Re: End of year anxiety... etc

[Guest guest]

I don't have much to offer except to say "I hear you!" My son is extra anxious at the end of the school year, too, but my 8-yr-old NT daughter is hyped up as well. I think you can tell him many of the children are feeling like he is. Maybe that will help? We talked about good stress and bad stress and how you can feel anxious even if you are excited about something. I was trying to explain why they were feeling like they were. My son had access to a special room, designated for kids on the autism spectrum, that he could access when things were tough. He spent extra time in there at the end of the school year to get away from all of the worked up energy in the classrooms. Does have access to anything like that at his school?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> Sent: Tue, June 8, 2010 6:28:49 AMSubject: ( ) End of year anxiety... etc

So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new. But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year, and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this time of year, and regardless of the motivators, “doing his best†is hindered by the fact that his best is far less than normal.

I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time of year? We’re into the “you don’t care about me†phase now… because he thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the world not to go, means I don’t care lol

I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the way he does)… and that he’s always gonna have something that’s bothering him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry anyway.

I’m wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks intrinsic motivators, I’m wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator would be helpful?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts… I have an IEP meeting today, and need to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year his teacher is his current French teacher, and he’s REALLY struggling with French… so he’s worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor sweet boy…

=)

[Guest guest]

I hate the end of the year too, lol. We are having a hard time as well. We always offer rewards for a good week, and have increased the reward for the end of the year. n wants a new yugi-oh deck and a gift card for an online game he plays. (Wizard 101).

Right now I'd say there is a pretty slim chance he is going to get any rewards, as he was in trouble again yesterday for threatening a boy in gym class. (Boy was picking on him.) I know he is stressed out, and routines are off because it's the end of the year, but we told n he has to go to school for these last few days and try to keep it together or it's not going to be a fun summer for him.Try to explain to your son if you *didn't* care about him, you would let him stay home and do whatever he wants. Because you care, you are trying to help him learn and grow into a responsible adult. And that includes going to school, even when it's hard.

Sometimes offereing rewards backfires because they get too focused on that, and then stress out over everything little thing that may affect them getting the reward. But you know your son best, if you think it would work, then I say try it. Whatever you can do to get through the end of the year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) End of year anxiety... etc Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 4:28 AM

So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new. But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year, and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this time of year, and regardless of the motivators, “doing his best†is hindered by the fact that his best is far less than normal.

I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time of year? We’re into the “you don’t care about me†phase now… because he thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the world not to go, means I don’t care lol

I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the way he does)… and that he’s always gonna have something that’s bothering him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry anyway.

I’m wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks intrinsic motivators, I’m wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator would be helpful?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts… I have an IEP meeting today, and need to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year his teacher is his current French teacher, and he’s REALLY struggling with French… so he’s worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor sweet boy…

=)

[Guest guest]

For anything my daughter voices as anxious we rehearse with

her daily a more positive viewpoint for extra incentives.

She has a field trip coming up on Friday and she has been more

anxious too. Consistency is so important in any kind of reward

system. If my daughter goes to school she gets 1 hour of electronic time. She

can earn more by rehearsing things she likes about school.

She locks into these very ridgid thoughts about school being

all bad. And she goes to a special ed school with very

nuturing teachers and very small classs size. If she gets there on time I take

her to look at the pet store

(her special interest). But we really have to stick to this

if it is going to be a motivator (that means no weekend trips

to the pet store it has to be reserved for school days).

We do not argue about school attendance in the morning. In the

morning we just remind her of the incentives she can earn.

I have to every day remind her if she doesn't go to school

she gets no electronics at all.

We have an IEP that identifies anxiety as an issue and

she takes 75mg of zoloft. Which has lowered the panic

in the morning but not the resistance.

take care,

Pam

>

> So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new.

> But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year,

> and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this

> time of year, and regardless of the motivators, " doing his best " is hindered

> by the fact that his best is far less than normal.

>

>

>

> I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time

> of year? We're into the " you don't care about me " phase now. because he

> thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the

> world not to go, means I don't care lol

>

>

>

> I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he

> seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the

> way he does). and that he's always gonna have something that's bothering

> him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school

> this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry

> anyway.

