Re: Disappointed with family

[Guest guest]

I agree 100%. The choice of him not having a meal should be

YOURS and YOURS alone – otherwise they should assume that they’ll be ordering

one for him. It’s ridiculous to go at it any other way. He deserves the same

treatment as anyone else.

Offer to pay if necessary, but you should NOT have to.

Good luck, keep us posted !!!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of l8elucretia@...

Sent: Wednesday, November 25, 2009 11:23 AM

Subject: RE: ( ) Disappointed with family

THIS IS NOT A MOLEHILL!!!!

Doesn't matter WHAT the issue is, your son should be included. It's the

experience more than the food. Tell the SIL you want him to have a meal

like everyone else and you will pay for it if necessary.

This is a hot spot for me. I love my family but STRONGLY believe that

they need to support the parents in EVERY way!!

On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 7:22 AM, Lorraine son wrote:

> I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband

> thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other

> opinions.

>

> Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are

> all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him,

> last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get

> a little annoyed.

>

> On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have

> decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of

> us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we

> go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes

> everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for

> later.

>

> Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is

> never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the

> waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

>

> Do I

> a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of

> us are being fed. or

> tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would

> rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left

> out.

>

> Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go

> at all.

[Guest guest]

THIS IS NOT A MOLEHILL!!!!

Doesn't matter WHAT the issue is, your son should be included. It's the

experience more than the food. Tell the SIL you want him to have a meal

like everyone else and you will pay for it if necessary.

This is a hot spot for me. I love my family but STRONGLY believe that

they need to support the parents in EVERY way!!

On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 7:22 AM, Lorraine son wrote:

> I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband

> thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other

> opinions.

>  

> Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are

> all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him,

> last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get

> a little annoyed.

>  

> On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have

> decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of

> us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we

> go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes

> everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for

> later.

>  

> Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is

> never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the

> waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

>  

> Do I  

> a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of

> us are being fed. or  

> tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would

> rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left

> out.

>  

> Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go

> at all. 

[Guest guest]

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill at all. I would (  tell your sister-in-law to include him in the count and give her the money for his meal.  Hopefully she won't accept it.  I would also order a  meal for him at Christmas (and offer to pay.) 

I kind of had the opposite problem.  My son could not stand the texture of food (until he was diagnosed with OCD at age 7 and placed on Luvox.)  For his first 7 years, he survived on cans on Ensure, (funded by Medicaid.)  I would bring his cans when we would go out to eat.  If we were with my in-laws, they would always order him a meal and then get angry when he wouldn't eat it.  They would want us to force him to eat it!  Needless to say, we didn't go out with my in-laws too often!

Lindsey sen

http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 9:22 AM, Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> wrote:

 

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

 

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

 

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

 

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

 

Do I

 

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

 

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

 

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all. 

[Guest guest]

You didn't say where the meal was taking place, but if it is a restaurant, I'd call them up and make arrangements for them to serve a meal that your son can eat. In this day of food allergies, I don't think this is uncommon or unreasonable. And I think a restaurant would rather you do this than bring in your own meal for him.

Reggi Levinreggi@...

[Guest guest]

Question - when you say you "always pack a lunch for him", why is that? Did you start that before she stopped buying a lunch for your son (because he's a picky eater) or after? If it's before, maybe they think you prefer to be able to pack a lunch you know he will eat? Is there any chance they think this is what you want usually?

About the wedding - I'd ask to see the menu. Then you can take a look and see if there is anything Gregor might eat. If there isn't anything he'd eat, I'd bring him a lunch. I don't think he would be the first kid at a wedding who doesn't eat the food =) If there are 1-2 things he might eat, ask them for a plate and bring a few things to supplement. Maybe they are hestitant because they are trying to control costs, but if there is food he'll eat on the menu, he should get a plate like everyone else and you should not have to pay for it.

