CBT Re: Update - Sharing for the first time

[Guest guest]

I found CBT helpful for my anxiety and depressive disorders (which are probably

more disabling than my AS). I believe it will be useful for my son (who has

perfectionist and OCD traits)

Miranda

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> > On Monday of this week, after ten weeks of a supposed observation of our 16

year old son (in 10th grade)who was diagnosed a year ago with AS... the school

psychologist, County Head for Spec Ed, the school Special Ed teacher, and one of

the Assistant Principals with a background in Special Ed...all met with my

husband, son , and myself to determine whether he will be evaluated for an IEP.

He currently has a 504 plan that allows for extra time to turn in homework as

needed, a separate test area if needed, and some other things that never come

up. He never advocates for any of the 504 accomodations, never asks for help.

He does not do ANY homework outside of school (he gets some done at school) and

nothing we do can get him to do it. He will not stay after school either. He

has never communicated well with us and even less as a teenager. He hates us

to ask questions and if I do, he will be mad for the rest of the night and

possibly the next day too.

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> > Anyway, the end result is that they ARE going to administer some tests to

get a better fix on what specific learning difficulties he may have, but they

said they believe that he is " choosing " to do defeating behavior and THAT is NOT

a learning disability. For example, I asked if an IEP would allow the rule for

out-of-school- suspension to be waived when he has more than 10 (or whatever the

amount is) tardies. I explained that getting him up in the morning was

difficult because of the aspergers. The COUNTY HEAD of Special Ed told me that

that is not an aspect of aspergers and I firmly told her that it most certainly

is. She held her ground and said that all adolescents have difficulty with

getting up in the morning and that this is a behavioral issue that parents deal

with all the time. Besides, she informed me that there is no accomodation with

an IEP for tardies...the same rules apply unless there is a physical medical

condition that causes the tardines s. OK...am I wrong in understanding that

aspergers is often associated with severe difficulty getting up and going in the

morning no matter how much sleep is had? Later. she asked our son why he

doesn't do his work (he is close to failing two core classes) and he said

because it doesn't interest him. She , and the others, said that is not a

special ed issue. They also said that a D in an Honors Class is fine because

that translates into a C in regular classes. The COUNTY HEAD told us that he

should choose only regular classes next year rather than Honors Classes in order

to minimize stress since we expressed the belief that stress kicks in asperger

" shut down " for him. It does, but it's not because the educational material is

difficult in itself...it is other stuff going on in the school or classroom that

is the problem we just don't understand.

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> > I am new to all of this and what I learned, after a direct question about

this, is that Special Ed is not there to help students maximize their potential.

Though he may have an IQ in the 120s, making Cs in regular classes is fine as

far as the state special ed stipulations go. He would be bored silly in regular

classes and he is not tolerant of slow thinkers in normal life so I would expect

he is the same in school. I called it dumbing up to my husband because he'll

make Cs instead of Ds and learn even less than he is learning now. They do not

seem to see the correlation that his lack of willingness to accomplish work is

related to his complete inability to deal with frustration. I don't know WHY

the work or perhaps the directions or the processing in some form is creating

frustration for him because I'm not in school to see it and he does not

communicate with us about it. It is incredibly difficult for me to see this

very smart young man with so much potential spiral down without being able to

understand what the triggers are to give him tools or a way to work around them.

And now, my hope that Special Ed would help him appears very unlikely since they

explained that they are educational providers and only when a disability impairs

the child's ability to obtain that education are they required to aid the child.

Because he is doing " fine " in their estimation in terms of his education i.e. Ds

in his classes, there does not appear to be a disability impacting his

education. They said if he chooses not to do homework or projects, that is a

choice a lot of teenagers make. I didn't bother explaining that he has a total

disconnect with projected future desires and understaning how his current grades

do not support those desires. The choices he is making are driven by the

disabiilty itself...not his lack of motivation or desire. When I talked to him

after the meeting, he said that he wants to be pushed to reach his potent ial,

not be average. It is heartbreaking to see the lack of control he has to reach

his potential.

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> > After anticipating and waiting so long for some hope...I came away from the

meeting very dissapointed. I guess I expected something unrealistic in terms of

public education support. Should I contiue to advocate for an IEP...if so,

why? Was I completely off base here in thinking an IEP would give him tools to

get the education he deserves. They also told me that a lot of kids really

resent getting the IEP and being put in a class for special ed. That was the

icing on top of the cake. I do think he would benefit from being in a special

ed class for one period each day but now I wonder if it is a stigma since they

brought it up.

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> > I feel like we have no direction to head toward now and the help I thought

the school could provide is not what they are required to provide by law

apparently. We live in NC.

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> > Thank you for reading this long story. Nothing would make me happier than

to believe that his issues are just adolescent and by " choice " rather than

accept the dx from a licensed psychologist that he sees every single week! We

are now looking at a private boarding school that specializes in learning

disabilities but the cost is astronomical. My husband is in his 60s, I'm in my

50s and we would be using all of our savings and going into retirement funds.

Has anyone sent their aspie student to a private school like that? Was it

worth it???? did it make a long term difference in their ability to live

independently and happily? We cannot homeschool (both work)and he would not

cooperate anyway. We would like to be able to visit with him regularly so the

private schools we would consider would have to be within a reasonable 6 hours

drive or less.

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