Re: desparate for help. please anyone.

[Guest guest]

I am kind of in the same boat as you, that is why I didn't post, but I will say what did work with my older daughter. I had to eventually (and it took quite a while) find what would really make her angry and upset. What finally worked was making her go to her room (alone for an extended period of time), at one point it was making her do pushups and other exercises, and right now if she gets real bad I make her clean a room (oh she hates cleaning more than anything! One day I did that and she literally sat there and cleaned and cried the entire day!!!)

Carolyn

From: jojubemom <karlakahler@...> Sent: Tue, March 1, 2011 10:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone.

I posted this prior and only received one response from someone who also needs help. Please, any insight, tricks or tools you have found successful. I am about at my wit's end.> Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, veryverbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say thatright >> He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read abook or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention hehits and kicks.>> He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with "NO!" Or"Stop momy, you no tell me that!" Very disrespectful.>> We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does notunderstand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he isgoing to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6month old dog

is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I tryto redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the "Nomommy!" or other back talk.>> We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back. The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is "Yes ma'am" or"Yes sir." No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.>> DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out ofcontrol as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do notdo a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me theview that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse sincethe meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.>> We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum. Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.>>

HELP!>> karla

[Guest guest]

you need to make your child stay in the time out, if he leaves the area bring him back, until he is physically tired to protest. He needs discipline like any other child.Sorry don't have any other advise, all children pull your strings as much as they can, it is exhausting, but you have to be stronger than him.good luck From: jojubemom <karlakahler@...> Sent: Tue, March 1, 2011 11:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone.

I posted this prior and only received one response from someone who also needs help. Please, any insight, tricks or tools you have found successful. I am about at my wit's end.

> Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very

verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say that

right

>

> He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a

book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he

hits and kicks.

>

> He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with "NO!" Or

"Stop momy, you no tell me that!" Very disrespectful.

>

> We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not

understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is

going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6

month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try

to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the "No

mommy!" or other back talk.

>

> We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back.

The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is "Yes ma'am" or

"Yes sir." No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.

>

> DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of

control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not

do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the

view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since

the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

>

> We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum.

Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.

>

> HELP!

>

> karla

[Guest guest]

Karla,It sounds like a really difficult situation and you have tried many things on your own. I think you need outside help. You should be working with a therapist or counselor who is familiar with AS kids, and get a very specific, detailed behavior plan in place. Other than that, I would say if you have issues with your son, you should pick one issue and really focus on that first. For example, teasing the dog. Offer him rewards for playing nicely or even ignoring the dog. Work on that until he is better, then go on to the next thing. Otherwise, it just gets overwhelming. I hope this helps.Suzanne (in Mi)Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: Carolyn Weisbard <ccweisbard@...>Sender: Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2011 05:00:03 -0800 (PST)< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone. I am kind of in the same boat as you, that is why I didn't post, but I will say what did work with my older daughter. I had to eventually (and it took quite a while) find what would really make her angry and upset. What finally worked was making her go to her room (alone for an extended period of time), at one point it was making her do pushups and other exercises, and right now if she gets real bad I make her clean a room (oh she hates cleaning more than anything! One day I did that and she literally sat there and cleaned and cried the entire day!!!)CarolynFrom: jojubemom <karlakahler@...> Sent: Tue, March 1, 2011 10:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone. I posted this prior and only received one response from someone who also needs help. Please, any insight, tricks or tools you have found successful. I am about at my wit's end.> Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, veryverbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say thatright >> He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read abook or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention hehits and kicks.>> He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with "NO!" Or"Stop momy, you no tell me that!" Very disrespectful.>> We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does notunderstand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he isgoing to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6month old dogis not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I tryto redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the "Nomommy!" or other back talk.>> We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk back. The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is "Yes ma'am" or"Yes sir." No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.>> DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out ofcontrol as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do notdo a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me theview that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse sincethe meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.>> We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum. Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.>>HELP!>> karla

[Guest guest]

Karla,

Have you looked into hiring an ABA therapist? We just started with one in

October for issues with the school but it has helped a lot.

