Re: Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the Community?

October 22, 2010

Bridget,

Like a parent really wants to put her son or daughter into a special class, or have an aide, etc.... Its those parents who demand that their kids be exempt from PE that are ruining it for everyone. Now nothing from a parent counts. The last thing I would want would be to have to go up to the school and ask for help. I think this is how most people are. So yeah I don't get the skeptism either. But this is the curse of being an Aspie. If you were full blown autistic than people would understand but then again we wouldn't really want that would we. There is a girl next door to us that makes Caleb nervous. So often when she comes over he blurts out hurtful things. I tried to explain to her once but she doesn't understand. Heck its hard for me to understand sometimes when my kid says, "I don't want her to be on my team because I don't love her". I mean

who says that. Well an anxious aspie says that. No reserve. Because he appears normal for the most part it is taken wrongly. Instead of that is the anxious kid who is frightened, its the rude kid who is perceived.

The PE teacher this year had to ask the 1st grade teacher again which kid was the Aspie cause he couldn't tell. On one hand its great because it probably means my child is not refusing to participate which is what we figured would happen. But I know to the trained eye a professional would see oral behaviors, nervousness, slow to learn particular skill coordinations, etc...

From: bridget <beanniferj@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the Community? Date: Friday, October 22, 2010, 2:15 PM

My son just went through the process of trying to qualify for preschool services at our school district, which were denied. While nobody was blaming me for anything, I did sense a certain skepticism from the school district psychologist. The implication was that there were a lot more concerns revealed in my parent questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that couldn't be because she has spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I live with my son!). My son's developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation they had in which the school psych asked if she had witnessed any of the social problems or if it was all based on "the mother's report". Fortunately, the developmental therapist has worked with my son in peer situations, so she was able to affirm that the concerns in report were based on her firsthand observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't count for much. It's definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when you

are trying so hard to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to hear you have been dealing with that at your son's school.Bridget>> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when they> do "well" in school, but not in the community. Just because the proper> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results are> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the child.> > > In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings, documented it> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They have even> gone so far as filing 2

complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children and> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me "being the one with the mental illness,> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization". All of which> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for everything. > > Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?> > Denel> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary > Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting confirmation on> Aspergers due to age)> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)>

October 22, 2010

I think the intimidation of the school thinking i was crazy and it was

just me seeing things etc is what ended up delaying my dd getting the

help she needed when she was 3 (and we first started dealing with

school evaluations) to instead when she was 9. So my advice now to

ppl is usually if your worried get a private evaluation, dont let

someone make you feel its you and not a problem until an expert can

reassure you

On 10/22/10, bridget <beanniferj@...> wrote:

> My son just went through the process of trying to qualify for preschool

> services at our school district, which were denied. While nobody was blaming

> me for anything, I did sense a certain skepticism from the school district

> psychologist. The implication was that there were a lot more concerns

> revealed in my parent questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that

> couldn't be because she has spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I

> live with my son!). My son's developmental therapist forwarded me an email

> conversation they had in which the school psych asked if she had witnessed

> any of the social problems or if it was all based on " the mother's report " .

> Fortunately, the developmental therapist has worked with my son in peer

> situations, so she was able to affirm that the concerns in report were based

> on her firsthand observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't

> count for much. It's definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when

> you are trying so hard to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to hear

> you have been dealing with that at your son's school.

>

> Bridget

>

>>

>> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when

>> they

>> do " well " in school, but not in the community. Just because the proper

>> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results are

>> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the

>> child.

>>

>> In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings, documented

>> it

>> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They have

>> even

>> gone so far as filing 2 complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children and

>> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me " being the one with the mental illness,

>> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization " . All of

>> which

>> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,

>> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for everything.

>>

>> Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?

>>

>> Denel

>> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary

>> Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting confirmation

>> on

>> Aspergers due to age)

>> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)

>>

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

, , and Leah

October 23, 2010

Bridget,

I certainly understand your frustration at

the Pscyh spending 2 hours with him and not seeing the behaviors. Do they

really think they will get a perfect snapshot in a short time? Our kids

are so intelligent they KNOW how to take these silly tests!

That’s another comment I absolutely

lathe “mother’s reports” last I checked they are to use

our reporting as the primary source “since the children are so young”.

So which is it, the child is too young to report for himself, or we are

reporting making things up or?

