bedtime

[Guest guest]

Thanks Michele!

I love the new CD as well....my friend saw him last month and she got it for

me and had him autograph it. Sigh...I'm swooning just thinking of it...I'm

such a girl!! Hehehehe!!

Maggie

[Guest guest]

I remember Rick Springfield and I just got back into him a few months

ago when a gf surprised me with concert tickets for my birthday. The

concert was great and he's still a babe. I like his new CD Karma. I

workout to his music all of the time. Have a great time!

Michele S.

[Guest guest]

Hey, around here we have always had the "Four B's" - bath, brush, book, BED" but in Annie's case it has for at least 4 years been followed by the fifth B -" Back Up!" For the first post-onset year she sleepwalked every night at 10:30 p.m. Since then she just reappears over and over and over... with worries, questions, just seeing if we were still awake (that is the killer, since we WOULDN'T be still awake if she would just fall asleep!!). And Melinda, if it makes you feel better, eventually we yell with frustration. Which, obviously, makes it all worse!!!! And then you have all the other parents who say, "oh, we just don't LET him/her get out of bed after we say goodnight." Right. What do they use, duck tape??

It is occasionally good to have Annie sleep at a friend's house despite everything, because then I get to hear from the parents, "wow... she was awake until 3 a.m.!!!!" That usually stops them from repeating the ol' "we just don't let..."

My son, on the other hand, has his four B's and he's out. So let's not bring parenting practices into this discussion - blame it on OCD, not your bedtime routines, or lack of them!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/8/01 10:35:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,

susan@... writes:

> That is a bad time for my son if he stays up past 10 pm, especially. Have

> you tried letting him listen to classical music on a CD player as he goes

> to sleep---this REALLY helped my son.

>

,

My son listens to the radio. This helps a little, this does not help when he

is in the bathroom getting ready. I will suggest he listen to the radio when

getting ready.

Tammy

[Guest guest]

Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping

up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before

his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any

later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for us.

I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night. I

am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband continue

dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but after

hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all day at

school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some ideas

on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You don’t say in your email about

regular night time routines, but if you don’t have one set in stone it sounds

as though Hunter has made his own – ie “This is after

stomping up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding

off his bed. This is how it is most nights”

We had for many years a pretty rigid bedtime

routine with Beth that got her into the habit of going to bed at a set time

and in a calm manner.  I know this seems

like one more mountain to climb in a whole day but if you can get it sussed after

maybe a bit of a battle in the first few days…

It might be worth being the casual observer of how your husband goes

about dealing with the nightly run and see where the stress points are –

if it is brushing teeth etc can that be done earlier in the evening eg after

dinner instead?  If it is getting into

PJs what about getting into them after homework/or closer to bedtime?

Are there other “invisible” issues like he hates the dark, would

rather have a cd to listen to, is having sensory issues with his bedclothes etc

etc that can possibly be adjusted?  If it

is just that he hates going to bed an hour earlier than his sister perhaps

promise that when he reaches 12 the bedtime

can be adjust by ½ hour or something tangible he can set his sights on.  Maybe a reward that if he is in bed ready for

sleep by xyz time he can read for 15 minutes

before the light goes out etc.

Just some ideas that I hope help a bit. 

Bedtime can be an

absolute nightmate and I hope you manage to get it sussed.

Best wishes,

a

-----Original

Message-----

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of

Sent: 12 March 2010 03:07

To:

Subject: ( )

bedtime

Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after

stomping up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding

off his bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour

before his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him

stay up any later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at

school.

Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for us.

I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night. I

am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband continue

dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but

after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all day

at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some

ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

It does not make you a terrible mom, it makes you human. Deciding to leave the job despite your dread makes you a GOOD mom.As for bedtime, what we have done is send Liz to her room around 9:15 but let her read in bed for half an hour or so. She loves to read and it calms her down to go to sleep From: moien@...Date: Fri, 12 Mar 2010 03:06:44 +0000Subject: ( ) bedtime

Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for us.

I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night. I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

Thanks,

Hotmail is redefining busy with tools for the New Busy. Get more from your inbox. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

Have you ever looked into having someone help you put together a behavior plan?