Usually they come into the home and help you develop behavior interventions and

then train/teach you how to apply them.

For our son we had issues at home at times when he was younger. He is now 14.

I've always used some type of chart incentive/reward system. I usually change it

as his interests change. This usually works pretty well but you have to be very

consistant as well as be flexible at times when you know they are having a very

" off " day.

Your son is a lot younger than mine but my son is also on resperidon to help

calm him. This has helped a lot. When he was your son's age we nicknamed him

" Taz " because he ran around like the Tazmanian devil. SO hyper! And he demanded

my attention all the time too. He was my third child. But I would send him to

his room to play and say " mommy needs to this or that now and you need to play

nicely in your room or you can watch a movie " . It took a little while of not

giving in for it to work. He eventually got the message.

By the way, of course you can say your own son is annoying. My son has often

gotten on my very last nerve! We are only human and we need to give ourselves a

break sometimes too.

ne

> From: jojubemom <karlakahler@...>

> Subject: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone.

>

> Date: Tuesday, March 1, 2011, 11:40 PM

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> I posted this prior and only received one response

> from someone who also needs help. Please, any insight,

> tricks or tools you have found successful. I am about at my

> wit's end.

>

>

>

> > Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is

> smart as a whip, very

>

> verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am

> allowed to say that

>

> right

>

> >

>

> > He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me

> talk on the phone, read a

>

> book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he

> wants me attention he

>

> hits and kicks.

>

> >

>

> > He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is

> met with " NO! " Or

>

> " Stop momy, you no tell me that! " Very

> disrespectful.

>

> >

>

> > We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the

> time. He does not

>

> understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure

> that one day he is

>

> going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away

> from him, but our 6

>

> month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let

> DS go at him. I try

>

> to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone,

> but again, the " No

>

> mommy! " or other back talk.

>

> >

>

> > We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our

> kids not to talk back.

>

> The appropriate response to a direction or request in our

> home is " Yes ma'am " or

>

> " Yes sir. " No back talk, etc. DS is our third of

> four children.

>

> >

>

> > DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he

> is completely out of

>

> control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but

> wired. The meds do not

>

> do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But

> this gives me the

>

> view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and

> not an impulse since

>

> the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

>

> >

>

> > We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts

> down in a huge tantrum.

>

> Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.

>

> >

>

> > HELP!

>

> >

>

> > karla

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[Guest guest]

I would love some tips on incentive/reward chart type stuff. My son is 5 and we think he is now mature enough to benefit from this type of system. Maybe something where he could earn tokens and trade them for Wii time, outings, etc. Any ideas would be helpful. From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...>Subject: Re: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone. Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 9:47 AM

Karla,

Have you looked into hiring an ABA therapist? We just started with one in October for issues with the school but it has helped a lot.

Usually they come into the home and help you develop behavior interventions and then train/teach you how to apply them.

For our son we had issues at home at times when he was younger. He is now 14. I've always used some type of chart incentive/reward system. I usually change it as his interests change. This usually works pretty well but you have to be very consistant as well as be flexible at times when you know they are having a very "off" day.

Your son is a lot younger than mine but my son is also on resperidon to help calm him. This has helped a lot. When he was your son's age we nicknamed him "Taz" because he ran around like the Tazmanian devil. SO hyper! And he demanded my attention all the time too. He was my third child. But I would send him to his room to play and say "mommy needs to this or that now and you need to play nicely in your room or you can watch a movie". It took a little while of not giving in for it to work. He eventually got the message.

