school

March 13, 2000

Hi Vicki,

Thanks, today was a better day. I deserved that.

I am so excited about Gettysburg,

Hugs,

Connie

April 1, 2000

Hi Ellen,

Thank you for your very " on the money " response to the school situation. I

think I remember your saying that you were a teacher (English?). You are so

right about the teachers feeling like they have been put in a position

without the proper tools to deal with it and as a result " out of control. "

This is especially true when their main job is to teach to a set curriculum

with passing tests and school standards breathing down their backs. I often

feel that teachers are like someone thrown into the sea without a lifeline in

the classroom where there are children with special needs. I feel that there

is a disconnect in my son's school at least, between what we discuss at CSE

meetings, with his guidance counselor, and the school psychologist and what

is actually followed through in the classrooms. The teachers may have the

hard cold facts on paper but not the depth of background that is often

needed. We have made it a practice to meet with the teachers individually to

discuss my son's difficulties, and make ourselves available to them if they

have any questions. We have found that we are often looked upon as

overprotective parents and recently feel as though they are trying to take

the control of my son's education and mental well-being upon themselves

cutting us out. They say that this is high school and he has to take

responsibility for himself. This really bothers me since I truly wonder if

they really don't think that this is what my husband and I want as well. If

it were only that simple .... to have the school tell him this is what you

must do, and for him to be able to do it. I think it really illustrates what

a long way they still have to come to understand special needs children.

With my son, there has always been a problem with consistency. He can be

doing great for a period of time and then completely shut down. In a system

that is used to building on the success of a child, this is very hard for

them to understand sometimes I think. Also, he appears outwardly to be

absolutely fine in most instances while the battle is going on inside him so

they think he is just trying to get out of his work. We have told them that

this is a sign of his OCD taking over and we are glad that he is able to stay

in the classroom at least, but they seem to know " better than us. " I'm

really venting, but I guess I'm nervous because our end of the year CSE

meeting is coming up and they are already pushing Physical Education for next

year. He isn't even able to handle the load of core subjects this year, and

gym has always been a major problem causing him to avoid school altogether.

I'm trying to find out what the requirements for getting a diploma are in

regard to this.

I have also thought about the fact that my son will have to spend more that 4

years in Highschool. We have come to realize over these past years, that we

have to look at life in the long term. We are traveling down a different

road than the " norm " but who knows, we may end up in a better place at the

end.

Noelle in NY

August 15, 2000

In a message dated 8/15/00 2:58:46 AM EST, Tricphil@... writes:

<< The boys headteacher,a man,once asked me what do you do all day with all

the

children at school,I supervise the band of fairies who pop in to do some

housework,then retire to my boudoir to eat chocolate and drink gin,only a

well educated man with a responsible job could ask such a silly question. My

brother is deputy head of a school and it is his birthday soon,I have bought

him a T shirt with 3 reasons to be a teacher on they are Easter,Summer, Xmas

Pat

>>

LOL!!!!!!

Judy

August 15, 2000

In a message dated 8/15/00 12:58:45 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

Tricphil@... writes:

<< My

brother is deputy head of a school and it is his birthday soon,I have bought

him a T shirt with 3 reasons to be a teacher on they are Easter,Summer, Xmas

Pat >>

ROFLMBO! This is great! So what do you do when the kids are at

school>>?????????? Just messin with ya!

Jeannie

Mom to Mark and Stephaine!

September 8, 2000

,

Jule has addressed the school issues, and really knows that stuff, but I

have a few comments to add!

You write that: >Mike has problems writing, and yes some of it is ocd, but

he also has muscle weaknesses in his hands. <

This alone should qualify him to type his assignments. I have a physical

disability in my right arm - i have been typing my notes since the early

70's - long before it was the excepted practice in schools.

My son is in an altenate public school. this high school is self directed

and he learns one subject at a time. there are primary schools listed under

the alternate program which are not for special needs kids, but kids that

want the option to address different learning styles. Why do you say that he

wont be academically challenged in your alternate program?? If you do decide

to move to a different program and school, ask for references from parents,

speak to the teachers and ask if Mike can visit before you make your choice.

Before you agree to place your son in a group home, I suggest that you try

other options, like the ones Jule mentioned.

I want to address your issues with your husband too. Many of us are in

relationships where there is a power struggle over who knows best. Some are

able to deal with it over time, and some parents have chosen to be with

their child over their spouse. We sometimes need to make a decision based on

our best interest, and the best interest of our future.

Family counselling may help you address the issues that your husband and

you are having over Mike. A good start is to ask the treating physicians to

recommend someone who is experienced in dealing with parents of children

accessing the mental health system.

My husband and son fought for years - verbally and physically. More than

once I gave an ultimatum to each of them! I've mentioned our history here

before (which includes a group home placement). I finally put my foot down

and made them go to counselling together! Things have improved greatly since

Tom has accepted his ocd and meds, and his depression is under control. His

father is now much more understanding as he realizes how his own ocd has

controlled him for so many years.

I make short term goals, and long term ones, depending on the situation.

Perhaps that is where you want to begin? Please feel free to write to me off

list or here. We all understand how tough making decisions can be.

Try and take some time for yourself to think things through....

wendy in canada wb4@...

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September 8, 2000