use

> to swallowing it

> without others noticing... ) I only save Valium

> for when I am

> extremely in need of 'calming down'. Right now I am

> trying to make

> the big decision of whether or not to go back on

> MTX... I have been

> off the tablets for one month due to coming down

> with severe

> bronchitis... but now my joints are beginning to get

> gradually

> worse. If anyone has any advice, I live overseas

> and spent the last

> 2 days accumulating the only 4 bottles of MTX

> injections (50 ml.

> each, this was the smallest amount available here, I

> supposedly only

> need 25 mls....) that were available in at least 30

> pharmacies that I

> contacted.

>

> Now that I have enough supply for 2 months I will

> pick up my lab

> reports tomorrow and go to my Rheumy appt.... we

> will discuss what to

> do... it seems none of the Rheumies in town have

> ever prescribed MTX

> injections for any of their patients....! So, if I

> go ahead and

> insist on them, I am sure he will agree... I am

> stubborn, from this

> site I have read so many messages about many of you

> that are doing

> better with the injections... My reason is because I

> suffer from

> extreme nausea with the tablets, many of you

> suggested the injs.

> might decrease the amt. of nausea... this is what I

> am hoping for.

> Other meds. have not worked with me... or I had

> pretty bad side

> effects, the MTX works ... but 4 times I ended up

> with bronchitis and

> I am always nauseated... that is the price I seem to

> be paying.

>

> I am in need of any suggestions concerning MTX

> injections and what I

> should know, I had been taking 10 to 12.5 mgs. of

> tablets weekly. I

> think I should now be starting with half the bottle

> of MTX injection,

> that is 25 mgs.... am I correct ? Any advice is

> desparately

> welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> I am considering delaying MTX until I begin Yoga for

> a month or so, I

> need some suggestions please. The MTX is about out

> of my system by

> now, having stopped it 1 month ago, but my joints

> are getting bad

> again, some days worse than others... I am afraid to

> delay the MTX

> too long... but then I am not sure if I want to take

> it at all. All

> my doctors agree that I can't let my joints get

> worse, otherwise I

> will end up with joint replacements sometime down

> the road.

>

> It is so frustrating to 'look' healthy and not 'be'

> healthy... I am

> so upset that the pharacist asked me why I would

> want to take such a

> dangerous drug since I 'look' so healthy.... (

> it makes me feel

> like a hypochondriac 'in others' eyes'.

>

> Ron, thanks again for the 'smiles' you brought to me

> in your

> message. Little things help a lot.

>

> #2

>

>

>

>

> > #2,

> >

> > Geeze, you should have gone to the bar and asked

> for a glass of

> > water.

> >

> > I hesitated before adding the comment in my

> previous message

> > about " snorting " Valium, but thought what the

> heck, we spend most

> of

> > our time discussing drugs of one kind or another

> and that is one

> > method of taking drugs I've never seen mentioned

> here before and

> > thought it might get a few chuckles. I haven't

> " snorted " anything

> > since my " hippie " days many, many years ago when I

> tried just about

> > every illegal drug you could think of, but

> mentioning Valium made

> me

> > recall a friend of mine during that time who liked

> Valium rather

> than

> > the more common illegal drugs. I don't know

> whether he was addicted

> > to it or not, but sometimes he had violent mood

> swings, thus my

> > caution to only use it rarely. Anyways, I suppose

> because it was

> > expensive to purchase illegally and because it

> gave a more

> immediate

> > and intense effect if snorted (more " bang for the

> buck " I suppose

> you

> > might say), he would always grind it into a powder

> and snort the

> > stuff. Otherwise it would have never occurred to

> me that a pill

> could

> > be snorted. Although " snorting " it never seemed to

> bother him, I'm

> > with Jim in recommending that a pill normally be

> swallowed as it

> was

> > designed to be. Just wanted to point out that

> there are

> alternatives.

> > Please pardon me for this totally off topic post,

> but sometimes a

> > little diversion doesn't hurt.

> >

> > -- Ron

> >

> > P.S.

> > Yes, I did try it that way once just to humor my

> friend (you did

> > *not* want to get on his bad side!), and so can

> attest that it does

> > work more quickly and with more effect than if

> swallowed.

>

>

>

=====

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__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

, it is my understanding that we are genetically predisposed to

autoimmune disease (the fact that you are not aware of family members with

AD might just mean a genetic defect skipped a generation, or even that

lessor autoimmune diseases shared among your grandparents and/or parents

became dominant in you), and symptoms are going to appear sooner or

later--much like another AD, adult onset diabetes that varies so much as to

how and when it develops.

Personally, I rarely ever drank or partied either for that matter, but I

have become convinced over the years that stress is a major trigger for my

PA. and I have always been stressed: I always react to stressors in life

emotionally first and with a more rational approach much later! it has been

comforting to me to become aware of how many of us in this group seem to

share some of same challenges. I used to believe my panic attacks were

unique to me and saw them as a personal flaw--but, since becoming a part of

this group I see these attacks as another part of the experience we share as

PA'ers. thanks to you and everyone for sharing of yourselves and helping me

to see myself as a whole person with PA, instead of the hypochondriac I had

begun to believe I was!

I read an article today in a professional magazine for hospital employees

(where I was for my first kidney x-ray with intravenous dye--ouch!) that

stated that research involving autoimmune disease has linked late

development (17-19 years of age) of cause and effect thinking required for

mature judgment in those diagnosed with autoimmune disease--made perfect

sense to me given my experience. Now the really big question for me

is--which came first? The overly emotional reactions which may have lead to

'acting out', etc. which created stress that triggered PA, or did the PA

slow down normal development of maturity first? I do take an antidepressant

and I have same type of question about depression--which came first, the

disease or the depression? Am I depressed because I am sick, or am I sick

because of the stress of fighting depression since my early 20's while at

same time developing arthritic symptoms? I agree, it sure is a big mystery!

Don't be so hard on yourself, . you sound like me--I always 'think'

everything is my fault, but I know with the rational side of my brain that

we did not make ourselves sick--PA is a very complicated disease and the

more I read the more convinced I am that research has only just begun to

discover the links between physical symptoms of this disease and the human

psyche. I bet collectively we've got the answers to our many questions

among us PA'ers!

Take care-- Hatchett

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