By the way, of course you can say your own son is annoying. My son has often gotten on my very last nerve! We are only human and we need to give ourselves a break sometimes too.

ne

[Guest guest]

We use poker chips as tokens and then could save the tokens up for a trip to the firestation or the train museum. He loves fire engines and trains. We had to setup the reward system for places rather than food/ice cream because there are things he cannot have. Hope this helps! Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: <jennywatson@...>Sender: Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2011 21:03:13 -0800 (PST)< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone. I would love some tips on incentive/reward chart type stuff. My son is 5 and we think he is now mature enough to benefit from this type of system. Maybe something where he could earn tokens and trade them for Wii time, outings, etc. Any ideas would be helpful. From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...>Subject: Re: ( ) desparate for help. please anyone. Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 9:47 AM Karla,Have you looked into hiring an ABA therapist? We just started with one in October for issues with the school but it has helped a lot. Usually they come into the home and help you develop behavior interventions and then train/teach you how to apply them. For our son we had issues at home at times when he was younger. He is now 14. I've always used some type of chart incentive/reward system. I usually change it as his interests change. This usually works pretty well but you have to be very consistant as well as be flexible at times when you know they are having a very "off" day.Your son is a lot younger than mine but my son is also on resperidon to help calm him. This has helped a lot. When he was your son's age we nicknamed him "Taz" because he ran around like the Tazmanian devil. SO hyper! And he demanded my attention all the time too. He was my third child. But I would send him to his room to play and say "mommy needs to this or that now and you need to play nicely in your room or you can watch a movie". It took a little while of not giving in for it to work. He eventually got the message.By the way, of course you can say your own son is annoying. My son has often gotten on my very last nerve! We are only human and we need to give ourselves a break sometimes too. :)ne

[Guest guest]

,

We use four charts right now for different times of the day. One for his morning

routine, school day, chores and bedtime. We have his morning routine broken down

for instance into tasks like getting dressed, eating breakfact etc. He earns

points for each task he completes with only one prompt. For his school chart we

have coordinated with the school and his chart is broken down into time

increments like: morning bus ride, 0730-0830, 0830-0930 etc. Again, for each

hour he does well in he earns a quarter. (we had to use money for this one since

he is a teenager now :-))

Anyway, the points he earns for his daily routines he can trade in for " free

time " . He only gets the " free " time that he EARNS! The less he earns the less he

gets to do what he wants. OMG has this helped!

Now for your son since he is so young you could use tokens and velcro them to

the chart. When he earns the token he can pull it off the chart and put it in a

jar that he can collect to trade in for whatever you know he likes. Or as most

AS kids...whatever his current " obsession " is. LOL!

When my son was little we used poke'mon cards, yu gi oh cards, matchbox cars etc

that he was " OCD " about. They were realatively inexpensive and boy did it work!

You should start of with immediate and frequent rewards and provide him plenty

of opportunities for success. Then as it begins to work you increase the

criteria or frequency that you want him to do something. Sometimes when you

start a new system you will get resistance and things might initially get worse

before better, but stick to your guns and I almost garantee you success.

Just some ideas from my own experience...Hope it helps. Good luck!

ne

>

> From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...>

> Subject: Re: ( ) desparate for help. please

> anyone.

>

> Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 9:47 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Karla,

>

>

>

> Have you looked into hiring an ABA therapist? We just

> started with one in October for issues with the school but

> it has helped a lot.

>

> Usually they come into the home and help you develop

> behavior interventions and then train/teach you how to apply

> them.

>

>

>

> For our son we had issues at home at times when he was

> younger. He is now 14. I've always used some type of

> chart incentive/reward system. I usually change it as his

> interests change. This usually works pretty well but you

> have to be very consistant as well as be flexible at times

> when you know they are having a very " off " day.

>

>

>

> Your son is a lot younger than mine but my son is also on

> resperidon to help calm him. This has helped a lot. When he

> was your son's age we nicknamed him " Taz "

> because he ran around like the Tazmanian devil. SO hyper!

> And he demanded my attention all the time too. He was my

> third child. But I would send him to his room to play and

> say " mommy needs to this or that now and you need to

> play nicely in your room or you can watch a movie " . It

> took a little while of not giving in for it to work. He

> eventually got the message.

>

>

>

> By the way, of course you can say your own son is annoying.

