I Feel Like The Worst Mother Ever!!!!

[Guest guest]

I sometimes just can't take it any more!!! My son will be 8 in a few weeks, and

has been a real challenge the last few days. Over all, he is going great this

year in school, compared to past years (he is in 2nd grade now). However, the

year is still early, and his pattern is to get worse as the year progresses.

Anyway, yesterday it was a nasty email from the art teacher, and today from the

bus driver. I am irritated with the school, because I have asked repeatedly for

a behavioral plan, but whenever I do, his behavior is suddenly not a problem. I

mostly get the impression they don't want to give him any more help because he

does well academically.....that's a whole different story!

So.....he has been getting in trouble at school, and has even been bad for my

brother and mother, who he is usually really good for. Today he threw a

notebook at my Mom, when she tried making him write sentences for being bad on

the bus (he kept yelling " blah, blah, blah " and the bus driver told him 5 times

to stop, and he would not listen). It's one thing for him to act up with

me....but not so common with my Mom.

The final straw was tonight, when I took him shopping. It was getting late, and

I was in a hurry. He continues to do everything he can to be pokey and slow us

down, including spending 20 minutes in the bathroom (I actually let him go in to

them men's restroom for once, and this is what happens....but he is turning

8...I need to eventually!!!). This is an ongoing issue with him. He does

everything at his own (very slow) pace, and when he wants to. The world must

revolve around him!! Mornings can be terrible because of this. I had just had

enough tonight, and literally yelled at him all the way home from the store. We

get home, I'm fuming, he's crying hysterically and apologizing. I start feeling

really guilty and sat down to talk to him. He tells me that he wishes he were

someone else (and starts naming kids he knows who are " good " ) and not him. He

hates being him and said he wishes I would kill him, that he doesn't want to be

alive any more!!! My 2nd grader is talking like this.

I probed more in to his behavior, and he finally admitted that he hates the kids

at school because they are mean to him. He has asked me (actually begged me)

before to move so that he could go to another school with nice kids. I get so

frustrated, because everything is someone else's fault, or he has an excuse. He

never does anything wrong!! Then he says this and I feel bad. Could he be

acting out because of how the kids are treating him?

He sees a therapist, so I could bring this up to her. He is also in social

skills classes with the same therapist. I am so worried about him, and feel

like my losing it is only hurting him more. He is soooooo smart, and I know he

gets what is right, and what is respectful....he just doesn't follow through.

He says he doesn't know how to be good, but is that just an excuse?? I asked

him if he thought I loved him....and he said no!!! I have always tried to let

him know that when I am mad at him, I still love him, I just don't like the way

he is acting or what he is doing. Is this typical for a child to think this

way? I also heard my Mom tell him she loves him no matter what he does.

Guess I'm looking for suggestions!! I worry sooooo much about what everyone

else things of us, and I know I shouldn't. That causes way more stress, and I

know this. Tomorrow we are suppose to go to my boyfriend's parents house for a

birthday party (my boyfriend's 11 year old son), and I don't even know if I want

to go now. He will probably act up, since he has been on a roll lately, and I

will just stress out. I don't always feel they are the most understand people.

My boyfriend's son (the only grandchild) couldn't be any easier, sweet, quiet!!!

I just don't feel like they understand, and I worry about it more than I

should!!

Sorry to go on.....I just feel soooooo bad and frustrated right now. I am a

single Mom (Dad is what I would call the " Disneyland " Dad).....and it wears on

me doing this by myself sometimes!!!!!!