Re: Children calling names

[Guest guest]

I took  my 6-year-old son to a birthday party for my friend's daughter this weekend. The party was at a great playground, and there were a lot of kids there. He was not in a good place, and seemed out of it when we got there, just kind of wandering aimlessly from thing to thing. At one point he jsut sat by himself in a corner and watched the other kids. I went over an encouraged him to approach two girls who were playing on a small merry-go-round - they were twin girls (dressed alike) and looked to be about his age. He agreed, and holding my hand, walked over and asked if he could join them, but one of them responded quickly, " This is for two people only. "

 

He was crushed and rushed back to his spot on the wall. He put his face in his hands and said quietly, " Nobody likes me. I " m stupid. " I lifted up his face and said, " YOu know who's stupid? Those girls. They're stupid because they're 6 years  old and wearing the same dress. You don't want to play with them anyway. "

 

I know it's wrong to say things like that to a 6 year old, but I couldn't have him putting himself down ike that. He kind of brightened up when I said that, because we never say things like that  him. Then he glanced over at the girls, leaned in and whispered, " You're right mom, they are stupid. "

 

For whatever reason, it really made a difference and he shook off his haze. A few minutes later he was totally engaged and playing and I was so, so proud of him.

 

I can't stand the nastiness that comes from some kids, and I shudder to think about what will come when he gets older.

 

 

On Mon, Jul 13, 2009 at 10:10 PM, <tfitzge134@...> wrote:

Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her " weird " because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to contribute to clean the enviroment.I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or consciously put her in or she put herself in.

Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of them asked the group to leave because " weird " people came in and we were the only person that came in…

I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

[Guest guest]

Kids are extremely cruel-we experience this very often. I have custody of my 10 yr old aspie nephew and his sister and I take them to the local communtity pool and I watch as children ignore him or walk away when he is trying to talk to them. It breaks my heart and I try to talk to him about it. I wish the parents would teach kids that children who are different

have feelings too. I have talked to my children about the way it makes them feel and they should never do that to anyone else. I have even gone to that childs parents and talk to them about it and I have gotten good responses most of the time. I have had parents tell me that he belongs with kids like him. I asked a particular parent what they would do if their child had a mental disability-they did not have a response. The world would be a much better place if people would learn that nobody is better that anyone else.

Lori

Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her "weird" because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to contribute to clean the enviroment.I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or consciously put her in or she put herself in.Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of them asked the group to leave because "weird" people came in and we were the only person that came in…I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing with me your input about calling names.It is so sad that other children refuse to hang around with children because they look or act different...My girl wears a brace in her left knees, she is clumpsy, 20 pound overweight, wear glasses and she is scheduled to see an orthodontist for teeth braces to add to her "weird look".Children are always teasing her to the point that last year she refused to wear her knees braces, so when she dislocated her knees again she realized she had to wear them or being in a wheel chair....To made my girl feel better I showed her a picture of myself when I was fat at the age of 8 and how my hair used to look at that time and also explained her how the children used to call me name because I was fat and my hair was very wild. When I grew up I decided not to participate in groups even though I was not fat anymore, I was afraid of group and I am still afraid of them...so I relate to her feelings and I know how much it hurts...When I went to college I found the same group that used to teasing me. I approached them and ask them "why were they so mean to me? why were they always teasing me? they felt embarrassed and I felt good to speak for first time about the way they made me feel and how it affected my entire life with emotional scars that never heal causing insecurities and feeling rejected.By my own personal experience I believe that my girl will continue to be bullie and tease by other children. She will have to find a way to feel good about herself and ignore those people. I told my girl that those comments were the reason I graduated with honors at college and always wanted to be and do perfect, I wanted to feel that I could be better than them in spite of my look...How to make a child to love herself , love others, have friends and feel that he or her fixed in this world when the child is heavily criticized by her look or way of doing things? Re: ( ) Children calling namesI took my 6-year-old son to a birthday party for my friend's daughter thisweekend. The party was at a great playground, and there were a lot of kidsthere. He was not in a good place, and seemed out of it when we got there,just kind of wandering aimlessly from thing to thing. At one point he jsutsat by himself in a corner and watched the other kids. I went over anencouraged him to approach two girls who were playing on a smallmerry-go-round - they were twin girls (dressed alike) and looked to be abouthis age. He agreed, and holding my hand, walked over and asked if he couldjoin them, but one of them responded quickly, "This is for two people only."He was crushed and rushed back to his spot on the wall. He put his face inhis hands and said quietly, "Nobody likes me. I"m stupid." I lifted up hisface and said, "YOu know who's stupid? Those girls. They're stupid becausethey're 6 years old and wearing the same dress. You don't want to play withthem anyway."I know it's wrong to say things like that to a 6 year old, but I couldn'thave him putting himself down ike that. He kind of brightened up when I saidthat, because we never say things like that him. Then he glanced over atthe girls, leaned in and whispered, "You're right mom, they are stupid."For whatever reason, it really made a difference and he shook off his haze.A few minutes later he was totally engaged and playing and I was so, soproud of him.I can't stand the nastiness that comes from some kids, and I shudder tothink about what will come when he gets older.On Mon, Jul 13, 2009 at 10:10 PM, <tfitzge134@...> wrote:>>>> Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her "weird"> because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want> to contribute to clean the enviroment.>> I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way> she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or> consciously put her in or she put herself in.>> Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.> A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one> of them asked the group to leave because "weird" people came in and we were> the only person that came in…>> I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and> looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there> is nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy> with ourself regarding of the way people look at us....>> >

[Guest guest]

I agree totally, . And my 12 yo daughter gets similar treatment, not always, but enough so she notices. She doesn't have any friends either. The hard part is that she is so kind and thoughtful, and just wants to be included, to be given a chance.

