perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

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My son is a lot like me - I just don't throw big tanties like he does (as a

child, I refused to speak). Of course, suffered depression etc later. I think

both my parents have AS traits, but mostly my father (who used to throw temper

tantrums because frustrated in communication). My son was outspoken since he

could speak. I didn't become outspoken until older. Not great at the small

talk etc. Offended many people unintentionally by being too " blunt " .

Miranda

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> > From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@ ...>

> > Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

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> > Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM

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> > My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and

disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much

frustration.

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> > My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the

opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds

anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional

expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be " technically correct " ,

same with music.

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> > from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more

perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had

terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing

improvising/ jazz, where a " mistake " /experimenting can make a cool sound, and

have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break

from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but

struggled to paint realistically, but didn't really enjoy art until I did

abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad.

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> > Interestingly, I have been told I have a " gift " in musical improvisation,

even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music

etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being

doing some art.

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> > His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences

using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to

help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.

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> > Miranda

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> > > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our

weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.

> > > Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked

> > > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always

says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't

> > > torture her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems

> > > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social

> > > skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group.

> > > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She

> > > has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her

> > > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.

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> > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.

> > > It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much

> > > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much

> > > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.

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> > > Pam

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