> My son has often gotten on my very last nerve! We are only

> human and we need to give ourselves a break sometimes too.

>

>

>

>

> ne

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[Guest guest]

Some young AS kids prior to school are more oppositional than anxious. They feel

safe at home. Once he is in school you

may see more anxiety or irritable/aggressive behavior

toward you. Once he starts school people/teachers may see

him as willful because of those excellent verbal skills.

Many (not all) AS kids have a ridgid mindset, everything

is no. And they are hyperfocused on themselves and their

needs as a way to reduce anxiety/overload.

For now you can work with an ABA behaviorist or with Yale

Parent and Child Conduct Clinic (over the phone) for training.

Avoid power struggles. Work on one behavior improvement at

a time. Do not force time outs with this kind of a kid.

You will likely escalate them into aggression or panic.

Use positive reinforcement for one behavior at a time to shape.

Rehearse the behaviors before hand and give stickers to him

for each small improvement.

If the basis of his behaviors is anxiety or dysthemia (low level

chronic depression, irritable, easily angered) than by the

age of 7 you can trial prozac or zoloft. Both are

approved by the FDA for children.

I would not trial any anti-psychotic drugs that are often

prescribed for kids with autism unless there is

severe self injurious behavior. Or you must for the

sanity of the family. The anti-depressants have less

side effects. Kids with AS start on very low doses.

Look at the book " Clinical Treatment of Autism " by Dr.

Hollander for specific doses of medications

and results of clinical trials.

Often teachers will see a child like your son so verbally

gifted and conclude he is spoiled or defiant. It really

is the AS and anxiety/depression driving the behaviors.

We have been through so much with our daughter. Same

behaviors when she was young. We resisted medication

for anxiety/depression out of fear and lack of knowledge

of what where her issues.

If you work with a behaviorist or Yale you will

get very clear what the limits of positive reinforcement

are.

With AS child that have behavior issues, the mind is too

ridgid to expect complaince. You have to work on shaping

in very small steps and rewarding the effeort.

Write to me privately, if you like or more on line.

We have tried so many therapies, private schools,

parent management that I know that some AS kids

need a lot of support from parents, school, doctors.

The behavior looks willful or defiant it is too, but for

medical reasons not just out of bad intentions.

Pam

>

> I posted this prior and only received one response from someone who also needs

help. Please, any insight, tricks or tools you have found successful. I am

about at my wit's end.

>

> > Our son is 4 and is pretty high functioning AS. He is smart as a whip, very

> verbal and cute as a button. But can be so annoying!!! I am allowed to say

that

> right

> >

> > He is very demanding of my attention. Won't let me talk on the phone, read a

> book or do anything that is not focused on him. When he wants me attention he

> hits and kicks.

> >

> > He constantly talks back. Any direction or request is met with " NO! " Or

> " Stop momy, you no tell me that! " Very disrespectful.

> >

> > We also have two dogs and he just pesters them all the time. He does not

> understand the warning signs our dogs give and I am sure that one day he is

> going to be bitten. Our small dog knows to just stay away from him, but our 6

> month old dog is not that smart and will lay there and let DS go at him. I try

> to redirect him or just tell him to leave the dogs alone, but again, the " No

> mommy! " or other back talk.

> >

> > We are pretty firm parents and try to teach all of our kids not to talk

back.

> The appropriate response to a direction or request in our home is " Yes ma'am "

or

> " Yes sir. " No back talk, etc. DS is our third of four children.

> >

> > DS is on 1 mg. Intuniv and that helps, without it he is completely out of

> control as in hyperactive. Not outrightly defiant, but wired. The meds do not

> do a thing for the defiance, not that I expect them to. But this gives me the

> view that the defiance is a willfull act on his part and not an impulse since

> the meds seem to help with his physical impulsiveness.

> >

> > We have tried time outs, he won't stay and melts down in a huge tantrum.

> Taking toys away, again, huge tantrum.

> >

> > HELP!

> >

> > karla

>