How many others are struggling with chores, ADLs and obsessions?

[Guest guest]

Pam's post where she talked a little about the Yale folks got me thinking. I

think what they are doing is pretty standard--the problem is one needs support

and energy to follow through. (And one has to get to the point where one

understands and accepts one's child is " different " and one has to do things

" different " with them--not a problem with most of us once our kids have reached

a certain age.)

So, maybe we can provide each other the support and energy needed from our

little list? I guess that is all what we are here for, right?

I'm thinking the way this will work for us is me making up a list of chores,

ADLs (activities of daily living), studying--everything--assign points to each.

They have to have so many points to get an hour on the computer (the only reward

that really works in our family at this age--isn't necessarily true of younger

kids). For my NT child, I can sprinkle in a little money, if he is

motivated--maybe even the Aspie. The list will have to be in table form and

include columns for complete step-by-step instructions and how many

points--perhaps a column for an abbreviation for said item--you'll see why in a

minute.

Now here is what is going to be different. The kids keep a list on a piece of

notebook paper every day or week where they write down everything they do, one

item per line, perhaps write the abbreviation and how many points they are

supposed to get. They have to add it up every day or week. The difference

is--they are doing the work of keeping track of everything, not me.

They won't want to do this writing and math, but they won't get their computer

turn (or money) unless they do. This will work with my kids. The Asperger one

will throw a temper tantrum and take awhile to do it probably, but he'll get

over it and I'm sure he'll get better when he sees it doesn't get him anything.

Ditto for the NT one, just not as bad LOL.

This seems like such a little thing, but it is what has kept this from working

consistently for me in the past. Working full-time with two special needs

people in the family--just not enough time and energy. But I think we can do it

this way.

I'm going to keep the lists on the computer so I can create smaller lists if

they get too overwhelmed by the choices. I'll probably make a hierarchy of

lists too, i.e., these things have to be all done before we can go on to list B

etc.

We couldn't do this when they were younger because the time spent arguing with

the NT one and dealing with meltdowns with the Asperger one far outweighed

getting anything done. I can't believe they have finally matured to where we

can maybe get this to work. It has been a long time coming.