Parents Feeling Constant Guilt/Depression

[Guest guest]

I only have my 9 year old son and I am constantly feeling jealous and angry that

my only son is so awkward.......and feel soooooooooooooooo guilty for feeling

that way. Maybe if I had more kids it wouldn't bother me so much........maybe

he would have built in friends. Now he has nobody. He is not getting along

with others at school.....has pretty much no friends in the neighborhood besides

the 4 year old boy next door (his 6 yo sister just announced today that she

hates my son......she actually would play with him last summer). He begs me

constantly to go play with kids, but doesn't get that they do not like him. I

don't want him getting hurt (he has come home crying numerous times over things

kids have said/done at school) and am trying to protect him, but he makes my

life miserable if I say no! He is so defiant and has been getting really angry.

He pushes me to where I am screaming and yelling at him.........then I put him

to bed at night and cry because I feel like the worst mother on earth. I have

very little patience with him, because I never get a break. I have very little

time where he is not being difficult, so I never get to build up any patience.

I know I want what others have with their children, but I do.......it is just

not that simple! Why were we chosen for this? Why does my son get to endure

such a hard life and why do I not get to enjoy parenting? I want to watch my

son play sports without worry about him being a bad sport and embarrassing me or

tripping because he is so awkward. I want him to be known as a nice boy by

teachers......I'm sure they all can't wait to get him out of their class. I

want others to look at me like I've done a great job teaching my son respect and

see the hard work I put in......but instead I get dirty looks and get told I

should take a parenting class. It's not fair that teenagers and uninvolved

parents have well behaved, athletic children.....yet do nothing with them. I

have spent so much time trying to teach my son to throw a ball......yet my 3

year old niece can probably throw better. Then again, she would probably stay

at it longer......my son would get a leg cramp or have trouble breathing after

30 seconds! He couldn't even ride his bike around the block because the seat

hurt him butt!!!! I think I have raised the wimpiest child ever!

And I hate feeling these things about my own child. I feel like it is my sole

job to make sure he feels loved and special because nobody is going to

understand him......heck I don't even understand him. and when I think about

the future it scares me cause I know this is only going to get worse. Kids are

going to get meaner and he is going to stand out more and more as he gets older.

Will he ever have any friends? What if he can't hold a job because he has anger

issues and has such rigid thinking that he will not listen to anyone else. He

thinks he is always right now....which is starting to be reflected in his

grades. He thinks he is right even if the text book clearly states the answer

and he will argue to no end with me about it.

Is there any hope? Will meds help the defiant behavior and social issues? We

have tried meds before, but he has pretty much every side effect under the sun.

I work so hard to help him but some days feel like giving in. He gave me such a

hard time about his homework tonight I told him he could take it to school

incomplete and get an F. He has had quite of few zeros this year for not

completing work. I have worked my butt off to fight with the teacher to get him

credit for work and to make up work, but he will just sit there and not do a

thing but stare in to space and flat out tell me he is not doing it. Why do I

care anymore? If it were not for me fighting for him constantly, he would have

terrible grades. I just feel like giving up and letting him do whatever he

wants to do so my life can be easier. It just seems like he is going to

struggle no matter what..............