Guest guest Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 My son has these less these days, but they usually occur when he cant have something he wants. This time it was to have his car engine fixed. He drives. we have no money to do this right now. this escalated into him smashing up a large mirror int he house, his step dad restraining him and all hell breaking loose. he is now 19 years old and very strong. Usually he goes into his room and breaks things. He has never assalted a person,, but he will usually verbally threaten too. This behaviour gets us down and we fear for his future. he wont go to CAHMS for help and the GP cant pescribed anything that he will take to calm down. He is not on any medication at present and as he is considered an adult we cannot force him to see a specialist. Please out there make sure you get help support and medication before your child becomes a young adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 , Once the car is fixed. Is there any way at all you can take the car away as a " result " of his behavior? I did this with my then 19 yo daughter, and also told her if she wanted to live under my roof, then she must take her Buspar. But now she is 21, and she has taken herself off of it, and is limping thru college, rarely calls me tho we PAY for everything. The car and her allowance has always been my fall back plan when she is behaving in a very bad way, and it will escalate, then settle down when the reality hits her that we are not backing down. Oh it is difficult when they are an ADULT, tho we know of course they are not really.......but if we were firm and took deep breaths, she would end up cooperating until the next time. If this helps, know that my daughter's meltdowns are getting less with age. She is 21 as I said, and it is now more verbal, and I still suffer with insecurity over her future. I try so hard to take it one day at a time, and she won't tell me her grades; I found in the beginning going to al-anon helped ME, I was soooo stressed. So I practice letting go of where she will be in future, and that doesn't mean I am not sad everyday about it. She just emailed me yesterday to not contact her this weekend as she must concentrate on school (grades?) and doesn't want to DO people. Like a five minute phone call/text is sooo disruptive from her own parents. Who pay for everything. Who love her so much it hurts terrible. I feel for you. They do seem to settle by 23, as far as controlling their rages. Don't know why, but this is what I've found and been told. So even if you got support and medication know there is no guarentee that they will cooperate when feeling their oats after 18. Feel free to email me off group if you want for support. I understand for sure. JO > > My son has these less these days, but they usually occur when he cant have something he wants. This time it was to have his car engine fixed. He drives. we have no money to do this right now. this escalated into him smashing up a large mirror int he house, his step dad restraining him and all hell breaking loose. > he is now 19 years old and very strong. Usually he goes into his room and breaks things. He has never assalted a person,, but he will usually verbally threaten too. > This behaviour gets us down and we fear for his future. he wont go to CAHMS for help and the GP cant pescribed anything that he will take to calm down. He is not on any medication at present and as he is considered an adult we cannot force him to see a specialist. Please out there make sure you get help support and medication before your child becomes a young adult. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 7, 2010 Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 I so agree with you! I fear for my daughter's future. She is so resistent to take medication at age 12 wow what is it going to be like at 16. I have a behavioral plan in place and she takes her zoloft. I guess I have to keep this up. And educating her on how it helps. She has no side effects from the zoloft at all she just hates the idea. My daughter too has a very difficult time with " no " . I don't know if it works to put a parent mangement plan in place for young adults. You would give him points for " taking no for an answer " and the points go toward buying something he wants. This has helped my daughter a lot in accepting no. They are such ridgid thinkers my gosh. Wow when they lock into an idea look out. I have been wondering my self how to control the behavior of my daughter when she is a teen and young adult. The approach now is very structured and controlled with parent management. Most typical teens want more say over their lives. More of the compromise approach. I give points to my daughter for role playing alternative ways to respond to " no " in specific situations. I wonder how you can get you son to be willing to do the same exercises. How do you motivate a teen? I guess I would just have to try the same techniques with points earned toward a car part etc. Even in our jobs we have to earn bonuses etc. Pam > > My son has these less these days, but they usually occur when he cant have something he wants. This time it was to have his car engine fixed. He drives. we have no money to do this right now. this escalated into him smashing up a large mirror int he house, his step dad restraining him and all hell breaking loose. > he is now 19 years old and very strong. Usually he goes into his room and breaks things. He has never assalted a person,, but he will usually verbally threaten too. > This behaviour gets us down and we fear for his future. he wont go to CAHMS for help and the GP cant pescribed anything that he will take to calm down. He is not on any medication at present and as he is considered an adult we cannot force him to see a specialist. Please out there make sure you get help support and medication before your child becomes a young adult. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 7, 2010 Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 Hi again! I think what I've seen in the teen/adult years is they need to " earn " the responsibility they think is an automatic right. Not so much earning Points towards a reward, but to learn that they must become responsible for their behavior as an adult; if they want the " responsibility " of driving, well then, they must act like an " adult " which means no violent outbursts. My daughter's " allowance " is a responsibility as it pays for her groceries at college, she must earn that by acting as an adult and not losing control anymore. It is working with her. I had to change tactics at age 19.............I wanted her to learn to live by herself, and manage her money, and not go in the hole with it at the bank. So I only deposit it every two weeks. Her uncle is never treated aspie, and he would let all his bills build up on the floor of his house. He had the money to pay for his home but almost lost it due to not paying on it. So slowly slowly she has been learning these things. She lives off campus with a roomie who is very quiet and who she has known since middle school. She is now doing her own laundry. This year , age 20, was her first time doing this on her own! If they do not start to learn responsibility for their actions at this age, they cannot have the good things of being an adult. I am still not at all sure of her future. But she can manage her life on her own now. Working? Not so sure! One thing at a time...... Jo > > > > My son has these less these days, but they usually occur when he cant have something he wants. This time it was to have his car engine fixed. He drives. we have no money to do this right now. this escalated into him smashing up a large mirror int he house, his step dad restraining him and all hell breaking loose. > > he is now 19 years old and very strong. Usually he goes into his room and breaks things. He has never assalted a person,, but he will usually verbally threaten too. > > This behaviour gets us down and we fear for his future. he wont go to CAHMS for help and the GP cant pescribed anything that he will take to calm down. He is not on any medication at present and as he is considered an adult we cannot force him to see a specialist. Please out there make sure you get help support and medication before your child becomes a young adult. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 8, 2010 Report Share Posted February 8, 2010 Fabulous! It is so encouraging to hear about your daughter's progress. I love the system you have set up! thank you for sharing it with us. Pam > > > > > > My son has these less these days, but they usually occur when he cant have something he wants. This time it was to have his car engine fixed. He drives. we have no money to do this right now. this escalated into him smashing up a large mirror int he house, his step dad restraining him and all hell breaking loose. > > > he is now 19 years old and very strong. Usually he goes into his room and breaks things. He has never assalted a person,, but he will usually verbally threaten too. > > > This behaviour gets us down and we fear for his future. he wont go to CAHMS for help and the GP cant pescribed anything that he will take to calm down. He is not on any medication at present and as he is considered an adult we cannot force him to see a specialist. Please out there make sure you get help support and medication before your child becomes a young adult. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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