Re: Talking to a wall

[Guest guest]

I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that he's lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I mean today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a store, harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!~Jackie

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't decide he has prison time in his future just yet =)

Kids without Aspergers also stash food/wrappers in strange places, too. It's still gross, still a nuisance, still a situation you have to deal with, but this isn't unique for our kids. Also, if every kid who pushed their little sister ended up in jail, the majority of people would be IN jail, not OUT of it!

For my son, I think sometimes when he wouldn't tell me the truth when he was younger, it had more to do with not wanting to disappoint me vs. trying to get away with something. I just had to tell him, repeatedly, that I will be more upset if he lies to me (even little ones) than if he just told me the truth. He eventually stopped doing it. Also, I suspect cognitive rigidity has something to do with this, too. If you can help him work through his thought processes, he might just be getting stuck somewhere along the way.

From: Jackie Mulroy <jackiemulroy@...> Sent: Sun, December 12, 2010 10:38:01 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Talking to a wall

I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that he's lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I mean today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a store, harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!

~Jackie

[Guest guest]

Yes, Jackie.. my 14 year old has always had problems with controlling

instinctive desires. If she knows that there is candy in the house, it is like

meth being in the house for a meth addict. These kids often find controlling

instinctive desires excruciatingly hard.

I just had my kids make a gingerbread house.. which I was really hesitant about,

because I don't like to have junk food in my house. I thought that if I told

them that I sprayed the entire thing with HAIRSPRAY that they wouldn't touch it.

My three youngest children won't touch it and just enjoy the cute house. But my

asperger's OLDEST kids (teenager) has not been able to resist eating pieces of

it over and over again, much to the other children's horror. Truth be told, I

DIDN'T spray it with hairspray. It was a test to see if my daughter could keep

from eating candy set out, that was clearly bad for her(hairspray!!). She is a

very smart girl, but sugar to her is ...well, you know..

It really freaks me out that she is 14 and is still sneaky and will do stuff

like that. It seriously scares me. And then, she ALWAYS has an immediate

excuse that is usually a half or more LIE about why she does things that we

asked her not to. We go through this many, many times a day. I get so red in

the face. I've even told her that it's not so much about eating candy or

sneaking up to watch a funny video on youtube(we have to put major limits on her

with computer), or the myriad other things we have to put limits on.. but that I

simply want her to learn to have BASIC INTEGRITY so that someday she can be

living on her own and be a responsible adult. We always talk about integrity.

How important it is to learn to control yourself whether people see what you do

or not.. because life is just so much easier when you do what's right.

All I can guess with this issue is that we continue to communicate the

importance of learning to control yourself, as when these children are on their

own.. if they can eventually do that, it will be crucial that they can learn to

limit themselves.

My daughter will go and direct dozens of children much younger than her, all the

way up to her own age, in theater. She has no problem with this and is talented

and strong. But if they pull out treats for everyone, I will pick her up and

find that she went way overboard, taking a disgusting amount of oreos or punch,

or whatever crap they hand out. (sigh)

Maybe with time, they just have to decide it isn't worth it to hurt

themselves...? I'd be very interested in how others have dealt with these

things, as well.

miriam

>

> I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's

> only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he

> doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that

he's

> lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I mean

> today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a

> store, harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old

> sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!

>

> ~Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my gosh, the food wrappers!! Such a relief to hear I'm not alone! I find

them everywhere!!

>

> I wouldn't decide he has prison time in his future just yet =)

>

> Kids without Aspergers also stash food/wrappers in strange places, too. It's

> still gross, still a nuisance, still a situation you have to deal with, but

this

> isn't unique for our kids.  Also, if every kid who pushed their little

> sister ended up in jail, the majority of people would be IN jail, not OUT of

it!

>

> For my son, I think sometimes when he wouldn't tell me the truth when he was

> younger, it had more to do with not wanting to disappoint me vs. trying to get

> away with something.  I just had to tell him, repeatedly, that I will be

more

> upset if he lies to me (even little ones) than if he just told me the truth. 

He

> eventually stopped doing it.  Also, I suspect cognitive rigidity has

something

> to do with this, too.  If you can help him work through his thought

processes,

> he might just be getting stuck somewhere along the way.

>  

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Jackie Mulroy <jackiemulroy@...>

>

> Sent: Sun, December 12, 2010 10:38:01 PM

> Subject: ( ) Re: Talking to a wall

>

>  

> I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's

> only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he

> doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that

he's

> lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I mean

> today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a

> store,  harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old

> sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!

>

> ~Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

LOL. I found two boxes of Girl scout candies under the couch this morning. You are NOT alone!

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Re: Talking to a wall

>

> Â

> I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's

> only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he

> doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that he's

> lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I mean

> today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a

> store, Â harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old

> sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!

>

> ~Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

I find them in the couch, the pillowcase and the cleanest ones in the washer and

dryer..glad I'm not alone too!!

Bobbie in NJ

> >

> > I wouldn't decide he has prison time in his future just yet =)

> >

> > Kids without Aspergers also stash food/wrappers in strange places, too. It's

> > still gross, still a nuisance, still a situation you have to deal with, but

this

> > isn't unique for our kids.  Also, if every kid who pushed their little

> > sister ended up in jail, the majority of people would be IN jail, not OUT

of it!

> >

> > For my son, I think sometimes when he wouldn't tell me the truth when he

was

> > younger, it had more to do with not wanting to disappoint me vs. trying to

get

> > away with something.  I just had to tell him, repeatedly, that I will be

more

> > upset if he lies to me (even little ones) than if he just told me the

truth.  He

> > eventually stopped doing it.  Also, I suspect cognitive rigidity has

something

> > to do with this, too.  If you can help him work through his thought

processes,

> > he might just be getting stuck somewhere along the way.

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Jackie Mulroy <jackiemulroy@>

> >

> > Sent: Sun, December 12, 2010 10:38:01 PM

> > Subject: ( ) Re: Talking to a wall

> >

> >  

> > I hear you on the whole talking to a wall. My son does this constantly. He's

> > only 10 and a very sweet kid, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that

he

> > doesn't even make the connection that he is even lying and that I know that

he's

> > lying. This actually scares me to think DOES he know right from wrong? I

mean

> > today is pudding cups behind the couch, tomorrow will it be stealing from a

> > store,  harming somebody (which I have caught him shoving his 4 year old

> > sister)... I need eyes behind my head or clone myself for when I'm at work!

> >

> > ~Jackie

> >

>