Jillian

From: <tfitzge134@...>Subject: ( ) Children calling names Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 10:10 PM

Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her "weird" because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to contribute to clean the enviroment.I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or consciously put her in or she put herself in.Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of them asked the group to leave because "weird" people came in and we were the only person that came in…I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with ourself regarding of the way people look at

us....

[Guest guest]

This is all very heart breaking to hear and so familar. When my daughter was

young after a point of rejection I only had playdates

which I did manage to set up from age 5-9 at least 3 times a week.

As she has gotten older we have steered her toward helping younger

children. And she has always been accepted with younger kids.

Do the best you can to protect them. Kids form this tight

groups and can be competitive about not wanting to share

friends. Even aggressive.

Some kids may be friendly 1:1 after school alone. This may be

hard for our kids to understand and accept that this same

kid is not friendly in a group. Prepare your child for this.

Make it OK because otherwise they may have no friends.

Pam

>

>

> From: <tfitzge134@...>

> Subject: ( ) Children calling names

>

> Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 10:10 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her " weird " because

she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to

contribute to clean the enviroment.

>

> I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way

she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or

consciously put her in or she put herself in.

>

> Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.

> A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of

them asked the group to leave because " weird " people came in and we were the

only person that came in…

>

> I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and

looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is

nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with

ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

>

[Guest guest]

Regarding someone calling your child a wierdo and you hear it.

I would teach your child how to gossip ...you both

over hear someone call your child a name ....you say wow I guess

some people aren't taught manners. It is amazing how rude people can be. They

must just be jealous.

This is how we all cope with bad behaviors, gossip. Noone likes

people that gossip if it isn't true but it keeps order in social groups when it

is.

You want your child to know they are rude, ill behaved kids.

I don't know that the other kids need to hear that did the

name calling. That could

cause a conflict and is not how gossip works any way.

And this story can be retold to other members of the family that

there were kids name calling and how you thought they

were rude and obnoxious kids. And how polite and kind

your child is. And how the parents of these kids must not teach them

manners.

Maybe others have other ideas for coping with aggressive behaviors

but for sure our kids needs to learn to cope with these kind

of behaviors. Otherwise they will run off and retreat into homelife

and be afraid to face these awful yet typical behaviors.

Pam

>

>

> Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her " weird " because

she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to

contribute to clean the enviroment.

>

> I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way

she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or

consciously put her in or she put herself in.

>

>

> Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.

> A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of

them asked the group to leave because " weird " people came in and we were the

only person that came in…

>

>

> I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and

looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is

nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with

ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

>

[Guest guest]

I know I am the same way. I go mute in general over any kind of

conflict with anyone. It is a way to start thinking about it though.

Not hurt.

Two years ago my daughter took a social skill class with Dr. Ellman, she wrote

the book the unwritten rules of friendship, it is a

good general book. In one of the sessions someone asked what do you do if you

ask to sit with someone at lunch and they say no.

Dr. Ellman said " you say who would want to sit with you anyway " even

if you just say it to yourself. Wow I could never do that.

But the idea is to think of yourself not as a victim. But that

this girl did you a favor now you know you would never be

her friend.

I 100% get that it is hard to be confrontational with

anyone. And I totally get the pain and suffering that

our kids are rejected. But the more they are supported

by family and true friends and the less they are

vulnerable to others, the better.

Pam

> >

> >

> > Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her " weird "

because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to

contribute to clean the enviroment.

> >

> > I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way

she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or

consciously put her in or she put herself in.

> >

> >

> > Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.

> > A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of

them asked the group to leave because " weird " people came in and we were the

only person that came in…

> >

> >

> > I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and

looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but there is

nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with

ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, what rude kids!! It's not weird to pick up trash though. It's weird NOT to! One thing to teach her is to be proud of her individual self - some kids are quirky and they tend to revel in that. Teach her to smile and say, "You say that like it's a bad thing." lol. My own dd is quirky and she enjoys being quirky. She has grown into it.

You should talk to someone at camp and get someone to watch out for her. When kids are that "in your face", like the ones at the Y, there is probably no hope that the parents even care how crappy their kids are being. They are spoiled. I have some like this in our neighborhood and I will glare at the little brats and say things to them like, "I better not see you do that again!" They run like the devil is after them usually. Brats. lol. I even say that to them, "What a brat!"

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for go

od men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Children calling names

Today my girl told me, that at camp, some children called her "weird" because she was picking up trash ...she explaining to me that she just want to contribute to clean the enviroment.

I want her to be able to accept herself and be happy with herself, that way she will defeat any bad situation that other children unconsciously or consciously put her in or she put herself in.

Sometimes people made comments in front of us even at the YMCA.

A few days ago there were a few girls at the looker room of the YMCA, one of them asked the group to leave because "weird" people came in and we were the only person that came in…

I have been working very hard in helping my girl to build self esteem and looks as if some children are working very hard in destrying it, but ther

e is nothing we can do, this is a cruel world and we have to learn to be happy with ourself regarding of the way people look at us....

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