As far as restaurants go though, if it is not your preference to bring something you know he'll eat, that's a different story. There has to be something at a restaurant that would work for him. Maybe you could get online and check out a menu beforehand to make sure there is something he would eat and then when you're out, just order it for him, like anyone else. Don't even make a big deal about it. It shouldn't be a shock to anyone that someone is ordering food at a restaurant. If anyone says anything to you, explain that he eats out with you guys all of the time and orders things from the menu so it's no big deal.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Wed, November 25, 2009 8:22:44 AMSubject: ( ) Disappointed with family

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

Do I

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all.

[Guest guest]

I guess I'm confused.....not the 1st time, sadly. Ha.

Anyway,,,,,so,,,,,your MIL and SIL just DECIDIED to not have a meal for your son at their reception? I'd be so mad,,,,,,,,,good grief!!!!I guess I'd just get with them and say, "Ah...yes,,,,,he will be hungry. DOn't know where you got the idea that he wouldn't be".

I wouldn't bring anything else along other than what you'd normally bring to any other event.....like snacks, or whatever.I'd be really pissed, actually.

I'm wondering why your hubby isn't ticked.And.....I'm wondering if I understood this right?Also....if I am reading this right,,,,,,,,,,,I think I'd be so insulted that I wouldn't go.

Please let me know if I understood this right.

Robin

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...>Subject: ( ) Disappointed with family Date: Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 8:22 AM

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

Do I

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all.

[Guest guest]

My husband knows my answer to this. He wouldn't dare even try to smooth things over with me. I would NOT go. And if they refuse to feed your child at other family functions, I wouldn't be going to those either.

My grandson is almost 100% a vegetarian because he has a genetic disorder. Sometimes when we go to people's homes for dinner we make sure they know in advance of Dillon's dietary restrictions.

If someone ever told me that Dillon wouldn't be allowed to eat because nothing they would be serving he would eat....well it would not end well.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It can't be easy for you.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I guess it started when he was a baby I just brought baby food for him and it has continued year after year, I started to get a bit annoyed about it when he was around 5, I thought by then it would be ok for him to start getting a meal, but my MIL kept saying I won't bother getting anything for G, can you just feed him before you come, so rather than rock the boat I did.Then last year I was quite really annoyed as her partner brought his grandchildren that are around the same age and they all had meals. So just Gregor was left sitting while everbody else ate, so I just fed him from my plate and received frowns for doing so.

For the wedding my SIL and MIL just decided G wouldn't eat anything on the menu, I'm not sure how they came to this decision as they never asked me or my husband, and the only time they really see us for a meal is at Christmas. I contacted the venue and they e-mailed me the wedding menus and they offer kids half portions or something off the kids menu, which he would be more than happy with, so I have asked my husband to call his sister and add Gregor and offered to pay, she insisted I must have been reading the cafe menu as nothing like that is on her menu, in reality she probably hasn't checked as her kids are in their 20's. Or they just want everyone to have the "posh nosh". Money is not an issue they are very well off.

Don't want to rock the boat, but am getting fed up with them leaving him out, if my husband doesn't sort it by tonight, wedding is on Sat, I'm gonna. lol

Lor B

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Disappointed with family Date: Wednesday, 25 November, 2009, 16:29

Question - when you say you "always pack a lunch for him", why is that? Did you start that before she stopped buying a lunch for your son (because he's a picky eater) or after? If it's before, maybe they think you prefer to be able to pack a lunch you know he will eat? Is there any chance they think this is what you want usually?

About the wedding - I'd ask to see the menu. Then you can take a look and see if there is anything Gregor might eat. If there isn't anything he'd eat, I'd bring him a lunch. I don't think he would be the first kid at a wedding who doesn't eat the food =) If there are 1-2 things he might eat, ask them for a plate and bring a few things to supplement. Maybe they are hestitant because they are trying to control costs, but if there is food he'll eat on the menu, he should get a plate like everyone else and you should not have to pay for it.

As far as restaurants go though, if it is not your preference to bring something you know he'll eat, that's a different story. There has to be something at a restaurant that would work for him. Maybe you could get online and check out a menu beforehand to make sure there is something he would eat and then when you're out, just order it for him, like anyone else. Don't even make a big deal about it. It shouldn't be a shock to anyone that someone is ordering food at a restaurant. If anyone says anything to you, explain that he eats out with you guys all of the time and orders things from the menu so it's no big deal.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Wed, November 25, 2009 8:22:44 AMSubject: ( ) Disappointed with family

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

Do I

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all.

