My Son Cancelled His Lunch Buddy At School

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for you kind responses on my last post. Things have been going

much better until today! My 9 year old came home and informed me that he told

the lady who runs the lunch buddy program at school that he doesn't want his

lunch buddy anymore. I'm not sure if this is everywhere, but basically an adult

comes once a week and eats lunch with a child at school. My son was put in the

program at the beginning of the year as the guidance counselor thought this

would help him in the cafeteria (very stressful environment for him and he spent

most of the time last year in isolation/trouble....which I threw a fit about).

The program is through Big Brothers Big Sisters and I thought it was working out

great! He seemed excited when it was Wednesday (lunch buddy day) and seemed

happy that he came......

He told me a lady asked him about his lunch buddy (I am assuming from Big

Brothers Big Sisters). He told the lady he did not have much fun when his buddy

came. He said that she asked him what the point of having a lunch buddy was if

he was not having any fun. So.....he said he thought about that and when she

asked him if he wanted the buddy to keep coming he said no. Now he seems upset

he said no! However, I am not sure if he is upset the buddy is no longer coming

or if he is upset everyone seems upset that he " canceled " his lunch buddy. He

told me the minute I picked him up...told his Dad....and told my Mom. It seems

to be bothering him, yet when I ask him why, he can only say he is upset he

canceled his lunch buddy. When I keep asking, I am waiting to hear he will miss

his lunch buddy or he is worried he hurt his buddies feelings.........however,

he just keeps saying he is sorry he canceled him.

I just don't know what to do! Part of me wants to call the program and make

sure they are aware that my son can be overly negative even if he is not

unhappy. I want to make sure they know he is impulsive and has trouble with his

emotions. Did they really cancel his lunch buddy based on this interview with

him, or is there more to the story?

My feeling is.....my son had in his head he wanted a girl buddy. He has a thing

about adult men!! Anyway, I feel he has yet to let go of this (from the

beginning of the school year), so everything about the lunch buddy is going to

be negative when you ask him. I just worry about calling the program only to

find out my son has been nasty to the buddy. Should I call or just let it go?

My son was told he would be put on the list for a new buddy, but I am not sure I

want that at this point. As far as I am concerned, he is lucky to even get a

lunch buddy.....am I being to harsh? How to you teach these kids to be

appreciate and not only think of themselves? He is so very self

centered.......is there any hope of changing that or is that just something I

need to accept??????

[Guest guest]

Aw....I feel bad for him. He sounds like such a nice boy!!!I'd definitely call the program. Heck - anytime you can explain our kids a little more, it's good!!!

So, I'd call and hear their side.

Maybe your son is telling it exactly like it is. Maybe he wasn't feeling really great about it,,,,said something......and responded to a question from the lady that he wasn't "prepared" to answer. Ya know? So....he agrees and says, "no".

And....maybe the lady was being really accommodating and just saying, "Hey...no need to have lunch with someone you aren't enjoying"...........so your son agreed. And now......feeling some sadness over his decision.

Actually.....this may be a really good thing. A really good learning experience for him!!!

Also......what a neat program!! I wish there was something like that here!

So....good luck. I'd definitely call them tomorrow and I'd tell your son you were doing it, too. Maybe ask him if he has anything he'd like you to say. Ask him again, what kind of "buddy" he would like!!!! After all.........it's about THEM, right?Robin

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) My Son "Cancelled" His Lunch Buddy At School Date: Tuesday, March 22, 2011, 9:21 PM

Thank you all for you kind responses on my last post. Things have been going much better until today! My 9 year old came home and informed me that he told the lady who runs the lunch buddy program at school that he doesn't want his lunch buddy anymore. I'm not sure if this is everywhere, but basically an adult comes once a week and eats lunch with a child at school. My son was put in the program at the beginning of the year as the guidance counselor thought this would help him in the cafeteria (very stressful environment for him and he spent most of the time last year in isolation/trouble....which I threw a fit about). The program is through Big Brothers Big Sisters and I thought it was working out great! He seemed excited when it was Wednesday (lunch buddy day) and seemed happy that he came......He told me a lady asked him about his lunch buddy (I am assuming from Big Brothers Big Sisters). He told the lady he did not have much fun when his

buddy came. He said that she asked him what the point of having a lunch buddy was if he was not having any fun. So.....he said he thought about that and when she asked him if he wanted the buddy to keep coming he said no. Now he seems upset he said no! However, I am not sure if he is upset the buddy is no longer coming or if he is upset everyone seems upset that he "canceled" his lunch buddy. He told me the minute I picked him up...told his Dad....and told my Mom. It seems to be bothering him, yet when I ask him why, he can only say he is upset he canceled his lunch buddy. When I keep asking, I am waiting to hear he will miss his lunch buddy or he is worried he hurt his buddies feelings.........however, he just keeps saying he is sorry he canceled him.I just don't know what to do! Part of me wants to call the program and make sure they are aware that my son can be overly negative even if he is not unhappy. I want to make sure they know he is

