Newbie- Need Help

[Guest guest]

Hi All-

I am a wreck! I am the mother of Devin(23), MyKaylee(14), Sadara (10) Elias

(7) and JP(4-FSD,SPD,ADHD- adopted)

We adopted JP 4 yrs ago, Elias was 3 at the time of the adoption (Elias'

biological father died when he was 2 months old) He received speech services

thru First Steps. He had a vocab of 10 words when he was 2 yr old. Very

delayed speech. Attended pre-school at 4 yr old. I have always thought

something was odd with his behavior. Yet, listened to everyone tell me I " baby "

him. I never let him do anything for himself, etc. He is by no means a

behavior problem. If anything he stays to himself, wants to be left alone. I

think this is where I went wrong. When we adopted JP he had so many needs.

Elias just went with the flow. If mommy was busy with JP, he found a was to

entertain himself. He constantly relives the " Cars " movie, can recite all the

lines and has become very focused on that movie watching it over and over. He

also likes Nascar and can tell you all the details, car numbers, drivers, races

won, etc.

I have questioned his teacher this year and last year and they say he is fine.

Yet, they send notes home that he can't work independently and needs the support

of a group. He has fine motor delays, yet they seem to think it is appropriate

for his age. He drops stuff constantly and homework is a nightmare because he

is constantly dropping his pencil.

All these BIG RED FLAGS have been obvious to me for over a year. But everytime

I approached a family member they said oh boys develop slower he is fine. Well

I printed off the Asperger's checklist and was shocked when his sister, step-dad

and I completed it. WOW! What an eye opener. I questioned my sister today and

said " Did you have any idea that he was different? She admitted that her and

several others had previously discussed it and were all waiting to see when I

was finally going to realize it. I have done so much for JP, we have a pedi,

behaviorist, psych, OT, Speech......Why wouldn't I do the same for Elias? I

would ! SHe said they all feared I would be mad because he was different. I

felt horrible. How did I miss this? I want to think I was so pre-occupied

with JP and he wasn't a behavior problem that I just missed the mark. Hubby

said I often make excuses for Elias' behavior or lack of social skills and

self-help skills ( I have always said he would starve to death or die of thirst

before he would attempt to pour a glass of milk) but I was joking!

Well we are going to pedi tomorrow to hopefully get on track with a diagnosis.

Who makes the diagnosis?

Sorry this is so long, I just had to vent.

Myke