How do we know if we are doing the right thing?

[Guest guest]

Our son has Aspergers and is attending college while living at home. He only

recently registered with the disability office at the college, after much

persuasion from us.

Here's the situation. He has a terrible reaction to anything medical. It is

nearly impossible to get a blood sample from him, for ex. If someone starts

talking about a sickness or injury in detail, he will turn green, and began to

panic. It seems to trigger a sensory overload for him.

He was just beginning a lab class last week and the girl behind him collapsed.

Someone yelled 'help!', everyone turned around to look at her; they were also

looking towards him as he was right in front of her. Students reported on how

badly she was doing and an ambulance was called. In all the commotion, he

became overwhelmed and had a meltdown. He grabbed his books and drove straight

home. I should add that DS had not informed the professors of his disability

this semester, as he thinks he can 'make it through without that'.

The next day, we suggested to DS that he get a letter of disability from the

school office and take it to his professor to help explain why he left. (He is

typically a very good and conscientious student) It turned out that the class

did have an abbreviated lab, which he missed. He took the letter to his Prof,

who asked 'what does this mean??'. He has much difficulty in conversing, became

anxious, and apparently told her he has a reaction to medical issues and that's

why he left. She suggested he 'take a few deep breaths' next time and then

return to class. He did NOT mention asperger's as he felt like she would judge

him or others would find out. He came home completely depressed and decided it

is his weakness that has caused this trouble. The Prof also told him he needs

to go talk to the Grad student who led the lab if he still wants to see if he

can make up the work. My DS views the Grad Student as a peer, of sorts, and he

has no private office - so DS definitely doesn't want him to know of his

diagnosis.

Now, the Disability Director has emailed DS and asked how it went and if he

needed to come in and talk with him about further assistance. DS told me he

emailed back that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing this with the Grad

student, and has decided it wasn't worth the hassle to regain a few points. DS

wants to leave it at that.

Do we try to coerce DS into talking to the Dis. Office further and hopefully,

even into disclosing his diagnosis to the Professor, at least. That would help

to explain his absence and possibly help him learn to work through this.

DS is convinced he needs to learn to tough it out and thinks if he can read more

medical literature and study medical subjects online that he can get over this

issue. We think the issue is more about letting instructors know of his dx and

getting appropriate accommodations. He still views this as a weakness. DS is

very, very rigid in his thinking. My husband says we can't force him to do it

.... but he does listen to us and he may change his mind if we really press this

issue. The downside is that we press the issue, DS becomes depressed again and

drops school. At least that is what DH is concerned about ... putting too much

pressure on DS and making it worse for him.

Sorry for the length - I am just looking for some feedback.

Thanks,

Mel