Re: help with teenager w/Asperger's

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I don't know what to say to help but you have my utmost sympathy and

I jut wanted to send you some cyber (((hugs)))

a

On 08/12/2010 04:57, angeladodd1355 wrote:

My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my

husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has

spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We

have no other children. We were in the process of

adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on

indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now

and I do not see an end in sight.

There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights

over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is

that she tries to refuse to take her medications because

she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the

kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I

WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY

FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a

heap on the floor sobbing.

I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband

is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my

room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I don't think she

would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying

that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt

people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has

in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill

them first.

She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She

is on multiple medications for depression, mood

stabilization, and anxiety.

My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just

talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small.

Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband

decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad

cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really

looking forward to spending the day making him soup,

watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00

am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at

least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and

needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff and

making her stay is not an option, because when we say that

it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she

hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or

special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need

for her to leave the school ASAP.

I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster

up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I

also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning

of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful,

happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator

and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a

murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable

garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do,

says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning

the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a

living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound

of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in

going deer hunting and fishing with her dad.

We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she

became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly

dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force.

When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were

too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all

around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her

and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were

trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I

should have known.

Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I

am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I

guess.

Thanks for listening

[Guest guest]

More power to ya! My own two biological kids are fun like this. I can't imagine someone elses kid walking into my house and life like this. At least we have a history of them being cute and fun memories to back us up when the ugly rears its head. You are NOT crazy, it is totally appropriate to feel how you are feeling, this is how the rest of us feel too at times. You have an end in sight in that she is 16 years old. Try to get some way to keep her safe when she is 18, group home type setting if possible, supervised, supervised job setting, etc. Would psychiatric hospitalization improve her med situation? Welcome to the world of mental illness. This is truly what it is like. If she was vomiting from chemo you would have much more compassion. Try to think of it like that. This is an illness, keep reminding yourself. Figure out ideas that might help everyone. Sometimes an out of home placement can be helpful for a while if need be. What does your husband think?

From: angeladodd1355

Sent: Tuesday, December 07, 2010 8:57 PM

Subject: ( ) help with teenager w/Asperger's

My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight. There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her medications because she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing. I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill them first. She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She is on multiple medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety. My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff and making her stay is not an option, because when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP.I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful, happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer hunting and fishing with her dad.We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have known. Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I guess.Thanks for listening

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.872 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3285 - Release Date: 11/27/10 23:34:00

[Guest guest]

I also notice my daugther mood get very bad when she is having her period..

( ) help with teenager w/Asperger's My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight. There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her medications because she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing. I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill them first. She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She is on multiple medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety. My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff and making her stay is not an option, because when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP. I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful, happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer hunting and fishing with her dad. We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have known. Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I guess. Thanks for listening ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.872 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3285 - Release Date: 11/27/10 23:34:00

[Guest guest]

I had this with too. Not quite as dramatic but very very similar. I actually accidently found a solution-lol. I sent to a FEMALE younger therapist just to talk out some of her frustrations about home and family. This therapist became a great outlet for 's angry independent challenging behavior. I began telling that she has control over what she wanted to do but that it would be a good idea to talk to her councelor about it. We created a talk it out notebook that she took with her to sessions. It helped feel like she had control over what happened to her. Also, ironically, if the therapist said lets talk to so and so about your meds, would happily go-lol. The thing was that her therapist became her ally and mentor as well as her therapist. would want to skip school also and it took a lot more effort to tell her therapist she skipped than me. So the wanting to please her

therapist helped her to make the choice to stay in class.

I hope this helps. It wasn't a cure all but it did help with the emotional drama and scenes that can just wreck the family's home life. I think that felt she had an ally and someone she could talk to that wasn't mom or dad and was more her age or hip-lol. Good luck to you, there are many tips and tricks so don't give up.

~ Cheryl

From: "tfitzge134@..." <tfitzge134@...> Sent: Wed, December 8, 2010 9:32:43 AMSubject: Re: ( ) help with teenager w/Asperger's

I also notice my daugther mood get very bad when she is having her period..

( ) help with teenager w/Asperger's My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now and I do not see an end

in sight. There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her medications because she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing. I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill them first. She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy.

She is on multiple medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety. My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff and making her stay is not an option, because when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP. I feel very guilty that

it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful, happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer hunting and fishing with her dad. We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were too many people

wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have known. Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I guess. Thanks for listening ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.872 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3285 - Release Date: 11/27/10 23:34:00

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Don't feel alone!! I have a step daughter who is 10 - we just had her officially dx last week.

We also have multiple meltdowns everyday - usually a couple of hours in the am and

same after school.

I can also sympathise with the no time with your partner - its like one extreme to the

other!!

On 08/12/2010 04:57, angeladodd1355 wrote:

My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight. There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her medications because she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing. I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I

don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill them first. She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She is on multiple medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety. My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff

and making her stay is not an option, because when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP.I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful, happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer

hunting and fishing with her dad.We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have known. Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I guess.Thanks for listening

[Guest guest]

I don't think you are a jackass for complaining at all. I also think you need to find a new psych who can do a good evaluation on her. A lot of the problems you describe are not autism and suggest a co-exiting mental illness, perhaps. I mean, it's impossible to dx this over the internet, obviously. But I would sure have a lot of questions towards that end.

