RE: Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the community

[Guest guest]

Since I am new to the group forgive me.  But

then am I understanding correctly that you too are an Aspie?

The other problem I had is he was in an

Integrated Preschool (typical and special needs children) and he was 5 with 3-4

year olds and they were calling him typical.  Yes to the tounger children sure,

and to the other special needs children sure.  They don’t put that in reports

though.  And you’re right, your son can’t express his hidden issues

(although they show them to us more than to the peers – in my case

anyways) is this true to most Aspies?

My son also acts WAY silly to get kids to

laugh as a way to fit in since he lacks the communication and social skills. 

They tell me this is age appropriate too.

You know, if I didn’t have as much

experience with childcare as I do, I might be inclined to agree with them (not

realizing it) But I am a licensed Child Care Provider, have run huge nurseries

in church and have been involved in every age group with our church for over 12

years.  Couple that will all the classes I need to take to continue my license,

the online support groups I run… I really think I know what age

appropriate is and there is nothing developmentally typical about my child =( 

I am SO sick of that excuse.

I think another thing that bothers me so

much is that they are quick to dismiss EVERYthing that happens.  They analyze it

away quickly rather than try and find out the why.  I belong to a PAL

(Parent/Porfessional Advocacy League) and go to their support groups twice

monthly and to hear the stories of the older children who didn’t get

interventions early, and how they are iun residential and repeated

hospitalizations and the CHINS etc.. it’s mind blowing.  Meanwhile I am

trying to stop a freight train and all they do is pave the way.

Denel

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of kristieannesmama@...

Sent: Friday, October 22, 2010

6:12 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the...

YES! This is EXACTLY

it! They aren't so obvious that everyone would know that there is a

" problem " (note the quotes) but they aren't so

" normal " so they " fit in " with the rest of the peers!

Damned if we do, damned if we don't! I understand this myself. To anyone

looking at me, I appear " normal " but then they don't see the horrible

anxieties when even a small part of my routine changes and I am caught

off-guard, or the awkwardness I feel when standing with MY " peers " outside

waiting for our son to come out of school. I see this with the boys too...poor

B. doesn't know what to do with himself when he is around his class, so he

goofs off (like I always do) to try to fit in or just to cover how nervous he

feels. J. has a problem being understood (speech is really underdeveloped) so

he gets frustrated when people and other kids can't understand him. Yeah,

it isn't easy being Aspie. I think there should be a bumper sticker saying just

that.

In a message dated

10/22/2010 5:44:31 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, southardengineering@...

writes:

Bridget,

Like a parent really wants to put her son or

daughter into a special class, or have an aide, etc.... Its

those parents who demand that their kids be exempt from PE that are ruining

it for everyone. Now nothing from a parent counts. The last

thing I would want would be to have to go up to the school and ask for

help. I think this is how most people are. So yeah I don't get

the skeptism either. But this is the curse of being an

Aspie. If you were full blown autistic than people would understand but

then again we wouldn't really want that would we. There is a girl

next door to us that makes Caleb nervous. So often when she comes over

he blurts out hurtful things. I tried to explain to her once but she

doesn't understand. Heck its hard for me to understand sometimes when

my kid says, " I don't want her to be on my team because I don't love

her " . I mean who says that. Well an anxious aspie says

that. No reserve. Because he appears normal for the

most part it is taken wrongly. Instead of that is the anxious kid who

is frightened, its the rude kid who is perceived.

The PE teacher this year had to ask the 1st grade

teacher again which kid was the Aspie cause he couldn't tell. On one

hand its great because it probably means my child is not refusing to

participate which is what we figured would happen. But I know to the

trained eye a professional would see oral behaviors, nervousness, slow to

learn particular skill coordinations, etc...

From: bridget <beanniferj@...>

Subject: ( ) Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in

the Community?

Date: Friday, October 22, 2010, 2:15 PM

My son just went

through the process of trying to qualify for preschool services at our school

district, which were denied. While nobody was blaming me for anything, I did

sense a certain skepticism from the school district psychologist. The

implication was that there were a lot more concerns revealed in my parent

questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that couldn't be because she has

spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I live with my son!). My son's

developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation they had in which

the school psych asked if she had witnessed any of the social problems or if

it was all based on " the mother's report " . Fortunately, the

developmental therapist has worked with my son in peer situations, so she was

able to affirm that the concerns in report were based on her firsthand

observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't count for much. It's

definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when you are trying so hard

to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to hear you have been dealing

with that at your son's school.

Bridget

>

> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when

they

> do " well " in school, but not in the community. Just because

the proper

> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results

are

> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the

child.

>

>

> In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings, documented

it

> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They have

even

> gone so far as filing 2 complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children and

> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me " being the one with the mental

illness,

> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization " . All

of which

> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,

> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for

everything.

>

> Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?

>

> Denel

> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary

> Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting

confirmation on

> Aspergers due to age)

> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)

>