Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Welcome to the group, . This group is a great place for support and information. My son will be 21 in May but was not diagnosed until he was 15. He has come a long way but still has a long way to go. While I think he went thru puberty at a fairly typical age, his emotional maturity is definitely lagging. This is typical for people with Aspergers – I think I read once where their emotional age is about 2/3 of their chronological age. For my son, this is very true. He is almost 21 but emotionally and psychologically he is about 14 or 15. As these kids “look” normal, it is very hard for people to understand why they behave the way they do. He did attend a small community college for one year – one semester he did fair; the second semester he flunked. So, he is working with an organization that specializes in people on the spectrum. Three days a week he attends a College Prep class for 3 hours/day; the other two days he is in their FOPI program(Focusing on Personal Independence). He does drive and we are hopeful that he will learn the needed skills to either attend college or learn a job skill and be able to live independently at some point. I am also involved with a group of parents who are looking at housing options for this population as I want to keep all options open. We also struggle with personal hygiene. When he was younger he went thru a period where he loved to shower and we couldn’t get him out. Sigh. I think for some of these kids it is a sensory issue. They also don’t really see outside themselves – I think it is called Theory of Mind – and so don’t understand why they need to do it. My son is slowly improving in this area – he lives with his dad and his dad got fed up with this, as well as some other things, and is doing some “tough love” with him – told him this was one of the “house rules” and if he didn’t want to do it he could move out. Right now, this seems to have gotten his attention and he is doing much better on this. To answer your question, you might try letting him pick out a soap that he likes – my son uses a combo body wash/shampoo product which has been helpful. I have read on this group that some parents have found using a different shower head (something that produces a softer spray) has been helpful. Possibly, letting him choose whether to shower in the morning or at night. Do you think he would prefer to bathe instead of shower? I feel your pain – I am a clean nut and the poor hygiene drove me nuts. I don’t know what I would do if he lived with me full time. He is literally twice my size and I definitely would not win if I tried to force him to get in the shower. Regarding the “despondency” – is he on any meds? Many of our kids need meds to help with depression. Does he see a psychologist for counseling? When he used to go to the movies or the mall did he go with friends or alone? A lot of Aspies tend to be loners or not be bothered by the fact that they don’t socialize much but some become depressed when they can’t make or keep friends or when they realize that they don’t fit into the crowd. My son likes people but doesn’t seek out friends or even call guys he knows from the organization he is working with. He is perfectly happy to stay at home on weekends and watch TV, play video games, or get on his computer. He will go to the movies by himself and a year or so ago became interested in a place called Games Workshop – I don’t really understand it but know he buys “sets” and then paints the soldiers or whatever at this place. Most of the people that do it are “geeky” so he fits in and it has been helpful for his social skills. If your son used to go out with friends and now won’t do it, he may be suffering from depression which needs to be treated. Hope some of this has been helpful. I am sure others will be able to give you some advice and pointers. Hang in there! From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of erinpwrightSent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 5:45 PM Subject: ( ) New to the Group :-) Hi all,My name is and I have a 17 year old son with AS. I am new to the group and have been reading as many messages as I could before I inundated you with some questions. As parents I know that you all have more experience than many of the doctor's we have seen through the years. No physician, psychologist or specialist has ever walked a day in our shoes. J Have any of your children ever experienced the following: Even though my son turned 17 years old last May, it seems that he is a very late bloomer. I believe he is just now going through pubertyand his hormones have sent him into an extreme heightened level of " selfawareness " and " social phobia " . The last several months have been horrific. He has been refusing to attend school and his senses seem to be in overdrive. Getting him to shower lately has been arduous and that is an understatement. Hard to persuade someone 6'4 " that he needs to shower. (Much easier when he was 5'4 " ). Not that he was ever thrilled to shower. ..the last several months it took all the energy I had to coerce him. He has gone as long as seven days. Maybe that is not a long time for some, but teenagers going through puberty can get quite putrid. Like I said, he was never fond of it, but now is refusing altogether. And this is one battle that I chose not to ignore. Also, he has started refusing to attend movies at the cinema (which he loved) and detest going to the mall (another favorite outing). He just seems very despondent and reclusive. The more I try to converse with him….the further he pulls away. This is his senior year and he is so close to graduating. While the school is really trying to work with him - I feel as if they are losing their patience with some of his Aspie traits.You would think they would be more understanding, but I am sure all of you have dealt with the " IEP Nightmare " . That is another issue for a different day.Any suggestions or input you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Wish I had found your group when he was diagnosed back in 2004. Reading your posts have been very enlightening and helpful.Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Hi , just adding another thought to 's (which I agreed with). My Aspie son also has OCD. OCD can cause different behaviors in people (i.e., not everyone will have " germ " issues) but I am putting that out as a possibility with your son. OCD. They can start to avoid events, people, places...anything that " bothers " their OCD, triggers it. For instance, if part of OCD for him was a contamination/germ problem, then he may avoid anything " contaminated. " If he suddenly began to have rituals, perhaps showering is too difficult for him due to all the rituals (compulsions) he may have to do. ( was slow in showers but didn't avoid them) OCD also affected with reading, writing, being able to do schoolwork. Also - avoidance with hygiene and losing interest in things can be a sign of depression. Also - puberty. (22 yrs) never would talk about it, but I do know (he did say) he felt guilty for some of the thoughts he had (feelings too I guess). I could tell him it was all NORMAL for boys but that didn't help. I think he didn't like having those " puberty " thoughts, feelings. Just adding to what wrote, the sensory and other stuff also came to mind when I read your post. Quick thoughts, single mom, 3 sons > > Welcome to the group, . This group is a great place for support and > information. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 and , Thank you so much for replying to my post. Your words and wisdom brought me great comfort. My son is probably not only battling some level of depression from the self realization that he is different from his teenage peers, but that he currently has heightened sensory issues i.e. (avoiding showers, more picky with textures, touch, smells, etc). Makes me wonder if anxiety can increase sensory overload? Anyway, taking one day at a time and working very closely with his doctor. Thanks again for your assistance- :-) > > > > Welcome to the group, . This group is a great place for support and > > information. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Welcome! You could work on pairing showers with good things he already gets whenever possible. It could also be he is depressed if he is giving up all the things that he likes doing. That would make it harder to pair the shower up! You might have to deal with that first, if that is a problem. But normally (ha) there is at least one thing he'll want to do or likes doing. First, shower, then (whatever he wants to do). Roxanna “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr. ( ) New to the Group :-) Hi all, My name is and I have a 17 year old son with AS. I am new to the group and have been reading as many messages as I could before I inundated you with some questions. As parents I know that you all have more experience than many of the doctor's we have seen through the years. No physician, psychologist or specialist has ever walked a day in our shoes. J Have any of your children ever experienced the following: Even though my son turned 17 years old last May, it seems that he is a very late bloomer. I believe he is just now going through pubertyand his hormones have sent him into an extreme heightened level of "selfawareness" and "social phobia". The last several months have been horrific. He has been refusing to attend school and his senses seem to be in overdrive. Getting him to shower lately has been arduous and that is an understatement. Hard to persuade someone 6'4" that he needs to shower. (Much easier when he was 5'4"). Not that he was ever thrilled to shower. ..the last several months it took all the energy I had to coerce him. He has gone as long as seven days. Maybe that is not a long time for some, but teenagers going through puberty can get quite putrid. Like I said, he was never fond of it, but now is refusing altogether. And this is one battle that I chose not to ignore. Also, he has started refusing to attend movies at the cinema (which he loved) and detest going to the mall (another favorite outing). He just seems very despondent and reclusive. The more I try to converse with him….the further he pulls away. This is his senior year and he is so close to graduating. While the school is really trying to work with him - I feel as if they are losing their patience with some of his Aspie traits.You would think they would be more understanding, but I am sure all of you have dealt with the "IEP Nightmare". That is another issue for a different day. Any suggestions or input you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Wish I had found your group when he was diagnosed back in 2004. Reading your posts have been very enlightening and helpful. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Anxiety definitely can increase sensory problems. Roxanna “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr. Re: ( ) New to the Group :-) and , Thank you so much for replying to my post. Your words and wisdom brought me great comfort. My son is probably not only battling some level of depression from the self realization that he is different from his teenage peers, but that he currently has heightened sensory issues i.e. (avoiding showers, more picky with textures, touch, smells, etc). Makes me wonder if anxiety can increase sensory overload? Anyway, taking one day at a time and working very closely with his doctor. Thanks again for your assistance- :-) > > > > Welcome to the group, . This group is a great place for support and > > information. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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