Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

[Guest guest]

Dear Sandee,

Thanks for bringing this to my

attention.

I think I have figured out the

problem. Would you try this link again and click on either the WORD or the

PDF link?

http://four-minutes-a-day.wikispaces.com/

Otherwise, go to

www.ecbernard.org

and click on HOW TO ORDER BOOK and just call me – I have unlimited

minutes and can call you back.

Let me know if this doesn’t work,

and Thanks.

E.C.

e.c.bernard@...

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of sandee C

Sent: Monday, August 23, 2010 2:15

PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I tried to order two books through that website but could not get the

links to work to get the order blank.. EC Bernard, do you have a direct method

to order?

From: Roxanna

<MadIdeas@...>

To:

Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010

10:23:46 AM

Subject: ( )

Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I

just recently read an interesting book about bullying, " Four Minutes a

day " by E.C. Bernard. http://www.ecbernard.org I really learned a lot

of interesting things about why kids bully. But most importantly, this

idea could be used to help kids like ours so I wanted to share it with everyone

since this is a big topic here.

I wish I had seen this book several years ago because this was one of two

primary reasons why I had to pull my 13 yo ds out of school - bullying.

While he was always the target of being bullied, as he got older, it got more

prevalent and he became more aware of it. Pretty soon, kids were just

whispering " yellow " at him and he would melt down. In addition,

as he got into the higher grades (i.e. MIDDLE SCHOOL!), the teachers were

around less often, had less time to devote to these issues or at times, less

tolerance to listen to his problems or take them seriously. One of the

last meetings I had attended for my ds at middle school, the sped teacher

informed me that my ds spent his 15 minute lunch break " screaming for no

reason " . These are the kinds of things said to parents that break

their hearts. Nobody had ever bothered to figure out what was going

wrong. They just had a stern talk with him about screaming like that and

told him not to do it. And I was never told about the problem until

parent/teacher conferences. Now their problem was solved. But not

his. shortly after that, another boy told the teacher that the bully's

were planning to " trash can " my son. This is where they throw

the kid into the giant trash bin out back. We pulled him after his 3rd

month of 6th grade and he is being e-school now. But he still bitterly

makes comments about that school and how horrible it was - even 3 years

later.

I have 2 kids with HFA so this is just one story of many. And after all

these years on this list, I hear these stories on a regular basis from

everyone. Now school is getting ready to start and I see a lot of posts

about panicked parents sending their vulnerable kids to school and hoping they

don't get teased. Soon, we will get posts from parents whose kids are

being teased. Some school staff try to make it stop and help. But

it never really stops at the core level - they just learn to bully out of sight

of adults. Then some staff have no idea how to address bullying like this

and so they ignore it or blame the victim. And once they have targeted

one of our kids, it often doesn't take more than a look or a whispered word to

cause the panic.

That is why I wanted to tell you about this book and the idea behind it.

I also wanted to add that E.C. Bernard is a member of our list! She is a

teacher, so she writes from the unique vantage point of school staff - where

the problems are happening. She came up with this plan and implemented it

herself for a student of hers. I can tell in reading the description of

the kind of students who are being bullied, that E.C. totally gets our kids

although it is not written about AS/HFA kids specifically- just vulnerable kids

who get teased.

E.C. has spent a lot of time thinking and studying bully's and what makes them

tick. I always tell parents on here that they have to identify

" why " their child is doing a particular behavior before they can

change it or address it. This is exactly what E.C. did. E.C. breaks

this down into different kinds of bullying - personal and entertainment.

Each type of bullying is for a different reason. I think these ideas are

brilliant really and it helps explain why punishing these kids doesn't fix the

problem. Once you identify what they are getting from it, she

offers ideas for handling the bully that really cuts to the heart of the

issue. I think school staff and administrators need to read

this part especially because it can really help them manage the bullying issues

that they must see every day.

Next, E.C. has developed a plan for the school day to surround the victim of

bullying and prevent it from happening/fix a problem that is happening.

This is what the " Four Minutes a Day " title means. As often

happens, our kids do ok in the classroom but they have problems between

classes, getting to classes, during lunch and breaks. This is where her

book addresses the problem and helps set up a program to surround that student

at these times of day. Even better, she doesn't use the same one or two

students to do this, which I think is so important.

I really like that she has thought this through from several perspectives as

well - teachers, administrators, parents and students. For the

administrator, she tells them why following through on these suggestions will

save them time and money later. This is great information for parents to

use as well in order to get a plan put in place. You do have to appeal to

the things they are most concerned with. For teachers, she discusses which

teachers would do best at this and how to set this plan up - how they will need

extra planning time and why and how they can recruit, encourage and problem

solve with weekly meetings. For the parents, she gives them

information about how to view their child more objectively and how to ask for

assistance. For students - she writes not only about helping the victim

in a low key but effective way but also about protecting the students who will

volunteer to help out and addressing their needs and concerns. I really

do like that the plan addresses all these angles.

The beauty in this plan - to surround the victim with a few buddies at key

points in the day - is that it is simple, easy to do once it has been

organized, and addresses the exact need. In some of her examples, it has

helped kids make some friends along the way. But it also provides

opportunities for the NT kids to learn tolerance and to be helpful. I

think it will lift the self-esteem of both the victim and the volunteers in a way

that actually matters. So that's a win-win for the kids. My

favorite part to this is that it is kids helping kids with the adults

facilitating and monitoring. It doesn't take a big time commitment from

the volunteers either. It really addresses the problem at it's core and

that is what makes it such a great idea!

Obviously, I don't get compensated for telling you about this book! I

just really think it's a great idea and wanted to share it. If anyone

intends to try this plan or talk to their school about it, please write back in

here and let us hear about what is happening. I would really love to know

how it is working! My own ds is e-schooled now but I hope to talk with

the local school sped director about it and perhaps she'll think of it when

faced with another bullying situation.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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