[Guest guest]

Your getting it right Robin, the girls at my work are outraged, they are all telling me they wouldn't be going. My MIL is a very dominant lady and they basically do whatever she asks, I htink my husband is worried about upsetting anyone, I couldn't sleep the other night after she had told me because I was sssoooo angry. We only got married 07 and they were all invited and everyone regardless of age were fed.

If my husband hasn't sorted it out by tonight I will be, and its gonna be a case of feed him or we are not coming, they might be even happier with this as I'm the only veggie!

A very annoyed Lor B

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk>Subject: ( ) Disappointed with family Date: Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 8:22 AM

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

Do I

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all.

[Guest guest]

I was in a similar situation with  my in-laws.  It might be the proper thing to do to get angry and tell them off,  by myself, and possible the " postee " Lor B might be the same say.  We don't want to make waves.  We want to keep peace in our families even when our families are idiots.  Some of us also have husbands who because of the way they were raised, would NEVER say or do anything negative.  It is frustrating that they don't support us!  In my case, it is easier to just let it go in order for the holiday/function/dinner out to go smoothly.  If I were at a restaurant for a dinner out, I would order something for my child and ask the waitress to put it on a separate bill. The wedding is much more complicated, and not going might cause permanent discord in the family.  I know in my life I have enough stress without the added worry of anger against my in-laws. I know it may be considered the 'cowards way out " , but it is all my little brain can handle.  I've learned to ignore their slights against my children and figure that they are awful people inside and they live petty, miserable lives!

Lindsey  senhttp://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

[Guest guest]

Great idea to have your husband make the first attempt to handle since it's his side of the family. My parents think in advance of what Dylan may or may not eat and make sure there are a few key, healthy options for him. I haven't talked to D's other grandmother since 1997 or so, so I don't have any problems on that end =)

Isn't Gregor 8 now? I'm so curious now as to why they would keep doing this at his age. I would think they would assume he WOULD eat at a restaurant, and it would be the exception when he didn't.

Gotta love family politics!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Thu, November 26, 2009 3:47:54 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Disappointed with family

Hi ,

I guess it started when he was a baby I just brought baby food for him and it has continued year after year, I started to get a bit annoyed about it when he was around 5, I thought by then it would be ok for him to start getting a meal, but my MIL kept saying I won't bother getting anything for G, can you just feed him before you come, so rather than rock the boat I did.Then last year I was quite really annoyed as her partner brought his grandchildren that are around the same age and they all had meals. So just Gregor was left sitting while everbody else ate, so I just fed him from my plate and received frowns for doing so.

For the wedding my SIL and MIL just decided G wouldn't eat anything on the menu, I'm not sure how they came to this decision as they never asked me or my husband, and the only time they really see us for a meal is at Christmas. I contacted the venue and they e-mailed me the wedding menus and they offer kids half portions or something off the kids menu, which he would be more than happy with, so I have asked my husband to call his sister and add Gregor and offered to pay, she insisted I must have been reading the cafe menu as nothing like that is on her menu, in reality she probably hasn't checked as her kids are in their 20's. Or they just want everyone to have the "posh nosh". Money is not an issue they are very well off.

Don't want to rock the boat, but am getting fed up with them leaving him out, if my husband doesn't sort it by tonight, wedding is on Sat, I'm gonna. lol

Lor B

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Disappointed with family Date: Wednesday, 25 November, 2009, 16:29

Question - when you say you "always pack a lunch for him", why is that? Did you start that before she stopped buying a lunch for your son (because he's a picky eater) or after? If it's before, maybe they think you prefer to be able to pack a lunch you know he will eat? Is there any chance they think this is what you want usually?