>

>

>

> I'm wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks

> intrinsic motivators, I'm wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator

> would be helpful?

>

>

>

> Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I have an IEP meeting today, and need

> to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year

> his teacher is his current French teacher, and he's REALLY struggling with

> French. so he's worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor

> sweet boy.

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how things are at your son's school, but I know that I hate this

time of year. The routines are completely shot! Field day, field trips,

parties, special events, teacher gifts to be purchased and distributed. It's

horrible. No doubt everyone at school is a bit frazzled and all the kids are

impatient for the year to end. I think we'd all be better off if they just cut

out all this extra stuff and end the year two weeks early!

Find out what the schedule is for your son's school with all this extra stuff

and see if you can warn him in advance or take him home early when they're doing

something special that might overwhelm him. There isn't any real reason for

kids to do field day IMHO. Not if it stresses them. They get extra snacks.

Everyone is all sugared up and then if a kid isn't a particularly good athlete

people don't want them to participate and yell at them. My daughter suffered

this because she injured her foot two days before field day. Kids were yelling

at her to not participate. As it turns out, the events they won all were the

ones in which she participated. It was the team work efforts that they won.

Why oh WHY do schools do all this stuff to themselves. They had a talent show

for the 4th graders this week that required two after school rehearsals.

Rayleigh was going to participate and then didn't want to go to the rehearsals

and I was fine with it because the actual show was to be held at 8:15 thursday

MORNING when I'm in the middle of trying to get my older child, my aspie kid who

requires more supervision, on to his bus! Then there's " clap out " which is like

graduation for 4th graders and THAT is at 8:15 in the morning next week.

Seriously, it's not your kid's fault and most of the kids are insane at this

point if your schools are as crazy as ours. I think once the insanity is done

I'm going to suggest fewer events crammed into the last two weeks.

Miriam

>

> So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new.

> But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year,

> and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this

> time of year, and regardless of the motivators, " doing his best " is hindered

> by the fact that his best is far less than normal.

>

>

>

> I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time

> of year? We're into the " you don't care about me " phase now. because he

> thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the

> world not to go, means I don't care lol

>

>

>

> I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he

> seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the

> way he does). and that he's always gonna have something that's bothering

> him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school

> this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry

> anyway.

>

>

>

> I'm wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks

> intrinsic motivators, I'm wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator

> would be helpful?

>

>

>

> Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I have an IEP meeting today, and need

> to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year

> his teacher is his current French teacher, and he's REALLY struggling with

> French. so he's worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor

> sweet boy.

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

I think I would use rewards for smaller amounts of time. " If you have a good

day today, maybe I can get you some mcdonalds fries for a treat. " works

amazingly for my son. His guidance counselor will say, " if you have a good

week I'll bring in my cats for you to visit on Friday afternoon. " I don't

usually offer anything that he can't achieve and though he can do longer term

things now it's still a struggle. He's getting better and better at being

patient. If he doesn't get the reward it just makes him miserable. But shorter

times between rewards can motivate him in a bad moment. " If you can calm down

your mom said she would take you to gamestop to let you play demo games after

school. "

This is what works for us and there hasn't been a time when I couldn't give

what I offered. He needs baby steps and if anything is too big he gets

overwhelmed. It's much better now at age 13 than when he was younger so I can

spread out the rewards. Lately, I've been letting him earn tally marks which

are worth 25 cents each. This seems to help both my kids so I use it with both

of them. We have a few dry erase boards around and they can mark their own

tallies. They've been very honest about it, too.

Miriam

>

>

> From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>

> Subject: ( ) End of year anxiety... etc

>

> Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 4:28 AM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

> So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new.

But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year, and

we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this time of

year, and regardless of the motivators, “doing his best†is hindered by the

fact that his best is far less than normal.

>  

> I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time

of year? We’re into the “you don’t care about me†phase now… because

he thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the

world not to go, means I don’t care lol

>  

> I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he

seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the way he

does)… and that he’s always gonna have something that’s bothering him, but

there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school this morning, a

later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry anyway.

>  

> I’m wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks

intrinsic motivators, I’m wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator

would be helpful?

