Re: any help out here?

[Guest guest]

I am going through the same thing. I have no clue. Exactly the same at school awesome comes home and "do your homework" NO and it goes from there. If you get any advice let me know. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: "brittaney" <sweetlysassy02@...>Sender: Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2010 18:36:41 -0000< >Reply Subject: ( ) any help out here? hello im a 27 year old single mother of and 8 year old with HFA and ODD and ADHD...and just looking for new ideas on how to redirect bad behavior?... my son sees a team of doctor and therapist.. and hes great for them and at school .. but comes home and can be so detructive and disrespectful.. and of course defiant..take a fight to get him to to just about everything from eating dinner to showering.. anything i want him to do basically..I do work full time and he does very well at the babysitters as well .. any ideas on how to break this toxic relationship that happens once we come home?

[Guest guest]

My advice is to do 2 things - be consistent in your dealings with your son and

design a schedule for your son's time at home so he'll know what to expect.

One thing that my son does is to push the envelope when told to not to do

something if he knows that there will be no consequence. I've always been fairly

consistent in giving him consequences so he listens to me. With my DH and many

times at school my son would misbehave and there would be no consequence so he

would keep doing it. I try to keep in constant communication with the school so

if any behavior issues come up that we address it immediately as a team.

Also you should pick your battles and decide what's most important. Some things

are just not worth arguing over. My son never makes his bed. When visitors come

over I simply close the door to his room.

I guess you could say that I've become like my mother (good grief) in that my

belief is that I am the parent and my son will do as I say. My DH used to try to

reason with my son to get him to do stuff (this started when he was a toddler).

It never worked. And today as a teenager my son gives my DH a lot of grief that

he would never give me.

I'd also advise you to put your son on a schedule for what happens at home once

he gets home from the babysitters. My son's schedule always included @ 1/2 hr of

down time as soon as he got home. The down time was essential for a good

transition to being home. When my son was younger he was fairly rigid about the

schedule (which caused problems occasionally) but now that he's older he's a lot

more flexible. He still likes his down time though.

One last thing - sometimes my son takes things too literally. One time I said to

him " Would you mind closing the window shades please. " His reply was " Yes, I'm

busy. " I explained to him that I wasn't really asking but telling him to do it.

And I made a point to be be more careful with my wording when talking to him.

Caroline

>

> hello im a 27 year old single mother of and 8 year old with HFA and ODD and

ADHD...and just looking for new ideas on how to redirect bad behavior?... my

son sees a team of doctor and therapist.. and hes great for them and at school

... but comes home and can be so detructive and disrespectful.. and of course

defiant..take a fight to get him to to just about everything from eating dinner

to showering.. anything i want him to do basically..I do work full time and he

does very well at the babysitters as well .. any ideas on how to break this

toxic relationship that happens once we come home?

>

[Guest guest]

I will share with you the strategies that I learned from the

Yale Parent and Child Conduct Clinic (CT). I have been getting

help from them since last year.

Here are the strategies. Make life at home very structured and

predictable. Have a token/contingency plan for each task he

has to do. In my daughter's case she gets computer until

dinner (reward for going to school) after dinner she

has to do homework to earn another 30 minutes of computer.

By 8pm if she takes her shower promptly she can watch TV

for 30 minutes.

She gets points for rehearsing behaviors I want prior to

going places. She earns some points for rehearsing that

we are in the store and she wants something for more

money than she has and stays calm when I say no.

The points get cashed 10 cents a point.

If she has a meltdown at the store ....oh well ...no extra

points for good behavior. That is it. If she hits me

she has to do a chore (20 minutes of something easy).

There is gradual exposure to any things that are a challenge.

If she has a meltdown about something that is " not expected "

I validate her strong feeling, If she blamed me ...I tell

her that I had no intention of hurting her (some social

perpective) I tell her when she is calmer we can make a plan

so this doesn't surprise her again and then I tell her

we have to get over it now and get back to whatever.

If she still carries on ...she often does ...if I can leave

the room I do, if I can't I can't and she is very disruptive

and it is very upsetting.

If you follow behavior plans and do not escalate meltdowns

then you can sort out if your child needs medication.

Pam

>

> hello im a 27 year old single mother of and 8 year old with HFA and ODD and

ADHD...and just looking for new ideas on how to redirect bad behavior?... my

son sees a team of doctor and therapist.. and hes great for them and at school

... but comes home and can be so detructive and disrespectful.. and of course

defiant..take a fight to get him to to just about everything from eating dinner

to showering.. anything i want him to do basically..I do work full time and he

does very well at the babysitters as well .. any ideas on how to break this

toxic relationship that happens once we come home?

>

[Guest guest]

I have found that my son behaves very well with non family members and then because he is so comfortable with me after struggling inside to behave all day I get the worst of the behavior. Sometimes cuz he's tired or our routine is disrupted. Sometimes just because he is comfortable enough with us to show his emotions - but with him he only knows how to show happy, sad, angry, tired and frustrated and can't express his feelings. Sometimes a time out for one of us works, sometimes a nap helps. Like others responded a routine helps and I have found a written routine helps even more so there are no questions as to the expectations. Picture routines vs. written can help to. My son puts a sticker next to each item when it is done.

Hope this helps, good luck.

Anne

any help out here?

Posted by: "brittaney" sweetlysassy02@... sweetlysassy02

Date: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:58 am ((PST))

hello im a 27 year old single mother of and 8 year old with HFA and ODD and ADHD...and just looking for new ideas on how to redirect bad behavior?... my son sees a team of doctor and therapist.. and hes great for them and at school .. but comes home and can be so detructive and disrespectful.. and of course defiant..take a fight to get him to to just about everything from eating dinner to showering.. anything i want him to do basically..I do work full time and he does very well at the babysitters as well .. any ideas on how to break this toxic relationship that happens once we come home?

[Guest guest]

If the team of doc's and therapists are working for him, I would have them come to the house or work with me on ways to redirect and help him deal with issues. Sounds like he needs a better way to blow off stress than to use you. You could come up with ways that would work for him and then have the team help you figure out how to teach it to him in the moment. He could practice his skills outside of the problem times, then you can help cue him to use his techniques when he starts getting upset.

It sounds like he is building the stress up throughout the day as well. There are ways to interject more help and support, breaks, stress relieving, etc., throughout the day so it doesn't build up so much. My oldest was very much like this as a young child and we soon realized his stress level was through the roof. We decided to go the med route and it was very effective for him. But getting appropriate programming in place at school was key as well.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) any help out here?

hello im a 27 year old single mother of and 8 year old with HFA and ODD and ADHD...and just looking for new ideas on how to redirect bad behavior?... my son sees a team of doctor and therapist.. and hes great for them and at school .. but comes home and can be so detructive and disrespectful.. and of course defiant..take a fight to get him to to just about everything from eating dinner to showering.. anything i want him to do basically..I do work full time and he does very well at the babysitters as well .. any ideas on how to break this toxic relationship that happens once we come home?