About the wedding - I'd ask to see the menu. Then you can take a look and see if there is anything Gregor might eat. If there isn't anything he'd eat, I'd bring him a lunch. I don't think he would be the first kid at a wedding who doesn't eat the food =) If there are 1-2 things he might eat, ask them for a plate and bring a few things to supplement. Maybe they are hestitant because they are trying to control costs, but if there is food he'll eat on the menu, he should get a plate like everyone else and you should not have to pay for it.

As far as restaurants go though, if it is not your preference to bring something you know he'll eat, that's a different story. There has to be something at a restaurant that would work for him. Maybe you could get online and check out a menu beforehand to make sure there is something he would eat and then when you're out, just order it for him, like anyone else. Don't even make a big deal about it. It shouldn't be a shock to anyone that someone is ordering food at a restaurant. If anyone says anything to you, explain that he eats out with you guys all of the time and orders things from the menu so it's no big deal.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Wed, November 25, 2009 8:22:44 AMSubject: ( ) Disappointed with family

I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can take a sandwich for him for later.

Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I just think he is going to feel very left out.

Do I

a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are being fed. or

tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all.

[Guest guest]

Lindsey, call it what you want. You're a better person than I am.

When I married my exhusband I already had 3 children. I wanted my in laws to understand that all the children were to be treated equally. My MIL received an award for Grandmother of the Year and during the ceremony she mentioned that she had 10 grandchildren. She neglected to include my 3 children. I was furious! And I told her about it. I didn't include my husband in the conversation. I point blank told her that my children loved her, they called her "Gram" and although they may not know about her slight, I did.

She profusely apologized to me and said it would never happen again. And it didn't.

I've been divorced from her son for 11 years and she is still my MIL even though I'm remarried and she still considers me her daughter. I love her tremendously and the day that I confronted her was the day our relationship changed for the good.

This subject is so sensitive to me because I was one of those children who was left out, pushed aside, and wasn't considered at family functions. My mother refused to tell anyone how she was feeling or how it made ME feel. I grew up refusing to allow anyone to do that to my children and now I refuse anyone to do that to my grandson that I'm raising.

I was thinking about your son and not how it may affect the dynamics of your marriage or the relationship you have with your in laws.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

I hardly feel you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

i cant see why the " bride " wouldnt be able to ask the restaurant or recepetion

hall to have something more acceptable for him to eat. i have yet to see the

place that refused something for a special dietary request.

it just sounds more like your family doesnt understand and/or accept the needs

you require.

sorry, but i come from a very close italian family and they would " never " leave

someone out like that.

but then again, i cant say i was never in your shoes (not with family, but with

so called freinds).

stick to your guns. your son should not be left out at all.

what if he feels slighted as others are being taken care of and he is not ?

at what point do people stop " punishing " you for needing some help ?

im sure if someonr had a allergy to a specific type of food, the place will make

a consession if asked.

Good luck on this one. i know its very touchy but your hubby has to stick by

your side and voice his oppinion.

im sure if asked nicely, there should be an arrangement made. if not, i wouldnt

go.

if that starts an issue in the family, it doesnt sound like much of one.

family may be family. but your son isdirect from you and yur husbands blood and

that is thicker.

>

> I couldn't get to sleep last night as I was very upset, my husband thinks I am

making a mountain out fo a molehill, I need some other opinions.

>  

> Long story short my mother in law NEVER gets my son a meal if we are all out

for Christmas, I have always taken a packed lunch for him, last year there were

other kids, they all got a meal. I started to get a little annoyed.

>  

> On Saturday my sister in law is getting married, she and the MIL have decided

there is nothing Gregor would eat, without asking either of us, so he is not

getting a meal, they want me to feed him before we go, then just sit there with

nothing for the two hours it takes everyone else to eat their meal and I can

take a sandwich for him for later.

>  

> Now, the three of us go out for dinner at least once a week, gregor is never

any trouble, he loves ordering his food and chatting to the waitress/waiter. I

just think he is going to feel very left out.

>  

> Do I

>  

> a) take a three course meal for him and just feed him when the rest of us are

being fed. or

>  

> tell the sister in law I will pay for his meal because I would rather he

shovel food around his plate for half an hour than be left out.

>  

> Any advice greatly appreciated, before I feign sickness and don't go at all. 

>