Re: How did you tell your child???

[Guest guest]

Lori,

fortunately the way my daughter happened to ask us is kind of a comical way. my

sister who happens to be a nurse decided she would tell my neice (who was

actually only 8 months older than my daughter) that the reason my daughter acted

the way she did sometimes was because she had " asperger " (as if a 7 year old was

going to understand that anyway). we didnt know she was told until our daughter

came to us crying saying that her cousin was saying there was something wrong

with " her back side " . when we asked my neice what she had said, she replyed that

she didnt want to repeat it because it had a bad word in it.

we finally convinced her that it was okay to whisper it in our ear, she finally

said " i just told her she had to wipe better when she went to the bathroom.

because her mom said my daughter had " butt-burgers " (get it ? a**-burgers).

after laughing so hard we almost cried. (thats the lighter side of the story),

so then we proceeded to explain to our neice that it was called asperger

syndrome and it was on the autism spectrum, and tried to explain as best we can.

well, that night our daughter asked us what autism and asperger syndrome is ,

and why she was so different(we had no idea she was listening behind the door).

the way we explained it to her was " do you know how you really dont understand

why people do the things they do, and act the way they act ,and say things the

way they say them ? she responded " yes " . we told her that is autism and

asperger. we told her it doesnt make her different. it makes her special.

i have had a motorcycle and she remembered that it went very fast. and she also

used to get a kick out of how slow scooters would drive down the road, so we

told her. your brain is like my very fast motorcycle, and most other peoples

brains work like those little slow scooters.

so we made sure that she understood that when people act differently toward her,

she should feel sorry for them because they just didnt understand why she did

the things she did either. and it was all because she was the fast motorcycle

and they had little slow scooters and they wanted to know what she knew, but

just couldnt.

i think she really understood from that point that thoses things made her

special and unique. not different. to this day, even if people are mean to her.

she will not be mean back because she " knows " they just want to understand her,

but cant, because of " their " limitations. not hers. because she has no

limitations. with a brain like that, they can accomplish anything. while we are

taught boundries. they are thinking outside of the box. just ask albert einstein

(E=MC2) and mozart.

i hope that helps and makes you laugh a little also.

>

> My son is 6 and we just got the diagnosis of aspergers. Please, if anyone can

shed light on HOW we tell him, I would love any help and advice we could get.

He is only 6 and in kindergarten... What words can I use so he will understand

and he will feel better and not like anything is 'wrong' with him? THANK

YOU....

>

[Guest guest]

It’s Lori L again….We have told Noah straight up since the

beginning. He asks a lot of questions anyway and does much better when he knows

details. It took several conversations to explain what exactly it is and the

Autism spectrum, but it helps him to know there’s a reason. Now we’re working

on how we tell his peers…

A couple of people on the sight have used books. I have just

pointed out some of the textbook symptoms—for example his literalism. When I

put it all in context, he understands.

Good luck! Lori L

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Lori

Sent: Tuesday, December 29, 2009 7:23 PM

Subject: ( ) How did you tell your child???

My son is 6 and we just got the diagnosis of

aspergers. Please, if anyone can shed light on HOW we tell him, I would love

any help and advice we could get. He is only 6 and in kindergarten... What

words can I use so he will understand and he will feel better and not like

anything is 'wrong' with him? THANK YOU....

[Guest guest]

