Re: Re: desparate for help. please anyone.

[Guest guest]

hi pam,

i am right there with you. my son is 11 now and still has his days. we a very strict with him as well. he just decided after a year of constant coughing to stop. he was aware of his actions but truly could help himself. with my son i use charts for morning and chores and bedtime. time out does not work and taking toys or games away do not work. for discipline, we still ground him and he has earn them back but he must write down why we grounded him. this allows him to see for himself what his actions has caused. just telling him is a waste of breath. he has to see it to believe it and then he understands and has his "oh" moment. teachers don't understand due to the highly functioning part of it.

leah

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Thu, March 3, 2011 12:55:51 PMSubject: ( ) Re: desparate for help. please anyone.

Some young AS kids prior to school are more oppositional than anxious. They feel safe at home. Once he is in school youmay see more anxiety or irritable/aggressive behavior toward you. Once he starts school people/teachers may seehim as willful because of those excellent verbal skills.Many (not all) AS kids have a ridgid mindset, everythingis no. And they are hyperfocused on themselves and their needs as a way to reduce anxiety/overload. For now you can work with an ABA behaviorist or with YaleParent and Child Conduct Clinic (over the phone) for training.Avoid power struggles. Work on one behavior improvement ata time. Do not force time outs with this kind of a kid.You will likely escalate them into aggression or panic.Use positive reinforcement for one behavior at a time to shape.Rehearse the behaviors before hand and give stickers to himfor each small improvement.If the basis of his

behaviors is anxiety or dysthemia (low levelchronic depression, irritable, easily angered) than by the age of 7 you can trial prozac or zoloft. Both areapproved by the FDA for children. I would not trial any anti-psychotic drugs that are oftenprescribed for kids with autism unless there is severe self injurious behavior. Or you must for thesanity of the family. The anti-depressants have lessside effects. Kids with AS start on very low doses.Look at the book "Clinical Treatment of Autism" by Dr. Hollander for specific doses of medications and results of clinical trials.Often teachers will see a child like your son so verballygifted and conclude he is spoiled or defiant. It reallyis the AS and anxiety/depression driving the behaviors.We have been through so much with our daughter. Samebehaviors when she was young. We resisted medicationfor anxiety/depression out of

fear and lack of knowledge of what where her issues.If you work with a behaviorist or Yale you willget very clear what the limits of positive reinforcementare.With AS child that have behavior issues, the mind is tooridgid to expect complaince. You have to work on shapingin very small steps and rewarding the effeort.Write to me privately, if you like or more on line.We have tried so many therapies, private schools,parent management that I know that some AS kids need a lot of support from parents, school, doctors.The behavior looks willful or defiant it is too, but for medical reasons not just out of bad intentions. Pam >> I posted this prior

and only received one response from someone who also needs help. Please, any insight, tricks or tools you have found successful. I am about at my wit's end.> > > Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very> verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say that> right > >> > He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a> book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he> hits and kicks.> >> > He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with "NO!" Or> "Stop momy, you no tell me that!" Very disrespectful.> >> > We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not> understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is> going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to

just stay away from him, but our 6> month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try> to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the "No> mommy!" or other back talk.> >> > We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back. > The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is "Yes ma'am" or> "Yes sir." No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.> >> > DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of> control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not> do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the> view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since> the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.> >> > We have

tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum. > Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.> >> > HELP!> >> > karla>