impulsive and has trouble with his emotions. Did they really cancel his lunch buddy based on this interview with him, or is there more to the story?My feeling is.....my son had in his head he wanted a girl buddy. He has a thing about adult men!! Anyway, I feel he has yet to let go of this (from the beginning of the school year), so everything about the lunch buddy is going to be negative when you ask him. I just worry about calling the program only to find out my son has been nasty to the buddy. Should I call or just let it go? My son was told he would be put on the list for a new buddy, but I am not sure I want that at this point. As far as I am concerned, he is lucky to even get a lunch buddy.....am I being to harsh? How to you teach these kids to be appreciate and not only think of themselves? He is so very self centered.......is there any hope of changing that or is that just something I need to

accept??????

[Guest guest]

I do not know about anyone else but my son seems to dislike everything most of the time- we have to make him do just about everything and then teh reward is seeing him smile 5 mintes in and the great accomplishments he makes while at these events. He may say is not enjoying it because he has a hard time connecting with his emotions but often I believe these things do them good anyways. It may be hard because it puts him in a more social context when he would prefer to be alone nd isolate all the time. I am not sure we can always takes our kids face value at what they say they want. Kids would eat candy all day long if we let them but sometimes we have to make the decision for him. My son's previous lunch buddy from the in home therpay team used to rewad him with a couple lego pieces for good

behavior and approrpaite interaction at lunch, as well as actually eating. He lost about 5 pounds in 6 months from not every eating anything at lunch and would have horrible behaviro episodes beacuse he was so hingry and could not identify whay he was so miserable. I know ther are many people who say rewarding with food is not good and others who say not to interfere with natural eating because it could cause and eating disordr, but my son was failure to thrive and lost 12% of his body weight in 6 months from starving himself without this intervention. He did not LIKE her coming but he tolerated it and got very excited when he earned the legos. Eventually we phased the system out and now he continues to do well at lunch. My point althought long and drawn out is that just because he says he does not like the lunch buddy- that may be exactly what he needs most. Maybe you need to find an incentive for him to cooperate for a while to ease him into it.

Just a thought.

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 9:21:42 PMSubject: ( ) My Son "Cancelled" His Lunch Buddy At School

Thank you all for you kind responses on my last post. Things have been going much better until today! My 9 year old came home and informed me that he told the lady who runs the lunch buddy program at school that he doesn't want his lunch buddy anymore. I'm not sure if this is everywhere, but basically an adult comes once a week and eats lunch with a child at school. My son was put in the program at the beginning of the year as the guidance counselor thought this would help him in the cafeteria (very stressful environment for him and he spent most of the time last year in isolation/trouble....which I threw a fit about). The program is through Big Brothers Big Sisters and I thought it was working out great! He seemed excited when it was Wednesday (lunch buddy day) and seemed happy that he came......He told me a lady asked him about his lunch buddy (I am assuming from Big Brothers Big Sisters). He told the lady he did not have much fun when his

buddy came. He said that she asked him what the point of having a lunch buddy was if he was not having any fun. So.....he said he thought about that and when she asked him if he wanted the buddy to keep coming he said no. Now he seems upset he said no! However, I am not sure if he is upset the buddy is no longer coming or if he is upset everyone seems upset that he "canceled" his lunch buddy. He told me the minute I picked him up...told his Dad....and told my Mom. It seems to be bothering him, yet when I ask him why, he can only say he is upset he canceled his lunch buddy. When I keep asking, I am waiting to hear he will miss his lunch buddy or he is worried he hurt his buddies feelings.........however, he just keeps saying he is sorry he canceled him.I just don't know what to do! Part of me wants to call the program and make sure they are aware that my son can be overly negative even if he is not unhappy. I want to make sure they know he is

impulsive and has trouble with his emotions. Did they really cancel his lunch buddy based on this interview with him, or is there more to the story?My feeling is.....my son had in his head he wanted a girl buddy. He has a thing about adult men!! Anyway, I feel he has yet to let go of this (from the beginning of the school year), so everything about the lunch buddy is going to be negative when you ask him. I just worry about calling the program only to find out my son has been nasty to the buddy. Should I call or just let it go? My son was told he would be put on the list for a new buddy, but I am not sure I want that at this point. As far as I am concerned, he is lucky to even get a lunch buddy.....am I being to harsh? How to you teach these kids to be appreciate and not only think of themselves? He is so very self centered.......is there any hope of changing that or is that just something I need to

accept??????