I'm not sure if the meds are not helping or if she is taking them so sporadically that they aren't effective. You need help to sort this stuff out. With regard to the school, you need to get a plan in place with them. If she does not have an IEP, I would request a full educational evaluation and also a "functional behavior assessment" so that they can problem solve at their end and not keep shoving the problem to you. In addition, she is missing school and her education every time she can't cope and has to leave. I assume you are in the US but if not, You need to figure out how best to access mental health services/school education services. Here in the US, you need to go to www.wrightslaw.com to figure out how the system works and of course, ask us! Plenty of people here can help you navigate or find you directions within the educational system.

It's hard to tell if some of her problems are not due to anxiety, which can make everything magnified. But a good psych doing a complete eval can answer those questions and help you with meds. I would start there. After all that, if problems still persist at home, I would find a good behavioral therapist to come in the home and help you figure out how best to manage her behaviors.

This is probably more traumatic for you because you went from no kids to a teen with a lot of problems. Even if she "just" had AS, she would require a lot of effort. All our kids are "high maintenance" and puberty seems to really intensify all their issues. But you have had no slope to slide down to get to here! You just went straight in, head first! So this is probably really a lot harder to understand than if you had spent all these years studying and dealing with the issues. But hang in there and start figuring out how to find the help she needs. I definitely would find a psych who is more helpful and can evaluate her. Whatever they are doing now is not helping. You need a new plan!

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) help with teenager w/Asperger's

My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight.

There are daily outbursts, hourly, really. Gigantic fights over the smallest daily tasks. The latest major event is that she tries to refuse to take her medications because she cannot "feel her feelings" anymore. She stands in the kitchen and screams at the top of her lungs "NO, NO, NO I WILL NOT TAKE THIS MEDICATION BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY FEELINGS" over and over again. Then she collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing.

I keep my bedroom door locked at night unless my husband is there, because I am afraid that she will come into my room and try to hurt me or my two dogs. I don't think she would intentionally do anything, but she is often saying that she has "evil thoughts" and that she wants to hurt people. She also describes a recurrent dream that she has in which someone is trying to kill her, so she has to kill them first.

She has a psychiatrist and weekly individual therapy. She is on multiple medications for depression, mood stabilization, and anxiety.

My husband and I never have a moment alone, even to just talk. She is ever-present and our house is very small. Last week, on my one day off during the week, my husband decided to stay home from work because he had a really bad cold. Even though he was sick, I found myself really looking forward to spending the day making him soup, watching tv, just being together for a few hours. By 9:00 am Robyn was calling home from school ( as she does at least twice a week) that she was too nervous to stay and needed to be picked up immediately. Calling her bluff and making her stay is not an option, because when we say that it is not possible to leave work at that moment, can't she hang on until lunchtime, etc....the school nurse or special ed teacher calls back and tells us that they need for her to leave the school ASAP.

I feel very guilty that it seems so hard for me to muster up compassion sometimes. I know she has a problem and I also know that I have zero grasp on the depth and meaning of her condition. I also feel that my once peaceful, happy, safe home has been invaded by a master manipulator and I am miserable. She screams at me and calls me a murderer for pulling up weeds in my beloved vegetable garden. The weeds have a right to live as much as I do, says she. She physically attacks her father for cleaning the mold off the windowsill outside because the mold is a living organism too. This from a girl who can eat a pound of bacon in a single sitting and who sees nothing wrong in going deer hunting and fishing with her dad.

We took her to a fall festival in the mountains and she became at once catatonic, staring into space, then wildly dashing about as if trying to escape some invisible force. When we were able to subdue her, she said that there were too many people wearing clothing with buttons on it all around her and she thought they were trying to hurt her and that the buttons on their shirts and jackets were trying to drive her crazy. The buttons, of course, I should have known.

Please, somebody respond. Even if it is to tell me that I am a jackass for complaining. I am just new to this, I guess.

Thanks for listening

[Guest guest]

Hi , this sounds like OCD to me. The bad thoughts, even the button thing.

Does she hoard in any way? (Your comments about the weeds and mold made me

wonder)

And many people do complain that a medication makes them feel that way. Sounds

like she should try a medication for OCD perhaps. She could still take a mood

stabilizer, that is often done with the SSRI meds that are prescribed for OCD,

especially if there is any history (or possibility) of bipolar. (If bipolar in

family history or suspected, shouldn't take an SSRI alone, could worsen it or

even trigger it if it hasn't yet " developed " )

Here's some info on OCD:

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Violent_Obsessions.html

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Morbid.html

More articles:

http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/articles.html

OCD, and the Aspergers too, can cause problems in school. Too much noise, too

large a class, any thing there that may trigger an OCD thought or fear, etc.

I'd have her evaluated for OCD. My son, 21, has HFA/Aspergers and also OCD.

Just some thoughts,

single mom, 3 sons

>

> My 16 yr old stepdaughter recently moved in with my husband and I because her

mother ,, with whom she has spent the last 15 1/2 years cannot handle her

anymore. We have no other children. We were in the process of adopting, but

since Robyn moved in, we have put that on indefinite hold. Everything is so

much more difficult now and I do not see an end in sight.

>