You could focus on the bedtime routine. Use your son's interests to design

rewards based on a certain number of " good " nights (start with reward after one

good night, then build from there?) We have a tutor trained in Applied Behavior

Analysis help our 7 year old son after school 2 days a week on

listening/responding/social skills. He has been acting out recently (more

shouting, resisting our requests, not handling his frustration well) and we're

going to have her help us with some focused behavior plans. It may really help

to have someone with a fresh eye help plan something. Pediatrician or

psychologist may be able to help find the right person to work with? We need to

find things to help our son calm himself when he gets frustrated, I'm even

thinking about a dog. Don't know if that would be an option for you, dogs like

to sleep in bed with people ...

-

>

> Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping

up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before

his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any

later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for

us.

> I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night.

I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband

continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom

but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all

day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some

ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Does he give you a hard time because he just wants to stay up late? Or is it because he is not tired? My ds is a 19 yr. old aspie and has had sleeping issues most of his life. He has a very hard time getting to sleep (I think his mind works overtime at night). It would take him someties 1 - 2 hrs. to get to sleep and then he would'nt have a real restfull night. He was taking melatonin on the advice of his Dr. and that worked well for quite awhile. Now he takes ambien a few times a week just to get a good nights rest and also because he is an adult.

I hope this helps.

Sharon

From: <moien@...>Subject: ( ) bedtime Date: Thursday, March 11, 2010, 10:06 PM

Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school. Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for us. I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night. I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better. Thanks,

[Guest guest]

I don't know who all has replied to you as I am new to the group but my 6 yr old

w/ ASD thinks it was unfair for his sister to go to bed an hour after him. We

give him Keppra so it only takes like 10 min. to get him to sleep so we ask her

to set in her room until he is asleep. This has worked great for us. And

bedtimes go so much smoother.

Carla

>

> Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping

up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before

his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any

later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for

us.

> I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night.

I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband

continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom

but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all

day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some

ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like night time is pretty rough there . I never had issues with

bedtimes until my ds was 14, but I do have an idea ~ Why not let him EARN an

increase in his bedtime... don't worry, I'm thinking only 10 minutes at a time.

He's probably staying awake longer than that now, just stewing anyway. And,

imagine bedtime with out battles...

Keeping in mind that your goal is to earn his cooperation. Tell him that when

the Clocks are turned ahead for daylight savings time, you will increase his

Go-to-bed-time by 10 minutes, but ONLY if he is cooperative at bedtime between

NOW and that date.

Show him the date on the calendar. Let him put an *star* on it. Give him

something to both work toward, and look forward to. (Because right now what is

going on is NOT working.) THen when he is cooperative at night, be sure to give

him BIG praises and tell him how proud you are of him and how excited you are

for him to earn that later bedtime.

I would even recommend going a step further, and say that at each seasonal

change of the clocks (twice/year) his bedtime will be increased 10 minutes, if

he sticks with the bed time rule.

At this rate, by the time he reaches 14... his bedtime will be an hour more -

the very same bedtime his sister enjoys now, at 14.

Really, the thing about house rules (like bedtime)is that they only 'work' as

long as your child buys into it. Once they stop cooperating, all bets are off

and at that point there really isn't much you can do about a lot of their

behavior. GL !

> From: <moien@...>

> Subject: ( ) bedtime

>

> Date: Thursday, March 11, 2010, 9:06 PM

> Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying

> himself to sleep. This is after stomping up the steps and

> slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

> bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to

> bed an hour before his sister (age 14). He says its not

> fair. However, if we do let him stay up any later, he won't

> get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really

> frustrating for us.

> I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home

> almost every night. I am truly dreading it and would love to

> run and hide and let my husband continue dealing with the

> every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but

> after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible

> mornings, and all day at school issues...I need a break. I'm

> not going to get one so I'd love some ideas on how to help

> the nighttime transitions go better.

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh man, Sorry to hear you are going through this!