We've done something slightly different with our son. He was 7 when he saw me

reading about asperger syndrome on my computer. He said, " I DO NOT HAVE

ASPERGER SYNDROME! " I told him that he didn't have to accept the label but that

his school needed it in order to do the right things to teach him. I also said

that if he didn't have this label he would be able to be in the classroom he was

in. He'd just moved to a new school that was immediately proving itself to be

WONDERFUL. loved it. He started crying and I asked him why. He said, " I

don't want to leave my SCHOOL! " I told him that he didn't have to leave his

school because the school felt that he had asperger syndrome and needed their

help. He calmed down and I said, " Are you okay with asperger syndrome? " He

said, " Yes, as long as I don't have to leave my school. " After that we talked

off and on about what Asperger Syndrome is. I told him that his brain is a

little bit different from what is typical. I said that a lot of people are

pretty good at social skills but a lot of people aren't as good at math. I also

told him that he is very good at math but that social things are more difficult

for him. I told him about other people with similar brain differences like

Einstein and Mozart. We have a family motto that " Different is good. " If

everyone was the same our species would never have survived. Everyone is

different. People with asperger syndrome have a collection of talents and

challenges, a specific set, that fits the label. His fascination with letters,

numbers, math, balloons and video games and his anxiety and difficulties

understanding people all fit the label. All people have talents and challenges,

however, it's just that not everyone has the right combination of them for a

label of asperger syndrome. So is different, but he's also the same as

everyone else. Nobody in my house fits into whatever that curve is that people

seem to think of as " normal " . I have ADD, my husband is more Asperger

Syndrome, my daughter has OCD, Anxiety and Trichotillomania (pulls her hair out,

specific type of OCD) and sensory integration dysfunction. She has very good

social skills, however.

No two people are alike and it's a good thing, too! How boring it would be if

we were all the same!

Miriam

> >

> > My son is 6 and we just got the diagnosis of aspergers. Please, if anyone

can shed light on HOW we tell him, I would love any help and advice we could

get. He is only 6 and in kindergarten... What words can I use so he will

understand and he will feel better and not like anything is 'wrong' with him?

THANK YOU....

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think one useful approach is to present Asperger's as what it is: brain wiring

differences. At your son's age, you might not need to tell him the Asperger's

name ... maybe all that's necessary is that he understand that everyone has

brain differences, his works somewhat differently from some others and that

might explain certain reactions he has. We told our daughter something like

this:

You know that you're really good at reading? And Tommy in your class at school

has a hard time with reading but is really good at math? Everybody's brain

works differently. You know that you like quiet and reading but you don't like

loud noises or being in crowds of people? That's because your brain is wired

that way. And you know some kids love noisy places and love banging musical

instruments and love running around in a crowd... their brains are wired that

way. Their brains aren't better, and your brain isn't better -- they're just

different.

We went on to tell our daughter that " there's a name for the sort of brain

wiring you have " and it's Asperger's. (She went on to call it Hamburger's

Syndrome as a while, as a joke, and that became useful because when something

was overwhelming her, she'd say, " It's my Hamburgers " and it became sort of a

code word for us.

I'd highly recommend getting your son the book All Cats have Asperger's because

it connects Aspie behaviors to how cats are different from dogs, say, in a very

non-judgmental way. It'd be a good way for you or your son to introduce the

topic to his classmates should you decide to do that at some point.

Good luck!

Diane

>

> My son is 6 and we just got the diagnosis of aspergers. Please, if anyone can

shed light on HOW we tell him, I would love any help and advice we could get.

He is only 6 and in kindergarten... What words can I use so he will understand

and he will feel better and not like anything is 'wrong' with him? THANK

YOU....

>

[Guest guest]

We got the diagnosis when my daughter was five and a half. We told her when she

was eight. My decision was based on her ability to understand what it meant.

She had been asking questions about my Asperger's books for awhile. I decided

to tell her in the summertime so that she didn't go up to every child in school

and start spouting off about how she had Asperger's. She's dealt with it really

well. In fact, she asks me if certain things she does are because of her

Asperger's. Sometimes I tell her yes, sometimes I say, no, that's just you, and

sometimes I say, that's just because you are a kid still.

Jaelynne

>

> It's Lori L again..We have told Noah straight up since the beginning. He

> asks a lot of questions anyway and does much better when he knows details.

> It took several conversations to explain what exactly it is and the Autism

> spectrum, but it helps him to know there's a reason. Now we're working on

> how we tell his peers.

>

>

>

> A couple of people on the sight have used books. I have just pointed out

> some of the textbook symptoms-for example his literalism. When I put it all

> in context, he understands.

>

>

>

> Good luck! Lori L

>

>

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lori

> Sent: Tuesday, December 29, 2009 7:23 PM

>

> Subject: ( ) How did you tell your child???

>

>

>

>

>

> My son is 6 and we just got the diagnosis of aspergers. Please, if anyone

> can shed light on HOW we tell him, I would love any help and advice we could

> get. He is only 6 and in kindergarten... What words can I use so he will

> understand and he will feel better and not like anything is 'wrong' with

> him? THANK YOU....

>