Just exasperated with the whole thing.

We have had all his clinical team affirm

the behaviors happen in their observations and yet the school has had the

AUDACITY to say “but the mother was present” implying that because I

am near my child he acts that way.

Denel

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of bridget

Sent: Friday, October 22, 2010

2:15 PM

Subject: ( ) Re:

Does your child do well in school, but not in the Community?

My son just went through the process of trying to

qualify for preschool services at our school district, which were denied. While

nobody was blaming me for anything, I did sense a certain skepticism from the

school district psychologist. The implication was that there were a lot more

concerns revealed in my parent questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that

couldn't be because she has spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I live

with my son!). My son's developmental therapist forwarded me an email

conversation they had in which the school psych asked if she had witnessed any

of the social problems or if it was all based on " the mother's

report " . Fortunately, the developmental therapist has worked with my son

in peer situations, so she was able to affirm that the concerns in report were

based on her firsthand observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't

count for much. It's definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when you

are trying so hard to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to hear you

have been dealing with that at your son's school.

Bridget

>

> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when

they

> do " well " in school, but not in the community. Just because the

proper

> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results are

> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the

child.

>

> In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings, documented

it

> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They have

even

> gone so far as filing 2 complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children and

> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me " being the one with the mental

illness,

> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization " . All of

which

> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,

> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for everything.

>

> Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?

>

> Denel

> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary

> Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting confirmation

on

> Aspergers due to age)

> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)

>

October 23, 2010

You are completely right! If they were

straight Autistic or Down’s Syndrome or something other very obvious, they don’t

seem to be skeptical. It’s the diagnoses on the fringe that can appear typical

that get all the trouble. And of course I mean NO disrespect to any child or

adult with any clear higher diagnosis. I only mean that in the sense they can

see it clearer and have a harder time arguing it exists.

When my son makes rude comments or doesn’t

understand something (taken literal) they immediately dismiss it as

developmentally appropriate. I would agree if this was something my son has

grown in and out of, or gone through phases.. but when I child consistently

makes no progress, and declines and regresses.. how can they keep dismissing it

to typical!

It’s hard to explain your child’s hurtful

comments to another child =( and adults can just be so ignorant, even when you

apologize and explain briefly.

Denel

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Southard Engineering, Inc.

Sent: Friday, October 22, 2010

2:35 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the Community?

Bridget,

Like a parent really wants to put her son or

daughter into a special class, or have an aide, etc.... Its

those parents who demand that their kids be exempt from PE that are ruining

it for everyone. Now nothing from a parent counts. The last

thing I would want would be to have to go up to the school and ask for

help. I think this is how most people are. So yeah I don't get

the skeptism either. But this is the curse of being an

Aspie. If you were full blown autistic than people would understand but

then again we wouldn't really want that would we. There is a girl

next door to us that makes Caleb nervous. So often when she comes over

he blurts out hurtful things. I tried to explain to her once but she

doesn't understand. Heck its hard for me to understand sometimes when

my kid says, " I don't want her to be on my team because I don't love

her " . I mean who says that. Well an anxious aspie says

that. No reserve. Because he appears normal for the

most part it is taken wrongly. Instead of that is the anxious kid who

is frightened, its the rude kid who is perceived.

The PE teacher this year had to ask the 1st grade

teacher again which kid was the Aspie cause he couldn't tell. On one

hand its great because it probably means my child is not refusing to

participate which is what we figured would happen. But I know to the

trained eye a professional would see oral behaviors, nervousness, slow to

learn particular skill coordinations, etc...

From: bridget <beanniferj@...>

Subject: ( ) Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in

the Community?

Date: Friday, October 22, 2010, 2:15 PM

My son just went through

the process of trying to qualify for preschool services at our school

district, which were denied. While nobody was blaming me for anything, I did

sense a certain skepticism from the school district psychologist. The

implication was that there were a lot more concerns revealed in my parent

questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that couldn't be because she has

spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I live with my son!). My son's

developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation they had in which

the school psych asked if she had witnessed any of the social problems or if

it was all based on " the mother's report " . Fortunately, the

developmental therapist has worked with my son in peer situations, so she was

able to affirm that the concerns in report were based on her firsthand

observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't count for much. It's

definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when you are trying so hard

to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to hear you have been dealing

with that at your son's school.