I would also suggest tying it in to waking up nicely and getting ready for

school. If he wakes up nicely in the AM, he can stay up an additional 15

minutes. If he doesn't, then it's regular bedtime.

What are the kids bedtimes, anyway?

>

> > From: <moien@...>

> > Subject: ( ) bedtime

> >

> > Date: Thursday, March 11, 2010, 9:06 PM

> > Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying

> > himself to sleep. This is after stomping up the steps and

> > slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

> > bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to

> > bed an hour before his sister (age 14). He says its not

> > fair. However, if we do let him stay up any later, he won't

> > get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> > Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really

> > frustrating for us.

> > I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home

> > almost every night. I am truly dreading it and would love to

> > run and hide and let my husband continue dealing with the

> > every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom but

> > after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible

> > mornings, and all day at school issues...I need a break. I'm

> > not going to get one so I'd love some ideas on how to help

> > the nighttime transitions go better.

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

, I don't have any simple solutions. I had to change completely the way my

daughter (12 years old) gets priveleges. It all has to be earned. Your son is a

ridgid thinker like my daughter I am guessing.

The way I was taught this summer is that each task needs to

be simpilfied so my daughter can do the task calmly to earn

her priveleges. In your son's case he might me sent upstairs to

get ready for bed much much earlier. My daughter takes her shower

at 7pm if she does that calmly and within 30 min or so she

can earn some TV time (upstairs) after she gets in her pjs, brushes her teeth,

gets her stuff ready for school. Then at 8pm

she can turn on the TV. It goes off at 9pm. If she turns it off

at 9pm then I read her books for awhile. And she is in bed at 9:30pm

reading awhile. You have to create a routine for him that

has some rewards for calmness and help him stick to it.

The routine has to be a series of steps to have him calm down.

A new rule should be no computer after 8pm? Something so the stimulation is

reduced.

The routine has to be ridgidly followed so that there are

not power struggles over each step. But the routine has

to have built in rewards (priveleges).

Perhaps your son and you together can work out a routine

that is meaningful to him .

Do not talk about his sisters priveleges anymore. This

gives him the steam to blow up. He has his routine

with rewards and she has hers. No more dicussion.

Now you focus him on and rehearse I want you to go upstairs

30 minutes earlier and get ready for bed and then we will

listen to a book on tape together or something.

And if you get to bed calmly after the tape and read

etc I will let you have computer time in the morning

if you are up and dressed by 7:30am (whatever makes sense about

20 minutes). THis is the reward for getting up in the morning.

Oh there are so many details to a behavior plan.

I hope this is of some help.

Pam

>

> Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping

up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before

his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any

later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for

us.

> I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night.

I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband

continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom

but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all

day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some

ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone. I don't bring up my daughter's priveleges to him at all. that

is just asking for trouble! He does, and he obsesses about it. Last night he

cried until I said " ok, ashleigh is in bed. you can stop crying now. " and he

went right to sleep. I know he's tired. He's dragging butt in the morning. I

like the idea of computer time in the morning as a reward! We do reward him with

a later bedtime if he has a good week at school. IE this week was good, next

week 30 minute later bedtime, etc. I need to get my person trained at work so I

can be home every night instead of occasional nights.

>

>

> From: <moien@...>

> Subject: ( ) bedtime

>

> Date: Thursday, March 11, 2010, 10:06 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Hunter (age 11) is now in bed, crying himself to sleep. This is after stomping

up the steps and slamming his door twice, and ripping all the bedding off his

bed. This is how it is most nights, because he has to go to bed an hour before

his sister (age 14). He says its not fair. However, if we do let him stay up any

later, he won't get up in the morning, and has rotten days at school.

> Does anyone else have bedtime issues? This is really really frustrating for

us.

> I am soon quitting my 2nd (evening) job so I will be home almost every night.

I am truly dreading it and would love to run and hide and let my husband

continue dealing with the every night chaos. Maybe this makes me a horrible mom

but after hours and hours of homework with him, his horrible mornings, and all

day at school issues...I need a break. I'm not going to get one so I'd love some

ideas on how to help the nighttime transitions go better.

> Thanks,

>

>