No friends...I'm more hurt

August 23, 2009

I know we talked about this before...friends...I just needed to post as I

think I am hurting more than my son.

Hi " J "

I hear your anguish. As a public school junior high teacher, I hear similar

stories and not just from the parents of children with Aspergers. What

happened at the mall is regrettably a very common occurrence with seventh

and eight graders. Rather than hurt someone's feelings because that person

is excluded, a 'little white lie' is told.

Perhaps his friend felt the need to exclude your son because of the pressure

of his other friend's stepdad. In my experience, adolescent boys get over

things much more quickly than girls. I wouldn't take this incident as being

the end of the friendship.

Rather, an opportunity, albeit painful, for the other boy to learn that if

has plans with someone else and isn't able to include your son, he can just

say he has other plans and your son won't probe. How the boys learn to do

this is up to you. Do you coach your son, or, do you talk to the other

boy's parents if you two have a good relationship? I don't know but this is

a part of normal adolescence and learning to be friends but not mutually

exclusive friends is the key to your son continuing to enjoy the other boy's

company.

Good luck. Or as we say in Brasil, as we just had another Brazilian poster,

'boa sorte.'

E.C.Bernard

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