Meltdowns and Accountability

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone.

This is my first time posting to this group. My son is a newly diagnosed Aspie.

He is 8 years old. He has only recently started having public meltdowns. A

friend of mine asked me if I hold him accountable for his actions during a

meltdown. We know that they happen because of sensory overload. He has not

hurt anyone. He has hurt himself and damaged his own property (books). I never

considered a sense of accountability for these actions until she said this to

me. Is it possible to hold him responsible for what he does during these

meltdowns? I am curious what you all think.

Thanks!

Kim

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

Well, you probably will not have any luck getting through to your son in the

middle of a meltdown, especially if they are because of sensory overload.

Punishments are less effective with kids on the spectrum than typical children -

does your friend just feel like you are letting your son get away with

something? If he is destroying his own books, than it would be appropriate to

apply natural consequences (do not replace anything that he ruins).

In the long run, you will probably find that the best ways to change behaviors

are to give him the tools he needs to cope and to reinforce positive behaviors.

Since his meltdowns are sensory based, a good place to start would be with

sensory integration therapy with an occupational therapist, if you have not yet

started that. Then there are programs that help teach a child to recognize how

they feel before they completely lose it so they can try to calm down before

going past the point of no return - The Alert Program ( " How Does Your Engine

Run " ) and " The Incredible 5 Point Scale " are two examples.

If you find that these meltdowns are happening frequently, you could also try a

plan to reinforce positive behavior. Give him small rewards like stickers for

showing self control in challenging situations. You can set up a chart and when

he gets a predetermined number of stickers (or points, chips, whatever you

choose) then he can cash them in for something. The people at TEACCH especially

recommend having the child earn something you would have given him anyway, like

tv or computer time. Also, it helps if you can be a bit of a detective - what

are the situations in which these meltdowns are occurring? If you can identify a

pattern, you may be able to take steps to head them off before it is too late.

There may be some places or situations which are simply too much for your son to

handle gracefully at age 8, but he could learn to manage them eventually if he

is allowed to try them out in smaller doses and build up a tolerance.

Good luck!

Bridget

>

> Hi Everyone.

> This is my first time posting to this group. My son is a newly diagnosed

Aspie. He is 8 years old. He has only recently started having public meltdowns.

A friend of mine asked me if I hold him accountable for his actions during a

meltdown. We know that they happen because of sensory overload. He has not

hurt anyone. He has hurt himself and damaged his own property (books). I never

considered a sense of accountability for these actions until she said this to

me. Is it possible to hold him responsible for what he does during these

meltdowns? I am curious what you all think.

>

> Thanks!

> Kim

>

[Guest guest]

Isaac used to have meltdowns, and it was really causing him problems at

school (maybe three years ago?), long before his Aspie diagnosis. What

worked WITH US was having him focus on being aware of when he was

STARTING to get upset, and use certain tools to defuse himself. We had

him start with three deep breaths (basically Lamaze cleansing breaths),

then count to ten. Tell the teacher he needs to go to the bathroom,

where he runs his hands under cool water and splashes some on his face.

Also his teachers know that if he says he needs to move to a different

area of the classroom, he MEANS it. Fortunately all his teachers have

been very willing to work with him and us.

Our attitude has always been that it is ok to be upset by what other

people do, but HE has to be responsible for what he does with it. It did

take a few weeks, but once he started recognizing the warning signs, he

was able to keep control. He still uses the same techniques and they

still help him.

Eleanor, San , CA

Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old

[Guest guest]

I think what is important is that you try to help your son

understand what triggers him (my daughter is 13 and still blames things outside

herself as the problem). So gaining some insight

is important to there functioning.

I have certain limits I try to set, we try to get home by 4pm the

latest, so she has time to rest and recover even on holidays and

on vacation. When we don't there are still meltdowns. Now we

are trying medication to help her cope. Zoloft (and now prozac)

is helping her some.

If your son gets angry and yells at you, or gets demanding

this is where you need to have some consequences. I have my daughter

earn her computer time by being respectful to me. An hour

for the first half of the day and another hour for the

second half of the day.

A meltdown to be is to be forgiven as long as the behavior

is spinning, flapping, crying etc. An outburst is different,

this I want my daughter to stop the escalation of the

outburst by not yelling so it doesn't proceed to hitting me

or demanding things. An outburst to me is caused by overstimulation

but escalates into hitting or demanding. The hitting and

demanding has to be stopped by medication to have better

control or behavior therapy.

take care

Pam

..

>

> Hi Everyone.

> This is my first time posting to this group. My son is a newly diagnosed

Aspie. He is 8 years old. He has only recently started having public meltdowns.

A friend of mine asked me if I hold him accountable for his actions during a

meltdown. We know that they happen because of sensory overload. He has not

hurt anyone. He has hurt himself and damaged his own property (books). I never

considered a sense of accountability for these actions until she said this to

me. Is it possible to hold him responsible for what he does during these

meltdowns? I am curious what you all think.

>

> Thanks!

> Kim

>

[Guest guest]

No way. They are unable to control it or understand it. The most I do is quickly remove him from the environment. Take him aside or out of public view if possible. It take the pressure off him. We sometimes talk about what happened afterward because some of my son's meltdowns scare himself. He is so fragile afterwards he usually wants a comforting hug, kind, gentle reasuring words and sometimes even a place to hide or rest (under a jacket etc.). I once heard someone explain that how the child feels after a tantrum is equivilent to how someone feels after a seizure - just completely exhausted and drained. I believe it. For us this seems true.

It sounds to me that your friend is not that familiar with kids on the spectrum. She might not be convinced that his meltdowns are related to his neurological disorder. It's taken me a few years to explain to family and friends... their just now coming around. It's tough job to educate people. Don't second guess yourself. You know in your heart !

( ) Meltdowns and Accountability

Hi Everyone.This is my first time posting to this group. My son is a newly diagnosed Aspie. He is 8 years old. He has only recently started having public meltdowns. A friend of mine asked me if I hold him accountable for his actions during a meltdown. We know that they happen because of sensory overload. He has not hurt anyone. He has hurt himself and damaged his own property (books). I never considered a sense of accountability for these actions until she said this to me. Is it possible to hold him responsible for what he does during these meltdowns? I am curious what you all think.Thanks!Kim

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[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your input. Great suggestions and you are right on. I have talked with him and we are beginning to find out his signals as to when he is getting upset. When my friend talked of consequences, it made me think I had done something wrong. I was the one getting off track. I truly appreciate all of you getting me back to where I need to be in order to help my son!Kim

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

It makes me sad to hear that a friend questions you about consequences.....sigh.

I remember those days. Ick.

I know you're not asking HOW to respond to them,,,,but I wish I had been prepared to answer when I was put on the stand with friends and family.

If it ever happened again, I'd seriously look at them and say something like, "Oh..of course there are consequences...but as you may know, dealing with aspergers/autism, they literally don't have the ability to control themselves when "in the moment" "......

Maybe it would shut them up....maybe it would make them think you were a dork who didn't discipline her child.....maybe it would open up more of a dialogue, ya know?Hugs to you.

Robin

From: Kim Crawford <kimela10@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Meltdowns and Accountability Date: Wednesday, April 13, 2011, 6:46 AM

Thank you all for your input. Great suggestions and you are right on. I have talked with him and we are beginning to find out his signals as to when he is getting upset. When my friend talked of consequences, it made me think I had done something wrong. I was the one getting off track. I truly appreciate all of you getting me back to where I need to be in order to help my son!Kim