Re: suggestions Re: defiance & meltdowns with shower every night

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Miranda- your meltdowns sound like my household! We have been dealing with meltdowns for about 12 years (2 children). No emotion and minimal calm talk during meltdowns has worked the best, it wears them down. I don't really even make eye contact as that seems to escalate the tantrum. They see that we aren't reacting and they aren't getting their way. I'm strong, calm and do well during but I really feel it when it's all over and they have moved on. It's exhausting for me. We used to have to restrain to prevent anyone from getting hurt but changed to this method when they got bigger and the school was going to call CPS on us because my son had a bruise. This was devastating being that my husband and I both had training in this as part of our professions, the pediatrician and psychologist were aware we were doing this and supported it, not to mention I am a social worker working in the field. Anyway, long story short we continue to be strong and firm for our son and work to reduce the tantrums on a daily bases. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: "baileybear64" <baileybear64@...>Sender: Date: Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:49:53 -0000< >Reply Subject: suggestions ( ) Re: defiance meltdowns with shower every night I asked my son's special ed teacher about some of our issues with our boy (he has started his transition into new school - is doing distance ed for most part temporarily). She said one mistake we are making is talking about him when he is there, which gives him opportunity to play on it/try to make excuses.Another is " don't make threats; make promises " and be superconsistent eg my husband would threaten a punishment if he got to 10, but then in frustration, doled out the punishment when got to 7 (and of course, son cried foul for good reason). In practise, this means what ever you say happens, so for my 7 year old, we say he is having a shower/bath and he will, even if it means both of us parents have to hold him in for 30 seconds fully clothed (she said count down from 3 first, going to zero, not up to 10). We are being a bit stricter with our son too when he melts down - he had meltdown over " nothing " other day and starting swearing and hitting me (the blocks I've learnt in Taekwondo came in handy for protecting myself). I was very steely about him not getting what he wanted plus did not let him affect me physically/emotionally; how no emotion, but don't let him succeed in attack - I removed him from room, he came out, I removed him until he gave up - it fizzed out quickly (sometimes is easier to remove oneself - physically/emotionally). No point trying to reason or dialogue during meltdown.Of course this is not easy to consistently do, especially when one is exhausted and feeling fragile.Miranda> > >> > > does anyone else have this problem? > > > > > > Every night our son is oppostional defiant, argumentative, and even has meltdowns about getting in the shower (or bath). Once in, he doesn't want to get out (and does the whole oppostional, defiant, meltdown thing again). So frustrating> > > > > > Miranda> > >> >>