Sample Letter for the Holidays!!

[Guest guest]

Hello! enclosed is the sample letter we are e-mailing to family and friends. Thanks again for all your input and suggestions.

Dear Family & Friends,

With the Holidays just around the corner, we are looking forward to spending time w/ family and friends and that would mean parties and gatherings. This sounds very exciting to most of us but for some of us it is a difficult and arduous task. Which is why we are putting this together so that we can let you know some of the challenges that one of our sons face with a recent diagnosis and to shed some light on the workings of his mind so as to bring some understanding as to why he is the way he is.

First, we’d like to start off w/ a special verse in the bible that refers to each one of us:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful..â€

Psalm 139:13

Ian, our oldest son, who is now 17 years old was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome

just over this summer. Asperger’s Syndrome which I will refer to here for convenience as AS- is a neurological disorder characterized by impairment affecting social interaction, communication & imagination, accompanied by a narrow, rigid, repetitive pattern of activities. In the autism spectrum- AS is considered to lie on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. It is the result of anomalies in the physical brain, not emotional or behavioral patterns although those certainly can result from it. AS is not a mental illness, and it is not a disease. It is a neurological condition that sets them apart from most of the people on the planet in both good and bad ways.

" Because of this impairment, he gets overwhelmed by large groups of people & complex open environments. It makes it hard for him to always understand what is going on around him as well as understand social "correctness" and respond the "correct" way in social situations."

It is sometimes difficult for Ian to make “normal†eye contact. It’s hard for him doing two things at once and they find looking and listening simultaneously nearly impossible. So he may not be looking at you while you’re talking but he is listening at your every word- he is just unable to attend to numerous stimuli simultaneously. This “unimodal†mentality explains difficulty as well in social interactions. This also explains why he does better w/ one on one conversations rather than big group settings. The old saying "Two's company, three's a crowd" really applies to them.

Ian may show an inability to understand and relate to the feelings of others and inability to sympathize. They have problems w/ “automatically†understanding that other people have thoughts, feelings and desires that are different from their own. You probably have heard of color blindness- but for those w/ AS it is mindblindness, a difficulty in “putting oneself in another person’s shoesâ€- and this also can come across to some as selfishness or self-centeredness.

“It is important to understand that the Asperger child is truly different from the typical person. He sees, feels, understand, and acts unlike the rest of the world. He has difficulty understanding what is going on around him This results in miscommunication, misunderstanding, and misconception when he interacts w/ his peers and those around him, or with society in general. These situations then cause anxiety and result in rigidity and obsessive-compulsive behaviors.†Being in a social gathering is chaotic to Ian and causes him anxiety so he copes w/ it by playing his video games or just isolating himself in his bedroom fiddling w/ his computer which happens to be one of his obsessions- computer gaming, videos or his PDA.

These are just a few among the vast array of AS characteristics that Ian exhibits. It would take a novel to write everything out- but maybe I will write it one of these days. But I do not want to bore all of you.

Before we had a diagnosis, we were puzzled by his sullen and morose personality. We would scratch our heads just trying to figure him out and how he relates to his social environment. We just attributed it to shyness and extreme introvert and hoping he would outgrow it. We tried to expose him to different social experiences and activities, but again he would be on his own world. We were hard on Ian in terms of trying to force him in situations that were really difficult for him and to mold him to what we want him to be. And we were harder on our selves….wondering what we were doing wrong as parents and knowing we were being looked down upon for poor parenting skills and criticized for having a child that is anti-social and would not even have the common courtesy to acknowledge relatives as he meets them in

gatherings or even give his lackluster hugs.

With the recent diagnosis, we now choose to look at it this way: Ian is an incredibly good, funny(in a quirky way), brilliant young guy who we are blessed to have been given. He is very enjoyable to engage in conversation with if he is in a good mood. He is very organized with his personal belongings and responsible w/ his chores. He can be extremely focused with pursuing his special interest. He has a good sense of right and wrong. He gets along very well with his brother. He takes pride in helping out kids at a Special Ed class for 5-6th graders. He patiently teaches them chess and help them out w/ Math. We are a family that has all the time and love in the world to be with him and help guide him along when needed. So, we feel honored and try to remind ourselves of

this every chance we get. Yes, there will be big challenges ahead that we as a family would be facing, and this is a journey that takes time & patience. Parenting a child w/ AS can be so frustrating and difficult, and at times overwhelming that we can be reduced to tears, but we have confidence that the Lord is walking along beside us through this journey, and we may not know what the future holds- but we know WHO holds the future- our Sovereign Lord Jesus Christ!! And therein, lies our confidence, not in ourselves but in our Awesome, Loving Creator.

“The brain is wired differently, not defectively. The child prioritizes the pursuit of knowledge, perfection, truth and the understanding of the physical world above feelings and interpersonal experiences. This can lead to valued talents, but also to vulnerabilities in the social world.†Tony Atwood

In closing, this Thanksgiving Day, we are extra thankful for this new knowledge of Ian’s giftedness. It has truly been a very liberating piece of news for us when we received it. It has equipped us on how to relate w/ Ian in a more constructive and positive way. We hope that as we gather around or even just bump into each other this holiday, that you would see Ian in a different light and give you a bit more understanding about us and how Ian relates to this world. Yes, still give him hugs or better yet, initiate to give him one, and engage him in conversation- though sometimes it may be a one way street, but he is listening to you. You may need to take that extra effort to draw things out of him, but he will w/ much persuasion and creativity on your part. You may be surprised what is lurking

in that gray matter of his. He is truly an amazing and smart young man!! He is fearfully and wonderfully made, just like each one of us.

Thank you for taking time to read this and Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving Day!!