Bridget

>

> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when

they

> do " well " in school, but not in the community. Just because

the proper

> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results

are

> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the

child.

>

> In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings, documented

it

> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They have

even

> gone so far as filing 2 complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children and

> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me " being the one with the mental

illness,

> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization " . All

of which

> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,

> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for

everything.

>

> Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?

>

> Denel

> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary

> Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting

confirmation on

> Aspergers due to age)

> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)

>

October 23, 2010

I agree outside testing is a must.

We have had all the clinical support for

years outside of school testing. But they school is “disagreeing”

with the clinical team. We are having to hire an attorney because of

this.

Denel

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Durocher

Sent: Friday, October 22, 2010

3:31 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in the Community?

I think

the intimidation of the school thinking i was crazy and it was

just me seeing things etc is what ended up delaying my dd getting the

help she needed when she was 3 (and we first started dealing with

school evaluations) to instead when she was 9. So my advice now to

ppl is usually if your worried get a private evaluation, dont let

someone make you feel its you and not a problem until an expert can

reassure you

On 10/22/10, bridget <beanniferj@...>

wrote:

> My son just went through the process of trying to qualify for preschool

> services at our school district, which were denied. While nobody was

blaming

> me for anything, I did sense a certain skepticism from the school district

> psychologist. The implication was that there were a lot more concerns

> revealed in my parent questionnaires than she saw firsthand (gee, that

> couldn't be because she has spent a grand total of 2 hours with him and I

> live with my son!). My son's developmental therapist forwarded me an email

> conversation they had in which the school psych asked if she had witnessed

> any of the social problems or if it was all based on " the mother's

report " .

> Fortunately, the developmental therapist has worked with my son in peer

> situations, so she was able to affirm that the concerns in report were

based

> on her firsthand observations, not my accounts - which apparently don't

> count for much. It's definitely frustrating to have people doubt you when

> you are trying so hard to help your child in any way you can. Sorry to

hear

> you have been dealing with that at your son's school.

>

> Bridget

>

>>

>> Seems that many parents are being blamed for their child's issues when

>> they

>> do " well " in school, but not in the community. Just because

the proper

>> environment, with the right supports are in place and positive results

are

>> achieved - does NOT mean the illness, issues etc do not exist for the

>> child.

>>

>> In my case, the school has blamed me (personally at meetings,

documented

>> it

>> in FBA reports, and in front of my advocates at IEP meetings) They

have

>> even

>> gone so far as filing 2 complaints 51A's with DCF (Dept of Children

and

>> Fanilies, formely DSS) accusing me " being the one with the mental

illness,

>> fabricating my son's issues and causing his hospitalization " . All

of

>> which

>> is untrue. We have tons, and always have had wraoparound supports,

>> services, therapies etc and I am the parent who advocates for

everything.

>>

>> Is anyone else dealing with this parent blame?

>>

>> Denel

>> Blessed Mom to 5.10 year old Zachary

>> Mood Disorder - NOS, Sensory Integration, PDD-NOS, (awaiting

confirmation

>> on

>> Aspergers due to age)

>> (R/O Bipolar, ODD, ADHD)

>>

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

, , and Leah

October 26, 2010

They can say something is typical for that age level but there are some things you can do to deal with that. Look up the information yourself. Many times I have heard teachers say during meetings (mine and others) that something was age appropriate when I would not agree. I try to go in with that information if that is going to be part of the discussion - know what is age appropriate and you will instantly be able to disagree at the meeting and redirect focus back to the problem.

Don't expect to win friends with this one, lol. Nobody likes being corrected. But if you are prepared, have the facts, you can nicely disagree.

Sometimes you don't know the facts ahead of time so that is where your follow up letter comes in handy. You can look the information up, sort through the facts and put it in your letter. i.e. "It was stated at the meeting that it is developmentally appropriate to be unable to pronounce your r's at this age, however the American Speech and Language Association states....yadda yadda." Then repeat request for what you were asking for and request their answer in writing for your records.

Another thing is to really push that what is "normal" for a specific age does not mean it is not something to address in a child with a disability. For instance, we already know where kids with AS lag and that many of these skills do not get learned by exposure but have to be taught specifically. So it doesn't matter in some cases if a problem is age appropriate when that problem will not be overcome without specific educational intervention. With all the focus and push on not letting kids fail and fall behind, you could make a good argument to this end.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: Does your child do well in school, but not in