>  

> Thanks in advance for your thoughts… I have an IEP meeting today, and need

to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year his

teacher is his current French teacher, and he’s REALLY struggling with

French… so he’s worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor

sweet boy…

>  

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks. I was able to talk to the teacher yesterday and I feel better about things. Hearing about things from just my son's perspective always makes it seem worse. The teacher emphasized all of the improvements n has made this year, and she left me feeling positive. And I will be at the school again today to help with the end of year picnic, so I will be able to monitor things and make sure it doesn't get too out of control.

We do have daily rewards too - computer and video game time which he can have, and he really hates to lose those. But n is always asking for bigger things, like the yugi-oh deck. And as you probably can guess, he would ask for it continuously and it would drive us nuts. By saying you have to have a good week to earn that, it helps shortcut those conversations. I say, "If you have a good week, you can ask me again about that on Friday."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>Subject: Re: ( ) End of year anxiety... etc Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 10:14 PM

I think I would use rewards for smaller amounts of time. "If you have a good day today, maybe I can get you some mcdonalds fries for a treat." works amazingly for my son. His guidance counselor will say, " if you have a good week I'll bring in my cats for you to visit on Friday afternoon." I don't usually offer anything that he can't achieve and though he can do longer term things now it's still a struggle. He's getting better and better at being patient. If he doesn't get the reward it just makes him miserable. But shorter times between rewards can motivate him in a bad moment. "If you can calm down your mom said she would take you to gamestop to let you play demo games after school."This is what works for us and there hasn't been a time when I couldn't give what I offered. He needs baby steps and if anything is too big he gets overwhelmed. It's much better now at age 13 than when he was younger so I can spread out the rewards.

Lately, I've been letting him earn tally marks which are worth 25 cents each. This seems to help both my kids so I use it with both of them. We have a few dry erase boards around and they can mark their own tallies. They've been very honest about it, too.Miriam> > > From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>> Subject: ( ) End of year anxiety... etc> > Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 4:28 AM> > > > > > > > > So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new. But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year, and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this time of year, and regardless of the motivators, “doing his best†is hindered by the fact that his best is far less than normal.> > I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it

through this time of year? We’re into the “you don’t care about me†phase now… because he thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the world not to go, means I don’t care lol> > I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the way he does)… and that he’s always gonna have something that’s bothering him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry anyway.> > I’m wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks intrinsic motivators, I’m wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator would be helpful?> > Thanks in advance for your thoughts… I have an IEP meeting today, and need to discuss some transitional plans for going into next

year, and next year his teacher is his current French teacher, and he’s REALLY struggling with French… so he’s worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor sweet boy…> > =)>

[Guest guest]

Hi , Sorry I'm late responding to this. Same thing happens with my son. This year I allowed him to stay home the last two days of school. Probably not the most appropriate strategy, but after talking with him and realizing that he was anxious about the unstructuredness of the schedule those last two days...dh and I decided it was in his best interest. Pam

In a message dated 6/8/2010 7:52:44 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, nicole.obrien@... writes:

So we usually have to encourage to go to school. This is nothing new. But this time of year is a nightmare for him. HE HATES the end of the year, and we have a daily battle to get him to school. His behavior is worse this time of year, and regardless of the motivators, “doing his best†is hindered by the fact that his best is far less than normal.

I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas for how we make it through this time of year? We’re into the “you don’t care about me†phase now… because he thinks that by sending him off to school when he has EVERY reason in the world not to go, means I don’t care lol

< span style="font-size:11.0pt;color:#1F497D;">

I have explained to him that this time of year is ALWAYS hard for him (he seems to do better when he has a better understanding of WHY he feels the way he does)… and that he’s always gonna have something that’s bothering him, but there are still things to be done, etc. He DID go off to school this morning, a later entry than usual, but we always have delayed entry anyway.

I’m wondering if some increased motivators might help? Since he lacks intrinsic motivators, I’m wondering if some big special extrinsic motivator would be helpful?

< p class="MsoNormal">Thanks in advance for your thoughts… I have an IEP meeting today, and need to discuss some transitional plans for going into next year, and next year his teacher is his current French teacher, and he’s REALLY struggling with French… so he’s worried and anxious about her being his teacher. LOL poor sweet boy…

=)