Re: How important is my presence when my son goes to school?

March 27, 2010

I sure hope this doesn't come off wrong.....and I hear you, I really do.

I, personally.....and just thinking of my kids and what we've been through....well......I wouldn't go this semester.

I've been in school for many, many years attempting to finish my degree. I've had to drop out, just take 1 class at a time, heck - even switch majors just so I could take classes online.......(I finally grad'd in Dec with a Human Services degree (mostly offered online).......

Anyway,,,,I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling that you have to "abandon" what you want. But,,,this is your life, ya know?

Maybe some of the coursed you want to take are available on line?

Also,,,just wanted to say that I've replied to you out of MY feelings. Although my hubby is a good man,,,,well,,,,,the idea of him handling multi-number of breakdowns daily with multiple kids, a job AND dealing with homework, supper, bathing, etc....well....ha ha....that just wouldn't happen. For us. Over the years, I've seemed to ACQUIRE the skill for handling those things. He he.

So,,,,good luck in your decision. Oh - what are you going for that would take you away for a week at a time? Sounds exciting!!!!

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: saltywinds <saltywinds@...>Subject: ( ) How important is my presence when my son goes to school? Date: Friday, March 26, 2010, 9:42 PM

I started feeling that there was something "off" with my son after his terrible twos never ended. (Well, a bit before, when he was lining up cars as a toddler). He's 5 now. We had the evaluation done last week, and the psychologist and pediatrician confirmed that my son can be classified under ASD. They avoided the "Asperger" label as per latest discussions in the medical community of doing away with that name.I know my son is very high functioning, basically he is in the gray area, some markers are present, some not. I just wanted to confirm my suspicions with this evaluation, which they did. We don't have much support for ASD in our corner of the world, and the little that we have, (intensive behavioral) has long waiting lists, we are a bit late for that (need 6 mo + 6 mo follow-up), and I generally feel we would not have been picked for that anyways, they would rather help more serious cases.I know perfectly well that my son gets

these traits from his father, and since father functions very well (as long as he is not working for anyone else, but running his own business doing what he likes). So I am not worrying about big picture and his future life. But before he gets to his future life, we need to get him through school. I know he will need some adjustment room in kindergarden that he is starting in September. I am even thinking of keeping him at home some days if he is unglued. Our kindergarden is very gentle, (just went through it with my daughter), not the high-pressure, high-performance modern one, but the old-style laid-back, true slow preparation for the grade school.OK, so after such long introduction, my concern is, - I might not be constantly present when my kdis start school in Sept. Long time ago, we planned for me to go to school myself this Sept, too. It will be a couple of hours away, and I may stay there for a week at a time. I just started

wondering if it is right to leave my son in just his Dad's care. It is hard for Dad to even go shopping with our son since he doesn't know how to handle him when he drops on the floor in a store because he wants to go home. Yet my husband tells me that he would be able to manage sending both kids to school (our dd will be in the 2nd grade and she is very self-sufficient, so not much worry there). I guess I dont' know at this point if I am doing the right thing going to school myself and being absent for days. Should I be present because I know there WILL be some problems, the teachers will want to talk to us, etc. I don't want my kids to get too off-kilted under little direction (I am the disciplinarian) and Dad is, again, he has ASD traits himself.I am not sure if my question is clear. Basically I am at a crossroads of what to do, - abandon myself for the sake of my child, or still to try and see how it all can

work.

March 28, 2010

Why don't you try now and see how your husband does.

The issues that have prevented me from returning to

school or work is that my daughter has severe

anxiety and is not stable getting to school on time.

And she is often sick and home a lot during the

flu season. So one of us has had to be caretaker.

The other issue is that my daughter requires me to

act as an aide to keep her on schedule and

not distracted from a task as simply as getting

dressed. She has very obsessive traits.

I would not start keeping him home if he is " unglued " unless

you mean sick. If you mean anxiety than I would address

the issues causing anxiety in the school. It usually

gets worse not better. Many kids will avoid or refuse

to do or go places that are challenging. The treatment

for anxiety is to have gradual exposure not avoidance totally.

Pam

>

> I started feeling that there was something " off " with my son after his

terrible twos never ended. (Well, a bit before, when he was lining up cars as a

toddler). He's 5 now. We had the evaluation done last week, and the psychologist

and pediatrician confirmed that my son can be classified under ASD. They avoided

the " Asperger " label as per latest discussions in the medical community of doing

away with that name.

>

> I know my son is very high functioning, basically he is in the gray area, some

markers are present, some not. I just wanted to confirm my suspicions with this

evaluation, which they did. We don't have much support for ASD in our corner of

the world, and the little that we have, (intensive behavioral) has long waiting

lists, we are a bit late for that (need 6 mo + 6 mo follow-up), and I generally

feel we would not have been picked for that anyways, they would rather help more

serious cases.

>

> I know perfectly well that my son gets these traits from his father, and since

father functions very well (as long as he is not working for anyone else, but

running his own business doing what he likes). So I am not worrying about big

picture and his future life.

>

> But before he gets to his future life, we need to get him through school. I

know he will need some adjustment room in kindergarden that he is starting in

September. I am even thinking of keeping him at home some days if he is unglued.

Our kindergarden is very gentle, (just went through it with my daughter), not

the high-pressure, high-performance modern one, but the old-style laid-back,

true slow preparation for the grade school.

>

> OK, so after such long introduction, my concern is, - I might not be

constantly present when my kdis start school in Sept. Long time ago, we planned

for me to go to school myself this Sept, too. It will be a couple of hours away,

and I may stay there for a week at a time. I just started wondering if it is

right to leave my son in just his Dad's care. It is hard for Dad to even go

shopping with our son since he doesn't know how to handle him when he drops on

the floor in a store because he wants to go home. Yet my husband tells me that

he would be able to manage sending both kids to school (our dd will be in the

2nd grade and she is very self-sufficient, so not much worry there).

>

> I guess I dont' know at this point if I am doing the right thing going to

school myself and being absent for days. Should I be present because I know

there WILL be some problems, the teachers will want to talk to us, etc. I don't

want my kids to get too off-kilted under little direction (I am the

disciplinarian) and Dad is, again, he has ASD traits himself.

>

> I am not sure if my question is clear. Basically I am at a crossroads of what

to do, - abandon myself for the sake of my child, or still to try and see how it

all can work.

>

March 29, 2010

I can understand your plight....totally. I was fortunate enough to finish my

advanced degree with my son was still in Pre-school. But I do work for a

college that keeps me very busy. My suggestion would be this. If you chose to

enroll in school and are unable to take your coursework online talk to your

professors. Let them know what is going on so that if you do need to attend a

meeting with your child's school your instructors will work with you. Also,

talk to your school's dean of students (or the equivilent). This is the person

who is over student services type things (counseling, tutor labs, etc). This

person can also help facilitate discussions with your professors, they may be

able to help you with note takers when you have to be out of class, they can

provide you with the emotional support you will need (and turst me, you WILL

need it, it is going to be difficult enough to simply be away from your family

but add in your son's asperger's and it becomes exponentially more difficutl).

Basically, my bottom line is this, let your school know. The administrators are

there to help you because after all their job is to see you succeed. The more

information you can provide them in the at the beginning the more they will work

with you.